Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
What If Tolerance Works Both Ways?
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It's Therapy Thursday!
A clear rearview and an open trunk spark a bigger revelation: when life is wide open, you can finally see what’s real. We ride that moment into a heart-to-heart about clarity—the kind that feels like greener grass and easy breath, and the kind that strips away the mask and demands truth. Across five seasons, our mother–daughter duo traces how confidence grows, how faith matures, and how listening becomes a superpower. We unpack the messy, beautiful evolution of our bond, the gifts our guests left with us, and the quiet courage it takes to speak plainly about love, loyalty, and belonging.
We revisit four anchors that hit hard: live now, fall in love, choose friends wisely, fight. They’re not platitudes; they’re practical. Living now shows up in small choices and clean boundaries. Falling in love includes craft, calling, and community. Choosing friends is about survival and tenderness. Fighting is giving your best in your own way—and making peace with the result. Along the way, we explore vegan living as a surprising path to mental clarity, the strange joy of washing dishes with only hot water, and why cleaning the hidden “junk drawers” matters more than polishing the counter.
We also flip the script on tolerance. Who gets to say who is tolerating whom, and why does power decide the story? By reframing tolerance as mutual dignity, we make space for different beliefs without shrinking anyone’s humanity. If you’re craving real talk about aging with pride, organizing the inner life, learning to listen, and choosing community on purpose, you’ll feel at home here. Press play, then share your favorite takeaway with us. Subscribe, leave a review, and send this to a friend who’s ready for clearer skies and a braver heart.
Host Candace Patrice
Co-host Janet Hale
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Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candace Patrice, and joining me is my lovely co-host, Membada, mi madre.
Janet Hale:Hello, hello, hello, hello, Candace. Hello, everyone. Hello.
Candace Patrice:How are you today? Your spirit's really light today.
Janet Hale:Um is it, is it? No, I don't know.
Candace Patrice:In that introductory, introduction.
Janet Hale:When is it heavy? But um that makes sense. I am up. I'm okay. I'm doing okay. Um it's Saturday, and well, okay, it's Saturday. And um I'm just kind of chilling, like chilling like a villain up in here.
Candace Patrice:Yeah. That's cool. That's all good. Life is good. It's getting warm outside, and that's nice. The days are getting longer, and it feels good. Oh, real quick. So I gotta tell you a funny story. So I went to take some clothes to the donation bin the other day. And put them in. They were in the trunk, and I, you know, drove off. I looked in my rearview mirror, I said, man, it's so nice outside. I'm looking in this mirror, it's just clear. I was like, so drive and drive a little bit more. Look again. I said, man, it's clear back. I said, that's so clear that my trunk is open and I can see straight outside. I didn't forgot to close the trunk. And so the mirror, but seeing straight into the mirror to the straight outside without the windows and things, man, it was clear. I might have to get some uh a glass back door just to see.
Janet Hale:That's interesting. You mentioned that. I um hmm. When I have moments of clarity, that's what you reminded me of when you were talking about looking out that back of your car, right? And it's it's so clear, and you're like, it's it's extra clear. Oh, well, I can see that is so clear, and I know when I have moments of clarity, that's what happens to me. Yeah, I'm like, that is so clear.
Candace Patrice:The funny thing is, that's how I felt. I was like, the world feels clear.
Janet Hale:Now, here's the thing um with me with that, is what sometimes things are just so clear that I I see everything. I know. I know I don't necessarily like I don't want to see all of it. Just and so, yeah, because the filter is that you know, it's just like it's clear, there's no nowhere to hide. If that is something that I am doing, I'm not sure. But I know there are times it's like, oh, I can't even partake in conversations that are fake. I find myself, you know, not being rude to people, just like, no, I'm I'm not gonna do this anymore. Where there are times where my tolerance level, you know, I have more tolerance for it. Okay. I so I experience clarity different.
Candace Patrice:So, question before I say what I say. When you see though, does it seem like the lights are brighter and like everything you see is clearer too? Everything's clearer. Okay, so when I experience that, it's as if the grass gets greener, like the joy and the love of the world gets bigger. So you know how you like you can't have fake conversations? For me, it seems as if I'm like torpedoed into love, so I don't have a lot of those things when things are super clear. I know, right? It's but I love the way it feels to be clear, like my whole body is almost like just drifting through, and that feels really, really good. So I looked in my rearview mirror and it was clear.
Janet Hale:That's interesting. I like that.
Candace Patrice:Then I had to close the hatch because everybody can't be all can't be that open and exposed all the time. So now you gotta keep the hatch down. So I know, right? I just that just came to me. That was good, that was good, right? Oh I know, right? My goodies, my goodies, my goodies, not your goodies.
Janet Hale:Oh, but I I think sometimes when we uh when things are clear, and uh for me, when things are clear, it makes all things clear. So, and I and you know, it's all the things are clear, you know, yeah, I do, and although there, you know, some parts of it may be a little uncomfortable, you know, but it's there and it's there for a reason because it's moments of that kind of clarity. It's not like I walk through life every day and I have all this clarity, you know. Yeah, I'm walking in bullshit.
