Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
From Conference Breakthroughs To Everyday Gratitude
It's Therapy Thursday!!
The air still hums from a room that felt brave enough for everyone. We unpack what happened at our women’s conference where a Muslim practitioner, a Christian voice, and someone who practices magic shared a stage without defensiveness—and why safety, not sameness, made the healing real. The stories that poured out, the tissues that ran thin, and the look on faces walking out lighter reminded us: when people feel held, they release what they no longer need.
From that high-frequency moment, we trace the everyday threads that carry healing forward. Snow the next morning felt like a season turning, and two fearless kittens named Marco and Polo taught us how to enter change with curiosity instead of fear. We talk about service that restores dignity—hotel rooms for unhoused families, turkey giveaways—and how helping becomes a place to practice our humanity. We also wrestle with bringing kids into service: intention, consent, and the heart posture that keeps respect at the center.
Parenting and reparenting meet in real time as many of us teach emotional skills we never received while rebuilding our own. We talk boundaries that protect home, the risk of over-giving, and the relief that comes with aging into acceptance over performance. Then we zoom out to mental health and the power of labels, revisiting the Rosenhan study to ask for nuance in diagnosis without dismissing real care. The practical medicine we keep returning to is gratitude: one line in a journal, one quiet thank you, one mindful breath that anchors the day.
Come for the conference recap; stay for the honest look at community, service, parenting, and the small daily practices that make healing stick. If the episode resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs encouragement, and leave a review to help others find this space. What’s one thing you’re grateful for today?
Host Candace Patrice
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candace Patrice, and joining me today is my lovely co-host and my lovely mother, Janet Hill. Insert track, insert track.
Janet Hale:Okay, hey, hey Candace, and hey everybody. And I'm I'm really liking the vibe right now, even though we haven't gotten stuck.
Candace Patrice:You know, I'm tired. It's been a good day. You know, actually, the better the day, the more tired I am. I think that's a beautiful spiritual exhaustion. You know, like you get to the end of the day and say it was good. It was a good day. Even if you are really tired at the end of the day, all of the things that come with good is worth it. So yeah, I I love being able to explore and experience the full day, and that's what I've been doing. And here we are, wrapping the day with the podcast today, which is really nice, it's always nice. We had um something really nice happen within the last two weeks that we have been gone. We had a conference.
Janet Hale:Yes, yes, we do.
Candace Patrice:We talked about the conference on the first episode and about what it was and getting to it, and it was pretty good. Let me I what was your response to the conference? How did you feel? What were your expectations going in? And how did you feel once you got there, and how did you feel when it was over?
Janet Hale:The the thing about this conference compared to the I guess for me, I was thinking about where I was in my life six years ago and where I am now. Um and so I was just curious. I was more curious this time than I was six years ago. For whatever reason, I felt like I uh I n had a some kind of an expectation then more than I did this time.
Candace Patrice:Really?
Janet Hale:Really. Okay, I was curious about how this was going to to to to look. I wasn't sure about who would be sitting in the audience, although, you know, I knew some folks would be there, but I meant the folks I did know what would that look like. Yeah. Um I so appreciated the spiritual panel. And I know, you know, we had the um mother-daughter panel, which was very powerful. Um and for me to sit and listen to someone from the Muslim faith, someone from a Christian faith, and someone practicing magic. And uh to to watch that, and to know that my daughter, who is a Christian woman, was open to inviting others into a space and making it a safe space. Because I was a little concerned. I was thinking, ooh, let's see how this for them, not for me, because you know me. I'm just yeah, I was so there was a protective thing about me for them in that space, and but they didn't need my protection, you know what I mean? Because you made the space so safe. So so that would be something that I thought about, you know, beforehand. Um seeing uh some family members I hadn't, you know, talked to in a while, had wasn't really that concerned about it. I had some concerns, but not that much. Um, but the impact was so powerful for me, you know. It was, I mean, it was like 10 years worth of therapy. It was all the things. It did so much. Um, and I felt like so many, uh, I know I don't know if I need to answer your question. Um, but the the I felt like the room vibrated at such a high frequency and that we are all recovering from it. You talked about being tired tonight and all the things that have happened in your day, and it's like, well, I'm tired, but it's and you earn this tiredness in a goofy. Right, right. And you know, and I felt that way about the conference. You know, a lot of folk, at least from our conversation, were tired afterwards because it truly was a workout. Yeah, it truly, truly was a workout. Thank goodness you had tissue, wasn't enough. But you did supply the tissue. You did. And um, and I often talk about because you know I cry, you know, I cry, man. I begin my cry on, and folks were crying, and it was no one. I didn't feel walked away with, oh my god, that was this horrible. I cried so much. Folks walked away saying, I'm lighter. Yeah, thank you. And then trying to, you know, realizing they needed to recover because it took time, like we needed to rest and just rest in all the things, and all the things that came up in that space that day because so much came up in that space, and I recommend anyone, you know, like the next one, get your ticket because the room was filled with um different women from different places, but when we were in that room, none of that mattered. It did not, none of that mattered. It was less kid. I'm feeling it already. Look, okay. It was just such a um high vibrational moment in time, and I felt, okay, you guys, I'm not just plugging this because she's my daughter. I just, you know, it you took very good care of everyone. I felt so proud, and this is something I did not say, and I don't know if I did, but what I felt, and I did not say on that stage, that I'm the mother of all of this. Oh, yes, oh yeah, like I'm the mother of this, yeah, and you know, so that was my true, true feeling. And and you said something about playing small. I missed an opportunity. I should have said that. I should have said that. Because I am the mother of all the things that went on in that room.
