Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
The Traumatologist Who Lost Everything with Sylvia Moore Myers
It's Therapy Thursday!
What happens when life breaks you completely? After losing her teenage son to a violent crime and surviving an attack by a serial killer just months later, Sylvia Moore Myers discovered a profound truth that transformed her understanding of trauma: we aren't designed to heal—we're designed to scar.
This realization sparked her journey to become a traumatologist and author of "Gold Scars," where she shares how trauma and grief can become beautiful parts of our story rather than permanent sources of pain. Drawing from Japanese Kintsugi—the art of mending broken pottery with gold—Sylvia teaches that proper mending actually makes us more beautiful and valuable than before.
Throughout our conversation, Sylvia dismantles common misconceptions about grief recovery. She explains why touching someone during emotional sharing disrupts the healing process, how our culture "broke grief" by making death sterile and ceremonial, and the importance of supporting the bereaved long after the funeral. Her practical wisdom offers hope without minimizing suffering—a rare combination in trauma recovery.
Most powerfully, Sylvia shares her personal miracle story of beating cancer during pregnancy against medical advice, demonstrating how faith sustained her through impossible circumstances. Her "seven H's" framework for healing provides actionable steps for anyone navigating their own trauma journey.
Whether you're personally working through grief or supporting someone who is, this episode offers transformative insights that honor pain while illuminating the path forward. As Sylvia explains, "I didn't need a way to forget what happened—I needed a better way to remember."
CONNECT WITH SYLVIA
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sylviamooremyers@gmail.com
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing where I am your host, Candace Patrice. Hello everyone, hello, hello. I am really, really excited to get today's show going. Of course, if you haven't like, subscribe, share with a friend. But today is extremely special in a way. I know I love all my guests, guys. Let me just say that I really do, but there is something special, you know. Okay. So much to say, okay one I want to say that every day we have an opportunity to say that. Every day we have an opportunity to have another great day, and it's okay if today's day Is better than every other day, because it should always continue to get better, if it can, you know, even in the lessons and all of that. Okay, okay, okay. So I've said that. Secondly, we have my co-host, jenny Hill. Hi, mom, hello hello and hello.
Janet Hale:Yes, we have my co-host, jenny Hill. Hi Mom, hello, hello and hello. Yes, we have been looking forward to this podcast. I just feel like the subjects that we're going to touch on are things that can be applied to everyday life and to help us get through certain barriers and blockages in our lives, and so I've been looking forward to it. It is actually on time for what is going. It's an alignment for what I'm dealing with in my life, and so I'm really, really happy and excited to get here. I mean, I'm just so excited and I'm glad to see you too, ken.
Candace Patrice:And then we have our guest. Her name is Sylvia Moore Myers and I'm just grateful that she made it across my inbox and that we got to have a conversation prior to shooting this podcast and that she is here. She is here and I'm just truly excited. Celia, will you tell us a little bit about yourself and some gold scars that come along?
Sylvia Moore Myers:I like that. What are my scars? Well, you know, I'm studying my PhD right now in traumatology. I'm going to go backwards in time. I just finished my master's at Liberty University in crisis and trauma counseling. Before that I finished a bachelor's in business.
Sylvia Moore Myers:But in between all of that and after that, I wrote a book called Gold Scars the Truth About Grief, loss and Trauma and how to Beautifully Mend. And the reason I did that is, you know, my son was taken from me by a stranger at a gas station when he was just a teenager and eight months later I was attacked by a serial killer in my driveway. The compounded trauma and grief that were going to scar my body and my soul and my spirit and my brain would take me years before I would overcome. And once I realized the magic, it was like a revelation or a strike of lightning on my brain when I realized how easy the process is to start in mending. I just set out to change the world.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I wanted to help as many people as possible, so I started doing classes and getting certified and signing up for a college and I realized I was maybe helping eight to 10 people at a time, and that's why I wrote the book Gold Scars and that's why I'm pursuing higher education in traumatology. I'll be a doctor of traumatology. I laugh because a doctor of traumatology. I laugh because it's kind of fun to say to my kids, like you're going to be able to call me Dr Mom, and my son's like no, I'm not, I'm just going to call you mom.