Candace Patrice:Uh-huh. You know, it's like and it's so clear that you actually can see how clear it is, right? That's the I love that. So beautiful, and like you said, even if it doesn't matter what the clarity is, because it's everything. I guess I've been fortunate, and I probably have had those moments too where it's like, oh now I gotta be exposed to all the BS. I ain't feel like it. I didn't, but the ones that stand out are the clarity of joy, I should say.
Janet Hale:Yeah, and we talk about yeah, yeah, yeah. So the the the bullshit that I sometimes see is usually the bullshit that's in me. And and that is the part, see, that's the thing, you know. It's like um, when I see certain things, right? Why do I identify? Why does that strike me in such a way? You know, what what is that all about? What's it all about, healthy? There's a song, okay. And um, yeah, so yeah, clarity, clarity, clarity. Interesting. We had two foggy, foggy days. And here we are talking about clarity.
Candace Patrice:Because through the fog comes clarity. I know, right? You know what also is interesting, and when it's foggy, you can't see anything, but when the fog clears, things feel clearer because now you're seeing again. Now I'm not saying the clarity is there, however, coming from fog, normal clear feels clearer. I'm all right, we're doing good. I like this. So we have been doing the podcast for five seasons. Um, and it started at a different place than it is today. But we've had a good journey. No, we're not coming to an end, guys. We're just having a little recap chat. Because I idea positioned us like, and here we are, gonna end it off strong, but no, but I I wanted to ask, what's your experience been like as the co-host of this show for the last five seasons?
Janet Hale:It has been interesting. It has been interesting because our relationship has gone through many changes, and we continue to show up here. And uh, you know, sometimes I think about when we first started, and I remember some of it on me coming in and uh being the hippie mom, I remember that, and recognizing that she's still in me. You know what I mean? Um, recognizing that when I talk about Khalil Cabron, how that point I'm sometimes challenged by it. Um being your mom and being a co-host on this show and learning how to let go and hold on at the same time. So it's just interesting, just all the things. I think I don't know, was your dad still alive when we started? He was oh okay. Well, that had already happened. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So just all the things, all the different things that resting in myself, Candace. You know, I was sitting today and I I looked in the mirror and I looked at myself. I said 62 years old, and just embracing all 62 years of this, you know, and being comfortable in it. I saw somebody the other day, I hadn't seen in some years, and I looked in her face, and I could see where we both have aged, and how it was a badge of honor. You know what I mean? Like looking going, mm-hmm okay, we're doing this. We're doing this. And so in doing this um podcast for four years, I look back on myself and look at when I started in the middle and where we are now. I thought this might be a new middle in a few years, right? Um and just kind of riding my life out with my daughter.
Candace Patrice:And just riding this, riding it out with you. You know, one of the things that I've seen with you over the course from the beginning to now is you have less fear of what others think of you.
Janet Hale:Good point.
Candace Patrice:About what comes out of your mouth. I feel like you've transitioned jobs and spaces during this time, and where you are today is a much more confident person in self. At least that's what I perceive. Um, and of course, during that time, I would have said you were confident then too, but to see from that level of confidence to this new level of confidence, I can see how it's shifted and grown.
Janet Hale:That's a good you bring up something. Mmm. Whew, I felt that. The thing with being able to observe that, I recognize that I've allowed myself to be vulnerable with you.
Speaker 5:Mmm, okay.
Janet Hale:Right? Uh-huh. Like, just so vulnerable. Like, I'm a woman, I'm your mom.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:And being your mother is enough. Yeah. And so that transition for me, and it's it's it's it's for everything, but the most important part is with you. Oh, but it's with you. You know, so yeah, you know, just even learning how to be angry with you. Like, I'll get pissed off. I'm mad as hell. And I remember I that was hard for me. Yeah. Yeah. So I appreciate you talking about the confidence. Okay. And noticing it. And noticing it. Yeah.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:What about for you?
Candace Patrice:Um, so I would say I personally, over the last five seasons, have gotten more comfortable with being authentic, being more comfortable with just who I am as well, as far and what I mean by that is like um when it comes to the podcast, there was fear. Am I am I gonna be a good host? Will uh the show be good? Am I gonna have these moments where it's just pausing? Um can I can I listen for an hour? As crazy as that is, but can I can I be present long enough to sustain the interview or hold a conversation that's not oh, what was I saying again? Uh, you know, because I do that a lot. So being able to grow in that aspect, which has I think makes me a better coach because I get to practice it here, then go there and hear, hear myself. This has been a great form of therapy, I'll say, because we talk about our real life and we hear ourselves. Therapy is a is about being in a safe space and hearing yourself work through situations and having someone guide you, and we get to guide each other or have somebody else come on and guide us with their ways, and I think we've learned a lot from guests who's come on. Um, and I think one of the guests that stand out for me is Misty.
Janet Hale:I know her, love her, love Misty.
Candace Patrice:Um, she's so herself and so loving at the same time, and I really, I really like that. So that was really good. We've had some really good guests though. Sylvia was really fun too. So I guess I'm jumping into kind of like episode highlights. Okay. Um, yeah, the gold scar whole thing. I really I was digging that. Um, and her story was just that resilience. And I've I'm just learning so much through the stories, the people, how they process, and I think it makes it makes for a greater whole person. So I've enjoyed that. I don't even know if I answered my own question.