Candace Patrice:Yeah. Yeah. It was good. I'm glad we did it. I'm glad we saw it through. I'm glad we didn't get scared. What? Why are you laughing?
Janet Hale:Oh, I did because okay, now all right, that's the word scared. And you and I had a conversation, and there was a moment in there when I became a little scared, right? And you said something, and you I don't well, sometimes I mix up my words. I'm gonna tell you how I heard it. Mom, that was the first time I saw you scared. And when you said that I felt so vulnerable, and the thought that I had with that was this you see me, you see your mom. You see me because that's not the first time I've been around you scared, yeah.
Candace Patrice:Okay, uh, I I hear I've heard a lot of great things about the conference and everybody, and they're different. What I love about the feedback is that I've heard people have different experiences of favorite moments. It's not like everybody was like, Yeah, this was the best part. That was, I mean, all around, it's like, well, this part I enjoy, this person I enjoyed, this performance was so good. And I'm like, wow, or hearing how the participants, you know, rather speaker or moderator or um breakout host, their experiences with other people, or how they went above and beyond to help another woman in need in the moment, rather. It was in the bathroom, in the hallway, and right after a breakout session or after the conference. It was like, yeah, you know, everybody just was there to support and offer whatever they had, whether it was words, whether it was a hug, whether it was silence, or they, you know, a joke, whatever it was, people were there to experience and be in a non-judgmental space. And if they had judgments, they kept it to themselves, so none of us knew. But you know what? I will say, I think those who may have had a judgment coming in chose not to come, and that was okay. I think the judgments would have happened prior to coming there. So those who were there already came with an open heart and an open mind and ready to receive a healing, a word, uh anything that they could receive. And we managed to pour a lot, whether it was the entry fee or food or something they could win, you know, it was a lot to say, oh, I have a cat, guys, and the cat was on the screen. Marco was right there. Yeah, two. Oh, so that happened. Okay, so let's talk about post-conference. So conference was great, wonderful. So I stayed at the hotel another night, woke up on Sunday, and there was snow on the ground. Why was there snow on the ground? Because it was a new season. Because whatever we did at conference on Saturday called us a whole new season, and everybody had to see the season, okay? It was winter. And then I got home and adopted two kittens who are four months, um, a few hours after I got done. Like I want to say, by the time the conference was complete, 24 hours almost to the T, I had signed adoption papers. So cool. So good.
Janet Hale:And they're they're wonderful little kittens. I went by and visited them, and they fit in that home so perfectly. They're not afraid of anything. They didn't run under a table or anything. I said, Oh, okay. They are um look like they're at home.
Candace Patrice:They're the best, they're so cool, and they're just them. Like they came in them. No fears, no expectations, just oh, is this home now? Okay. Well, ooh, look at this. What's in that room? Why is that door shut? Like they tell you to introduce a cat to a new home slowly. And polo was like, just open up all the doors so I can know what I'm getting into, please. This is I I just want to see. I need to know. So it took polo no time. Marco was just like, All right, polo, check it out. Tell me what we got. All right, cool. Everything is good. All right, let's do it.
