What If Justification Is The Trap

it's Therapy Thursday!

A locked door at an apartment gym shouldn’t turn into a whole emotional spiral but it can, fast. When a staff member snaps “can you not knock,” Candace feels that familiar heat: the need to be right, the need to be justified, the need for someone to admit they were wrong. Sitting with her mom, Janet Hale, she tells the story honestly, including the messy part where calm communication is the goal but anger is what shows up first.

We zoom out from that moment and get into the bigger theme: forgiveness before the offense. Not as pretending something didn’t happen, and not as letting people walk over you, but as a way to stop carrying the fight in your body and your day. Janet shares what maturity has taught her about picking battles, while Candace connects the dots between “my opinion is a direction,” communication that prioritizes understanding, and the question that keeps cutting through the noise: is the battle worth your peace?

The conversation also hits parenting stress and school conflict, where the stakes feel too high to stay quiet. Candace talks about wanting clear policies, consistent rules, and real accountability when it comes to her daughter. Along the way we touch on whole foods vs processed vegan options, lifelong learning, spiritual curiosity, and how tension can live in the body until you choose to release it.

If you’ve ever replayed a conversation in your head just to prove you were right, this one is for you. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

Transcript

Candace Patrice 0:05

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candace Patrice. And joining me today is my lovely mommy, Janet Hale. Mommy. Mother, mama.

Janet Hale 0:19

Hello, hello, hello.

Candace Patrice 0:23

It is the two of us today, guys. So welcome to the room with us. And we we had actually started having a conversation prior to hitting record. And I was sharing some things with my mother. So first we're gonna do a check-in as we always do, and then we're gonna get into some things that I personally am struggling with, um, or just identifying. So let's walk through it together, guys. Let's let's do this thing. So jumping in with mom, how's your week?

Janet Hale 0:55

It was peek this oh, the week, the whole week.

Food Wins And More Energy

Candace Patrice 0:58

The whole week. Two weeks technically.

Janet Hale 1:02

Yeah. Okay, that's a lot. The last week was um a very good week. I had a good week. It was productive. Um I've been really into fellowshipping with people and making connections with people, and I like that because as you know, I like to be by myself in my little world, and um, so that felt good to me. So that was a big, big win for me.

Candace Patrice 1:36

Any highlights?

Janet Hale 1:41

There are a few.

Candace Patrice 1:43

Ooh.

Janet Hale 1:44

There are a few.

Candace Patrice 1:45

Let's do one or two.

Janet Hale 1:47

Well, let's just do your thing and then we'll come back when we discuss. Because you know, I can take up the whole show.

Candace Patrice 1:53

Um okay. Wait, how I'm doing, you're saying to chill? Yeah, okay, okay, okay. Last two, you know, the last two weeks, I will say this. I've been putting some really good food in my body the last two weeks. Um, I've been caffeine free, and I have had an excellent amount of energy. I'm like, where do all this energy come from? Where I thought I needed coffee and I didn't. So I've been having like herbal teas, water, um fruits. I'm I'm really stuck on this apples and peanut butter right now. Like on a regular basis. I love me some apples and peanut butter. Um and I've been doing the natural peanut butters, so just peanuts and salt, or peanuts and no salt. I know, right? I can't believe it. And I have found one or two brands, because I've tried like four or five different brands that are really good. They have this creamy consistency. So I didn't I tried a natural peanut butter in the past, it didn't really hit. It was like thick and ugh. I was like, where's the gif? With all the sugar and things. But then I don't know if it's just another time they're making the more brands are making the natural peanut butter. So there's like a thick oil at the top. Once you stir it in, you put it in the refrigerator upside down and it keeps it creamy. So there's like one or two that has this really nice creamy consistency and flavor. I'm like, how y'all just putting peanuts in? And I guess the salt makes a little bit of a difference with the non-salt. Because when it's non-salted, I can it's not as great, but when it's salted, I'm like, ooh, I almost thought this was Jeff. Y'all tricked me and I'ma stick with it. So I like that. Changing the peanut butter over. I made uh vegetarian chili. That was really good. Oh, it was so good. That was really good. So what'd you put in it? Um black beans, it was a zesty pinto bean, um, roteo dip, because it has the put the tomatoes and the peppers in it. Um, onions. Mushroom did I put mushrooms in it? I don't remember. I think I might have missed the mushroom on this one, but I will when I do it again. Onions, corn, and then seasoned it up real nice. It was so good. It was so good.

Janet Hale 4:44

I know for me, uh I'm starting to eat more whole food, because you know, being vegan is great, but being vegan, we still can mess some stuff up, and so I was really into the vegan ice cream.

Candace Patrice 4:59

Oh, yeah, you were telling me about that.