Janet Hale:No, right, that's okay. It's okay, and that is okay. It is, it's okay. While you were talking, I was while you were talking, I was thinking, hmm, oh man, we listened to this five years from now. And you know, the um certainty that we're talking and all this shit. I know, right? Five years from now, it's like, oh man, I can't believe I said that or what you know, just that that this whole thing, if it's life, we keep moving on and moving on.
Candace Patrice:Because when I'm 62, I'm gonna be laughing at me. Or I'm gonna be proud of me.
Janet Hale:Or both.
Candace Patrice:Or both. Or both. Because even just looking back at below the ceiling that I've reached today, I'm like, huh, okay. Oh, uh-huh. Those decisions. I was just sharing um with somebody yesterday or Thursday about two of my driving experiences that well, I was young, and I'm glad that I got through two driving experiences that were not the safest moments of driving experiences. Yeah, but I made it too. And you know what? One of them I actually remember getting to the finish line, not not racing, I know I made it sound that way, but the destination. And thinking, wow, that was dumb. In the moment, just in the moment, and yeah, I I think I made a decision not to do that dumbness again, and I didn't, I never did. I know, right? Somebody once said their kid wasn't bad, but they were more Disney bad. I think I had Disney bad moments, like nothing too crazy, but enough to be like, what? You was actually a teenager.
Janet Hale:I was I'll never know this story audience ever.
Candace Patrice:Maybe one day. Oh, I saw Instagram reel, and it was like me looking at my sister. The girl hit the sister and was like about to spill some things that was never meant for mama ears to hear.
Janet Hale:Oh no, you you got your sister on lock. She's on lock.
Candace Patrice:I think we got each other when it comes to certain things, okay?
Janet Hale:Yeah, okay. She's on lock, lock.
Candace Patrice:That's something it's only probably like three things in the whole world.
Janet Hale:But there, but they are there are three things. There are three things. There are three things. I know uh with uh my cousin, best friend, who you know, we didn't speak for many years, and and us not talking, I was never afraid, or nor was she, that the things that we shared would ever be, that we would ever share with anyone else. You know what I mean? It's like, look, I wasn't talking to you, you weren't talking to me. It's all good. But you know, I think that's the true test. That is the truth, but I think that's a character thing too, though.
Candace Patrice:You know, when you when you were talking about that, and you were just you were talking about how the things that we're saying right now we'll laugh at or whatever. If you go back to like the beginning of the few years when you guys stopped talking and how that felt, and what you felt the future would look like, and then you get to the future and be like, Huh, yep, I remember how I felt five years ago though.
Janet Hale:Like, but you know, yeah, that's interesting because when I think about her, I think, and I I kind of share with you a little bit that with her, she was always my friend. I never lost sight of it. I was pissed off, audience. Pissed off. And when Jenny gets pissed, I get pissed. But anyway, so you know that you know, that thing, but I going back, and there's the book by Marion Williamson called The Return to Love. And so with her, it was like returning to love. Do you know what I mean? Because in our relationship, that was clear. Yes, that was clear, that was never doubted. Ever did I doubt that. You know, in other relationships, yeah, it was kind of like with her, it was never ever that. Um so yeah, it's just interesting. And then to come but to go back into um rebuilding a relationship is to understand that we are not trying to go back to the old relationship. Because that is gone. As it should be, it is gone. And so, because I was worried about her, you know. I was like, it could never be that, and I wouldn't want it to be that because we're different people, too much of change, you know? Just like um with this, with our with the podcast. Yeah, yeah, I remember when how we started, yeah. And um, and I miss those dates though, because we were loose, it was something else. If we walk past the what was that I said, you got the man, and if uh naked woman walked past and he that should never whatever bother him, and you should still be good at just all those kind of conversations.
Candace Patrice:Oh yeah, we should we gotta get back to naked conversations then.
Janet Hale:Yeah, and I think so. I think I think um that would be that would be good. Um, you know, I uh yeah, so uh it's a lot into this because I think the relationship with you and I has changed so much, and the audience is not aware, they're not privy, right? To it. Um and I know it shows up for me when we're doing this, and sometimes I think, wow, and me and you you and I had talked about this. Oh, we're gonna look back on some of this stuff and be like, ooh, we were going through some challenges during this time, this period.
Candace Patrice:Yeah. Yeah. I um I think about how in the beginning my faith in was different. It looked different.
Janet Hale:Your God faith.
Candace Patrice:Yeah. Like I feel like I've gone through such a journey where I don't even know that it was I talked much about it or incorporated it much at first. I know when we had um Christina Benjamin on, we talked a little bit about it. Now I think that was like season two, maybe. I don't know. Um, and you know, we would hit it a bit, but as I've grown, it's it's become so deep in just my delivery and conversations now, because it's a part of like where I'm at. Um, and I think even our topics uh are just I mean they shift to where we are, right? We was go ahead.
Janet Hale:Um and I want to use the word religious and uh don't mean the body. Um with you uh deepening your faith. Is that I don't know how to say that kind of thing, but deepening your faith.
Candace Patrice:I mean, we're still us, you know. Oh, okay.