Janet Hale:I was um especially happy for Kamari with um the kittens coming to the house. Oh because go ahead, go ahead, because because she um I think it it feeds her wanting to take care of things. And so she has these two kittens, and uh you guys, when I tell you she takes care of them, she's very protective, which is something I think she's gotten from her mother. And she's very um she she researches to make sure that these uh little kittens are being cared for in the most loving safest way. And it's interesting to watch her with those kittens, but it brings me back to you though, and how you parent and how protective you are with Kamari and watching her demonstrate what she's learned from you is really interesting.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, I like it. I like having Marco and Polo and Bandit because we also have a two-year-old beta fish. Big fish? I said beta fish. Oh he's two, he turned two in this home as of November 8th, the day of the conference is his home birth date. And then November 9th, two years later. I guess November is just a really good month for me. It might be my um my fiscal year, it's the beginning of my fiscal year. 11. Okay, um, okay, that was good. Okay. 11s. I like 11. 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11. Okay. Um, oh, I had speaking of 1111, a friend, Emmy, dropped her album on 1111 and streaming on YouTube. Um, you can go to my self-embodied Instagram page. Yeah. And see her album. I want to let me go and pull it up. Um, it's a visual album. So you can watch her immersive experience on YouTube, and it's called um M E N U. M-E-X-Y-O-U-T. Live. Myself embodied. Um, and it's a really great album. It I love how it kind of goes all over the world. Like it's got hip hop, it's got like this 50s theme to it. It's got it's got um somebody said Earth the Kid. It's got this Eric of Baidu feel. I mean, it's got a lot of feels, but it's in me, you know? And that's what Yeah, in me's a lot of feels. I'm just saying. So that was that's um that happened on 1111. So we had 118 was the conference, 11.9 was adoption, 1110. I rested ish. Okay, it was the wrap-up of some things. 1111 album drop, 1112. I don't know, but we keep going. Just an abundance of great things that continue to happen. And I'm grateful. I'm really grateful. I'm really, really grateful. I've noticed on an abundance of opportunities presenting themselves, and not necessarily financial opportunities, but really opportunities to spread the good news, you know. Um, like there is I got an email, not an email, a message about free hotel rooms on Black Friday, free hotel rooms for the homeless, Friday, November 28th. People living on the streets don't need our sympathy, they need our help, and they'll be giving um renting out a hotel to families for up to three nights and work with them the entire day, providing solid resources that we hope will change their situation permanently. So it's it's not just a way of, you know, not just trying to do one thing to say, look at me, it's like, hey, let's try to get momentum going for the homeless. A lot of people talk about it, but don't really do it. And you can see even in their past post where they're helping people with haircuts and clothes and showers, and I guess I can volunteer for that, and I think that's super dope. I think that's super dope. And on Saturday, I'll be able to go. There's another friend of mine giving away a hundred turkeys and gift cards, and I get to go volunteer for that too. It's just a lot of things that are so cool that make me feel like I get to be a servant of the world and spread love just because I can. Like, okay, let's let's look at this full circle. I was born, and then when did you start working? Uh when I was two.
Janet Hale:I think you were two. Okay.
Candace Patrice:So you get a job at a homeless shelter.
Janet Hale:I was going there. Go ahead. My mind went right there.
Candace Patrice:And then and then here I come just wanting, desiring to help those in need and whatever capacity that I can.
Janet Hale:You know, when when I hear that, and um, and you know, my line of work has always been in human service on some level, right? And when I hear how folk go out to be a service, right, to the needy or however that we want to phrase it, I for me in my mind the folks that you're that I'm gonna use you only because we're talking, that you're going to service, I think you'll probably agree with this, a lot of times they're providing a service to you. Because they're giving you a platform where you can practice your humanity.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Janet Hale:You know what I mean? So for me, I just I have a you know, I changed because I was I've been in so many spaces where it's well, we're gonna help the homeless, or we're gonna help the children, or we're gonna, and I think, okay, how many times have I been in situations where I was taken there or brought there because I'm gonna provide a service, right? I'm gonna provide something, and oftentimes I'm the one that received much more than I could ever give. So when I hear you talking, I'm I'm just thinking about all the gifts you're gonna receive on this channel.
Candace Patrice:I know, right? I know it's so good. Like the all of the encounters I'll be able to, and encounters I'll be able to have genuinely, because I want to connect. Like, if people want to share a story, share a story. If you just want to say thank you, say thank you. If you don't want to say nothing at all, that's fine too. But I get to be here and I get to experience, and if I can serve you, then cool. If not, what whatever you need. I get to smile at people. Like, I don't know, it just brings me joy. It's the little things, it's really the little things, and it's I feel like I find I have more opportunities now. I don't know what it is that opened up the doors of opportunity for service, but there I I see so many more of them now. And I'm grateful to be able to jump into those. And a lot of them, I believe I can bring Kamari with me. And that always makes me feel good because I don't like finding a sitter. I don't like having to do things without her. I don't want to get too busy to where she feels like I'm neglecting her because I'm always doing something else. I think Bob Marley's children had a problem with that. It was like, you know, he was such a philanthropist, but home felt empty for them because they're like, he's always there. Like, yes, we love it. He's doing great. We're here and supporting, but sometimes home can feel isolated or distant when you're doing for everyone else. And I don't want to lose home. So I always try to be intentional with Kamari.