Janet Hale 5:00

And the bag of chips that's cooked in olive um avocado oil, because that makes it healthy. Right, right, right. And um, and I'm just getting down. I said, whoa, I feel like I'm sure it's about 10 pounds. And of course, you know, I don't bel I don't for me get caught up in a diet. Right? And so, and then I started um feeling the inflammation in my body.

Candace Patrice 5:31

And I was like, You started feeling it when?

Janet Hale 5:35

Um, well, uh back, but I mean when I started getting into who I need to change. Oh, you're saying before, okay. Not while you're gonna be able to do it. No, oh no, no, no, no. I'm saying when I'm getting on this vegan junk food. Oh when I go on that train, because I get on the train, y'all. So when I get on that train, right? And um, and I said, Oh, what am I? And then I go to thinking what to do, what to do, what to do. And then what comes to me is Janet, eat whole food. Yeah. It's that simple. Like, we just not complicated. Life is not complicated, really. And so that's what I've been doing. Just 99.9% of my eating is um whole food. Okay, so I can feel the inflammation leaving. What? I can feel it.

Candace Patrice 6:23

I think this is great to have the conversation about because when you hear vegan, you just automatically associate vegan with healthy, like immediately, right? Because it's like you don't have any of the bad stuff because it's vegan.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

No.

Candace Patrice 6:36

But more things, uh, because I remember you so Friday, last Friday, we went to Zorball's.

unknown 6:43

Yes.

Candace Patrice 6:43

And I looked at the vegan dairy stuff, and you were like, it's all still processed. And I was like, immediately it made my brain kind of realize that I mean, just because it's vegan, it can still be processed. I guess, you know.

Janet Hale 7:02

Uh and even in go ahead. Even in my eating junk food periods, that section I stay away from. Then we gotta have some standards, right?

Candace Patrice 7:12

That's so funny. That's but I did look up like a um, because if something I had made me want lasagna. But then I was like, well, how can I have a vegan lasagna, right? Well, I know people do it. So I looked up ricotta cheese because that's one of the things that makes lasagna real good. But I licked a vegan ricotta cheese. Um I know cashews is the base. Yes. And so when I was looking at the ingredients of some of them, then I was like, okay, there are some things. You just have to check the ingredients and make sure they don't have the other processed things in them.

Janet Hale 7:54

Or make it yourself.

Candace Patrice 7:56

Yeah, I don't have no food processor, it's not happening.

unknown 7:59

I know, man.

Candace Patrice 8:00

Especially cashews and creaminess, because I tried to make a um sour cream like a year ago from cashews. But because I only had the bullet, it didn't blend and get as great as it probably would have a food processor. But I could see how it could be. I was able to see how it could be. Yeah. So yeah. Um, the making it yourself thing is slow and steady.

Janet Hale 8:33

Yeah, when you're talking about things like that. Yeah. Because they that looks really good when they're um making cheese and and they're doing with cash, it's just not of any other chemical. Everything they're making it with, you can read it and understand what it is. Now, in um in um Detroit, you know, I know people are listening all over the world. Um, there's a vegan spot, and I noticed that a lot of the vegan spots have highly processed foods, and I'm a little disappointed. You know, I know I know I go to the books.

Candace Patrice 9:08

So the restaurants or like the grocery stores? Okay.

Janet Hale 9:12

No. Well, you know where I go. That's true. They're good, they're great. Um, but I, you know, I say, oh, when I really want something, let's say that I have a taste for a burger, and I can go there and get the burger, the veggie, I mean the vegan burger with the vegan cheese and the the bread and um and it's and I know when I'm eating it, it's so processing, but it's so damn. Oh my god. But I think about how when we're putting restaurants in the area, it's the fast food version.

Candace Patrice 9:49

Yeah.

Janet Hale 9:50

And why can it not be a fine dining or mid-dining or you know, that kind of thing? Like um uh we'll name a local Olive Garden. I'll just say something like that. Where they have foods that are well, no, they they really don't, but anyway, uh, but it's a lot of fast food when it comes in our areas. It's you know, if we have a vegan spot, you know, you can get vegan fries, and when I get those fries, I say this is not the oil it should be fried in. I know it's not. Vegan fries. I know they're not using it.

Candace Patrice 10:29

Oh, because of the vegan fries are. I was gonna say, when you say that's the oil.

Janet Hale 10:34

I got you. It's the oil. It's the oil. So you're using, I'm sure, regular oil. You're not using avocado oil, it's too expensive. Well, I don't think you are, I doubt it. Um, so I think about those things when I'm on my benches. Yeah. So now I'm on eating healthier, and that is Whole Foods.

Candace Patrice 10:54

Anna's house is good.

Janet Hale 10:56

I wanted to take you there for lunch.

Candace Patrice 10:58

When?

Janet Hale 10:59

For your birthday.

Candace Patrice 11:00

Oh, okay, let's do it. I'm ready. I'm excited.

