Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
Mirrors and Perceptions: Do Others See You Clearly?
It's Therapy Thursday
Authenticity begins in the mirror, but what happens when the reflection others see doesn't match your self-image? In this deeply reflective conversation, I'm joined by my mother to untangle the complex web of perception, identity, and the courage to be truly seen.
We start by examining those uncomfortable moments when we hide parts of ourselves that feel too vulnerable, only to discover these very traits are plainly visible to everyone around us. My mother shares wisdom about doing our best each day, whatever that means in the moment, while I confess my tendency to overthink how I'm perceived by others.
The discussion shifts to social media's role in creating artificial hierarchies based on follower counts and polished presentations. We talk candidly about how easy it is to look at someone's professional website or content and assume their life is perfectly together – and how we've both been guilty of making these assumptions about others while knowing the complexities behind our own public personas.
One of the most powerful segments explores our community service work, specifically community baby showers we've organized. We discuss the importance of maintaining people's dignity through meaningful giving rather than performative charity. My mother shares heart-wrenching observations from her years working with vulnerable populations, highlighting how even well-intentioned help can feel humiliating when not approached with genuine respect.
What emerges is a powerful conversation about staying rooted in purpose over popularity, focusing on meaningful connection rather than validation, and the courage to show up authentically despite the risk of judgment. We explore how family relationships shape our self-perception, with touching reflections on intergenerational wisdom from my great-grandmother to my own daughter.
If you've ever felt the tension between your authentic self and how others perceive you, this conversation offers compassionate insight and practical wisdom for bridging that gap. Listen now to discover how aligning your internal compass with your external presentation might be the most powerful form of healing available.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Hello and welcome to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candice Patrice, and joining me today is my lovely mother with the fro. Hey, Janie L hey.
Janet Hale:Thank you for giving her good morning. Good morning, good morning, and thank you for giving respect to the Afro. Okay.
Candace Patrice:You know, Tabitha Brown named her hair.
Janet Hale:She did. What is it? I know it Because it got her out of sleep or something.
Janet Hale:Yeah, yeah, I saw that I was loving that she's like where are you taking me, yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw that that she's like where you taking me, yeah, yeah. So you know this whole uh. Well, you know I've been on the afro kick for a while, right, yes, or my natural hair for a while, and then every now and then I put some heat in it. But I did um on Facebook they have this thing on there will say then and now, and so then is Kamari, when she was a baby at 16 months. Now is her with those two Afro puffs and I'm like, yes, let's hold on to the culture. That's so funny Because I love it. And that ties into the topic.
Janet Hale:Do you see yourself the way others see you, way others see you? And for me, sometimes, sometimes, oh, I need to go this deep, this quick. But sometimes no, because sometimes what I see I'm afraid for others to see, so I'll go into hiding or concealment, and then that becomes so uncomfortable that I'm in a struggle with things. So, do people see me? I think a lot of times they do, and when it becomes extremely uncomfortable for me, I have to look at the parts of me that I'm trying to hide. That's glaring to everybody else in the world. So yeah, so sometimes yes, more times yes, and sometimes not.
Candace Patrice:You know, I find that I don't know how people look at me. That's good, but how I look at me and I was talking to my sister last night and we were talking about how she views me and how I view me and you know she feels that I'm a pretty humble person because I don't feel like I'm better than anyone, like we're all at the same level, same level, and so we kind of had the conversation about Jesus and how his value worth was so high but the way where he put himself was amongst all of the people. And I feel the same way, not to compare to Jesus Christ, first of all, but just the idea of we're all on the same level, know, just the idea of we're all on the same level. We just do things a little different sometimes and when it comes to, like social media or having a business, people will think you have, will put you higher on a pedestal just because you have certain things together, like oh, she got a website, she must be doing good. She got a podcast, she must be doing great. Site, she must be doing good. She got a podcast, she must be doing great. She's doing such great things. And the way we present ourselves. I guess it's like it's branding, it's marketing, not even on purpose. Sometimes it's just. For me it's more about just doing what I want to do the greatest way I can do it, so like it takes me a minute to even get something started, simply because I feel like I spend a lot of time trying to learn what it is that I want to produce, but I also want to produce it at a high quality and I also want to do it at a lower cost. You know so, but I've also done the same thing with others looked at them and their brand and what they have going on and be like wow, they really out here.