Sylvia Moore Myers:No, Dr Mom.
Candace Patrice:Dr Mom, I've never heard the terminology traumatology, isn't it great?
Sylvia Moore Myers:I love it. What do you do for a living? I'm a traumatologist. Yes, I love it. What do you do for a living? I'm a traumatologist.
Candace Patrice:Yes, I adore that You've been to. You've done a lot of studying. I have In different areas. What areas have you studied?
Sylvia Moore Myers:I was in law for 12 years. I was a journalist for nine years. I wrote for papers, off and on editorials, whatever they wanted. I wrote children's books. I was going to be a lawyer, better than that, I was going to be a judge. But I discovered that it just wasn't cut out for me because I kept getting sexually harassed, and more so from some of the attorneys I worked for, and decided that maybe law wasn't the right path for me. And so I got my bachelor's after my son died and just began being an entrepreneur. I actually became an entrepreneur in 1993 for the first time, and I just walked out of the last law firm that I worked with and went and started my own title company, became a real estate agent. I now have three real estate brokerages in the state of Georgia. Yeah, so I'm I'm busy, but You're a super woman.
Sylvia Moore Myers:No, I just don't get. I turn everything into a passion in the business and I treat it with respect, like it deserves. I put the right people in place because I know I can't do that on my own. I'm not really Superman, my cape's in the closet girl, I just get it out for show. But I have really strong people that help me with these other adventures.
Candace Patrice:But see, you own a cape. What's his name? Clark Kent.
Janet Hale:He didn't show everybody his cape, but it was there.
Candace Patrice:I can hear your cape. I can hear and see your cape.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Oh, my goodness, um, and someone just took his life just like that. And, uh, the trauma. I went to the hospital and I was. He was on the gurney and it was a mess. I'd also ran life squad years ago, so I had, you know, two and a half years of life squad work behind me, so I immediately just started helping life squad work.
Sylvia Moore Myers:So in my town of Taylor mill, kentucky, we have a volunteer. That's where I was born and raised. I'm in georgia now, but you volunteered for life squad. My entire family, my mother, my dad, my brothers firemen, me. Life squad, you know, um, but I got to do fireman training, which was kind of fun nothing like taking a sledgehammer and breaking in a window. It's just really, you know, get your energy. But, um, but so I had. I was a advanced, you know, medical technician, right.
Sylvia Moore Myers:So I walk into the emergency room with my son laying there and I immediately just started helping. I didn't realize it at that time, but I had just gone through a horrible trauma. Ptsd was going to set in before too long. And then, eight months later, on my way home from the store, I'd met some friends and come home and apparently a stalker had followed me all the way into my driveway and I fought for my life at that time. If the PTS hadn't stuck by then, it was sticking real good by then. So I had that to deal with in my life. And, um, my marriage failed. When my businesses failed, um, you know it.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Just I had two grieving children, a teenager and a seven year old, and I didn't know what to do for them. You know, how do you? What do you do? You don't even know what's wrong with you. How are you going to help them? They were going through hell, um, you know, and grief, uh, isaac, uh, his brother Jacob was his best friend, not just his older brother, but his, his bestie, you know, and they grew up together and his loss is still evident. He's, you know, pushing 40. I think he turns 39 this year, but, um, he was 16 when his brother was taken from him and it's had a profound effect on his entire life. So, um, and it, and God's brought him around in a good way too. So and same with Daniel, but, um, you know you, what do you do? You know you, you, you flounder, because when I went in for this step, for the, for the treatment, when I went in to do grief recovery work, right, I thought that's what I'm going to work on, jacob. And then the killer, right, I thought that's what I'm going to work on, jacob. And then the killer right, the guy that tried to kill me and Jacob's death. And I didn't. I wasn't into it five whole minutes when they were talking about going back and finding out what happened to you.
Sylvia Moore Myers:What's your first memory in childhood? Well, I remembered very early, and I spoke two languages, not just English but a little French as well, and I was just barely two when I was doing that. But I had vivid memories of my childhood and I realized that I'd spent my entire childhood with a mother who never held my hand, sat on my lap, did my hair, talked to me about feminine hygiene. She was a mayor, she was brilliant, she had 10 children I was six down and five up of 10. And she was a wonderful woman and a great businesswoman, but a non-nurturer.