Janet Hale 11:04

I think I was thinking about your birthday, and I was like, what do we do? What can we do? And with you, time. It's time. Time. Like, I get what we okay, time, but I gotta have time doing something she likes to do. And I know you well, you like that restaurant.

Candace Patrice 11:30

I do, I like it a lot, and I think they have good food. I think their fool is whole.

Janet Hale 11:35

Um, um, yeah, it's better, but they got a lot of processed stuff there too.

Candace Patrice 11:42

Well, my dish ain't. Yeah, once you see, you can't unsee. Well, the dish that I get, I get the um vegan chipotle ball. Now I'll say the probably the only thing in that dish that is probably questionable is what the meat.

Janet Hale 12:01

The invitation meat. That's the only one.

Candace Patrice 12:03

But it's got um potatoes, I put mushrooms in it, um, onions, peppers, uh tomatoes, and a vegan cheese that's not that's not processed. Because I said it's not. I just it's so good. It's so good. I actually took myself yesterday.

Janet Hale 12:29

To uh Anna?

Candace Patrice 12:31

Yes, to get me is it Anna or Hannah to get that dish. Okay, so good.

Janet Hale 12:38

Well, don't go too many times for your birthday because I don't want you to get them.

Candace Patrice 12:41

That was it.

Janet Hale 12:42

I don't want I didn't have this mama.

Candace Patrice 12:44

Actually, you know what I did do? I actually read the menu, like all the stuff on it. So I have two or three things I'm actually interested in trying that I have not, and I couldn't bring myself to not get what I like. So there's that.

Janet Hale 13:02

They make some of the some good, I know this is not whatever, but they're uh vegan pancakes at the list.

Candace Patrice 13:08

I did see that on the menu, so I'm gonna have to explore that for sure.

Janet Hale 13:12

And they will give you the pure maple syrup, but you have to ask you the other stuff.

Forgiveness Before The Offense

Gym Door Conflict And Anger

Candace Patrice 13:20

There we go. Now that I know it exists, though, because I was looking at again some of the things that were on the list, and I was like, I didn't even know they had this. If you look at the sides, some of those sides are like, okay, cool. Let me throw this in. So uh, even like some of the bread, you know, they asked you about toast. I didn't know they had a cinnamon bread. I'm going to get me a piece one day. It wasn't yesterday, but I will get me a piece. Um, but with all of that said, I do want us to jump into our actual topic today, which is about forgiveness before the offense, letting go of the need to be right or justified. Okay, so this topic for me is actually something I need because I don't know. As of right now, I'm finding a need to be right, to be justified, to show things. I was sharing with you earlier about what happened at the gym of my apartment complex. Um, and I'll share with the guest as well what happened. So we were at the gym, it was me and my daughter, which is connected to the lobby of the main office. Lobby hours are like from 10 to 5 or something like that. So we were here, I want to say it was about four o'clock. So I go in, I do 10 minutes every day for consistency because that's what I decided I was gonna do for 2026. Uh, so at some point while I was on the elliptical, maybe about five minutes, five minutes in, maybe, umari wanted to go to the other side. So there's a glass door and it's locked. Now they leave the door locked because what I was told is that people forget to lock it back when the office is closed. So we have access from an outside door to get into the gym, but there's another door to get to the main office, too. So Kamari knocks on the door. Nobody came. She knocks a second time. The lady comes to the door, and the first thing she says is, Can you not knock on the door? We have meetings. And Kamari goes, Oh, I'm sorry. And she's looking at me, then she looks at Kamari and she goes, Oh no, it's okay, sweetheart. She proceeds to let her in. Now I'm fuming at this point because of the way in which she came with the can you not knock on the door? Now I'm sure her intent may not have been, I don't know what it was. Girl, I'm saying, I'm sure that is story. I'm sure I'm gonna give benefits of doubts, but I was still upset. And so um she came in, Kamari came back in, had a bag of chips, and they came back and they locked the door. Kamari goes, Well, that was rude. And so um at this point, I got about three more minutes left on elliptical, but I'm upset, so I decided I'm gonna go have a conversation with the lady and let her know how things made me feel, how I made Kamari feel. Because she said it made her want to cry the way she said it the first time. Um and so I found myself wanting to be right about the things. One, the gym is supposed to be accessible from the inside to the outside from the lobby. The only reason it's not open is because of someone not doing what they're supposed to do. Um and then thirdly, how you just not gonna speak first and just come straight at don't knock at the door with that snappy, snarky self. I ain't like it. Oh, and then, yeah, and then hit me with the when I did come to talk to her. I'm sorry. Um, that that that's not the way I said that. I said you can run them cameras back if you like. She said, Oh, yeah, there are cameras. I said, I know. Now run it back so you can see exactly how you said something, um, how it came off. So she goes. So we talk a little bit. Kamari says how she feels, because Kamari had to come in with me for some reason, because I ain't want her with me, but here we are, because my emotions wouldn't let me pause long enough to come back a little bit later. I was like, this has to be said today, right now, so nobody forgets. I don't want her to forget how she said it. That's me again. I'm feeling the need to be right. I'm feeling the need, I feel justified. So even then, when she's oh, I'm sorry, no, that I'm sorry you and she's giving me that nod, like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Y'all, as much as I love God and I know the right thing to do, I wanted to slap her. I will be honest, my my my body didn't feel good, it only felt anger. And then she goes, Well, how about I have the manager give you a call? I said, I think we resolved this. No, your feelings are valid. I'm gonna have her give you a call.