Candace Patrice:One of the people who we talked about was my best friend Q, and I've always thought that he was such a great person, like in school. He's the 4.0 student, he's the one who has the answers, he's the one that you know. You kind of want to sit next to him and be like what are we doing? Because you know he's going to know what to do, and then watching him matriculate through life and getting an acting degree, then getting, I think, his second degree I know it's from CalArts was in producing, and now he has his law degree and is being inducted this week. So you know it's really, and I look at him and see his music videos and I'm like man, my best friend, dope. But I also know him on a personal level, and not that he's not dope, but I get to see where we are on level playing grounds when it comes to just being human.
Candace Patrice:And anyone who really has this persona or how people look at them, is only that way because of the belief system that people have agreed on. Like everyone I don't know how to say it They've gotten someone to believe in what they've said and validate them at a higher, at a level where more people are talking about it. So the more people you have talking about you, the more people you have that like you, then technically it's the higher you up art and status. But and oh my God, this is so good.
Candace Patrice:I know I'm just talking, but I'm not just talking. So I went to an event on Thursday, creating with creators through Just Create, and we were talking about content creation, how people view you. But one of the questions I asked is how do you stay rooted in your purpose and not your monetary gain? And so we were talking about that and I think when you follow your, when you try to follow your purpose and follow your mission, the reward a lot of times is going to be status and money, but it shouldn't be the objective and the goal. So how was your weekend?
Janet Hale:Thank you for that you made me think of. I just finished reading the four agreements and I shared that with you. So I had read it like 30 years ago and then I picked it back up for I don't know what reason, and then it was as if I'd never read it before. It was all new to me. But you made me think of something when you were talking about I'm paraphrasing but being doing our best, whatever that is for the individual and in the four agreements he talks about. You know what, if we just get up and just do our best, whatever that means for that day, and Then, like you said, I don't think we really care what other people, how they see us, because I'm doing my best, whatever that looks like for me. It might be me just taking a shower today, but for me that is my best.
Janet Hale:So how was my weekend? I had a really good weekend. I got a last minute notice to go to an award ceremony for my granddaughter and it was funny because my daughter texted me at one o'clock in the morning and said ah, in the morning, a, b and C is oh, it's no pressure, okay, no pressure, um, but it said 8.15. Oh, it's one o'clock in the morning. But if you can't come, that's okay. But I know you like to be at things. Yeah, I'll be there. I will be there and I, you know I enjoy being able to continue to show up because I know that I have more years behind me than in front of me and at some point there are places there.
Janet Hale:There will be an empty seat with my name on it, but I want my presence to still be in the room and so when I'm able to do these things, I'm like, oh, okay, oh, I got to do this, I got to make a memory. I think about this podcast too, and I was sharing with somebody that we do this, and someone said are you guys still doing that? I said, mm-hmm, I said so for me it is something that I can leave to my daughter and my granddaughter, because when I'm gone, you got what? Three years of it so far? No, we'll have 10, 20. Okay, yeah, but let's think about it in that way. So to be able to still be able to leave not just a memory, but with technology we can leave voice, we can leave videos and just those things, so, anyway.
Janet Hale:So how was my weekend? So my weekend was good, it was relaxing, and it's still the weekend. Today is Saturday. I'm trying to think of all these things. Don't say okay, but anyway, so far my weekend is good. I'm about to go out to a function, a community baby shower, and it's my first time attending. I understand it's really big and great.
Candace Patrice:First time attending this organization's community baby shower.
Janet Hale:Yes, no, no, no, no, no.
Candace Patrice:Uh-uh, I don't know what you're asking me when you say first time it sounds like you're saying first time attending a community baby shower With this group yes, because I did one with out.
Janet Hale:Is it Westland Wayne Wayne? Yes, because I did one with out.
Candace Patrice:Is it Wesleyan Wayne.
Janet Hale:Wayne and that was the best and I had shared that with someone. They said, oh, they have one, so I'm going to that one and to see how that is. But it's good to be out and just experience, you know, people being able to be loved on. You know just that doesn't matter, just come, we're going to love on you, type of thing.
Candace Patrice:You know one of the things because I was a part of the organization of the community baby shower that you went to in Wayne, because I'm the vice president of that nonprofit. But one of the things that I love about being able to do like the community baby shower or in a couple of weeks we're doing a summer blast is doing it at a level of quality, as if it was of quality, as if it was as if they paid their top dollar for it, even though it's a free event. You know, I feel like everyone deserves to have quality and just because we're giving to the community for free doesn't mean it should feel that way. I've been to events where it's for the community or and it looks like a hand-me-down, like you got all the tables with all the brochures. That's like, hey, you know, and I get resources are great and there should be a space for resources. But sometimes it just begins to feel like, oh, they're just looking at me like being low. I don't know.
