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It's Therapy Thursday!!

Grief doesn’t always sound like crying. Sometimes it sounds like family showing up, a party continuing, and a teenager feeling joy while the adults carry the weight. Janet and I start with birthdays and end up in the tender places: losing her mother, what it meant to shield the kids from adult grief, and how certain memories stay fresh even 20-plus years later. We also talk about my dad, the difference between sudden loss and having time to prepare, and the keepsakes that quietly hold love together, from a t-shirt to a necklace to a ring. 

Then we pivot hard into the present. Technology is moving at a pace that can make anyone feel behind, and AI is changing how we build, work, and create. We get real about the speed of innovation, why you cannot learn every tool, and how to choose a few systems that genuinely help. We also unpack the everyday money side of modern tech: phone upgrades, hidden “contracts” inside device payments, streaming costs climbing, and the trade-offs behind bundling services. If you care about mental health, boundaries, and staying grounded, this part hits. 

Finally, we go where we always go: the messy human stuff. Influence can be used for harm or for healing, and we wrestle with what it means to persuade without becoming manipulative. That conversation turns into our ongoing mother-daughter debate about fence sitting versus picking a side, loyalty, and why listening is the real love language when emotions run high. If you’ve ever navigated family conflict, grief recovery, or big life change, you’ll feel seen here. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find Essential Mental Healing.

Transcript

Welcome, Updates, And A Birthday

Candace Patrice 0:04

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candace Patrice, and of course it's Mother Dearest joining me, my co-host, Janet Hell. Hello, Mother! Hello, hello, hello. Guys, we have been on here talking for about an hour before we actually hit record. So much going on, so much to talk about so many things. So you guys have us today. I know that's your favorite episode when it's the two of us. So hello and welcome back. Oh, I'm gonna say it early today, guys. Share the episode with somebody, share a past episode with somebody. Like, subscribe, all of the beautiful things because we love you guys. Send us a text, send us an email, all of those beautiful things. Got it out early. All right, let's do it. How you doing, Ma?

Janet Hale 0:56

Excuse me, I'm good. I'm doing good. I'm doing good. Doing good, good, good. My daughter turned another year old.

Candace Patrice 1:04

38. We can tell them.

Janet Hale 1:05

Oh, my daughter turned 38 years old. And um she's a she's been a grown woman, but she's entering the age of 40 is coming close. I'm just glad that I'm able to witness this turning 40. You know, when I when I turn 40, that's the year my mother died.

Candace Patrice 1:30

I know, right? Really? I I thought about the fact that I'm 37 and my brother didn't make it past 35.

Janet Hale 1:36

Yeah, just start. Do you see how that was? Yeah. It's like, hmm, I was I was 40 when she when she passed. And um here's a good thing about that, I didn't know it was coming. So I was able to enjoy and love her because I didn't see it coming. Surely didn't. Night before a party. Sorely didn't see that coming. We were ready for the party. And still had the party. Yes. Yeah, I started the party with her bed, her body and upstairs. Yep. We did. We really did. Yeah.

Candace Patrice 2:12

Everybody came to great grandma's house. Yeah. Or grandma's house. Wait.

Janet Hale 2:19

Who died first? My mother. But grandma was in Texas. But I'm teaching it. So grandma and Thomas Sena were staying at the house.

Candace Patrice 2:29

Oh, snap! That's right. Yeah. That is so true. I remember trying, I remember um that day kind of you guys trying to decide whether we would still have that party or not. And then making the decision to go ahead and have it. And it was a good I I remember it was at Auntie Karen's house. And I remember a good time. It was not a sad day. Like I mean, it may have been. I don't know how you guys.

The Night Grandma Died

Janet Hale 2:59

It was. It was. Um but we just went on to. I think part of it, and I don't know what their side of the story would be. But I think it would for me, it was a way of continuing the celebration of her life. You know, even though it had just ended. She had her clothes out for the party. Yeah, she had them hanging up on the hangar outside the closet little door there. And um for us to just, you know, do it. Like whatever we were going to do, to go ahead and do it.

Candace Patrice 3:38

What was that day like for you? Because, like I said, for me, I saw a celebration. I saw family. I was grateful to be with the family that was there in that moment. So my recollection is joy. Even though the last thing I remember seeing my grandmother, but I remember having a party and having joy, and joy sitting with me that day. So what was yours like that?

Janet Hale 4:00

So how old were you?

SPEAKER_03 4:01

How old were you? I don't know what year was that. Uh 2003. Fifteen? Yeah, you're a teenager. Oh, I was 14, because my birthday was in April. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Um wait, were you 15 or 14?

Candace Patrice 4:28

I would have been 15 that year.

Janet Hale 4:30

Then April, she died the last day of the year. So you were 15. Of the okay, wait. 2003.

Candace Patrice 4:38

2003. Right. So 2000. Right? Okay, yes. I was already 15 because the next day was a new year.

Janet Hale 4:46

Yeah, because she died on the last day of the year.

Candace Patrice 4:49

Right, right, right. So when you said the year, I was thinking January 1st and not December 31st.

Janet Hale 4:54

Mm-hmm. And so when you talk about the children, just whatever your experience was, we we didn't put the load of the grief on our children. We that was our mother.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

Yeah.

Janet Hale 5:09

Oh. And we did the best we could to keep you guys safe. For us to manage stuff, you know. Um, and we were able to do it. Now the the person that I was really concerned for was Thomas Cena. Because she was the one who found her. She called us to tell us. Um, I've heard uh uh folks say that she said we took a long time coming. And I can imagine whatever time it was, it was a long time. So to me, we didn't take that long, you know, back then. We didn't take that, what's she talking about? And then as time goes on, I'm thinking that had to be if it was two minutes, that had to be a very long two minutes, right? Yeah. So just that whole hmm. All of that.

Candace Patrice 6:06

Did she call you guys first or the pol did the police get called or you guys called the police?

Janet Hale 6:11

How did they call it? I think we got called. I think we got called, and then you know, I knew someone who had a funeral home. Called them, came out to the house to get the part, the body. Um, I don't even know if the police had to be called. I don't remember. Yeah. For some reason I don't remember the police. I don't remember a police officer. I did not remember the police. We called the funeral home. Um, she had a history of health problems. Um, she had a uh pacemaker, you know, just different things where they were like, okay, you know, I guess. I don't know. I don't remember the police.

Candace Patrice 6:42

I remember you guys choosing not to do an autopsy, right? Exactly.

unknown 6:47

Yeah.

Candace Patrice 6:48

What what did they um end up putting as her cause of death with the natural causes?

Janet Hale 6:53

I don't remember. It was either natural causes or or heart failure. It was one of the two.

Candace Patrice 6:59

Okay.

Janet Hale 7:00

Yeah.

Candace Patrice 7:03

I know, right?

unknown 7:04

Yeah.

Candace Patrice 7:06

What a thing. How are you how do you deal with that now? Do you have like what does that look like? Years later. 20 years.

Janet Hale 7:14

20 uh 20 uh two years later. Yeah. Um I was having a conversation about my mom uh earlier today. I was talking to somebody. And you know, my mother had addiction issues and different things like that. And I was talking about how I witnessed a lot of her addiction. And I remember when she was high. I was like, Mom, why the hell do you keep doing that with me? Like, what the hell? And she said, because I trust you. And for me, that warmed my heart. Because she trusted me with the broken parts of her. Right? So when I look back and I think about mama, I think about how much I loved my mama. Nothing came between me and my mama. See, I go into my mama. But in my mind, she was mine. Yeah, yeah. And I'm I'm like that with my kids. Yeah. They're mine, right? Uh-huh.

Candace Patrice 8:18

Kamari says that all the time. You're my mommy.

Janet Hale 8:20

Yeah, yeah. Well, okay, maybe it's military. I don't know. But um, so you know, I just think about her in moments, in moments of good times, in moments of my growth, in moments of pain, in moments of um, she's always in my thoughts and in my heart, my mama. You know, I loved my mama. And I knew my mama loved me. Ooh, it's a powerful kind of love.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Mm-hmm.