Janet Hale:Yeah, I think you'll find your balance with that eventually. You know what I mean? Um, that that you know, this is I'm glad to be a grandmother and a mother to an adult woman. Because I get to watch your life play out in front of me in real time for the rest of the years that I'm gonna be, you know, doing this, talking and stuff, and you know, being a part of your life, even if, you know, I know you're busy and we don't talk every day, but when we talk, it's intentional. Like we have a impactful five minutes or ten minutes, you know. Um so watching you with on this journey or an hour or two. Okay, so okay, let us and sometimes we are on the phone for an hour or two. Yes, that is true. And so when I was listening to you taking her, um when you go, one of the things, and I'm just gonna put this out here, and this is probably my stuff. Um, I know when I worked in the home with the homeless population, one of the things that I had some feelings about, well, there's a whole lot that I had feelings about, was when folks would bring their children to feed the homeless, and the children were fees feeding grown folk. And how in some ways I don't I didn't see it as being really cool. I I just didn't. It was um, you know, grown folks are hungry already, and they're already, you know, in a p predicament, and then it's almost for me, and I'm not saying you're doing that, but it was like, well, look at these homeless people. You know, these are very privileged folk, right? But look at these homeless people, yes, let's serve them. It was a weird kind of feeling for me when I saw that. It was like, oh, I don't, I don't know.
Candace Patrice:Um I think that it depends on the teaching. Okay, I think, and the desire of the kid. Because if the kid is just there because you put making them be there, well now it's just like I don't know. I feel like there are children who want to show up for a deep reason because they really want to make a difference in the world. There's some who actually feel that way, and I think those kids probably carry a different heart posture, even to the recipient. Possibly, but I don't know. Because I've never I didn't work in that environment, you know.
Janet Hale:Yeah, I wouldn't even put it on the kids though. I don't, I don't put that's too heavy of a loan.
Candace Patrice:Well, when I say the teeth, well, I say the teachings first, whatever what the intentions and the teachings are. But if you do that with a kid who is already like, I don't even want to be here, that's not gonna come.
Janet Hale:I don't know that that I don't think that was, I don't, I didn't feel like the kids didn't want to be there. I didn't feel that that way at all about it. Um, you know, and I I like what you say about the heart posture. And um, yeah, let me know how it goes. I'm I'm curious. I'm very curious about that.
Candace Patrice:Oh yeah, because you know, and I don't know that she'll be with me either, you know? Right. But I like you know, the option.
Janet Hale:And you know, I say what I say, but I also took you to work when I work with the homeless.
Candace Patrice:Oh, yeah, and I had a boy I liked.
Janet Hale:I was about to say, and then you fell in love.
Candace Patrice:My name was Prince.
Janet Hale:You remember the and you named the dog. I didn't know that's why the dog was named Prince. So I just thought that was obvious. But here's the thing with that you were in that environment, but you never saw yourself apart from it, which is interesting. I guess I didn't. No, you didn't say, Oh, well, he's homeless. No, you was like he's cute. He was so cute. He is cute. Um, you know, and I for me, that's such a loving space.
Candace Patrice:I I still tried to find him. Matter of fact, if anybody knows a prince, sorry, Prince, for the uh they would give it a little bit of your background, but if you know the man who was at Cot as a teenager or young kid, I don't even know how old he was.
Janet Hale:No, he was young.
Candace Patrice:Well, he was young. Well, look, he was like a few years older than me, though. So in my if he was at least two years older than me, he was like a giant. He was like, you know, because if I was in third grade and he was in fifth, he had already expanded and been spreading his wings. Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah.
Candace Patrice:Uh and then there was the other, there was another kid there who ended up living on the same block as grandma years later. I don't remember his name, but I was like, oh my god, that was really cool to be able to connect with him.
Janet Hale:Which one?
Candace Patrice:Which kitty cat is jumping away from me?