Candace Patrice:I just they're certain because when you have your friends playing you a baby shower, they're not sitting there with all the free resources that you could get laid out on display in the lobby for everybody who's walking up. You may have that information, get that information, but it's about you. It's about what you're receiving and people showing up for you. And at our community baby shower, I feel like the mothers and guests who attended showed up for each other, showed up for each other and got to celebrate together and received really nice things Like and that was our second time doing the community baby shower but being able to get them brand new car seats and you know, strollers, cribs, mattresses I think it's a blessing and I mattresses. I think it's a blessing and I I'm really grateful to be able to be a part of something that does that, and I think it should always be done at a high level, as if it was being done Matter of fact, as if it were being done for God. Yep, that's the way I see it.
Janet Hale:So I was yeah, you're right, I attended it and um, it was wonderful, it was beautiful, and it wasn't um, as if you know, here we're giving you this free stuff. There was nothing like that. I agree with you about when we do something for the community or you know people who can't afford it, however goes, and then you have all these tables and you know let's do this, you know we got this for you, and then I think that can be quite humiliating for the person who's receiving them. And you made me think about something else, because I've done it all worked with the homeless population, foster care, all you name it. I've been there and I remember when Christmas time came and folks from very affluent places would come out to feed the homeless. I had the hardest time with that.
Janet Hale:And everybody's like why are you so? I said because it's humiliating. I mean, why you have these kids feeding these grown folks, you know, because they get. Oh man, I don't want to offend anybody, but they get caught up and we're going to show them what it's like how poor people live. So I'm going to take them to a show. What, no, no. And so I would always have a hard time with it and I was like girl. I said I don't, I'm not getting the pleasure out of it, I don't understand that.
Janet Hale:The other thing it was around also around Christmas, when they would bring the toys. Now they would bring bikes, all kind of things, but these folks didn't have a house to put it in. And so in my mind I would say, if we want to help them, let's put the security down in the first month. Rent for them a place to stay, opposed to the bike that they can't even ride because you have to put it up in storage. It's just different things like that. That's always seemed like it was exploiting the person who was receiving on the other end. Now, this community show that I'm going to because I did mention going to the one you're involved with, and the feedback was the same as what you just said, that we're not doing news. We're doing new things. We want them to feel special, so I'm excited to see how this turns out.
Janet Hale:And also Because I've been to what I consider the best. You follow me and, as I was expressing that, the person was like whoa, we have one. That's really great, so I'm excited to see how that works out.
Candace Patrice:I'm excited to hear how it goes and I wanted to say, because you said something about new items and used items and it's not that we won't do gently used, but because of the way that it's structured, we just allow people the opportunity to say if they want to receive, because there's people who are like I don't care, if it looked good and it feel good, I will take it. Then you have people who's like I would prefer something new. And of course, there are certain items that you just need to get new, like car seats, but we try to make it so that people who don't mind and they don't have to take it at all it's what is it that you need? Because the way we structure the giving of the gifts and everything we do like this raffle and people can put their tickets in what it is that they want. So it's not like you're going to get something you don't need or get something you don't desire.
Candace Patrice:You literally are like I got my eye on that car seat and um, or I got my eye on that, on that bed or on the diaper bag, because that's what you need. Like what, if you have everything else, I'm like I just need a diaper bag and I want that so you can put it for what it is that you want and need. Now at some point and I can't wait for this point we're going to have Oprah money and it's going to be you get a car seat, you get a bed, you get everything you need or a gift card or whatever. But we do also do gently used items.
Janet Hale:That's not for the community shower, though, is it we?
Candace Patrice:have. Okay, I don't think this year or last year we had anything that was used. The year before, though, or two years before we did it, because we do it every other year. We did have some items, like I remember a toddler bed that was there someone brought, but it was in really good condition. So it was like, okay, if someone wants this, then it's available, but if they don't, then get one of the items, because there was still a plethora of new items, but it was just an overflow to have some gently used items as well.
Janet Hale:But it was just an overflow to have some gently used items as well. Yeah, but I also think with that is, what kind of environment are you setting up? Because from what I witnessed, the environment was so welcoming and so warm and so loving. So you know, I know I mentioned new and all that, but even I wasn't there when you guys were doing that. But I see you guys have evolved with it, but I'm sure that the environment was great.