Janet Hale 8:58

How do you deal with it?

SPEAKER_00 8:59

I'm 63, yeah.

Janet Hale 9:00

How do you I'm 63 and that's still so fresh and so good to me.

Candace Patrice 9:05

Yeah.

Janet Hale 9:06

Yeah. What was your question?

Candace Patrice 9:08

Um, how about your dad? Losing your dad, granddaddy Eddie.

Janet Hale 9:14

Okay, you know I went there. Because now I look so much like my biological father.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

Like, there we go. So losing daddy was I had time to prepare for his dad. Ah, true.

Janet Hale 9:33

So when, you know, daddy was sick and daddy spent time with me, and that was so special. And my sister's gonna be mad to me again, because he was my daddy.

unknown 9:47

Mm-hmm.

Janet Hale 9:49

And so, until they told me he wasn't, but in my heart, he was, you know, like you my daddy. And so you're here. Let's, what can I do to make life better for you and to make you comfortable, daddy? And so daddy had this thing because he liked to play the lottery. And I was working and running back and forth, you know, doing all the things. And I would call him from work and say, Daddy, do you need me to stop and play your lottery? No, no, girl. Yo, come on home. Oh, okay, come home, fix dinner, whatever I did. And he wait and say, Who need you to go play that lottery? Now he realized this is a thing with daddy. Like, okay, I cannot call him and say, Daddy, you know, I'm on, I'm on my way home. No, he would wait till I get home to get cooking and all of that, and uh he needed me to run to the store. So I just want to think that that was part of his love dance with me. You know? Um, I remember when he was here and the the um the air went out. And um, I don't know if the the uh electricity, you know, in the neighborhood went out or I can't remember. I think it did because the neighbors, it did. All the lights were out or whatever. And I said, Oh my goodness, I gotta take my daddy for a ride because it's hot in his house. You know, and I and I had a what kind of car was that? The red prism. Mm-mm. It was the gold one. The station wagon? No, you ain't had a car. Anyway, so uh it was actually a car, I think. I do, uh okay. It was it was a I can't think of the name of it, but um, so I got him in the car, you know, and I would just take them for a ride. Just me and daddy. And we didn't even have to talk.

Candace Patrice 11:46

I wanted to do that with my daddy. We didn't get to to just go for a ride. That's one thing he wanted to do. He was like, I'm gonna get out the house and go for a ride.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Yeah.

Candace Patrice 11:56

So I mean, doctor's appointments or something like that, but just to go for a ride. Just a ride. Yeah. That was on my list of things to do.

Keepsakes That Hold Love

Janet Hale 12:04

So with my mom and my dad, I have uh special memories of them. And they're just mine. It's like that sweet spot in here. It's like, mm, it's all mine, and it's good. So with them, I have no regrets. You know, it's like, shit, I get to hang out with them. In fact, this t-shirt I wear all the time. It was daddy's. This was daddy's t-shirt. So, you know, I wash it up and put it on, and when I get home from work, I put it on just about every day. How interesting. Yeah, this t-shirt. I didn't even know that.

unknown 12:40

Oh, yeah, girl.

Candace Patrice 12:42

I be holding on to my little stuff. Actually, this is my daddy's necklace that I have on. I remember that. I know I put it on, I think, yesterday. Was it more than one? Yep, I got both of them. Well, I actually have three gold chains from him.

Janet Hale 12:58

Yes.

Candace Patrice 12:58

But two of them I wear.

unknown 13:00

Yeah.

Candace Patrice 13:00

The other one is a much smaller chain.

Janet Hale 13:03

Yeah. Now, the the thing about with your dad, which is interesting, of course, we had to divorce everybody. And we were mad as yelling at each other. It was, uh, but the the thing that was interesting about us, we both had gotten each other watches. Mm-hmm. This is the watch. And when he was asked to leave the home, I don't know if you remember this, you came to get some things, and I said, Candice, give him his watch. You said, but mama, he didn't ask for it. You don't remember this, do you? And I said, Well, he's gonna want it. And you later said, Mama, he did ask about that watch. I say all that to say this. I think for whatever reason, the watches are so significant. They were so significant to us. And when I try to think of figure it out, it was the gifts that we gave each other that we knew the other really wanted. Like whatever brand watch that was, I can't remember. But it was what he wanted. And he wanted a gold, and he wanted a leather band. I remember he was so specific. Oh, yeah, I remember that watch. He was so damn specific, but I got it just right. Yeah. And then my watch, I wanted this watch. And he got it just right. Okay. So, anyway, there's this thing about this watch stuff. Anyway, so um, and then with my mom, I have a ring that she gave me.

Candace Patrice 14:35

This one?

Janet Hale 14:36

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Another one. Yeah, well, this one you wouldn't want. It's kind of and I don't know that you want it. Is it from my grandmother? Okay, stop. So, you know, this picture that we all have of my my mom. Yeah. The beautiful, slick looking picture. Yeah. Well, I have something. It's a ring that she, oh, we lived in California. So, oh, I don't know how old I was. Ten, nine, I don't know. But she had a ring and she had a friend, her name was Billy. And Billy had given, I don't even know if anybody else knows about the dance. I think you shared this story once before. Yeah, and Billy had given her the ring. And so when she died, I got the ring. So I have special little things of people, right? So when this t-shirt wears out, I have daddy's leather wallet.

Candace Patrice 15:29

Where are these things at? And how come I don't know about them? Okay, shirt, I see. Ring, watch, got it.

Janet Hale 15:38

Ring is in there.

Candace Patrice 15:39

Okay, and the wallet.

Janet Hale 15:42

Well, it's okay. I ran across it. Okay, I know where it's at, though. I'm not gonna tell everybody so they can come in and try to get it.

Candace Patrice 15:47

I think I got Daddy's wallet.

Janet Hale 15:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

Maybe. It's little things.

Candace Patrice 15:51

I don't know. I don't know if I kept it or not. But I keep things like this. Yes. That are significant. Oh, and his Super Bowl jacket.

Janet Hale 15:59

Oh, yeah, that was and three jerseys. But that Super Bowl, in my opinion, that Super Bowl jacket is very significant. He was so proud of that damn.

Candace Patrice 16:10

I wore it out in the world. I saw it.

Janet Hale 16:12

No, I saw it, right?

Candace Patrice 16:14

I think I should wear it more. Because it actually doesn't have the greatest purpose sitting in the closet. I like wearing it and saying, this was my daddy's.

Janet Hale 16:25

And for my grandmother, my grandmother, I have a picture with her, and I'm crying. I'm getting my bachelor's degree. And I have a picture of me and my grandmother. So it's just little things. It don't have to be the big, big shit. It's those quiet, sweet moments that um, you know, that I um cherish and appreciate.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Let's tuck in here.

Candace Patrice 16:59

I love that. That actually, I think, is a good segue into our topic.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

Oh, yeah.

Candace Patrice 17:07

And the reason I think that is because we're talking about the past, we're talking about history, the things that we hold on to, and our topic is about adapting to new things, new new processes, new technology, new ways of doing things, new ways of thinking. Um what that looks like, and how is that adaptation? Um, for me, I'm looking at technology, AI, how to not be afraid of it, how to utilize it, but also how to stay human. So many things, right, to think about in the process. Um, one of the things that is happening that I'm noticing is the speed of things. So there is a website called uh, what is it, Studio 44 or something like that. And you can type in um it's called base 44. You can type in something that you want and it will create an entire website for you based off of a prompt. I tried it. I was like, what in the whole world? Every things that used to take so much time is literally at our fingertips to happen in an instant. Which then, if we are still doing things the old way, we are so behind. If I go to create a website, it's gonna take a little bit of time to work through or hire somebody to do it. They're gonna charge me a bunch of money. It's probably gonna be cute, but I could literally go to an AI app ad website, put in exactly what I want, and it will just create. Now you can pay, I don't know what the subscription fee is. They give you like five free prompts because there's a free option too. Um and from there, it's just like it happens in seconds. And I'm like, how in the whole world, where are we? What are we doing? And then how do we utilize this to our advantage? And where do we start with what's working and what's not? And one of the other things I learned was that I can't keep up with all of the technology, but find something that works, learn it, move through it, and then learn something new. Not ever, I'm not gonna know everything, not gonna know every way of doing it because there's so many different ways of doing things. But finding something that works is good, and being okay.