Janet Hale:Yeah. All right, Polo. Oh no, I don't know why you yeah, so that's that's um interesting to hear that um it is a full circle um event because you were raised um being around you know, the homeless, me working with the homeless and and I'd like to think that because of that it helped you as far as. Hmm, seeing folks is folks. You know, folks are folks, right? You know, the homeless, the drug addict, the recovering alcoholic like myself. I don't know. The teenage mother like I was. I'm just saying, the high school dropout, like I was, and you know, and and being able to be all those things and to flourish. You know what I mean? Like, okay, yep, I was thought, I was that, but I'm gonna be that. Like, I can aspire to be something, you know, get other things in my life and go back to school. Yeah, get all those things and learn how to be a better parent. And understanding, in order to be a better parent, I had to learn how to parent me first, right?
Candace Patrice:Yeah, I I was reading something on Instagram, and I think I shared this with you a couple days ago. How the parents today are learning backwards and forwards.
Janet Hale:I love that.
Candace Patrice:Uh, because of yeah, all of the things that they have to unlearn to relearn or unlearn to learn to teach. You know, it's a forward and backward thing happening at the same time. I thought that was that was pretty good. I'm gonna see if I can find it if I can't.
Janet Hale:I found it.
Candace Patrice:Oh. Read it to me.
Janet Hale:I know I found it sooner than you. What? Go ahead. Read the forest. I sent it back to you. Because I I didn't I don't know if it's gonna make music and then I have to figure out how to silence it. I'm like, I don't know.
Candace Patrice:Okay, it says over 68% of millennial parents report actively trying to reparent themselves while raising their own kids. It's the first generation in history doing both forms of parenting at once. For the first time, parents are raising children with emotional skills they never received while trying to rebuild their own, their parenting forward while healing backwards. I like that. I like that. And there's of course some more uh information on it, but that is I got that from dynamic parents on Instagram, so I can't say that that's the 100%. I didn't I did not fact check it. However, I do feel that deeply on a very uh close level there. So but all new science and new theories are based on studies that are happening now, anyway. So we I had this thought earlier on how we look for validations on our gut instincts. Like, let's say you know you you feel something in your body, and you're like, I'm I'm looking this up because this feels like X, Y, Z, and you do so much research only to find that you were right anyway. Um but you have to, oh okay, I'm sorry. But you have to let me, I saw another book. I don't know now. I just feel like uh I'm getting these posts and they just um validate everything that I'm feeling these days. I don't know. Anywho, there's a lot happening, and we're all learning in real time, and things are changing in real time, and we're in a different era that fosters to our mental health and our emotional well-being and encompasses things that didn't happen before. There was a study done on mental ill, mentally ill patients, and I I can't remember the guy's name, but 20 patients went to different places and went in and said, I feel empty. And so they put them in the homes and started, they did everything else normal from that point on. Each of them was diagnosed with a mental illness, meanwhile, they didn't have actual mental illnesses. Um, they were it was a study to see if the psychiatrist really knew what they, you know. They had prescribed the 20 individuals over a hundred and something pills. And so eventually, I think I think they said they were in the the goal for them was to get out, but they still had to be normal. They said everyone they would write something or they would brush their teeth, they'd be diagnosed with um compulsive habits or something. Like anything that they did, and so once they found out they told them to send more people and they would be able to spot the fakes. They spotted over 40 people who were fakes, but the guy had never sent anybody at that point. Their brains were so wired to looking for the fakes that they had now found additional people who weren't even in the study. I'll send you the the post when I find it.
Janet Hale:That's interesting. But it made me um I was thinking about something when we had the the conference and all the healing that I I'm gonna say a lot of healing went on in in that space. Um, and how we look like now it's we gotta be we're diagnosed with this, we're diagnosed with that. I think I self-diagnose myself with about five different things. And how these things that we're all being diagnosed with is really nothing new. Like kids who didn't sit still, there's still children who don't sit still. And why I I'm just having a thing about how we're taking things that have that's been going on for a long time, we're giving it a new name, then we're giving a a fix, a new fix, then we find out that the fix that they gave us have all these side effects to the fix. Then it's like, well, then you gotta withdraw from that, and you gotta take something to withdraw from that fix. And it's I'm like, this is a whole lot. So uh let me see. And then the thing um for me with the anxiety I think some anxiety is okay. So and this is just me, this is just me, you know, and I think a lot of things, and I I say this because of this last year or six months or whatever, how I had I've sat in so many feelings and let them come up. And when they came, I was like, whoa, and sit in it and just say, okay. And then it then then it passed, and I said, Oh, I I can identify, you know, like, oh, I get that, you know, or when I'm working, when I work from home, and I get on something stressful, then I go, God, I'm hungry. Right? And I go, Janet, I I say this out loud, Janet, what's going on with you? What all of a sudden are you hungry? And so that is a way of self-soothing. So it's just that when we get caught up in all the things that are wrong with us, I'm starting to find all the things that are right. That's you know, that's it is what it is.