Janet Hale:The other thing that was wonderful was having the fathers in attendance. I thought that was so. I was sitting back saying, okay, you guys, let's do this, and so it wasn't. Sometimes folks feel a little embarrassed, like the man might feel like you know, I'm supposed to be the man and I came in, but it wasn't that way. It was like come on, you guys, we're here to support you. Come on in, bring the baby daddy, bring the husband, bring the boy. Come on, bring your uncle. Some folks stay with the husband. Bring the boy, come on, bring your uncle. Yeah, with the uncles and the granddaddies, just come, come and let us love on you let us and that's the thing, loving on someone, love is the greatest thing.
Candace Patrice:and when you can look at someone's heart, opposed to their status, I think that's because there are a lot of people with and I use air quotes high statuses whose heart is not right, ooh. And there are also people in I use air quotes higher statuses who don't feel good. They're just going through the motions every day. They don't get to, they just don't feel good. And you have people who are in the hood feeling great because, they got love, they got support, they have everything they need.
Candace Patrice:Now, do they have everything they need Now? Do they have everything they want? Maybe not. I went to a conference in Kansas City last week, which was so good and being on liberated grounds, land and having a Freedom Fest and being able to speak with leaders of the community about how we're going to make a difference in the community, in our culture, moving forward, not just talking about it. But what are the action items towards getting these things done? And as we were planning for this conference, my perspective began to change on leadership, on just who's in the room and who I'm having conversations with.
Candace Patrice:I think a lot of times we get caught up in celebrities and believing that these are the people who we have to, who we should be following and I mean I hope I know people know my heart and what I'm saying when I say that. But we also have our and, okay, we also have our Congress, we have our. We have a lot of people on the ground doing the work to make the world a better place that we don't look at or talk to or try to help make the changes. It's like is Drake doing it? Is Beyonce doing it. If they doing it, then maybe I'll jump or I'll support what they're doing. I'll yell out loud the things that they're doing, but we're saying we want changes in our community. We're saying we want action, but we won't take that action to start making the change. Like here in my unit, we do a community kickback and the neighbors just get together and building community is just about being together, accepting each other and having a place to land.
Janet Hale:Yes, and it's very apparent when I come by. You know, the hippie part of me it just pops out when I come over there Because you know they're feeding the animals. I'm talking to my daughter. She's like, oh, mom, that's the dove they were talking about. I'm like, what dove? Okay, oh, mom, so we put seeds down each week or whatever we got to water it.
Janet Hale:The dogs she talks to the dogs. You guys, I mean, the humans are just access to the dog and they speak my language. To get to the animals, oh, this is the Mama, this is someone. She calls them by the name and everything. Oh, and this is oh, that's my favorite over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my baby, that's the one. Then she actually they bring the dog out and I'm like, yeah, that is the one, because I'm picking up on the energy. I'm like, whoa, this is so powerful and so it's really good to see that and I know you don't proclaim to be a hippie, no-transcript. Also, about our culture and who's doing what. Okay, is Beyonce doing it? And one of the things that I say, even in what I do today, is we have enough resources to do it ourselves. Stop looking for somebody else to save up.
Janet Hale:They're not coming.
Candace Patrice:They are not coming. That's a whole nother topic.
Janet Hale:I'm just saying so. When I listen to Liberated Grounds and have been a part of some of the things, it is so liberating to be amongst people who are thinking about how to be the change, not waiting on the change. But what can we do right now to be the change? And one of the persons man, she's so awesome. You're having a conversation with her and you look up and you are committed to something. You're like whoa, I said I'll do that piece. She's like no, you're bigger than that, You're going to do that piece and that piece.
Janet Hale:So it is really good to see how we, as a community, we're making subtle changes, because it starts with the person in the mirror, as Michael Jackson would say, and we do our part and do what we can. But I think the main part is being kind to one another. You know, because some people get into the status and I'm this and I'm that and I can just treat you any kind of way. Well, I don't know if that's really cool, Just to be kind and be thoughtful of that. And I have to practice that myself. You know, Candice knows that I have to process. I'll sit down and I'll process. I'll hear something Then the next day. I'm like you know, I had time to process that. But I take the time to do that, to process, because I don't want to be disrespectful, I don't want my anger to meet someone else's pain. I don't want to do that, and so I have to practice. Well, it's becoming more and more natural to me, but I keep it in my mind.