Janet Hale 18:10

Yeah. She did the candice on candy.

Candace Patrice 18:18

Yep, and I, you know what I said to her? I said, you know what? Yes, please have the manager give me a call. I have no problem with that. Here's where she fucked up. Yeah, I said, fucked up. So the week before, I needed to have maintenance come in.

Janet Hale 18:33

Too bad they don't see me.

Candace Patrice 18:36

I had to have maintenance come in. So she took the order request and she says, I said, is it possible for them to come on a Friday? She goes, Well, we only do appointments on a Thursday. Now, I don't let maintenance enter my house unless I'm here because of something that happened a while ago. They entered our homes at 8 p.m. at night without the notice, and then was like, oops, no, wasn't cool. Neighbors had eight kids at home alone. That's not cool. They couldn't do that. We ain't like it. We was pissed. So no one's allowed to enter my home unless I'm here. So it goes, well, we only do appointments on Thursdays. And they have this time block from like um 10 to 12 or 9 to 12, 9 to 1, something like that, and then 1 to 5 or 12 to 5. Well, I told her I wouldn't, I, you know, I could get here about four because she put that request. We can't bend the rules for anyone. I said, All right, then I'll do my best to be here. Meanwhile, this day that I'm telling you about with the gym was on a Thursday, the day I had an appointment, because I took that appointment. And guess who didn't come? No one. So I had to go back to the office after this and say, I just wanted to make sure that maintenance was coming because I have an appointment today. They were here in five minutes. I felt real right and justified in that little part. And I have not spoken to the manager, nor did she give me a call. But this is what happened. So I am struggling with this need to be right and justified with my feelings. And y'all know I don't like feelings, but they made me feel. What you got to say, mommy?

Janet Hale 20:06

I don't know if I should be happy that you had this experience.

Candace Patrice 20:11

You can be.

Janet Hale 20:13

Or want to go fight these people for you.

Candace Patrice 20:17

You know, I feel like you might want to come fight the school. I'm conflicted. Because I got a meeting on Monday if you want to hear about that. You want to jump into grandma mode?

School Frustrations And Needing Proof

Janet Hale 20:25

Oh, you know, I well, okay. What meeting? What? Okay, anyway. See?

Candace Patrice 20:29

Tell me this. Because I got a what? Listen, what's going on? I got I'm getting rules and things at the school as they come up. I ain't never seen a syllabus with none of these rules, and I'm feeling like people picking on my little child, okay? The little girl in her class that, yeah, the teachers just be like, anything commercial, dude. She just gets in trouble. It doesn't matter. Anybody could be doing it, but if she does it, she's in trouble. I said.

Janet Hale 20:53

Wait, you heard that with your own ears?

Candace Patrice 20:55

Yes, from a kid who was just speaking because she wasn't, there was no prompting. We didn't ask. It was just, she was talking about the school. I said, if this is coming from another kid in her class, then it's got to be. This is not all about much. And the mother telling me about the things that the policies are different for her than they are for me. I'm like, what is happening here? We're gonna have to justify some stuff. Somebody's gonna have to make it make sense to me because it ain't making sense. I need to see things in black and white. Show me the handbook, show me the syllabus, because these things we should have gotten, whatever this requirement is for turning something in, whatever this disciplinary action is that you guys go off of. I need answers. Y'all, this pod this episode right here is about my feelings.

Janet Hale 21:40

Yeah, let's let this be.

Candace Patrice 21:48

But here's the thing I I I'm identifying my feelings, I'm putting the things in place. Um, and I'm sitting with them here and with you so that when I do enter this place with the people. I would have done all of this work already so that I can come from a level headed place. Because today is not the day. But by Monday, when is the meeting at 10? Monday at 10. I got a little time to decompress.

Janet Hale 22:18

And you said I can come.

Candace Patrice 22:21

I don't know. Maybe not. Okay.

Janet Hale 22:25

I need to know ahead of time because I need to schedule some things around my day.

Candace Patrice 22:32

So, how do you feel about the right? The need to be right or justified? What's your experience in this?

Janet Hale 22:40

I have many, but um.

Candace Patrice 22:46

And let me lead in with this. I remember Oprah saying, Do you want to be right or you want to be happy? All right, let's go.