Janet Hale 19:46

I was I was talking to somebody, I was sharing with you um before we went on air. I was talking to somebody, we were having some technical difficulties um yesterday and trying to figure it all out. And it's a woman of, you know, around my age, and she was, and I said, Yes, it's okay, you know, take your time, you know, and you get it together, and she's it was working it out. And she said, Oh, all this stuff, you know, I have a computer here and I have a pad here, and you know, it's okay. And so we were just talking about technology, and I said, you know, I think about how it must have felt for my grandmother. You know, um, there weren't flat screen TVs. In fact, there were not microwaves. Um, and how things changed and evolved. And now we even the car, I even talked about the car, the window. You had used that to roll it. Now I don't think they even make them like that. I don't think they do. You know, although she never drove. But um, but just how she had to figure out a way to transition into all the things that were changing that were new and all that and wasn't working the way it used to, and all the gadgets that are changing. Um and then uh when grandma died, there were cell phones. I do remember that. So she she lived from 1919. Um, so just that whole thing of watching how things must have looked for her. Because in her day, they didn't have corn syrup in the food. They didn't have all of this stuff. You know, grandma made her own garden, so we know it was always good with that. I mean, um, but just to see how things have, you know, changed before she left this world. And now I go to with mama and um there were some changes because I remember Tom used to, we had a uh TV. Um I forgot what we used to call those TVs, but when you had one of those big TVs, the big box TV. No, we call it a big box. How dare you disrespect the name? That's what we call it today. Big box. Big back. Oh no. Mm mm. Oh, I see. Google, Google, Google. What am I Googling?

Candace Patrice 21:59

What am I Googling?

Janet Hale 22:00

What was the big TVs called back in the day? But we, you know, when we got that, we were doing something. We were like, oh, we're so proud. And it was a black and white. Um, it was it was called the floor model TV, I think.

Candace Patrice 22:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

Mm-hmm.

Janet Hale 22:14

And so, um, and then we got color TVs in our home. Um, and then mom and them lived through Rear projection TVs? No. Mm-mm. It's floor model. They may not, that's what we call in our neighborhood floor model TVs. Oh.

Candace Patrice 22:31

They call them council TVs.

Janet Hale 22:33

No, ma'am.

Candace Patrice 22:34

Floor standing units.

Janet Hale 22:36

No, just like we call a sofa couch. It's good.

Candace Patrice 22:38

Okay. Like, stop looking it up. I told you it is. Jesus.

Janet Hale 22:41

I remember. Okay. So um, you know, the TVs and the, you know, all that changed, and then the microwave was um the my the microwave, um, the microwave came up, and then um I remember Tom being so excited. Oh, look at this thing. This guy. But when the when um TV, when they had the D VRs and stuff like that. The VCR?

SPEAKER_00 23:12

VCR.

Janet Hale 23:13

The VCR, thank you. He couldn't believe he said, How are they able to do that? I remember he was just so blown away. Whoa! How can they do that? They know, because he knew a lot of things about the old way. Yeah. But once he got into it, you he DVR'd every dog on thing. Everything was on DVR, and he had the habit of stopping it. Like we'd be in a good movie, and he'll go, now what was that about you guys? And we're like, listen, we're trying to watch a movie. So that was that's that was Tom. And so then um, my generation of coming up, um, and we didn't have computers like you guys do. We didn't have cell phones when we were growing up. Um did the microwave. Well, I guess it came out when we were young or young adults that happened. Um the T the GPS. Oh, yeah. There was no such thing as a GPS. Um, rear view cameras when you're backing up back in. Oh, yeah, that came. I was here. Yeah. So, you know, just going with the change and just watch these flat screen TVs. I remember when they first came out and they were real expensive, and everybody had to run and get one. Now you can get one for$200 and you know, call it a day. What you doing?

Candace Patrice 24:31

The microwave. Um, the first domestic countertop model was sold in 1955 for$1,295.

Janet Hale 24:42

Well.

Candace Patrice 24:44

Well, uh in the 60s, 70s, countertop models are perfected and popularity increase. Wow, but it was um the first patent was October 8th of 1945. And it weighed over 750 pounds. I believe it. That's crazy. So knowing that going into the innovation phase was gonna cost a lot of money. That happened with the TVs too, the big screen TVs. Remember, they first started that like 32 inches was like$1,500. And oh, look at when uh$4,000. I want to say they were really expensive. Oh, yeah, yeah, they were.

Janet Hale 25:29

Yeah, they were.

Candace Patrice 25:30

Now you can go get one for$400.

Aging, Work, And Learning New Systems

Janet Hale 25:33

And so when you talk about technology now, and I think about, you know, because there's some things that I'm, you know, figuring out. Thank goodness I have a young co-worker. I love her so much. She just she watches me struggle. This is the funny part, because I'll be trying to, you know, my little pride. You need do you need support, Janet? I'm fine. And she just goes over there. And I'll go, okay, I need support now.

Candace Patrice 26:02

Okay, I need support.

Janet Hale 26:03

And come over and help. And I think part of um, you know, being 60s and hopefully, you know, 70s. I know we talk about w wanting to retire early and all that. I don't know about that. And I say that because I'm constantly learning. You know what I mean? I'm in the environment where I have to learn new things because that's part of, you know, making it through a work day. Yeah. It's learning new systems and and all that stuff. Um, and also to have community.

Candace Patrice 26:32

Yeah.

Janet Hale 26:33

It's community is a beautiful thing.

Candace Patrice 26:35

Especially when you like your community.

Janet Hale 26:37

Man, I you know what, and I know people shouldn't say this, but I love my little work folks. I'll be loving them. Me too. Me too. I even, you know, even when we have a little tension, I don't care about that tension. Yeah. Look, we all in this together. And I'll tell them too, you know, I'm here. You know y'all my people.

unknown 26:55

And they're like, okay.

Janet Hale 26:57

Yeah. I'm here. And um, you know, and and and aging and working is a thing too, Candace. Because, you know, some um places disregard you, discard you. You know, you're a particular age. Well, no, we're still we're looking for the, but listen, there's an advantage to having an old woman on your team, okay? Because the old woman gets to work with, you know, all kinds of people. We just got little different ways of doing things, the old-fashioned way, and we still need the new. It's a great merit.

Candace Patrice 27:28

And you know what else? To teach the new the old, because it gets lost in translation sometimes. Yeah. And that's important. The foundation is really important. Yeah. Um, I was thinking about how it's gotta be very difficult now to, and I'm a part of this, to keep up with things because like you were sharing with your grandma, well, my grandmama, my great grandmother, look, because she's my great-grandma. I I caught that I caught it. But how the rate at which we have to adapt to new things. Because if you think about it back in the day when a the when the TV came out, right? Or even let's go back to the microwave.

Janet Hale 28:11

Well, back in the, we don't even know about what are they doing with 700 pounds.

Phones, Contracts, And Streaming Costs

Candace Patrice 28:16

Exactly. But look at how much time it took to get to that. So we're looking at 45 is when the patent starts. 47 is when the when they first launched the commercial range. 55 is when they introduced the first home microwave. That is was um eight years later. And then the 60s and 70s is when the countertop was perfected. So we're looking from 45 until the 60s, 70s, right? 15 to 20 years um later that it took just to get that one thing. Now we're looking at things that get perfected, quote unquote, in a matter of months. So the the adaption rate has to happen so fast, we get into it and then have to get right back out of it because something new comes along. That's like, oh, I know y'all learned this next last month, but even cell phones, if you think about that, when that first came out, how long did it take a new model to come out? Yeah, you know, now it's like every year. I have a S22 Ultra, Samsung S22 Ultra. Okay, but I think they're on like 26. I'm like, I'm still cool with the phone that I had. Not only that, um one of the good things about holding on to a phone is that my phone is now paid off because you know they say you don't do contracts anymore, but the contract Oh, they don't? The contract is actually in the phone. What they do is they make you rent the phone. So they'll put it in, they say you can trade in the phone, get a new one for free. The credit that they give you for the phone is spread out over three years. Now, during this three years that you have to pay on this phone, you really can't go to another phone carrier or you have to pay for it.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

All right, oh, I've been there.