Janet Hale:Oh, I don't know. But anyway, so okay, that for me it helped me re-examine where I'm at with it.
Candace Patrice:Oh, really? What does that mean?
Janet Hale:It just took me back to where I'm really at, where I've always been with it.
Candace Patrice:Gotcha. Okay.
Janet Hale:Because, you know, just watching this and doing all of this and watching you and just kind of going, mm, okay, and this is to for me when we get into acceptance, right? And understanding that we can be of a different belief system and still be respectful of each other, right? And I think um, and I'm learning how to listen and just listen.
Candace Patrice:Yes, that's actually something I've had to tell myself. I want to say two days ago. No, half last night, I went to a um, and I'm sorry I cut you off. This was real good though. Because I ain't listening, I'm talking, but listen, I was at a um, I went to a talk, uh married, single divorce couple talk or something. They had two married couples on the panel, uh, a single woman and a single man on the panel. Um, and it was at a church, and the things they were saying, it was like my insides had a story or a conversation or a thought to everything. And I said, huh, this is what it means to sit and listen. And I was in that position. Obviously, I was in the audience, so it wasn't for me to talk, it wasn't about my experience or my perspective, and it made me think about that in conversations, like it's so easy because I feel like I relate to so many things or understand people, and they'd be like, Yeah, and I remember when I da da da da da da, which you know is me relating, but I'd be like, Man, what happens if I just listen? And maybe it only happened a conversation at a time, but it was something I was very present with yesterday. And I was I would have the answers in my head or the thoughts, and I would talk to myself and I'd be like, hmm, yeah, because such and such and such, I hear you. Da-da-da-da-da. I remember when such and such and such, and it's like all happening here as I'm listening, but I was just at the same time realizing what I wanted to do or what I would have done if I wasn't sitting in the audience, especially during those conversations. Oh so listening, that's where you are. I'm sorry, I cut you off. So you're learning to listen.
Janet Hale:And um, you know, and go back to who I know that I am. You know what I mean? And she's you know, she's kind of cool. I I like her, and I like, I like this chick, like Janet, you're good, you know? And so, huh, huh? I I even called to to get back in therapy, you know? And then, but here's the thing about it, shit, I'm 62 years old. And then I'm saying, look, I have some um, they they have to meet some standards. And the lady's like, excuse me. I said, Yes, they need to meet some standards. The first one is age. She said, okay, without me telling her age, although she probably looked at my birthday. And uh, she gave me somebody. I said, and um, excuse me, but uh how old are they? Oh, she's seasoned. I said, okay, but that's a start. Yes, that's a start, and that, you know, because I recognize for me that I am living in a world or around folks that are not like me yet. Yeah, and I'm very respectful of other people's spaces, but I need to go where people are that holds the space for me. Does that make sense?
Candace Patrice:It does so much.
Janet Hale:Yeah, and so you know, even when I talk to folks who love it, I talked to somebody uh the other day and then talked to them in a while, and they said we were just having a conversation, and you came up, and I said, I did. Yeah, and somebody said you was praying, and then they told the girl, she wasn't doing nothing. She said, Oh no, she was. She was talking. She said, No, if it was Janet, she was meditating to you guys. If it said, if it was, if it was uh, if it's Janet, Janet was meditating to you. What was interesting about that though is that the acceptance of who I am and what I believe, even though it's different from them, right? It was like that's Janet. It was no, she needs to change. It was that's who Janet is, you know, and and that is the thing, you know. Like you said, being comfortable, yeah, the confidence of who I am, but I also need to get in spaces with folks, you know, that believe the way that I do. Because I spend a lot of my time with folks who where I don't share the same beliefs. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Candace Patrice:Um, it does make a difference. That's why I like going into the community that I do go into, the Christian community, because it is, I mean, that's what I like to talk about. That's right. That's what I'm reading, that's what I'm studying. So that's right. You know, it's it's not a matter of exclusion, but it does feel good to have inclusion. Bars, baby, bars.
Janet Hale:That's bars. I don't know what that means, but dog on it, yeah. Yep. Like that.
Candace Patrice:Yeah. Um, okay, sorry. Come on, you need us to get some things.
Janet Hale:You know, you can push, you know, you can pause it.
Candace Patrice:Uh-uh.
Janet Hale:Because I'm getting distracted.
Candace Patrice:No, I'm done. Everybody, I had a moment. Yeah. And I'm not pausing or cutting. So we just made it.
Speaker 6:She's not, she's not, she's not, she's not.
Janet Hale:She's not. So I've adopted a young woman on my job. Or she's adopted me. I'm not real clear how that's working out. She is so, she is so funny when it comes to me, because you know how I am, right?
Speaker 5:Against me.