Sylvia Moore Myers:And so I grief-recovered my mom and mine's relationship first, and I realized my past had become my present because I'd never healed my past. And so and you just carry, it's like a flight pattern right. The plane goes around Atlanta over and over waiting for that call that they can land Right, and that's what being stuck in grief is like, where you're just reliving grief over and over and over again because you've never mended that, that that problem. So you're in a flight pattern that never lands and we just repeat what we don't repair.
Candace Patrice:As you are. Well, one thank you for sharing. Do you find that talking about your past, writing about your past, just sharing with others what you have been through, helps with your healing process?
Sylvia Moore Myers:It helps everyone and that's a process that a lot of people don't realize. That you know and of course you want to go through it with something or someone that knows what to help you with. You know I do crisis trauma counseling. That's what my master's degree is in and, yes, if you can get someone to really kind of timeline their life and go back and start at their first memory and come forward, you can help them build that memory bank and really kind of heal that process all the way through. And I think until you talk about what's happened to you, you're basically masking what happened to you.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I'm a diagnosed autistic, late diagnosed autistic person. So I became very good at masking and fawning and hiding how I truly felt. It's how I survived high school. Y'all. I did pretty good for myself in high school but yeah, I went through a lot of bullying in grade school and people didn't really understand me and I couldn't sit still in my seat and you know all those things that you see on your report card. She's very smart, but I had a lot of butts on my report cards, you know.
Sylvia Moore Myers:but you know I get a lot of the train in my thought. But but yeah, you have to journal and if you don't like journaling, you know, just record. I do a lot of talking and sending myself text messages.
Candace Patrice:Works. Do you listen to yourself again, or is it just to get it out?
Sylvia Moore Myers:A lot of times I'll think of something and I need to know about it. Right, I need to remember this tomorrow or in an hour or whatever, and so I'll text myself all the time. I'll send myself notes.
Sylvia Moore Myers:If I have my laptop or my computer, I'll pick up the notepad and I'll write something very quickly, even if it's spelled poorly, I dictate yeah, it doesn't matter because I'll know what it is, that's right and I'll just take that in. But I think, yeah, journaling for someone who's going through grief right now, who's not healed right and healing, is a misconception. We're not a sea cucumber. If our major organ gives out, we die. But a sea cucumber grows one back in about a week.
Sylvia Moore Myers:And a caterpillar or not a caterpillar? What is a chameleon? You can chop its tail off and he will grow a new one, right? But we can't grow on a new leg, right? We were never designed to heal, we were designed to scar.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Why I used Kintsugi on the front of my book? Because this is mending, this is not healing, you know, and if you're going to scar, you might as well beautifully scar, right. So? But I think people with wounds are looking for people with scars, and that's why we're designed the way that we are is that when you go through that and you come out on the other side and you've got the beauty of I've made it through hell and here I am, people will seek you out and go please tell me, how did you do that? Do that? You know what? What can I do? I just live in this grief every day and I don't know what to do and it's like okay, let me show you my, my wounds, let me show you my scars. You know, jesus Christ was on a cross and when he was risen up in three days and his body became new, guess what he still had.
Candace Patrice:Holes in his hands. That's right.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Because he was making a big point to us, wasn't he? Because only God can really heal us. We were designed to mend, and for a reason. And when you grasp that, you feel empowered, then you'll get your cape, because you'll be like oh my God, I've been thinking about this the entire time. I've been thinking about this wrong the entire time. This is a part of me. Make it a part of you. I didn't need a way to forget what happened to Jacob or to me. I needed a better way to remember, and that's the essence of psychology and mental health recovery is finding a new way to discuss it. So if you don't talk about it, you're not going to find that new way to remember. I was looking for an eraser. I think I told you this. I needed a highlighter. You know I needed to expound upon it, I needed to talk about it, I need to color it with gold, and that's why I wrote that book to say, I've been through it all, and so if you have, here's how you can also mend.