Candace Patrice 30:08

Right. So technically, they're holding you in a contract, but not a phone contract. Because if the phone is paid off, you can go wherever you want to. That happened to me two months before I switched. I didn't know this was a thing. Two months before I switched my phone services, I had paid off the phone. So I was free to do what I wanted to do. But then when I think about getting a new phone, I hear them like, yeah, well, you know, come with us. There's no bill, but we're gonna spread out this payment that we told you you had for the trade in over three years so you can stay with us, you know. And I see Xfinity is doing that five-year contract thing. I did it too. Um, lock me in. I've been with them all my life. I know me too. Lock me in at a good rate. I'm good with that.

Janet Hale 30:53

Lock me in, because yeah, because y'all were messing with me.

Candace Patrice 30:55

Yeah.

Janet Hale 30:55

Um, I got tired of it, but go ahead.

Candace Patrice 30:57

And then switching my phone service over to Xfinity because I did that too. And then I did. They give you a year for free. Um with the phone.

Janet Hale 31:05

So then what happens after the year?

Candace Patrice 31:07

I think it was only like$35.

unknown 31:09

Okay.

Candace Patrice 31:09

It wasn't, it was worth the trade for I was paying like$70 with Verizon. So merging and get the year of the free um bill, and then it'll be cheaper afterwards. It'll be bundled, whatever. I'm not a fan of bundling just because if I want to exit one of the things, so I try not to bundle too much things.

SPEAKER_03 31:31

Right.

Candace Patrice 31:32

Even my streaming services. I know sometimes it's good. Netflix is going up again. Again. What are they going up to?$20 now. I have still been on the$699 plan from when I first no, no, no, listen. I never upgraded, updated anything. They always tell me what my new rate is gonna be because they're making changes, and now I'm up to the$20, but it's the ad-free. I've never made a change to my Xfinity account. They always do it on their own because of the upgrades that they're doing. I'm like, yeah, guess I just gotta pay an extra$3. So over the years, I've made it from$6.99 to$20.

Janet Hale 32:11

Yeah, I um you know, because I was a cable person, you know that. I mean, people have talked me off of that one. But now I'm almost, is it going up to that now? No, it's not. Is what going up to what? The price, like cable versus streaming. Yes, actually.

Candace Patrice 32:29

Oh, it is depending on what you um what you're interested in and how many different platforms. Netflix, I'm actually glad I never canceled. That's a platform that I think is, I mean, it's good for me. It's good for my household. Um and then they're including different things, like there's gaming on there now. Oh, they play, I guess, different pay-per-view events, like fights and things. Uh the football games can be streamed on. It's like they're adding things. So it's a it's an increasingly better platform to me. Um, and I like the programs that they have on there. I know they were trying to merge with Warner Brothers. That deal got cut. Um, it was like 140 billion, but another company outbid them. They was like, it's not even worth it. So they had to pay a one point, a two billion dollar breakup fee, but that's okay. Okay. Why do I know these random things? Yeah, yeah. Oh my goodness. Uh, but I like the platform. So that's one of those things. And even with the evolve, like when we talk about technology and all things that are evolving, I am okay. So let me back up. I went to school for finance. I ended up doing accounting because I realized I did not like the analytic parts of financing. You have to predict. I'm not a predictor. Don't I don't like to play with vitality. Um, not for somebody else and all of those things. I'm not going to work for a company, tell you what you need to do because I'm gonna be I could be wrong. I don't have time to play those games, but I'll do them with myself. So, um, what am I talking about? Because now the coffee's kicking in. I'm all over the place. ADHD is kicking in.

Janet Hale 34:05

You said you went to school for financial, right?

Candace Patrice 34:09

So I'm looking at the different things that are happening and trying to pinpoint how what's going to be most effective. So, like you're talking about cable, I'm talking about Netflix. I'm like, I think Netflix would be a good streaming service to keep long term. Um, I think eventually it will gain things. Same with Chat GPT. I know there are some people who's like, ooh, I don't know, it's not always right. Well, not nothing is always right. But some of the things that they add to it, I'm like, I could see this being long-term beneficial. So having Netflix, having Chat GPT, and a couple of other things. So my point of saying that when I was bringing it to the financing was the predictability of things. So now I'm somehow a strategist at different things. And my own, my own strategist, not for the world, but just kind of figuring things out. How do I want to move forward in this world? So we were having, all right, y'all.

Janet Hale 35:02

Don't I'm not getting canceled, but listen, we were having a pause for a minute because I'm afraid.

Candace Patrice 35:11

Well, we were having a conversation about Hitler, and so my questions were how does one individual get the world or a bunch of people to think the way that they think when it is at the detriment of humanity? I'll say that. Um, and what I learned was it was a very manipulative way to get people to believe what he believed, to get them on his side, and also to um put fear in the hearts of those who are not thinking the same way that he thought. So my takeaway from that was I can do the same thing on a positive note, right? How do we get the world to focus on love? How do we get the world to believe in goodness and practice good? And it's really doing the same gestures that Hitler did on a different level. Literally the reverse, the opposite. So if we're talking um evil, we're talking pain, we're talking killing, then then the other is to get people to believe in love, to get people to believe in healing, to get people to believe in helping. And how do I do that? So that's one of those projection things in the like when we're thinking finance and all of those, we're thinking of how people use their power. And I'm looking at it, how do I take that and reverse it for the greater good of humanity? Because it can be done. Because when people believe what you have to say, and you can convince them of what you're saying is right, they will follow.

Janet Hale 36:56

So we were having this conversation. So I'm I'm a I question things. Um, from religion to the AA. I'm I listen, I'm not a blanket, you could just tell me some stuff because I'm just gonna, I'm gonna have a question about something, especially if it's contradictory or whatever. And some things need to change and evolve, whatever. Um, and I I say that when I'm thinking about um AA and different things like that, because I think it's a great place to be. Um, however, I think you could make it uniquely yours. But when you were talking about um Hitler and how he, you know, manipulated folks and got people. You probably like that word. Well, it's still all manipulation. You can use a different word, but it's still manipulation. But um, and I was thinking about how most things are that way. Mm-hmm. It is. It's I'm gonna convince you. Yep. I need you to come to my way of you know, I need you on this team, I need you on this side, so I'm gonna say whatever I need to say to influence you to pull you, pull you this away. So, um, so with with Hitler, that's what he did, but that's what we do constantly, right? Yeah. You know, um that's all that's all I want to say about Mr. Hitler. Me too.

Candace Patrice 38:18

So how do we said it, we you know, stuck on topic, we're not gonna go deeper. Um but yeah, I think at the end of the day, it totally is the same side, nothing new under the sun.

Janet Hale 38:36

Nothing.

Candace Patrice 38:37

Nothing new under the sun. Um and I want to believe that good is right, right? Um, and of course, it's my interpretation of good, it's my interpretation of right. Uh I don't know what to do with that because I do understand that it's my interpretation, and even if my goal is to get others to believe my perspective of good, it's still mine.