Janet Hale:But we had a conversation about loyalty. And I said, you know, the folks on the fence. I said, you know, because my daughter, you know, I was talking about this, and she went. Now, this is when she tripped me out. She went. I said, Well, she's always talking about she it wasn't her lived experience. It wasn't her experience. Yeah. Yeah, because sometimes I said you can never meet her. I said, if you see us in the market and I don't care what's going on, you just walk by like you don't know. She said, well, no, no, Janet. I'm just um, I'm just saying, well, because I and so I gave her an ex you know example. And I said, well, what if, and then they stab me, and you know they stabbed me, and then you supposed to just and she goes, You said they stabbed you. But how long have y'all been having a private short sword sword fight? What's her name? Uh-uh, never gonna tell that. So I said, excuse me. She said, No, no, no. I'm just saying, I she said, Well, because I'm dealing with the situation. So wait, no, but here's the thing about it, no? Mm-mm. Because we were someway, she showed me a picture of her best friend. And so I said, She wanted the ones. She said, uh-huh. I said, I have you I have a question. If you had to choose between her and her, which one? She said, No, her. I said, see, you did pick a side. Yeah, sides are picked.
Candace Patrice:Now because of her experience, though. She's had an experience with both of them.
Janet Hale:No, I'm not going there with you.
Candace Patrice:And you know, she probably knows that the likelihood of needing to choose is so low, but there is that minute amount, and rather well because of all of the variables.
Janet Hale:I agree with that. But here's the thing I get that when you're finna talk all that stuff. I get that. But here's the thing: she's she's willing when it came down to making a choice, the choice is clear.
Candace Patrice:Well, yeah, we all have to make choices in certain sense sometimes. It all depends on all of the variables on what's included, you know.
Janet Hale:So that's yeah, so it's interesting. Yeah, it's interesting when um her and I, you know, chit-chat and and and talk, she shares some of your, you know, she reminds some of her thinking is like yours, but 99% of it is like mine.
Candace Patrice:99 oh 0.9. Hmm. So you're saying out of the hundred conversations that you guys have had, say that again, out of the hundred out of a hundred conversations in which you guys have had, less than one of them have equated to something that reminded you of me.
Janet Hale:Oh yeah, she's more like me and your sister.
Candace Patrice:Right. So only one out of a hundred conversations do you go. That kind of reminded me of Candace's thinking.
Janet Hale:Well, she she loved cats.
Candace Patrice:Uh-huh.
Janet Hale:Remember?
Candace Patrice:Oh no, thinking.
Janet Hale:Thinking, yeah, yeah.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:She's more like uh less than one conver one you you you stuck on numbers, does you see? I just need to know because you said 99.9%. If you never want to get her attention, don't talk about emotions, talk numbers.
Candace Patrice:I just I heard you say 99.9. I just wanted to make sure that we could fact check that.
Janet Hale:Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Candace Patrice:I'd love to be able to go in and debate something with a number. Who who allowed us to do this? Such a beautiful thing. Numbers, huh? This numbers are loyal.
Janet Hale:Uh uh, no, no, they are. You had to use the word loyal though?
Candace Patrice:Because numbers are loyal. Because you you know, we talk about loyalty. I'm loyal to the numbers. I told you I could turn words into numbers. I'm loyal to the numbers. Yep, and numbers do not change. You cannot change the numbers are facts.
Janet Hale:Numbers are facts.
Candace Patrice:Boom. You see what I'm saying? There we go. That's the answer to all things. Um, so Eric Dane died two days ago. Right? Um, he had ALS, and he made a video for his daughters, which is on Netflix. Sorry guys. Oh, wait, sorry guys. Um, but he had four important facts in his video, which were right here at the top when I last checked, and now they're no longer right here at the top, so I can't really tell you guys. But it has something to do. No, I'm looking, I'm looking at it. It was just um it all four of them were right here in one of the comments, right at the top, but it's not right at the top anymore. But it was um, oh, here it is. Four things he left us, left his daughters with, left us with is one live now. And I think this is these four are kind of great staples for the podcast right now. Like we might have to incorporate this into our mission statement, you know what I'm saying? That's how I feel. Okay, so one, live now, live now. Two, fall in love with something or someone, fall in love. It's the things to do in your lifetime. Three, choose your friends wisely, and he talked about how um you know they'll be there for you. Your friends will help you survive basically. Um, and number four was fight, fight, fight, okay, and fight with everything that you have, fight what you believe in, give it your best fight. Um, and you know what? Fight. I don't know why that one's standing out. For your everything, but I will say fighting your fight your way is the greatest way to win or lose. When you've given it your all, and whatever the outcome is, is that outcome? It feels good to have that outcome because you know that you fought your hardest.
Janet Hale:When I when I was listening to that thought about if I were to die today, what would I leave with you? Right? Like if you say, Whoa, mom, what would you what are some of the things that you would say? And for you, what I would say. Understand that you belong. Just understand that you belong. There's no need to force yourself to be a certain way. No need to force anything. Just know that you're enough where you are right now. That's in all things. I think no, that is a thing that I would say to you if I were to die today. So we'll catch me next.
Candace Patrice:What to do to die today at a minute or two to two? A distinctly difficult thing to say, but hardest thing to do. I don't remember the rest. Well, okay. Why that advice?
Janet Hale:Because I see you. That's why.
Candace Patrice:Okay. Cool. All right. What would you tell your granddaughter? If you were to die today in a minute or two.