Janet Hale 22:54

Yeah, I used to think that too, but I I don't quite see it that way anymore.

Candace Patrice 22:58

Okay.

Janet Hale 22:58

Because, you know, sometimes you're still not happy, whether you're right or wrong. But um the need to be right. What I've learned about the need to be right, Candace, is sometimes I'm right anyway, and I'm just not gonna tell you. I'm not. I'm gonna be like, I know that I'm right, but is the battle worth it? I know. Sometimes that's it for me. Is the battle worth it? Now there are times that I look at things a different way and go, oh, okay, well, you know, all right, I give it to you. I look at it a different way. But there are times that I'm like, nope, I'm correcting this, but uh, do I need to battle for you to see it my way?

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Mmm.

Janet Hale 23:46

And that's where the challenge comes in and my maturity. Yeah.

Candace Patrice 23:57

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

The battle.

Candace Patrice 24:00

Yes. I feel like I I feel right, I feel justified, and I I started just with trying to prove to say my point, and I feel like I've entered a battle. And now I'm here. And the battle's gotta be, it's got the the war has to be played, the game, you know, the things have to happen now. Um I just don't know what I'm coming to battle with. Am I bringing the guns or am I bringing a rock like Goliath, uh like David and Goliath?

Janet Hale 24:42

You said something we were talking, I don't know if you did this, said it on the podcast, but you said your opinion is direction. What was that you said?

Candace Patrice 24:50

My that was on Instagram. It was a question.

Janet Hale 24:54

But you discussed it first. We did discuss it? Because when I saw it, I said, Oh, she put it on there.

Candace Patrice 25:01

You and I but go ahead, tell me what it is. I think it's my my opinion is someone's direction or something.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Let me see.

Candace Patrice 25:09

Um my opinion is a direction. Yeah.

Janet Hale 25:15

Yes, yes, just that simple. Yeah. And so when you talk about, you know, I've got to say it, and it becomes the battle, I'm learning to catch myself with that one. Yep. Because it can become once I said what I said, now now I'm in the now, it's my job to convince you. I find that to be the case with me sometimes. I just told you, now you need to really get on board right now with me. And if it takes 20 minutes to an hour for me to convince you, see, there's the battle.

Listening To Understand Before Responding

Candace Patrice 25:50

Yes. Great thing that I learned when uh reading the Eighth Habit. Uh Stephen Covey talks about um, oh God. Um, I don't remember. Oh my god, just that quick, such a fleeting thought. I don't remember. Oh my goodness.

Janet Hale 26:13

Yeah, so you know, um that whole thing about the to to be right or to be happy or and all that.

Candace Patrice 26:22

Nah, something I remember.

Janet Hale 26:24

Sorry, yes.

Candace Patrice 26:25

Come on. Um, when you're the process of understanding is to listen until you can relay what the other person is trying to convey to their satisfaction. I think that was the key point that was in when we talk about communication, and it's like, well, I heard what you said, and it's like you're explaining some parts of it, but it's not to the full satisfaction of understanding. You're not supposed to defend or talk about any of your parts, it's literally just hearing and understanding it from their perspective to their satisfactory. And I think that doing it that way isn't saying I have to convince you. It's just I want to make sure you completely understand where I'm at with it. And what happens, at least based off of um his research and his teachings, what happens is that once two people come to a full understanding, the solution is already there.

Janet Hale 27:25

Okay.

Candace Patrice 27:26

So I was I like that. I and I can see because even looking back at certain things where I've had to do that and getting to that end conclusion, is like, oh, so this really isn't a battle at all. This was just a misunderstanding sometimes or a lack of interpretation. So, yeah, that's okay.

Janet Hale 27:47

So, so that whole me needing to be right thing, that's that shit left my left me a it's leaving. Um, I think I'm 99% okay with it. Every now and well, I'm not cuz that's too much. I think I'm maybe 80%. I'm gonna that's the honest assessment of it. Because um I know for me, and even when you talked about um their understanding and all that, sometimes I'm not even into that. I'm like, I still want you to understand what I'm saying, you know, and then that would be the end.

Candace Patrice 28:21

Oh, wait. Would they understand from your perspective?

Janet Hale 28:25

Right, like I understand from theirs? Yeah, okay, now you said, okay, I get what you're saying, but what I'm saying you know, I have to watch that. That's all I'm saying. You know, I need to watch that.

Candace Patrice 28:35

Now I would say I have been, I've been able to practice more, not the not the need to be right. But I think in this situation, not even the apartment one, but um dealing with school situations in Camary, I feel like the stakes are too high not to speak my piece, not to put the right or justification in place.

Janet Hale 29:02

So, oh, this is yeah, yeah, yeah.

Candace Patrice 29:05

Come on, come on, come on.