The Fence Debate And Loyalty

Janet Hale 39:12

What? Yeah, what? Yeah. Um I I was I had some moments like that. And I was like, well, you know, I'm looking at a situation this way, and I want them to know how I see it, and I had to play that all the way through. Because if I tell them how I see it, it's not gonna change what has been done. It's not going to change the pattern, it's not gonna change their thinking, it's not gonna change their heart path. Uh what do you call it? Heart posture. Heart heart posture. It's not going, and so I'm for me, I'm careful about that because I don't want to get into a situation where I'm manipulative. Yes, that's why I said I don't like that word. And I watch my language because someone said mentioned that I was like, oh, I love the way you worded that. Yes. And so I'm careful, even when my feelings are hurt. I have to like, damn, I need to call somebody else about this because sometimes it's not good to take it to the person. It's not. Because that person is where they are, and where they are, even if it's not something I like. Yeah. It's like, but that's where you are. And what oh, and one of the things I think about, and you you know, when you've heard heard me talk about this, I have a hard time with people on the fence. That's the thing that bothers me to know. Because at some point you need to make a decision, you need to pick a side. That's my view, like you said. My view, because that fence crap, mm-mm, because uh uh, because at the end of the day, you will make a choice. But here's what I learned for myself is if I have to question what side you're on, you're not on my side. If it's a question in my mind, you're you've already made a decision. That's just where I'm at with it. Question. And I have to figure out, like, okay, but that's a decision they make, because then I have to watch myself from trying to convince another person. Like, okay, I see you, you know, I feel like you made your mind, but let me give you reasons to come over here. You know what? Hell no. I'm not doing it. Don't come to hell over here. It's okay, and but that has to be okay with me. How do you feel about people not choosing a side? I just told you.

Candace Patrice 41:17

No, no, no.

Janet Hale 41:17

What I mean is Look, I'm all in the camera now.

Candace Patrice 41:20

No, what I mean by that is so because you feel like if they didn't, if they're on the fence, they're not on your side. Does that mean that you believe they're on the either side?

Janet Hale 41:29

No, no, no. What I'm saying is this if someone is on the fence, they've already made a decision. I I do believe it. When you say that, what does that mean? No, no, no, no. Let me tell you, there's something in there that's saying, uh, or they're doing this. Well, okay, well, I get their point of view today. And then, oh, I kind of get, you know, it kind of gets into that thing, I guess. I don't know, because I'm not a fence person. I've been there. I've been a fence person. So when let's get back to your question. So if I'm dealing with somebody and I'm like, there's a fence thing going on, and then I'm screwed up in my head trying to figure it all out. For me, if I have to, if my question is, what I wonder, what side I if I'm wondering if you're on my side or not, right there, the wondering right there in my mind says you're not on my side. I can't worry about that. If it's the damn fence or on the other side, it ain't my side. So that's where I'm at with that. And I have to watch me. I have to watch me with that. You know what I mean? I I watched that, I'd be like, okay then. Um you know, um huh.

Candace Patrice 42:43

Because it it I think about I had a situation recently. You had a situation. Listen, I had a conversation, and someone I was talking to really is a not on the fence kind of person.

Janet Hale 43:00

Oh, can I have their number? No, I'm just kidding.

Candace Patrice 43:05

And they came to me, not they came to me wanting someone not on their side because they needed a middle ground because the the thought process was everybody who's on my side is for me. And I need an objective opinion. I need to see things from a broader perspective and not just my side, because I know they care about me and I know they, you know, want to support me, but right now I need to hear something different. I need I need a broader perspective. Um, so I think sometimes that fence is more for me. Let me speak.

Janet Hale 43:47

I know you're gonna defend this fence.

Candace Patrice 43:48

Let me speak from me because I am a fencer, okay? I stay on the fence. Matter of fact, I don't, I just sit on the fence. I I think I sit with one leg on one side, one leg on the other side.

Janet Hale 44:00

Drink my water with that.

Candace Patrice 44:02

Yep. Because I have questions. There are so many variables to people's situations. And when they share a story, only so many variables can be told. And so I'm coming from a perspective of the variables of which I have. And I get more variables, which then later allows me to make constructive criticisms for the greater good and be a utilitarian in every situation and say, huh, let's look at all the perspectives here.

Janet Hale 44:28

Let's head talk. I'm talking hard talk. Oh no, we don't talk about talking about it. No, I am. I know that. I went there. I went there because that's what you do. But here's the thing. Here's the thing, though. If here's how I this is just me. Okay. Okay, so and we understand we're talking about Janet at this point. And Janet feels like she's right in the moment. So right now. Okay. So here's the thing for me. If I'm in a situation and you know, not you, whoever, know that this person hurt me, and you know they did. And you able to go on the stand and hang with them. I now this just might be people. Uh-huh. I have a problem with that. I'm like, hold up. Now you know. You know what they've done. I mean, like, you know, and you kikiing. Because see what I'm not gonna do, I'm not kikiing with somebody that's done you wrong. I'm not that's just me. I'm not doing it. Now, let me say this. Now, if it's something that I'm not close to, there's nothing in the game, then whatever, I can do that. But when it's close, close, uh-uh. I'm gonna share something with you because there's a person I talked to. She's so funny. And I'll just mention something. I don't even mean to be telling on people. I'm just talking. And she'll go, Jenny, wait a minute. Uh-uh. I don't like that they said that because, and I'm like, well, what they said. No. And she breaks it down. I'll be like, whoa, I missed that. Right, but that was her interpretation.

Candace Patrice 45:54

What if that wasn't even a thing? Now you got her thoughts in your brain, you don't even know the truth.

Janet Hale 45:59

No, it was a thing. No, no, no, no. It was a thing. Because I went back on past. No, no, I'm just saying. I went back on past conversation. You know, see, then she took you to the past. You was moving forward.

Candace Patrice 46:09

You wasn't even thinking about that.

Janet Hale 46:10

So for me, anybody who wants to be my friend, look, because I'm your girl.

Candace Patrice 46:15

But you you said something about being messy. I can tell you a story real quick.

Janet Hale 46:20

You gonna be messy?

Candace Patrice 46:21

I wouldn't, I wasn't intending to. You said you accidentally told on somebody or something. You said something, you be accidentally saying something. Anywho, let me just tell you the story.

Janet Hale 46:28

I don't know. I probably did.

Candace Patrice 46:29

So I was um doing an equipment.

Janet Hale 46:31

I look like my I look like my biological father. The older I get. I don't really know this man's face is so out of here. I don't know what he looked like for real. I don't remember. Oh, I do. Send me a picture.

unknown 46:42

I look like him.

Janet Hale 46:43

This is weird.

Candace Patrice 46:44

Well, you know what's weird is that my brother's brother looked like him. Now that's weird.

Janet Hale 46:49

She got so mad. Red has got a half brother. This boy looks like my brother. Well, how do you think I feel? My none of my kids look like me. Y'all look like your daddies.

Candace Patrice 47:03

I don't know how you feel, but I know how I felt.

Janet Hale 47:06

Yeah, you were upset. She got mad.

Candace Patrice 47:10

Okay, so I have a story.

Janet Hale 47:12

Come on, fence lady.

Candace Patrice 47:13

Stay on fence. Um, and so I'm glad we all know. Do not be mad at me when I start asking questions to your anger.

Janet Hale 47:23

To your anger, girl.

Candace Patrice 47:24

Because you know, somebody be mad and I'll be like, well, what was they thinking? And y'all be like, I don't give a fuck what they was thinking. Be I'm telling you my perspective. So sometimes I learn, listen. Anywho, I gotta get this story out. Come on, come on, fancy. Kingdom Knights. I was there and um I was helping out with different things. And so there was music playing.

Janet Hale 47:45

I'll up in here.

Candace Patrice 47:46

One of the girls had made a statement and was like, oh, we need some new music because this is elevator music. So a guy came and was like, Oh, you guys can hook up to the Bluetooth and play your music. And um, I was like, oh my god, that's so great because XYZ is sick of the elevator music. So he knew who I was talking about because I said her name at the time. And apparently he saw her later and told her about the Bluetooth, and then told her that I said that she was tired of the elevator music. And she came back to me later and was like, You so messy. I was like, What'd I do? But when I said it, it wasn't in an attempt to be messy. I was like, Cool, thank you for giving us the Bluetooth because we really need to change the music. So I felt bad for a second because she wasn't coming at me, like she don't know me like that, right? So when I told her, I had to explain, I was like, oh my God, I did not mean that in a messy way. I told her exactly how I said everything. She was like, oh no, it's cool. I text her later, like, I'm still feeling bad. Like, I don't want you to think I was trying to be. She was like, girl, it's okay. But sometimes my innocence doesn't, or my, I don't know, some people call it naivety, naive naivety.