Janet Hale:I don't know what subject we're on right now?
Candace Patrice:I can't I know we're still there. Well, you said something about, I want to say, being together and having each other. We can't depend on other people. And it brings. When I hear that, I think about family, and when I think about family, I think about Jesus and what he said in the Bible, Mark 3, 33 through 35. He says who are my mother and my brothers? He asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said here are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does God's will is my brother and my sister and mother. And really, if we look at the people as humans around us, if we're all God's children, then we're all brothers and sisters and we all need to treat each other as such. So, no, you may not have come out of the womb of my mother, but you're, like my, one of my really good friends. Mother will always say you're my daughter from another womb and she mean that, she mean all of that.
Janet Hale:What mother is this Dom's mother?
Candace Patrice:Okay, I knew you was going to mean that she mean all of that?
Janet Hale:What mother is this Dom's mother?
Candace Patrice:Okay, I knew you was going to do that. Then I have, I mean, but I have a plethora of mothers of community mothers who are community mothers Like you, all are my mothers. You all are my brothers and my sisters. As I've been growing up, I've always just adopted a new brother, a new sister. You're my mother, so you've seen it. People got to know my heart. You're the Mary to Jesus in my life. That's powerful.
Janet Hale:That, that's powerful.
Candace Patrice:That was a little powerful, I felt that I'm accepting that Wow. But I get to go through this world and experience love on every level from whoever wants to give it honestly human or animals, animals, you know. So my cat is on the way actually. Yeah, no, really, there's a cat in this story.
Janet Hale:This cat supposed to live somewhere else, but candace calls for the cat to come over all the time.
Candace Patrice:It's just a whole thing I have the whole setup y'all for this cat. I have scratch pads, litter food. I have. The cat is on my kooka is on a special diet and I have the special food here so that they don't have to send it. Bring me the cat if you don't even have a cage. If you can hold the cat and bring the cat as is, I will take. Take Kuka as is, that's it. I just need you to get her to me or I'll come get her.
Candace Patrice:But yeah, I love my cat. I had a dream recently about cats and there were seven of them in the dream and they could all be mine if I wanted.
Janet Hale:That's your favorite number, isn't it?
Candace Patrice:Uh-huh, and it's the number of completion.
Janet Hale:Yeah, and your line number right, absolutely. Seven's a good number, seven's a good number um.
Candace Patrice:So yeah, there's how we look at people and how?
Janet Hale:wow, yeah, look because it's turning into that, yeah.
Candace Patrice:No, I mean, that's what it is how the comparison of people and I'm just really grateful to be able to see people from their heart, which was part of the conversation with my sister and how not changing who you are is such a good place to be in or it's not always a good place because people don't always understand, but consistency in who you are and leading with who you are allows people to either adjust or not, either get on board or don't, but right, and sometimes it happens in the beginning.
Candace Patrice:Sometimes it comes, goes and comes back around. And sometimes it happens at a later stage in life and we have to be okay with people's experiences with us.
Janet Hale:Yes, wow, that's impactful. Well, thank you no no, thank you and I hope it is listening and so thank you, because even with this podcast, if it gets really big, cool.
Candace Patrice:But if there is one listener every week who is being impacted, because if we were doing this for the numbers, if we were doing this for money.
Janet Hale:Don't make me laugh, because I got a feeling.
Candace Patrice:I'm just saying I don't know that we still be doing this. So I will say that I'm grateful for this podcast and that we do it for purpose over popularity.
Janet Hale:I totally agree.
Candace Patrice:For us, for yeah, you know.
Janet Hale:And that's why I look forward to it. And Candace knows I'll be like well, I don't know how us. That's why I look forward to it. Candice knows I'll be like I don't know how to do this. Can you help me?
Candace Patrice:Five minutes before it comes on, every single time.
Janet Hale:Yes, I actually prepare for it. I get up, I get dressed, I mean as if because we're going to go where you can see us one day, I'm believing. I'm just prepared for it. Do we need to Say it again?
Candace Patrice:Do we really need to?
Janet Hale:Okay, and so it is good because it is about purpose and it's about being authentic. It's about us sharing who we really are, for us to be able to touch those that are listening that may be dealing with some of the same things. We don't portray that we have a perfect life. We talk about real things. We're very vulnerable to our listeners and I think part of that is because we're not looking at whoa the dollar, we're looking at how do we reach somebody.