Janet Hale:I would tell her the same. I would most definitely tell her that. Most definitely, that she is enough. That she is okay. And that she now you mentioned fighting, and she does not have to fight. Because I see her as someone who's well, I don't see her a lot, but she's just someone who I don't know that she necessarily believes that she belongs. I think she's sad. I think she's angry. I just want her to understand that she is enough. She doesn't have to put up any guards or just to be who she is. Whatever that is. You know, and even if anger is a thing, because we all have it, for her to be able to, you know, feel it. I know the other day I was in here and would thought about something. I was so angry, I'm just sitting there by myself. I said, oh shit, I'm angry, and I can feel it. Angry. Yeah. And I had been holding that anger for so long.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:Whew. So I'm saying that for my granddaughter. I would like that for her. Because she's she's a whole 10.
Candace Patrice:A whole 10.
Janet Hale:She's a whole 10.
Candace Patrice:And um a 10-year-old who'll be starting a period one day.
Janet Hale:Yeah, that's a whole nother conversation. But yeah, that would that would that would uh that would be my thing. That my my um my words to Kamari.
Candace Patrice:What would be your words to your family, the like lineage, if it was like this is the last message from Janet.
Janet Hale:That's that got emotional.
Candace Patrice:Okay. Well, let's do it.
Janet Hale:Well, we can take our time now. I'm gonna take my time now. Yeah. My worst, and I'm I'm assuming you're talking about who's left, right?
Candace Patrice:My sister's yeah, and who's to come. Who's left and who's to come.
Janet Hale:I don't I don't I don't know about all that. Because at some point we all die off. But um I think my thing to That's what I meant.
Candace Patrice:Who's to come, meaning birth.
Janet Hale:My my thing to them would be I've always loved you. And that's it. Cool. That would be it. I've always loved you. Cool.
unknown:Yeah.
Candace Patrice:So you have been on a vegan journey that began during our shooting. This is one of those changes that happened. I know, right? Yeah. Um have you noticed a thought process change since you've been eating different? Either the way you experience life, has he have you noticed any of it linked to the way you eat?
Janet Hale:Clarity. I think I'm clearer. And I think, and I don't know if this has anything to do with my diet, but I it I attach it to it. Uh-huh. And I'm more honest. You know what I mean? Like I'm honest about my thoughts. I'm on it's something, it just seems cleaner. I seem I feel cleaner, you know.
Candace Patrice:Fake food equals fake thoughts.
Janet Hale:See, I didn't put that together, but that makes sense.
Candace Patrice:Fake food equals fake thoughts.
Janet Hale:Makes sense to me. So um that and the way my body functions, you know, all of us function is is smoother. You know. Um, and I tie my veganism into religion. It's been it's so interesting.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:Wow. Like, mmm, mm-mm. It's just being okay. And I and that I think that ties into my age too. Just it's not a good thing.
Candace Patrice:Do you feel better at 62 as a vegan than you did at 58 as a non-vegan?
Janet Hale:Of course.
Candace Patrice:Okay.
Janet Hale:Of course. But it's not so much the physical part, which is interesting.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Janet Hale:Yeah, that's that's an interesting thing. Okay. But um, as far as mentally, I I feel better.
Candace Patrice:Would you say that go ahead?
Janet Hale:No, you go ahead.
Candace Patrice:That eating hold on. Okay, you feel better, not physically. Um that eating better allows you the mental clarity to grow internally.
Janet Hale:I don't know, that's that seems a little deep. I don't know. What I do know though is the way that I eat, I can wash my dishes with just spoiling hot water. And they're it's almost like steaming. Like when I'm in my it's even though the hot, you know my kitchen can be a whole mess. And I'm like, it's so easy just to wipe things down because it's clean.
Candace Patrice:Just for clarity, are we still using dishwasher? Oh we do.
Janet Hale:Yeah you okay we do. I'm just saying there's sometimes I'm like well you know what all I had on here was some braccoli broccoli.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:So wash wash it up. What are we what's all the other stuff for? And so for me it's just things are just different for me. Like just totally wonderful. Just wonderful. And and I'm learning to be messy. You're learning? Okay no a different kind of messy. Oh there's a difference in this messy you're right there's a difference in this messy in in in this kind of messy um because I mean I talked to you before about being able to clean the surface but never clean my closets yes yes and so for me I'm not so I used to be stuck on the surface.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Janet Hale:And now it's you know you know one day Jenny you have to get those kitchen drawers cleaned out. Yeah because to me that beats cleaning off the counter yeah that makes sense it does yeah so that's the kind of the what I'm talking about as far as my messiness. You know it's what I allow to be messy. Because if I if I just let the surface look clean yeah but I'm not cleaning out my drawers and my closets so I'd rather start cleaning out my drawers and my closet and my mail um and then so starting in those areas and not be so concerned about what other people can see.