Janet Hale 29:06

So, okay, okay, okay, okay. So with that, uh well, you know, I'm biased and I'm gonna say that up front. It is Kamari and it is the school, and they're you know, they're not right. And so, but I think about when you talk about the stakes being high with her and the whether you're right and all that you're doing. You are right because you're the mother. And she's being challenged, and you're being challenged. And in my head, the best thing is to remove her from that place. But that's not, you know what I mean? Like we have to look at so many variables. We're working, right? What you're working with. It's like, ugh, you know, what do we do with that? And when children are in school and all the things that come with it, and you know, we used to call it the short yellow bus, you know. Um, we used to call all things, you know, we put a label on things. And I feel like with children, they were labeled so quickly without a clear understanding of who they are. Right? What are you doing? And so um the uh the stakes are high, but I don't know that you can change it.

Candace Patrice 30:30

You know, I think about even if you change a situation, you still don't know if the next option is going to be the best.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

That's true.

Candace Patrice 30:40

Like at the end of the day, it's it's being winged and it we're living it with the intent to make the best decision.

Janet Hale 30:46

Kamari needs to go to a hippie school with the wild grass, wildflowers. Yes. Um, and I think not just Kamari, I think most children should be able to learn in that environment. That's what I think. But am I right? There you go.

Candace Patrice 31:08

Right? Right? It's the shit. You know, I I've realized I also like, I think I stop saying a lot of right and just say, I think I told you to share this before on the last podcast. Instead of saying whether someone is right or not, whether, like, but you're not wrong. Like it may not be right in my book, but you're not wrong.

Janet Hale 31:30

Yeah, I think I think sometimes we're arrogant with that shit. Well, you might be right, you might be wrong.

Candace Patrice 31:35

Whoa, we just say what that's why I say, like, yeah, I can't say that unless it's two plus two equals four, I can't really tell you you're wrong. Because your opinion matters and you have feelings, and all of those variables led to get you to the conclusion. Well, here we go. It may not be wrong, just not my conclusion.

Janet Hale 31:53

Oh, she's so logical. I just can't.

Candace Patrice 31:56

I can't right though.

Janet Hale 32:03

Right, though.

Candace Patrice 32:04

Right?

Janet Hale 32:05

I just caught that.

Candace Patrice 32:07

Oh, I just caught that. That wasn't even intentional. Yeah, yeah. We're on the subject and it's coming up. Exactly. But this is, I think, something we have to kind of be conscious of. Our what whose definition of right is right?

Janet Hale 32:23

Yeah, it gets real hairy.

Candace Patrice 32:25

Unless it's math.

Janet Hale 32:26

Yeah, I know.

Candace Patrice 32:27

I can tell you what's right.

Janet Hale 32:29

You love that math, though, don't you?

Candace Patrice 32:31

And guess what? There are multiple ways to get to an answer. So just because they didn't show the work the way you wanted them to, don't mean it's wrong.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

Okay.

Candace Patrice 32:45

There's so many ways to do math. But the answer still comes up the same, so there's a right and a wrong answer, not a right and the wrong way to do it.

Janet Hale 32:57

Yeah, with math, right? Yep.

Aging Into Wisdom And Not Knowing

Candace Patrice 33:00

You're right. My brain put some things together in my head real quick that you didn't see, and that's wrong because you don't know how I got to the answer, but is the answer wrong? Rolling my eyes. Y'all, I've been in big baby mode. I'm sorry, I just don't know what happened. I don't know where the stars went and where the all the things, but I've been a brat. So welcome to the journey, the real journey. And I'm glad to be on it. You know, I think that's my favorite thing right now is the journey. I think we were talking yesterday, was it yesterday? Um I don't know. About how the more I live, the more experiences I'm gonna have, whether they're good or bad, or it's just so much more to look forward to that hasn't happened yet. So much to learn. Like, I'm as wise as I am today, and I feel real good about it. But I'm like, oh my God, in a few years, I'm gonna be so much more wiser, and I'm gonna look back at this age of me and be like, you had some things together, but you still have some things to learn. And it's just gonna be that way until I die. You know, like as long as we keep aging and seeing every day, it's like you're gonna keep knowing something different, you're gonna keep learning, you're gonna keep growing, keep choosing the life.

Learning Religions And Expanding Life

Janet Hale 34:15

You made me think of something. Um And that's the I feel like the s older I get, the smarter I get. And the way that I measure how smart I am is because I recognize more and more each day how much it is I don't know. Because I remember a time when I just knew every damn thing. Oh my goodness. Oh, you know, Daddy may have made it to the sixth grade from the South, Alabama, you know, but he came north and got his family and raised and and you know, held on a job and everything. Mama, I don't know how far she went in school. I don't know know if she graduated high school. I know she went there. Well, our generation, well, I dropped out of high school, but went back and finished up my education. And I remember um felt like I was just so much smarter than them. I'm so smart. Look, I got my education and I'm this and I'm that. There was so much wisdom in those folks. Oh my goodness. That six-year education was smarter than all the college I could have attended. You know? So, you know, the older I get, uh, the more I look at, oh I don't know everything. And I think too, this which makes me smarter, in my opinion, is that I recognize that I don't know and I'm so comfortable or I'm becoming comfortable and not knowing.