Janet Hale:You know I would appreciate more feedback, Um, and not unless you're getting it. You know when people are listening to. Kind of give us some feedback on what's going on. But, yeah, I like the fact that it's all about purpose. It's not about the dollar. The dollar would be nice now. The dollar would be nice.
Candace Patrice:Absolutely, absolutely, that from the feedback that we have received over the course of the podcast, that people view the podcast well. So we talk about how people view us, how we view ourselves, and just bringing that whole thing back that the podcast is viewed very well and the lives that it has touched has made an impact in many different ways, which I think is why we have so many guests reach out to us to be a part of the show, because of the work that we're doing. I think that we do great work and it's going to be great work no matter what level the platform is at. Just as long as we continue to show up and do the work and spread the message and be honest and be authentic and follow the purpose and the mission and not get sidetracked, we'll do a good job. And you know, I will even say I had a slight moment where, as the guests were reaching out and I was I began to look at numbers of the guests, like their Instagram followers and one I will say I think at that moment I was looking for some validation in the podcast and saying like, oh well, if they have a large platform, then that means that they think we're doing a good job because they're doing a good job, you know and that brings us right back to the whole how people view us, and I remember I think I did it like twice, two or three times and I remember going why are you doing this again?
Candace Patrice:Because season one was supported by my friends and family who I believed had great things to say, or who we believed had great things to say, you know, um, and their story was just as impactful as someone who had 200,000 followers on Instagram. And I remember saying to myself I don't ever want to get away from the mission, I don't ever want to look at the guest for their status. So I was actually really grateful to be able to reflect that and be able to come out of that quick, very, very quick, very, very quick. I'm very grateful because that changes things and it is the quickest way to get away from your mission and to begin doing things that don't align with your belief system. You know how people begin to say. They say they sold their souls to the devil because of what they're doing.
Candace Patrice:I think that being able to stay rooted and grounded in the morals and values, mission purpose and always reminding ourselves of that, is going to be beneficial to just our growth as a human, as an individual. Now, how the world decides to celebrate us in that, whether it's financially, whether it's a platform larger than our own, then so be it, but on those platforms we have to be able to remain, candace and Janet, you know, no matter what, and I think I see us doing a good job at that, and if ever it feels off, we know how to look in the mirror and reflect.
Janet Hale:And we've done that Well, I have.
Candace Patrice:We do. I just shared how I did. Yeah, yeah, I have we do it.
Janet Hale:You remember, when we talked about my voice, I was like that's something that's not my voice. That is not my voice. I need to put myself in check. And that's another thing I love about this podcast too we're not afraid to look in the mirror and the audience. They're witness to us in our progress, in our growth. That is really cool. But when you talked about looking at the numbers and all those things and how had you carried on with that, then your whole, this whole thing wouldn't be. We wouldn't be doing it this way, right? And the thing that came to mind is, when we start doing things like that based on numbers or likes and all those things, start doing things like that based on numbers or likes and all those things, those are things that are foreign to the soul. You follow me Like that's not jiving with my soul, like what am I doing? Because I can tell when I'm not in alignment with my soul. It's a distraction to the soul, it's tense.
Candace Patrice:It's a headache.
Janet Hale:Oh, and I'm tired. I can always tell when I slip, because I'm human, I'll slip into some people pleasing crap and I'm like, oh, my goodness, what was that about? Because here's the thing, about that too, and this is also about how people see you. Make sure I stay on track, but the thing is I'll have to reel you back in.
Janet Hale:People will see you the way they see you, and when we get in the practice of trying to make them see us different, that's a vicious cycle because I feel, man, I'm getting into this, because I feel like this, I am who I am and even if I'm not fully who I am going to be, I am where I am in this phase of my development.
Janet Hale:So you know, and then I have to also offer that same grace to others, because some people might be like no, you just, and I shared with you about a relative that I had not been talking to and I got a call and and I don't know what happened, but when I heard the voice and I said I need to love on this person, it was so refreshing and so good for my soul. And so, while I'm talking about what I can do for the other person, that person did for me 10 times what I think I did for them. And it's all about being open, just being open, and I never thought that that moment would even come. I don't even know how that even came up.
Candace Patrice:But it did.
Janet Hale:But it did, and when it did, I embraced it, like I'm not finna, fight, whatever this is, because it feels good, yeah, so let me follow my heart and my soul and do what it's telling me to do, where it's guiding me. Let me do that and I was the better for it. I will say that, you know so, when we get into that, those are things that are foreign to the soul, and I can always tell when there's a foreign object in my soul.