Janet Hale 48:48

Girl, you're not that naive, but go ahead.

Candace Patrice 48:50

Well, I didn't think I didn't think You're my daughter. You're not that I well, I'm I guess what I'm saying is my um, I don't come with an intent a lot of times to do anything wrong. So I do something. Oh, I can't do it. You know what I'm saying? So I come, I come and I'll do it, and it'll be like, hey, did I want you to? I'm like, oh my bad. I didn't think that was a big thing. And you know, just correct the situation.

Janet Hale 49:08

Ah, you know what, little lady. Well, did you little lady?

Candace Patrice 49:12

I didn't think that was a thing. No, I don't think you know.

Janet Hale 49:14

Oh, intentional at all. Yeah, yeah, no, no, but you were saying how innocent you are.

Candace Patrice 49:19

I am innocent. Nah, mm-hmm. I be thinking real purely. And y'all be putting stuff in my own head.

Janet Hale 49:26

No, no. You fight like me. No, I don't. Yes, you do.

Candace Patrice 49:30

No, I do not.

Janet Hale 49:31

Yes, you do.

Candace Patrice 49:32

Maybe I used to. I don't fight like no, you do.

Janet Hale 49:35

You still do. And I'll mention it off air. But you do. I don't think so.

Candace Patrice 49:40

But that's we're gonna figure out the perspectives in a little bit off the air.

Janet Hale 49:44

But anyway, we're talking about the fence.

Candace Patrice 49:46

Oh, yeah, I stay on the fence.

Janet Hale 49:48

That fence is just now.

Candace Patrice 49:50

I will say this.

Janet Hale 49:50

I um I don't know if I'm gonna hear what you have to say.

Candace Patrice 49:53

Well, I chose the fence person. I chose an um, there was a time I chose not to be on the fence, and someone was mad at me.

Janet Hale 50:00

Whoa, was it on the news?

Candace Patrice 50:01

Nah, I kept this one, kept this one quiet.

Janet Hale 50:04

Are you gonna share it now? Wait a minute, what's going on?

Candace Patrice 50:07

No, listen. Yes, yes, yes. Well, so there was a friend of mine who had opposition with someone, and they basically was like, we don't mess with them no more. And I was like, cool. But I still feel bad to this day. Because they ain't do nothing to me.

Janet Hale 50:28

No, well, see how hard it was for you to do it.

Candace Patrice 50:31

It's so hard. I'm still over here feeling bad. Because I'm like, well, I wanna and I'm a relationship ain't had nothing bad. I mean whatever.

Janet Hale 50:40

Listen, then here's the thing. Okay, here's the thing. Because you know I've had many friendships. I because I love hard. I love my friends. I'll be like, you might and if it goes a little south or don't work out, I'm okay. Because in the moment, in the time of the friendship, it was so deep. And you know about my deep friendships. They were deep, and I honor these people. Now I might have been mad when we first broke up. I mean, you know, that's natural. But I can say that those folks, when I was in relationship with them, it wasn't no fence situation. It's like, listen, um, we need to go battle, and I don't mean fight, you guys, like physically. I need you to come. You gonna be with me? And I had one friend, um, it was Bumpy, which is some gangster person, and um Malcolm X. And one of us was Malcolm X, and one of us was Bumpy. I mean, we just had this little dance that we did, but it was a loyalty to one another until it wasn't. But that's okay because I'm for the pick a side. Like if you jump off my side, cool. You was on it for a minute. But that fence thing, I just I mean, you know, for anybody listening, and if you're my friend and you are a fence person, you might not want me to know. If I don't know, just keep it to yourself.

Candace Patrice 51:53

Well, for those who know me, if um I ask questions, I just want a clear picture to understand, expect exactly where I'm putting from whatever. Um, maybe even give you a different perspective on where they're coming from, you know.

Janet Hale 52:05

We could work through this together. This is mother and daughter, and we, you know, we're just having this conversation. And it's not the first time we've had it.

Candace Patrice 52:12

No, we have it all the time.

Janet Hale 52:14

We have this conversation all the time, and she's not gonna get off that damn fence. Nope. And I'm gonna go. And I used to want to because I I felt bad.

Candace Patrice 52:23

I was like, my mother, my sister, these people are like, get off the damn fence.

Janet Hale 52:27

And I'm like, Oh, you're gonna put me and your sister. Damn right. Go put us together. Yep. Sissy, I know you want me off the fence, and I ain't getting off damage. Nope, me and her. And I love you. Yeah, we love you too, but that's sense crap. We be like, listen, we need you, we need a soldier.

Candace Patrice 52:45

But you know what else I realize? As long as I'm consistently me, y'all gonna always know what to expect. Y'all gonna be like, don't call Candace to get off the fence. I mean, at the end of the day, I'm not gonna be the off-the-fense girl.

unknown 52:55

And I'm okay with that.

Candace Patrice 52:56

I'm okay with that.

Janet Hale 52:58

And you know what? And we love you anyway.

Candace Patrice 53:00

I know y'all do. And I think as long as I continue to be I won't mess up with y'all because I won't be trying to do it somebody else's way. It's gonna be like, y'all know Candace, okay? We we gonna be mad at her. But now, but can I say something?

Janet Hale 53:11

Yeah, all right. We all love you and all that. We don't love each other. One of us died, and then afterwards, I'm not dying if you die. Okay, right. Well, I'll love you till I die. Whatever. So till the end of the day. And don't die, sir. No, no, no. No, I don't think I'm I don't think I'm leaving you. Yeah, I'm saying so. I just feel like I'm gonna be around.

Candace Patrice 53:26

Like, because if I'm dying after you, now don't make no promises because my daddy did it, and he didn't make it to a hundred.

unknown 53:33

Okay.

Janet Hale 53:33

I'm not doing that. No.

Candace Patrice 53:35

I'm just saying, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, no, no, what I'm saying.

Janet Hale 53:39

Uh uh, here's what I'm saying. I know what you're saying. So I live my day, you know, I gotta live my life like this is my last damn day. Like, what is this? Even on a on a lazy day, right? I make it a good lazy day. Oh my god, such a good day. Like this chair I need to clean off that I won't even let the camera show. I need to clean that thing a little, you know. I'm gonna get to it. I am what was I gonna say though?

Candace Patrice 54:01

But go ahead.

Janet Hale 54:02

I know, right? But um, what what where were we? Where were we?

Candace Patrice 54:06

Everywhere.

Janet Hale 54:08

About the the fence and the this and the y'all know not to call me.

Candace Patrice 54:13

He said, I love you and all of that, but what I am gonna say is. No?

Janet Hale 54:17

Okay. That is what I said, isn't it? That's exactly what I said.

SPEAKER_03 54:22

The hell, girl, wait. Um That's okay.

Janet Hale 54:27

Yeah, yeah. It's just um, oh, I was gonna say something when you were talking earlier, and I gotta ask questions. No, sometimes if you know the answer, what the hell are you asking questions? Because I don't know the answer. You do my know the answer. Yes, you do. You do. You do. I can assume the answer. No, here's the thing, but I'm gonna say this to you. I'm still your mother, gonna be your mother forever. And nothing's gonna change that. So while you're on that funky fence, be on that funky fence, and I'm at I think I need to find it. And do your and do your funky thing.

Candace Patrice 54:58

I think you agree, but I need to uh rebuild the fence because it's it's a little uncomfortable. I'm gonna put a ledge up there so I can sit properly. You know, I don't want to fall off.

Janet Hale 55:08

That's sad. That's so sad, too. That's sad. Oh, that's sad. That's so sad. That's so sad.

Candace Patrice 55:17

Oh my goodness. And one day it's not gonna be you're gonna find joy in my fence. Matter of fact, you might be like, You got room up there for me? I see you at 77.

Janet Hale 55:27

No. Yep. No, I'm not pick a side.