Candace Patrice 35:49

Yeah.

Janet Hale 35:49

You know, and kind of like what you were saying, just the whole journey of it all.

Candace Patrice 35:54

Yeah, I like being able to learn whatever I want to learn. Like if I have an interest in something, I get to go study it. I get to go look it up, I get to go learn whatever I want and become my own expert in that if I want to. Nobody's telling me what I can and can't learn. I can learn an infinite amount of things if I want. I can pick up any book I want and learn it. I love that. And I love that I get to do it by my interest. It's like one of the things that um I'm really into right now is learning about different religions and spiritual leaders or um those choosing the love journey. I want to study all of them. I want to, I just add a Gandhi to my list of people to study. Um, and I like to do it using the kid versions first. This is it when I it's almost like the cliff notes. They walk you through the things, the highlights, and it's like, ah, I understand the story. Now I can take that to a different book and hear it and start filling in those pieces with the details. I enjoy that. So I've been um kind of learning the stories of the Quran right now, and how I can see some of the stories and how they they're a little different from the Holy Bible, but then how some of them are very similar and how stories being passed down and translation are a little different. Um, but the message is still the same. Just I know Ramadan just ended yesterday, I want to say it was. But they they go, uh-huh, they go through the Muslim. Um, I hope I'm saying it right, faith, culture has their fasting period, and it's just it this year aligns and last year aligns with Christian's Lent. And it's you know, just seeing how we're all the same and different, and we're all searching for something, and we want to be as great as we can and our lives here for whatever our end thought process is, you know. For some people, it's I'm gonna live this life of heaven. For some people, it's well, here is heaven, and I'm gonna live the best life here that I can, or you know, it's just so many different perspectives and ways, but I I I like just learning more, learning more and seeing how the others did it. And also, I love how they influence each other, learning how so like Martin Luther King choosing to kind of walk out some of Buddha's principles or Gandhi's principles, who was his influencer. I didn't know that Gandhi was an influencer of Martin Luther King until I started reading about Gandhi and you know found that through line. And it's like, what? The world has so much more out here than what we're told to learn or go to work, come home, pay bills, get your kids ready for bed to do it again the next day. That's not life or living. It might be life, but it's not, you know, let me say it's not living, it's not living for me. That's not my standard of living. I want to live a different life, I want to expand it a little bit more, and so my definition of living is expanding every day with more knowledge that I get, and that makes me happy.

Janet Hale 39:16

Yes, baby. Ah, I feel so motherly in this moment.

Candace Patrice 39:21

Oh.

Janet Hale 39:23

Because I'm listening to you, I'm watching your expressions, I can't see you, and you're just talking and going and everything. And I'm watching you, and I'm thinking, when you talk about, I'm able to learn what I want to learn and what I choose to learn it, and I'm thinking about how life is gonna teach you some shit. Oh yeah, and I'm already for that too. Right, right, right. But I'm listening to you, and I'm going, uh-huh. You know, life is life, life with life is life is gonna uh I think life teaches us things sometimes we cannot articulate. Yeah, I'm excited, and so the the the mother in me reminds me of a time when we were hanging out at grandma's house, you know, Mark Twain, hey, and a multi-generational home and everybody there and all that, and so the women were sitting in the living room, we were talking, we were married, girl. My husband is, and I don't we just knew everything. And grandma was sitting in her chair, quiet, never saying word, and we were just going, and something I looked, and I went back to talking, and then I looked, and when it was over, I said, Grandma, I bet you watching us thinking, those girls think they know stuff, and we did, and we did, but the knowledge and the all the stuff was sitting in that chair, just watching us, you know, watching us process and figure things out, yeah. And that's actually that's a moment, that's a moment that I'm having with you right now. It's a loving moment, by the way. It's very loving.

Candace Patrice 41:09

When you say life is going to teach me things, I know. I feel like even how I feel today is a part of life giving me something. I'm learning from I'm in it right now, so I ain't learned the lesson. Yeah, I got to go through the things and put the stuff in, you know, I gotta mess it up a little bit so that I can be like, ah, I see I can look back. I mean, as much as I want to prevent doing all right the first time, I understand that's just not the reality. I lay a blueprint to how I want to try to handle the situations, and I know that life is gonna do whatever life does, and I'll take that and learn from it. So that's the way I am, I think about it. And I know some lessons are gonna be harder than others. Some of them is gonna take longer to get through. Um, and that's to me part of the work I try to do for myself now so that when they come, I'll be able to have the tools to get through a little better. And I'm not saying it's gonna be perfect. I might crown the flow of most technology.