Candace Patrice:And you know you talk about foreign to the soul and it makes me think of what God created us to do the mission of humans. And you know it was about sharing. It's about community. It's about love, Especially when we look at the New Testament and how Jesus came to be the model of love. She's showing me a picture of my great grandmother and herself.
Candace Patrice:I'm going to ask about that in a second on the why, but I think that a lot of times I try to go back to the model. You know how we always talk about going back to the roots. For me the root goes back to Jesus and it can go further than that. But when we look at the way things should be done now because Jesus came to shake some stuff up and show us a new way and what is most important and how to live our lives, and I feel like when I go back to the roots of Jesus and what we're supposed to do, that I get to root myself in the person I want to be and anytime I get off track I go back and ask what would Jesus do? We had those little yellow wristbands a long time ago, the WWJD, and it was a saying back then it was just a saying Well, it probably wasn't.
Candace Patrice:For people who understood, Let me say that I just said it. I was like what would Jesus do? But that's because I didn't have the knowledge, I didn't have the understanding, I just saw the words. But now it's. You know, wow, it's in my subconscious. So now, as I am learning more and growing spiritually and reading the Bible, it's a staple.
Candace Patrice:What would Jesus do? Am I living the life that he modeled? No, I'm not a perfect person. I won't be a perfect person. I don't aim to be a perfect person, but I aim to do a good job. I aim to do my best, as you said in the beginning, and I remember my dad always asking that like, well, did you do your best? Did you do your best? Did you do your best? And as long as my best was done, it was always good enough. And, like you said, that day, the best might be a shower. And so, learning to lean into that and to share that with others, and I think, as coaches, it's important for us to look at our own lives, to look at what we've been through in order to be the best coaches that we can do, and I think we're doing a great job. We're doing a great job, mom, Thank you. Thank you for being a model in my life.
Janet Hale:I accept that.
Candace Patrice:It's so good and I talk about my parents a lot and I think that you and dad modeled the best way that you could and I think it was a good model, and I'm able to go back and look at that model and take what you guys gave me and regurgitate it out differently, but at the best level that I can, and not because there were times when okay, you're going to love me after this comment, still so I'm going to say it. But when it comes to parenting and being active and present, that I would compare myself to dad. Now, my mom had to work more y'all. My dad just had a more flexible schedule. So I'm not saying she wasn't present, she was very present.
Candace Patrice:But when it came to extracurricular activities and being able to do things at a drop of a dime, I find myself wanting to do that for Kamari because I remember how it felt. I remember how it made me feel, and even at the time I didn't realize how I was feeling, I didn't even realize the impact that it had. But I find myself wanting to make sure that I can show up to all of Kamari's events, but then I also want to be able to discipline her and give her structure in the way that you gave me, because you guys played your roles Like you were great parents. I don't know how to say that any more plain than that. And I'm going, when I talk about you guys, I'm going to talk about you in different levels and areas, because you did different things and you did the different things excellently.
Candace Patrice:I deal with girl things PMS, pmdd, whatever and I get to come and have a conversation with you about what it looked like for you, how you handle your hormones, about what it looked like for you how you handle your hormones, and you know, when it comes to certain things like anxiety, I get to share my journey with you and you give me information back on how to handle things, or you know, I'm I'm so grateful as a matter of fact. Ha, okay, holy spirit, um, wow, I feel like you still gonna love me after this too. I feel like dad was such a core, foundational builder when it comes to Hmm, I don't know how to say this the heart, maybe I don't know how to say this the heart, maybe I don't know and that I needed him at those early years. I'm not going to cry, but I need you now, so him not being here is OK, because he did a job. I would say job well done.
Candace Patrice:Job well done, don't you cry.
Janet Hale:That's okay, they used to do that. But here's the thing that you are not going to believe what I wrote down.
Candace Patrice:I believe it. I said thank you in the spirit.
Janet Hale:He was there for you in your early years, and I'm here for the rest, yep, wow. You know I'm telling the truth because I don't have a pencil in my hand.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, yeah.
Janet Hale:But I was as you were talking and you're like mom, you're going to still love me. I was like it is what it is. I mean, you know, and also I feel like with um, you're your dad. He was getting you ready for how to accept a man, dad. He was getting you ready for how to accept a man. He was now look, now we had whatever we had right. But when it came to you mercy, he got you. I mean, like I don't know, can you find a man to live up to that? I don't know. I hope so.