Candace Patrice 55:31

That's okay. You don't have to be stuck by the ways your whole life. I'll change. No, well, let me say I'm just kidding. I'm just saying, like I said, no, you may not say that wasn't sitting up straight, too.

Janet Hale 55:44

So here's the thing about that. So if I'm gonna it depends on the circumstance the situation. If they're not close, then that's it. But when it's somebody close, no, I'm picking up that's me. Hold on. That's where I'm at. That's where I'm at, and that's just where I'm at. And I know that I can't change other people's minds. So, you know, it is what it is. You know what I mean? Um, and so that's growth for me because I'm not, there was a time I be like, I really want you to get it. Yeah. You don't get it because you don't want to get it. Or I get it. Oh, hold on, hold on. And I I remember something that see, I watch how things happen. Gotta pay attention and go back. Because I remember you said something, and when you said it, I thought, ooh, that was. And I was talking about my gut, like that gut feeling. You said something. Yeah, not unless the gut ain't clean. I said, Oh, hold on now. What the, what the what are you saying? And so when I look at the different things that have taken place, I'm like, girl, whatever.

Candace Patrice 56:43

Well, the the clean gut came from that conversation. Remember, we were talking about, we had a conversation about that. So that was recollection, not necessarily about you.

Janet Hale 56:51

Oh, anyway. Whatever.

Candace Patrice 56:52

So you be taking stuff you ain't asked.

Janet Hale 56:55

It doesn't matter because you still where you at. See what I mean? So it doesn't seem like that. But your interpretation of where I am. That's why nobody cares about that. I care. Well, then I shouldn't have told you. But you just that's all that's all that means. But because it is what it is, because at the end of the day, I'm your mother. You're gonna always come back here. Period. Just not live by their home. To everybody that's oh, that part. That puts me off. But anyway, that's a whole nother story. You rather live in a dumpster than come live with your mama.

Candace Patrice 57:26

No, I'd rather live in my house than live there. But that's okay.

Janet Hale 57:30

That's okay. Not a job. Got me up here acting out. Got me all out in these.

Candace Patrice 57:38

No, I wasn't acting out. I would come there before a dumpster, okay? I'll come there before. I will come there before a dumpster.

Janet Hale 57:45

It doesn't matter.

Candace Patrice 57:46

You do you. But I'm gonna try not to. Let me say that. I'm gonna try real hard. It is.

Janet Hale 57:52

Do you? I'm you know, and I remember when um I was transitioning at some point, and I didn't want to go live with my mom. But I wasn't willing to just go live anywhere, not to live with my mom. No. I wasn't doing that. Me either. That's why I'm here. That part. Like, what you doing? Now to stay in my own crib. That's different.

Candace Patrice 58:10

That's where I'm at.

Janet Hale 58:11

Figure out a way. Whatever.

Candace Patrice 58:13

You talking about I go stay in a dumpster. I'm still in the same location.

Janet Hale 58:17

Anyway. Oh, whatever.

Candace Patrice 58:21

Girl. My mama brain be brainish. I did what? I said, my mama brain be brainish. She be like, I thought about it.

Janet Hale 58:29

Wait, you got she gonna bring her little squad of people over my house to get her stuff and then leave all the trash here. I'm still upset. Every time I I say, come get I'm gonna come get it. No. You ain't gonna then gonna have her girlfriend come here pregnant. Can't help do nothing. So what is she, your support person? What the hell was that about? Did you say yeah?

Candace Patrice 58:47

No, she had the truck, mama.

Janet Hale 58:49

Oh, whatever. They was tripping all around here. Nobody was tripping! And wait, and still have the trash all in my house. Partially. It ain't all mine. No. Don't do that. Your whatever is yours is still here. That part. Because you was doing a math. She was all I said, girl. See, this is the real part about being adult daughters and their mamas. This is what happens right here. Yep.

Candace Patrice 59:17

We got some stuff.

Janet Hale 59:21

My daughter on the fence until it's her shit. She ain't on the fence. What you mean? That's what I said. I don't get it. That's all. You came and swiped up your stuff. I was like, okay, well, get your stuff. Okay. I'll be back next week. Well, next week, what, two months? Yeah. Yeah. I don't have a shelf. That was my new thing. Anyway, she always see all the mothers out there with these adult daughters, this is what they do to us.

Candace Patrice 59:46

You know what? I'm coming by next week. I ain't gonna have this one again.

Janet Hale 59:50

Watch. Don't matter. Oh, yeah, because I'm a reporter.

Candace Patrice 59:53

Yep. Dang right.

Janet Hale 59:56

I want to give you guys a full report.

Candace Patrice 59:58

Yep, because I'll you know what? I was coming this Sunday and things changed.

Janet Hale 1:00:02

She always was coming. Oh my goodness.

Candace Patrice 1:00:04

No, seriously. I was supposed to drop I was supposed to drop Kamari off. And I met her dads, but they plans change. And so she didn't go till Monday. Because I was gonna drop she said before five. Yeah, before five. But I didn't, I don't tell you these things because in case things happen, I figured I'll just call you and say, Because I'll be mad. Yes, sometimes I get upset. Yeah. So because I realized my plans don't be working the way I planned them to plan.

Janet Hale 1:00:27

Well, that's a whole nother thing. Because, okay, you guys, here's the thing. She's talking like she I was gonna go see you. No. You make time if you want to do something. See, that's why I don't listen to people and they say, Well, I didn't I didn't want to come with Kamari and clean up.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:41

Hello, hello.

Janet Hale 1:00:42

Oh, it's a cleanup visit. See, I ain't know what the case is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sunday would have been a cleanup visit. Look, she's trying to hush me up.

Candace Patrice 1:00:47

No, I'm not. I'm sharing the truth.

Janet Hale 1:00:49

Uh-oh. So here's the thing. When people want to do something, they do it.

Candace Patrice 1:00:53

Yes, that I could not do. But listen to that.

Janet Hale 1:00:56

Listen, y'all. Y'all hear my daughter? Yes.

Candace Patrice 1:00:59

Absolutely. I wanted to come in clean. I did not want Kamari with me. She was with me. I could not come in clean. You never knew about it until right now.

Janet Hale 1:01:07

Look, and she's getting a little upset. Her body language. Y'all can't see it.

Candace Patrice 1:01:13

Yes, yes, I am.

Janet Hale 1:01:14

That's what she does.

Candace Patrice 1:01:15

Because those are the facts, and I want you to hear them.

Janet Hale 1:01:17

But I but I when she does that. When she does that, me and her sister, Sissy, me and her sister, when she do that what she's doing right now, we start running for cover.

Candace Patrice 1:01:26

Yes, because you're not listening to me. Damn it. I'm sharing the facts, and you're still like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Janet Hale 1:01:34

We start running for cover.

Candace Patrice 1:01:35

This is why I stay on the fence, because people don't be listening. They don't be listening.

Janet Hale 1:01:39

Like you.

Candace Patrice 1:01:39

They don't be listening. You got your own interpretation, even though I'm giving you the whole thing. But you know what?

Janet Hale 1:01:44

But listen to this. Let me tell you this. So there was a time with my mother, and um, my mother and I had a very authentic, honest convers uh relationship. You know that, right? I guess you do. And so, and so when I get upset, you guys, I'll be all mad. Like I'll be, mm, I'm so mad. So one day I said to my mother, I said, Mama, I'm about to get real upset. My mother said, boom, boom, bam, bam, motherfucker. And I was like, Well, my mother got upset. I didn't even know how to be upset anymore. I was like, whoa. So I say that to say, Ken, did you be all right? Boom, boom, bam, bam. Because you can't be afraid. Listen to you guys, listen out there. Do not be afraid of your adult children and their feelings.

Candace Patrice 1:02:36

Nope, just make sure you listen to you.