Candace Patrice:I mean, I I also found the post that I was telling you about with the psychiatrist psychiatrist. So it says in 1973, Stanford psychologist David Rosenhan exposed one of psychiatrists darkest secrets. He sent eight, huh? See, I got all the numbers wrong. He sent eight completely sane people into psychiatric hospitals across the U.S. Each claimed to hear a single vague voice saying, empty, nothing else. All eight were immediately diagnosed with schizophrenia or manic depression. Once labeled, every normal action, writing notes, being polite, even flushing toilets, was interpreted interpreted as a system of mental illness. The average stay was 19 days, the longest was 52. None were released as healthy. They had to admit they were ill and accept powerful antipsychotics, over 2,100 pills prescribed in total, none of which were needed. Ironically, the real patients often recognized the truth. You're not crazy. You're a journalist or professor checking on this hospital. But the staff, blinded by labels, never saw it. When Rosenhan revealed the results in science, psychiatry was shaken to its core. One hospital challenged him to send more fates. Over three months, they flagged 41 patients as imposters. The twist? Rosenhan never sent anyone. The fallout was massive. Psychiatric reforms, asylum closures, new diagnostic systems, and the rise of patient rights. The chilling lesson, labels can blind even experts to reality. And the line between sanity and insanity may be far thinner than we think.
Janet Hale:So, you know, my treat to myself is to go to the local health food store, right? Take the drive, it's so beautiful. Down Plymouth, you guys, it's from the D the D. And um Plymouth to where is it? Farmington down that way. So uh so when I go in that store, it is like a peaceful, you know, I don't smoke weed, you guys, but it just feels like that. Okay. Okay. I'm just saying. So very tranquil and wonderful. Um so I went into CVS. Hadn't been in there a long time. And what I it was not to offend CVS, do not sue us. But when I went in there, all I could feel was sickness. Oh, and I looked around, I was like, oh my, my, my, my. And folks, and I've been, you know, because I have been sick and I need to be on all the things, right? And I was like, oh my goodness. It's like we're prescribed something for everything. Get in this line and get this stuff we're giving you for this, and again, these are things that happened a long time ago. Like old folks going into these nursing homes. And I don't know, Candice, if you're gonna send me one to one. I don't know. But I remember folks didn't go to the nursing home, Candace. Where they was going? They listen, Grandma's house remembered. Oh yeah. They could go to grandma's house. Grandma would take anybody. She'd be like, okay, babe. You know, oh my goodness. You let them sleep on the couch.
Speaker 1:Grandma, don't worry about they can stay here. We'll be like, Grandma.
Janet Hale:But grandma had a point, and grandma and mama told me this. She said, when they were kids, grandma used to feed the whole balls. So this had to be like in the 40s or something like that, right? And mama said, if they didn't get home in time for dinner, grandma didn't fed the whole balls. But grandma was on to something. Because this whole thing, because things are playing out now, right? Where folks getting kicked out the the old folks, they just kicking them out. And I don't like it. I'm not saying I like it at all. It's just, you know, my time comes, Candace. Who? And I'll, you know, if I have to go, I have to go. But I just remember there was a time there wasn't a whole bunch of old folks' homes or convalescent homes or all these things. We stayed home and everybody took care of you.
Candace Patrice:Well, let me ask you this. You're about to sign the papers. No, I just have a question. Okay. Grandma's home had always been a place for retreat. Where is that home now?
Janet Hale:Exactly.
Candace Patrice:That's why y'all are over there in the merchant homes. Yeah. No. Uh-huh. Let me see. Let me see. On this podcast. Let me see. Are you feeding the hobos right now? Do you have a house full of people who can sleep on your couch?
Janet Hale:Do you? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now I'm getting petty.
Candace Patrice:Depending on the day, I do, actually. Depending on the day.
Janet Hale:And I have. Oh, but I have. Yes, I have.
Candace Patrice:But on the constant, well, you know, when we're talking about the grandma.
Janet Hale:So here's the thing. I say you go ahead and start this home. This is her way of saying, Mom, you're going to the home. But here's the thing.
Candace Patrice:I will build you a home next to my home.
Janet Hale:Yeah, they make the little home. You can have the little you can put it in the back and never have to come in and see you.
Candace Patrice:It'll be it'll be an acre away. Maybe two. Okay.