Candace Patrice:That's literally something I'm working on now too like the minor organizations. You know that miscellaneous pile that got like I don't know if this battery is working or not but I also don't want to throw it away so I'm gonna throw it in this box type of thing or this sticker that I know I'm never going to use but I also just don't want to throw it away and I don't have a location for it. So I'm gonna throw it in this miscellaneous box. Yeah I've been going through the miscellaneous things which takes time because I don't have enough days to do it consistently but it's like as I'm doing it then when things get put back it's a lot easier but also when you go through the miscellaneous drawer or box or whatever mail all the things the more you do it the more you start to do it in real time I'm gonna share something that my your grandmother my mother said she used to um do housekeeping for the wealthy and she used to say we always had a junk drunk drawer growing up she said there should never be a drunk drawer drunk junk drawer in your house why not right well that's why it's called a junk drawer but when I think about you and I'll uh c cousin she does not I don't think she has a junk junk drawer in that in her house well it usually goes in the kitchen I don't I'm telling you go and look in that drawer now look it it always goes she doesn't even have a basement how is she keeping that shit that clean yeah that's that's that's concerned at what is what is she doing exactly well guess what she's doing what we're not doing if she's not using it probably I'm assuming she's throwing it away yeah I'll find a reason to use it later me too I saw a video it was like that one moment when your dad found a um I love that I think oh my goodness it actually happened the other day me and Kamari were doing something and I was like oh tweezers she was um she got this thing at the scholastic book fair and these little tweezers used to come with the mystery ball things and they came with each little pack but I put them up I was like man one day we're gonna need these I got a little container with like little pieces little toy pieces and stuff so this clay set that she had for making like ice cream and stuff it had this little cardboard pieces but it was your fingers would mess up the design and stuff I was like I've got just the thing and I went to this little box and then I came back and I was like will these work and she was like they're perfect and she was using little tweezers and instantly I thought about that video with that dad who came back with that little wood piece and was like I've got just the perfect piece that has happened to me more times than I like to admit but yep I can actually go back to math and kamari be like I don't understand this six oh let me tell you what else I would tell kamari be nicer to my daughter she's really not that mean she told on herself she told on herself and I got a wait and I got an attitude I was like now she could have did that just to be pushing my buttons and it worked she is actually a little sweetheart okay she's so kind to me don't tell her be careful what she's telling people now that part look now that part because look yeah she be trying to get around how is the how is Kamari Candice she alright she in there we at the office so she is in another room she was just in here but she wants to try to keep her in another room so she can not loud or disruptive and then I gotta stop and cut which I'm not doing so sorry for the delays for you guys.
Janet Hale:No no we're gonna go and say well I don't know if I want to be on her podcast I didn't hear you what'd you say I said they're gonna listen to this and I don't know if I want to be on her podcast that mm-mm it's fun here guys it's fun here welcome join we love it it is what it is here right because it's fun here it's fun here it's fun it's fun it's fun it's fun I'm enjoying listen my thing is I'm just life doing life with you my daughter and this is part of it this is this is part of the journey and I just want you to be able to look back on this stuff I know because life is about creating the in the moment memories I don't know if I'm getting that deep with it but what this is it's true you in the philosophy everything today everything every day this is how I live life this is how when you stay in the moment you think about these things you know yeah and you go beyond the the conscious thought and you try to tap into the subconscious thinking to believe what's okay yeah I was about to try okay but I did have one of the philosophical moments today and I was thinking about the word tolerance and it was something I saw I can't remember but it was about no no no no no no no no no I like him though I actually like my time but um they were talking about tolerance and I said I think about how that word is used um I'm gonna use religion I'm gonna use the Christian faith because that's what I know mostly about and how the Christian faith would would be tolerant of gays I've heard that before have you ever heard that before you've never heard that not that way but I've seen it and I thought that's interesting what if the gays are being tolerant of the Christians it's just I was thinking like oh I was so deep I'm like we use the word tolerance like who gets to determine who's tolerating who exactly you know and that's when you know me I'm gonna go all the way back to perspective and experience because you're coming from your perspective of what you believe you're tolerating.
Candace Patrice:That's why you know I really like to try to say I a lot of times when I'm talking about feelings and things because or even throw in from my perspective or my experience or what I think because that's all that is if if it ain't a number I know not to have a conversation with you unless you quantify them words just quantify them and I'll so when I'm thinking about the tolerance and I hear you saying perspective but I'm thinking about on a wide scale and I think about you know what's presented it's it so if someone is I'm gonna use the one I just used gay and they're you know the Christians are allowing them and I've heard this well they can come to our church something something something I'm thinking when are the gays going to say I don't want to come to your church right so that that's what I mean by that because the majority sometimes determine who's tolerating who yeah that's what I meant by perspective I meant the person the yeah yeah what you just said okay what I just said I just didn't put an example behind it yeah yeah so yeah so tolerance was my word today when I was thinking about that I was like hmm and I thought about how sometimes I find myself being tolerant of some things and I'm like why am I so tolerant and I and when I break that down I think about because the masses sometimes you know I'm a minority is a lot in a lot of things and I'm not talking about race everybody who's listening candles don't that but um how I'm a minority and and I find it interesting how folks are like well you know we're just gonna cut toler you know Janet does she just like she is and I'm thinking y'all don't even think about what my view might be on this situation. Exactly I have a whole conversation to be had you know that was uh so the reason I had said Mike Todd at first he had did a sermon on trauma and triggers I saw that one yeah and it was like that ain't trauma y'all just triggered