Janet Hale 1:02:37

And a lot of times, and a lot of times what happens is we as um parents want to be into corrective, you know, we want to correct some stuff. Guess what? All of us out there, 60, 50, 70, we did the best we could. We gave all we can give, and that's it. Okay? Love them, and they gotta love us, and if they don't, and and unfortunately, some folks don't even realize how much they love their mama until they long gone. But some of them understand, like Candace, while we still living, even though she's over there about to jump through the screen. She's about to lose it. Well, yeah, don't let these adult children bully you around. Uh-huh. I was in. No, mm-mm. No. My time. I love you. I love you.

Candace Patrice 1:03:23

Now, parents. When your kids tell you something, just believe them. It's their truth.

Janet Hale 1:03:30

Okay, so we're having a freaking fight.

Candace Patrice 1:03:32

We're fighting!

Janet Hale 1:03:36

It is literally going down.

Candace Patrice 1:03:37

You know what's beautiful? We talk about our fights all the time on here, but they don't know what our fights look like. So actually, to give them a real authentic in the moment, this is what they look like, y'all. So they're not really if y'all's interpretation is, oh my god, they da-da-da-da-da. This is it. This is it.

Janet Hale 1:03:57

This is this is our big fight of the day, y'all. Yeah, I'm still pissed about her being on the fence. She's gonna stay on the fence, right? She says she's gonna put a thing up there so you can get comfortable on the fence. Yes! Give me a linge on the fence. I don't understand this fence business. Um but I I do understand that I've been on a fence person. And um, yeah, I've been that that fence, you know. I wanna be neutral and I wanna plea. This is my thing. I wanted to please both sides. I'm not sure what to that's because I was afraid to take a side. Well, I'm not saying it's you, I'm talking about me. I'm not afraid anymore, because guess what? People take a side against me in a minute or for me. They the people pick sides, so Janet will pick a side. And you know, it feels good. It feels good to pick a side. And and I'm gonna say this about the side thing. Um, because when I was growing up, I was never felt that I could take a side. Mm-hmm that's deep. Just happened.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:57

Mm-hmm.

Janet Hale 1:04:58

Didn't it was like, oh, I'm just here, let me figure it out, let me oh, oh God, I don't know. Ooh, okay, that ain't my daddy. Whoa, why not? Ooh, that was ooh, definitely, oh, that's it. Ooh. Now, didn't that happen? Oh, okay. Then just sitting there just not having any control over anything. And having to be neutral because of grown folks' decisions. Right? And so, you know, now I'm a grown folk and I'm picking suck.

Candace Patrice 1:05:26

And you have the right to do so.

Janet Hale 1:05:29

Let's not hurt like she's gonna give me permission here. Give me your permission. Oh, I can't wait to hear this back.

Candace Patrice 1:05:33

From your daughter, you have permission.

Janet Hale 1:05:36

Oh she believes that in her in her head, you guys. But no, you are my, you know, Candace, I love you so much. I love you. You know that. I do. I really do. I know you do. You are my girl. I know. You know, sometimes you don't, mama just gotta give it to you.

Candace Patrice 1:05:53

You know, I was thinking about that yesterday. I was with Kamari, and she was just being Kamari, she was pausing the TV, wanted to do a dance. I just wanted to watch the show. I just wanted us to focus, sit down, be quiet. What enough of that? And I thought, and I said, I'm a mother. This is my daughter. And we're gonna do this dance for a long time. And it was just that. Like, no matter what I was feeling, because I really just wanted to be like, can we just but that was that's no, you saw that, but you could have stopped her from that crap.

Janet Hale 1:06:23

No, look.

Candace Patrice 1:06:24

I hadn't, I had, I hadn't spent time with her a whole lot last night because I had to laugh.

Janet Hale 1:06:29

Listen, I got my own reasons. Can I say this? No, you're doing the best you can. Just to just say it, mama. Listen, I want to hear this. And it was because she just wanted to spend time, you know.

Candace Patrice 1:06:38

She just wanted to laugh and she wanted to make me laugh. And it was just, I just wanted to chill, but I recognize it. It was desperate.

Janet Hale 1:06:47

No, don't let her bully you around with that.

Candace Patrice 1:06:48

She does not bully me. Why do you think my child be bullying? No, she don't. She does not.

Janet Hale 1:06:52

And I love her too. She doesn't do not bully me. But here's the thing about love, you guys. Next, next podcast. Because love is this love is honesty. That to me. Love is honesty. Because if you start BSing me, but I love you. No, that ain't love. Give me some honest thumb. You know? Honesty. Honesty. Shit on bully me.

Candace Patrice 1:07:15

Honestly.

unknown 1:07:16

Ha ha!

Janet Hale 1:07:18

Yeah, she still wants to get the last words out. That's okay.

Candace Patrice 1:07:21

I just want my truth.

Janet Hale 1:07:23

This is Kamarian action. That's about 38. Oh, whatever.

Candace Patrice 1:07:28

We have okay, so we're well over our hour. Okay, love you. This was a good This was fun.

Janet Hale 1:07:34

I can't wait to hear this.

Candace Patrice 1:07:36

I know it's what I love about when it is just the two of us. It's so fun. Um and I I love that this isn't about performing for anyone else. If you get to hear the conversation, great. If not, great. But we do it because we do it. And this is this is real life. That's it. And we enjoy it. I enjoy it. I don't even speak for you. I enjoy it.

Janet Hale 1:08:01

I I do enjoy it when it's, but you just said something. Okay, I know we gotta go. The performing for other people. I'm glad you said that. Uh-huh. Um because to stay in that vein of just having authentic conversations. And even if someone is joining us, to still continue that, you know?

Candace Patrice 1:08:26

Well, thank you for this conversation. Thank you for you shared a lot. You took me on a journey, no, from history, childhood to the loss of your parents, to how to deal with grief, to adaptation to new things, to tantrums, to fights, to bringing it all the way back to love. Like this, this felt really good. And I'm really grateful that we do get an opportunity to do this together. Because these days don't come back.

Janet Hale 1:08:55

And that's right, Mr. Charles.

Candace Patrice 1:08:57

That's right. And we'll always have these moments recorded for us. And I'm grateful.

Janet Hale 1:09:05

I am grateful for the time, girl.

Candace Patrice 1:09:08

I love you.

Janet Hale 1:09:10

I know.

Candace Patrice 1:09:11

And I love you too. They can't see me doing the dance. Uh uh. She got her head things going on. Um well, I just want to say thank you to our listeners. Did you want to give any last words before we jump off?

Janet Hale 1:09:25

Look, happy. Oh, I don't know if I could say day of the week because Easter, we didn't even mention Easter, but anyway. Easter is so happy Easter to all you people that you know do the bunny rapping. Bunny rapping. I was gonna say, wait a minute.

Candace Patrice 1:09:41

We about to wear it. We about to get off the fence, okay?

Janet Hale 1:09:46

Wait, wait, oh, wait, wait. Let me say this real quick. Wait, wait, did you hear me? We about to get off the fence. Yeah, see if she get off the fence. I get off the fence. But anyway, but whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So somebody that um uh was talking to, and they were like, well, you know, um, I shared my uh beliefs or whatever. And she was like, Well, I don't know that I want you, you know, to be a part of something because it's a lot of Jesus talk, right? I say, you haven't met my daughter. She brings Jesus in every room. Um I'm fine, right? It is all good. So I apologize about the Easter and the bunny rabbit. It's the resurrection and stuff, right? I know.

Candace Patrice 1:10:23

Well, as long as we we got that out now, we can yes, the bunny and all the things. Yeah, exactly.

Janet Hale 1:10:27

So we're not gonna get canceled or anything. I don't know.

Candace Patrice 1:10:29

I don't know. Might we have to check and see the status, see what people have to say, how they respond. I'll let you know. Keep the test. Oh, but we, you know, we had some other things in this podcast we could cancel for too. So, you know, it just all depends how far they got into the conversation.

Janet Hale 1:10:45

Oh, we did.

Candace Patrice 1:10:46

Yeah, so all right. Well, we'll call this one don't cancel us.

Janet Hale 1:10:53

Exactly. Please don't.

Candace Patrice 1:10:56

All right, guys. Thank you so much. Always remember to love hard, forgive often, and laugh frequently. Peace, y'all. Bye bye.