Janet Hale:I'll take it. Um but I'm what I'm saying though is you know, I remember when a neighbor on our block had a son who had some mental challenge. We didn't even know who he was. We didn't know about him till one day he was sitting on the porch. But I'm just saying folks just took care of them.
Candace Patrice:You know, everybody I was actually just having a conversation about that. And um I was talking to a woman, and she was saying, you know, people are in for a rude awakening because black people don't have anything. It's like we ain't got no land, we ain't got nothing. We ain't got nothing to retreat to. When it comes down to it, people have lost the value of family, of being in community, and you know, we're just having this conversation, and depending on the perspective, depending on the person who you talk to, that is that is a lot of people's truth.
Janet Hale:I don't know if it's black people, though. I think it's a class thing.
Candace Patrice:I say I say it's a lot of people's truth.
Janet Hale:Yeah, okay. Yeah. Oh. Um, yeah. No, no. I'm just thinking about living in the two acres on your land. I don't know. Now I'm, you know, hey. Because, you know, the truth of the matter is, you know, I you're gonna have to come over and say hi to the pigs.
Candace Patrice:I don't care, you know, and the goats.
Janet Hale:You know, maybe you'll become a vegan by that time.
Candace Patrice:Dom also lives on the land, so we have a goat.
Janet Hale:Oh shit.
Candace Patrice:We got a goat. I don't know why we got a goat, but damn it, we got a goat.
Janet Hale:You got no, but well whoa, it doesn't matter if you have goats, but if you stop eating meat, that would be awesome. I can't promise that this is happening on the garden. I understand, but I'm just saying because I can what I'm saying is I can live with the goats and you know I mean, well, you you can take care of the garden. Oh, that would be nice.
Candace Patrice:Okay, cool. Well then I'll call her and we'll see when we can get some land.
Speaker 1:That sounds great. Okay.
Candace Patrice:Everybody get their own acre. And you have to call the next acre to see if they want company before you come back.
Janet Hale:First of all, I don't even want to visit.
Candace Patrice:I'm just I'm just setting some um some land rules.
Speaker 1:You setting land rules.
Candace Patrice:So if it ever come back and they be like, Candace main. Um if you go check season five, episode two, she did say that you must call first. There were land rules that she started putting.
Janet Hale:Are that me?
Candace Patrice:Huh?
Janet Hale:Who started me?
Candace Patrice:I started the rules of knocking or calling. Well, you decided to be on the land, so I guess you really started this. We have land because you're there. So thank you. Thank you for not wanting to go to a home so that we could have land.
Janet Hale:Listen, I'm in my 60s and I'm kind of chilling. Really and truly, I'm just coasting through this thing called life. Like, um, because I'm still working, you guys. I'm still out there in these streets working. And my attitude is so, whoo, you know, let's just get this done, everybody. Like it is. It's it's gonna be, we're gonna be good. And yeah, so when you get to your 60s, my love. You know, this this is not it's not all it's not all bad.
Candace Patrice:It's I don't think it's all bad. I think it just gets better and better. Because you get more wisdom and knowledge, and then eventually you get to a point where you don't have to care about what other people think. There's this age.
Janet Hale:I'm getting closer to you.
Candace Patrice:You are you excited? Getting a little excited, get into the don't give a fuck age. Yeah, I cuss. And I do cuss. I do cuss, y'all. But you help me with you cursing. I just need to go ahead and say that for those who heard it and be like, oh, did she say she did? She did.
Janet Hale:She said most people are cursing curses.
Candace Patrice:I just need to say it out loud on the so when somebody wants to call me out on it, it can again be in stone that I admit to this. So and I yeah, all the things.
Janet Hale:Yeah, but you yeah, you helped me with that. Um caring less about what folks think. Because whenever I do that, you call me out so tough. And mama, wait a minute. You cared about what they thought? What you letting that control you? Uh-huh. Don't I was like, oh my god. But it, you know, it's it's good because sometimes I slip into some people-pleasing behaviors. What did you say? Playing is small. Did I say that? Because my daughter lets me have it, everyone. She lets me have, we we have real conversations. This girl, this mama. And then, well, she knows my journey as well. It's not like she just blately just come out and just say stuff she don't know what she's talking about. Um, she understands, you know, areas that I'm trying to grow in and where I struggle at. And so whenever I have a slip or relapse or whatever you want to call it, she's she's real good about saying, Mom, you're doing it again. Thought you didn't want to do that. Oh, so yeah. So, so me growing up, right, at 62. Uh, you know, I'm still growing up. And I hope all of us in our 60s understand that we're still growing up and it's okay. Uh-huh.