Candace Patrice:I mean, maybe I do, I hope so.
Janet Hale:And so for that, I feel like he was. You know, like you said, we both have our roles and he did his part. And like you said excellently, now my turn is for your woman. I'm here for your woman saying, yeah, like he, he did his part. He passed the baton, is it called? He passed that baton. Now, Janet, here, you take it from here. You take it from here. Now you teach her how to be a woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, teach her how to do that thing. And so, yeah, I wrote that down for your womanhood.
Candace Patrice:That's interesting how we were both on the same. But you know what else I think? Okay, it's okay. All right, audience, y'all ready for this? We're getting the ball to go.
Candace Patrice:Well, I think dad prepared me for God. I see that Because I knew what it was like to have a great earthly father and I hadn't made it to my God journey yet. I mean, I, you know, at the base level, you know, I had a basic understanding of God and Jesus, very basic, like I think I've shared with the audience. I needed the music to teach me God because I didn't understand the Bible. I was like, what are they saying? Like why are they talking this foreign language?
Candace Patrice:But when I have conversations now and even I make the distinction, like my earthly father, my heavenly father, and you know, being able to know what it's like to lean into a father, like to be able to come to a father and be like to a father, like to be able to come to a father and be like so this is what I need. And as I got older, I was still able to share a lot with my dad, like with problems with marriage, and I remember actually a point when I was like I can talk to my daddy about this and it'd be okay. Like that's wild, like it got wild to me in my own understanding, but anyways, any who people view us in different ways. People put us on pedestals. I want to go back to the picture that you were sharing. What was that? You?
Janet Hale:showed a picture of great-grandmother yourself. I have a picture, oh man, I want to say 45-ish years ago, and in this picture is my grandmother and myself. And whenever I think about my roots, she's the beginning of it. And the story about my grandmother is we've never met a soul in her family a brother, a sister, a cousin, anybody. She was it. She was the beginning of the end. You talk about playing your role. She played that role so well and she held things together for us and she was the beginning of me feeling or recognizing when I was truly loved by grandma. I didn't care, it didn't matter what kind of crap I was in.
Janet Hale:I could go to grandma and talk to her. So you know, and how people see us. How did grandma see me? Grandma saw me as a precious soul, as a connection to her, and that was enough. I didn't have to have a college degree, I didn't have to have anything. All I had to do was show up. And if I take this memory and hold on to this, then this keeps me in alignment with my authentic self. And guess what? It doesn't matter how other people see me, because I had a woman that see me as wonderful, and I didn't care how she saw me.
Candace Patrice:Yeah so.
Janet Hale:I wanted to share that.
Candace Patrice:Well, thank you, thank you for that. I'm grateful to have had an opportunity with my great grandmother, my grandmother, my mother, myself, now my daughter. So, everybody, we are going to wrap.
Janet Hale:Okay.
Candace Patrice:And I pray that you got something meaningful from this episode, that you can view yourself as high enough, as good enough, and not worry about what others think about you, but just being the best version of yourself and your tools that you use to identify meaning, like your morals, your values, your spiritual relationship, the people around you who are teachers. Just continue to build yourself, to be proud of yourself. When you look in the mirror, who do you see and what do you say? And if you can authentically say those good things about yourself, you're doing a good job. You're doing a good job. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 988. Call or text anytime, 24 hours, seven days a week, for any emergencies that you may have. Mom, did you want to give any last words?
Janet Hale:I don't know. I'm so excited about the experience that we've experienced here together again and what we got out of it yeah, that's how that goes.
Candace Patrice:That's how that goes. Well, you guys can follow us, follow the podcast, follow myself. Candice Patrice Motivates. I think that's where we're landing, guys, that's the final tag. Candice Patrice Motivates. You go to the websiterice Motivates. You go to the website EssentialMotivationcom. Apparently, I've been told to get a link tree, but even if I get a link tree, I'm still going to have to say this. So it is what it is.
Janet Hale:You can email me at Candice.
Candace Patrice:You can email at CandiceFleming at EssentialMotivationcom. You can find Janet and her consulting at HaleEmpowermentLLCcom. And we are doing things. We're doing things, we're moving, so follow us if you want to see what we have going on. Without further ado, I want to say thank you to the audience. Remember to love hard, forgive often and laugh frequent. Bye, guys.