Janet Hale 42:05

And it may not be hard. That's the thing. And it may not be hard. Some of some of them are gonna be hard.

Body Holds Stress Deep Tissue Release

Candace Patrice 42:10

That's why. I mean, that's that's kind of like in my mind. Some of them have to be hard just in order to get the result, like the pressing of the oils or the diamonds. Like, it's the same thing, it's just a matter of how we we take that pressing. I had a deep tissue massage last Saturday. And I don't like deep tissue massages, but she did ask me, is there anything that you you know you're dealing with? And I was like, I don't know. I just know I got these emotions. They red and I don't know what to do with them. I'm sure they're in my body. She touched me and was like, ooh. She said I was so stiff.

Janet Hale 42:47

Was it hips?

Candace Patrice 42:48

What was it? Everything from the neck down to my um, I was it was a chair massage, so neck to the my um hips. And she said the there's something called fascia between your skin and muscles.

unknown 43:01

Okay.

Candace Patrice 43:01

And apparently, when you get massages, they should be able to feel your muscles through your fascia. She said it was so thick she had to work through she couldn't feel the muscles. Um, and then there were some kinks, and we heard some popping a couple times, but I could tell she knew what she was doing. So I allowed the deep tissue massage so that I could release it. Whenever you allowed the popping, all of it. Because I know I know that our body holds on to things.

SPEAKER_00 43:23

Yeah.

Candace Patrice 43:23

And so if I wasn't willing to release it, then it was just gonna be in me. I'm like, even if she can't get it all out, something can be released. So let's work, let me let her work within her realm of expertise and let me be the one to release. And so that's what that was. And it was it was beautiful. Just I don't even know why I brought that up. Maybe of just life, body, I don't know.

Janet Hale 43:47

It was a gift to me.

Candace Patrice 43:49

So Okay. It was beautiful. I would let I would totally let her do it again, um, even though I don't like deep tissue massages. It was probably about 20 minutes because she worked on my back. Um And I listened to Andre 3000 Flute CD while she did it.

unknown 44:05

Oh my god.

Closing Thoughts And How To Engage

Candace Patrice 44:06

Nice. It was beautiful. It was so beautiful. Anywho, we gotta rap soon. Um we gotta rap soon. We gotta rap. Um we we're talking about being right and justified, and we got to share some of our stories. And I know that at least I would assume there are many people who go through life. I think we're taught to try to be right, like from childhood. Isn't the idea to be right, to get everything right, to get 100% on your papers and your test? And if it's wrong, you need to go back and study to be right. Everything is about being right. So I guess in adulthood, we have to break the stigma somehow. And what how do we maneuver that? Everybody's situation is gonna be different. And what those stakes are for being right and justified. Is it important? Is it worth the battle? And what you going to the battle with? Oh, what you going to battle with? What I'm about to come to this battle with what tools got me a therapist, parents grandma might want to jump in, but I don't know. She was a little chill. Who's grandma? You, you the grandma. Oh, you're talking about Tamari. Your claws come out. I don't know how how you you do it nicely. You are absolutely correct. I'm very professional with my daddy. How dare you? Exactly. So I'm not sure.

Janet Hale 45:38

And that's that's justified. I must say, that's so justified.

Candace Patrice 45:42

That's what?

Janet Hale 45:43

Justified.

Candace Patrice 45:44

Oh my god, y'all. We're gonna end on that note because if you can end the show with with justification, yeah. I don't even know what to do from here, you know. Did you have any last words that you wanted to give to people, any wisdom that you want to drop on them real quick?

Janet Hale 46:08

I appreciated this uh this day and watching you just being candice. Also, what they don't know is to have some time with Kamari. That's really special to me. And um really seeing her, I always see her, but you know, for her to let me see her, and I don't mean just on the physical level, people who are listening. I mean something that Kamari and I know what the hell I mean. How about that? So um that was a gift. So thank you for the gifts that you've given me today.

Candace Patrice 46:52

Oh, I love you. I love you. You're so sweet. I got a mama, y'all. My brother's in there. Everybody ain't got a mama.

Janet Hale 46:58

Until she's mad at me.

Candace Patrice 47:00

I still got a mama then. I'm gonna be mad when you say that. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 47:08

Yes, that's right, thank you.

Candace Patrice 47:11

All right, you guys, follow the show, send a text if there's anything you want to hear, if there's anything you like, if you want to share the podcast with someone else, please do. If you are AI who's listening in, well, go ahead and put a follow to and go leave a review somewhere because that's what I know that's what y'all be doing in here. So, hello AI, how you doing? Hello, hello. Be speaking to YouTube. Come on through, all right, guys. Remember to always love hard, forgive often, and laugh frequently.

Janet Hale 47:41

Bye, guys. Bye bye.