Candace Patrice:I have a question as you mend does, does the pain resurface?
Sylvia Moore Myers:That's a memory. Memories always stay with you, but remember what I just said. I didn't need a way to forget. I needed a better way to remember what I just said. I didn't need a way to forget, I needed a better way to remember. I can talk about Jacob without crying, but then, five minutes later, I can mention something about him. I haven't thought of him in years and I'll be like, oh good, but tears and memories and those type of mental emotions that you're going to go through. Back to Jesus. Jesus was Lazarus' friend and vice versa, and Jesus knew where Lazarus was going when he died. If anybody knew, he knew 100%. Without any doubt he's in a better place, right, but he cried because Lazarus died.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Emotions for loss are normal. Loss is normal. Emotions for loss are normal. Loss is normal. Grief is normal. We were designed to grieve. It is a process.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Yeah, the problem is when grief leads to trauma or PTSD, or when grief remains and there's no mending in sight, and that's when it becomes a problem for someone, and that's when someone like myself steps in and goes okay, let's, let's redefine this and let's talk about what's really going on, you know, and how you can remember this better. I feel bad when no one has hope. Hope is like you got to have hope. It's one of the big H's in my book. I put it there, I give it away. I put it there, I give it away and it's like the healing. Healing is deciding to heal, or help is rather, help is deciding that you're going to do something right. It's like I'm going to log into that strength and courage. I'm going to do something, and healing is saying that I'm going to make this process work. I'm going to work towards it.
Sylvia Moore Myers:And being healthy is eating right. You know moving, because a lot of people get stuck and they stay in their chair and they're like I just feel bad all the time. It's like well, get up at your first step and walk at your second one, you know, and eat right and do nice things for your body and for your soul and read good stuff. You know, garbage in, garbage out it's never changed since we were kids. And then there's hope and if you know, there is hope for anything. I hope I'll have a good day. I hope my kids will call me on Mother's Day. I hope that I will get past all this grieving and get to a better side of this trauma that I'm going through right now. Hope is just that decision that you say it's going to get better and I have hope that it will and I think hope you got to have hope first before you're ever going to get past to the healing parts of it. Unfortunately, you just got to have it, yeah.
Candace Patrice:You know what helps for me personally get through times that are difficult the book of Job. I love Job. I love Job, right.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I love Job because he's so real about you know.
Candace Patrice:Oh, my goodness, and all of the things that he had to go through and what was taken away, but then the restoration in the end. Absolutely it's a beautiful story from beginning to end. That, I think, helps on an everyday level of things we go through, like if we what we go through, and then we go back and look at Job and we go all right, maybe it's not that bad or there's hope for something more on the other side. This doesn't have to be all end all.
Sylvia Moore Myers:God's ability to put a story like Job together and make it more and deeper than it really is is also amazing about the book of Job, because this is the story of our restoration, this is our fall from glory and how he's going to restore us. And it's all told through one man's life who was basically, you know, walking around with no sin, you know, and not doing anything wrong, and and Satan got to to pick on him for a while, didn't he? And he came out on the other end not without feeling bad. He went through grief, he went through trauma, he went through loss. Just because God gave him back his more children didn't mean he doesn't still, didn't still grieve the loss of the ones that he had, yeah, but, but I think there's such a, there's so many stories in there.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I like saying, if you're reading the book, you'll know that I love the book of Lamentations because I use it against my kids when they were little. I'd say you know, you need to go make your bed and do such, and so it's like why? It's like because God said so. Where, where, lamentations? I'm pretty sure it's in Lamentations, so. But Lamentations means grieving, you know. I mean, it's basically that's what it's about you know lamenting, and there's so many juicy verses and lamentations about grief, very profound, can walk someone Mine is book of Ecclesiastes Just the learning, the knowledge.
Candace Patrice:You seem like you're on your journey of the book of Ecclesiastes Like you've done law, journalism, the firefighting, all of the things you learned a lot of field learning I did have. I have a question. And then, of course, mom, if you need to jump in anywhere, just literally you're going to have to jump on in there. We are shooting in the morning today, guys. You guys know mornings give us fuel.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I've got my coffee still here. I got my coffee Not afraid to use it. I'm not afraid to use it. I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, Okay.