what you can and can't tolerate like somebody gotta know that's true that's true yeah that's true I remember that uh huh so that's that's what made me think about that when you just said that all the things all that's well we are at the end wow we did all okay I know right that's that's how it works that's how it happens it was a lot there's still a lot of things we didn't even cover that I wanted to talk about um could you just mention them though like just more of our journey the recap um favorite guest do you have any guests that stand out that you like yeah or not not even guests any conversations that was like oh yep the um tantrums people is it tantrum sex uh yes um they were so awesome for my Freddie and Elizabeth man if we could have had them at the conference I'm just saying the next one just saying they would probably yes actually the next one would be better because it's a co ed okay because now they were my I think one of my favorites because they talked about you know sensuality and they talked about sexuality and they talked about pleasure and they talked about my you know this last conference was because you did that you sparked it and I was like ooh let's do it well now it's time for conference another spark I like this one I like where this is going especially with more than a woman and man breaking the chains and with ooh Elizabeth and Freddie leading the tantra sex experience I know right because tantra is that that sex is less about touch yeah it's about experience right like man come on now it's a soulful experience it's a mmm like you the touch might make you orgasm maybe the look the yeah the look all of that what was your who was your favorite I I think look at oh favorite or closest we can get to a favorite on the spot because I just picked up no that's why I said Misty was my yeah it was my standout um and Sylvia so many yes okay those are my other questions real quick I want to know what else we had on this list yeah yeah yeah oh oh what else I had on my list this one uh oh I don't know that was oh I thought you said some I mean yes there were more but I ain't write them down oh okay I know right hold on okay so let me see um oh what was your least favorite topic you answer that look you had time to think of it while I think up an answer go I didn't actually on the spot oh I know I already know now okay go go well I won't offend the the guests but the young couple okay all right I feel you okay yeah that wasn't a good question we just not gonna um well that's why I said that I don't want you know yeah when you when you led with that boycott it when you led with that I understood that's why I said topic but I couldn't think of the topic I know I know I know I get it though yeah we will not go that route because we've had many young couples we'll never know which young couple I'm talking about oh there that's very true that's very true all right because they all had something to offer you we said least favorite that's all what would you like to see in the future for the podcast what would you like to see more of those are two different questions I'd like for you to have a panel or some guests more than one of women over the age of 60 okay old people haven't got it oh old people that's fine yeah but just to hear us talk like mama surely um just some folks just sitting around like kitchen table talk kitchen table talk that's what we're gonna call it kitchen table talk circa 1942 we're gonna start with the Star Wars they do you know that the kids are doing that these days what's that they walk around and ask somebody they'll say hey when were you born and when the if the year starts in 2000 anything they'd be like okay if you go then hey when you born 19 and they'll play something like Jurassic Park or the Star Wars theme something that ended oh oh the the new one I saw was they'll play um somebody in school with Jesus or something I'm like for real 19 something that old for real y'all really trying it out here I'm still young oh I yeah yeah well I you know for me it's when I have to do my birth date on the computer and you have to scroll down 19 yeah let me go let me yeah that that can get there you know scroll for a minute let me scroll for a minute let me go read a story okay I'm sorry uh okay and then what would you like to wait wait I want you to go back and you answer that question though as well um so what would I like to see different um I would probably more fun more fun I feel like like you kind of said in the beginning well it be the earlier episodes were a little more rounky I guess I would love to see more fun I think that um the whole era of mindset development of self-development of self-care um we got caught in a pocket in a bubble there at least that's how I feel so I want to get out that bubble I want to pop it I want to pop that bubble um and then an episode I probably would like to see oh I would probably like to get somebody real raw um not anybody who's been to school not any coaches just somebody was when we first started yeah because we but somebody I don't know I got you but yeah you know yeah like low key is you said what that I got some you know some ideas actually now that there might yes that brings me to this I know we have to wrap up but that brings me to this um for me because you know it my journey is what it is you know um addiction sobriety well no high school dropout addiction sobriety education da da da da da da da right and I recognize something for me all those things are great I don't take any of that away but at the end of the day I'm just I'm Janet right so I like just recognizing myself as that and I'm and I'm recognizing that I appreciate that more in my relationship with you just being your mom I don't all those titles and all that I don't that should not matter and I don't you know what I mean so when you talk about having somebody come on that's raw like we're not talking about a title just a person mm-hmm yeah exactly that um yeah alright well it's been real it's been real and I'm glad we did this I'm always glad we do this I actually really enjoy this you know this actually this time and maybe I don't know if it's just today or actually a lot of days actually feels like a time to rest and I maybe it's because there is no focus on anything else like I'm not looking stuff up I'm not multitasking because it just cannot cannot hold a conversation you say that while you're sitting at work though but okay well I'm just saying I hear what I said but in this moment I'm sitting in my office so I might be at the place that employs me but in this moment I'm resting in my office shooting the podcast um because it's Saturday and I'm able to do that today and make up the hour in case anybody's listening yes I know how to I can make up the hour y'all okay that is important to say that's important my best no okay so if y'all want to go tell on me that's important to say um but no okay of course guys you can uh go to go to the website to find anything you need essential motivation.com um and email candice fleming at essential motivation dot com you can find mom put her name in the subject line Janetale anything we'd love to hear your feedback we're so glad that you are listening we're glad that you're on this journey with us and we're gonna keep the journey going because I mean the journey's still going the journey's still going all right with that always love hard forgive often and laugh frequent