Candace Patrice:Because we have this life to live until we die, which then means we're growing until we die. And so the goal should be to keep learning, to just get better, or to learn new skills. I got a couple of new things I think I want to learn. Uh, so I think, you know, this next two, three years is about to be real lit. I don't know what I'm gonna add to my resume. But I I don't think I think I'm gonna learn a lot of things. And I I'm not gonna say that I'm gonna have a career in the things that I'm gonna learn. So if I go to school to be a um a dental hygienist, then I wanted to learn the skill, darn it. Like there's a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio called Catch Me If You Can. And he learns the skills of many different trades. Like he was a pilot, he was a banker, he was a lawyer, um, and actually learned these real skills and never went to school for any of them. But he was a con artist first.
Janet Hale:Yeah, but I wanted to say this um maybe a gym. I have so many uh beautiful moments and aging, you know, and one of the things that I realized I'm attracting more folk in my life that just accept me for who I am. That is so interesting. I was thinking about that, and I was thinking of a group of people, and I said, I'm in this because they actually wanted me. I didn't feel like I had to perform to be. And that's what I'm learning. Like, I don't have to perform, I'm just it is what it is, you know, and I think folks get older, at least I hope, that we get closer to that. And some folks get to it before they're in their 60s, but um get closer to that. Like we I think we perform less. Yeah, you know, we perform less and we just show up and like that time. I came to Kamari's birthday party with no makeup. I don't know, and I didn't know people were gonna be there. What year was this? This one just came to the hotel, and then I thought I was just coming to help, and then I was leaving. You like, well no, they're gonna start coming. Then I let that go. I was like, well, let them come. And it was a you know it was, it was a real different authentic.
Candace Patrice:Um we're gonna have to wrap, but I did want to say thank you to everyone who showed up to the conference, to everyone who prayed for the conference, who um flew in, who helped with organizing um tech with the people at the hotel, the guests who showed up, the people who prepared the food, um, the rooms that were utilized. Uh yeah, thank you, performers. Thank you, thank you to everyone. It could literally could not have happened without your presence. So thank you. I'm really grateful. If you are anyone that you know needs help, you can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. You could text 988 anytime. Um, I have extreme gratitude today and many days. I also read that gratitude is the medicine for negative thoughts, even if it's difficult to practice. And I do remember actually having a therapist who told me to write in a journal and write some write about you know some gratitude in a journal. And I told her I don't want to, I don't even feel like it. But it's difficult sometimes to get to your healing, and depending on what your ailment is, gratitude could definitely be the way. But like we losing weight or anything else is hard to start. So go write something down. Just go write something down. Go put I am powerful. Just write it, read it, look at it a couple times. You can believe it or don't believe it, but start practicing it. And when you get to work in the morning, be like, at least I got a job. I'm gonna get a paycheck. Whether it's a whether it's a lot, a little bit, don't just be grateful for the little things you can be. Walk out the door and be like, dang it, I woke up today. It's a good day. You know, I just practice it. Just practice it. Just practice it. And you don't if practice it your way. For some people, it's writing it down, for some people are saying it out loud, some people it's just saying it to yourself, but whatever the way is that you can actually do it, just do it your way and make just just just go along. Go along like um Pete the Cat. He was going along singing his song. I like my white shoes. I like my white shoes. Then they was red and they was blue and they was purple, they was muddy, they was gray. Anywho, the point is walk along, do your dance, live this life, practice gratitude. What you got for me, Ma? What you got for the people before we go?
Janet Hale:Uh uh, you know, anybody listen, uh for those of you who are listening, I'm just appreciative that you're listening to us in a very relaxed state tonight. We are this is a laid back podcast today. And I'm glad that you guys joined us and listened to us have these multiple multiple conversations on different topics.
Candace Patrice:Uh right.
Janet Hale:Yeah, because we we yeah, we were all over the place.
Candace Patrice:But uh you know, I think we were exactly where we were supposed to be. And whoever needs to hear this, I hope you got exactly what you needed. Um you could check out the links in the show notes for Instagram, Facebook, Candace Patrice Motivates, email campus Patrice at Ecentral Motivation.com. Janet is JPH. No, it's what is it? Help me. J Hale, no, hail, hail empowermentlc.com. I'm sorry, guys. We say it's real relaxed day. It is. You guys can see us. My robe is nice. Okay. Well, thank you guys for being with us. Remember to always love hard, forgive often, and laugh frequently. Thanks, guys. Bye bye.