Candace Patrice:So one of my questions is would you say that being authentic about your emotions and sharing that and analyzing how it makes you feel out loud is a means to healing?
Sylvia Moore Myers:It's part of the process of grief recovery. It's not something you stand up in a group. You don't do it like a 12 steps where you stand up in the congregation and go. It's been four days since I cursed. It's not like that. It's an intimate letter that you write to the person who hurt you or the person who you know killed your child or or something like money.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I knew someone that wrote a letter to money because of what it did to destroy their life and you're resolving it's like dear. For me, for example, it'd be dear mom, um, I really wish you would have come to at least one of my ball games when I was a kid, or to my wedding, or to the prom, or just gone to the graduation when I I wrote this long letter and that. But here's the things I know about you and I just wanted to tell you I forgive you for that, I love you and, um, and I wrote that letter to my mom. The letter that I wrote to the person that that tried to kill me was I'd already forgave him in the sense that God forgives you, I forgive you. He was going to jail anyway. Forgiving is not condoning an action, right. So that letter writing process is a very important part of grief recovery. Do your timeline, pick your poison, pick what's really hurting you at that point, or pick one of them and let's resolve that issue.
Sylvia Moore Myers:And you talk about what the bad was that happened. Okay, one-on-one. My groups go separate. Two girls go this way, two people go that way, you know, and they talk to each other quietly.
Sylvia Moore Myers:With what I call the listening talker card. You get to listen. That's all you're allowed to do. If you are the listener, you listen. If you're the talker, you get to talk. You're not allowed to touch the other person. And, by the way, touching someone when they're giving their story takes away all the emotion. It stops the process. And so you do that one-on-one with that person. Then you come back and you write your letter Dear dad, dear bad person from high school, you know that raped me, whatever the horrible thing is. And you come back and you read those letters one-on-one with that person again. And just in that three-step process right there which can take up to eight weeks, by the way, it's not something you can do completely thoroughly in like an afternoon, but just that process I see people just fall apart with joy and really saying for the first time they've addressed it. It's like I just tell them say, pick it up, slap it around a little and tell it how it really makes you feel.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Because, that's what grief is. It's just holding you down and you have a right to feel better. You have a God-given created body and mind to do things, and if grief is what's stepping on you right now, you need to pull it out, slap it around. Tell it what you really feel and you'll see that you'll start healing from that.
Candace Patrice:So I started reading your book as I share it with you. But you taught me something in the book and it was about the grief and you were like shut up and listen. I was like, cause, a lot of times I know I don't necessarily know how to respond in grief with someone else Like what is my role? How, how am I supposed to show up for you? Um, and a lot of times I'll even reach out and you know, just let people know. I may not be your person, who you want to come to, but I'm here If you want to be quiet, if you want to scream, if you want to laugh, um, so just let me know how I can show up for you. But hearing you say what you said in the book, just like shut up, listen, be what that person needs you to be, don't try to do the whole relatable thing.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Oh, I know how you feel. I lost my dog last week. I'm sure I know how you feel. It's like, oh God. There's a whole section in my book called the Intermission, the Halftime. It's like, oh God, there's a whole section in my book called the intermission, the halftime. It's like the middle eight is what I love to call it, and it's all about what not to say at a funeral.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Because we broke grief a hundred years ago. We broke it Used to. You'd go to grandma's house and a lot of cultures still do this, thank God but you'd go to grandma's house and she'd be laid out in the parlor right and and we'd all be in the kitchen. Everybody be walking by grandma's house, kids be in the front yard, playing, coming in and out, saying hi to grandma, and we'd all be laughing about the funny things she used to do, like eat her dessert first, you know, and her green beans last, and just funny stuff, things that she used to say like I'm old but I'm'm slow, and those would be fun things and fun times in the time of the greatest grief and loss. But that's what got us through that and that's called grieving. Well, fast forward. Now we take everybody to a strange building across town that we've probably never been to, or once or twice, and it's all ceremonial, and the kids are in the kitchen eating all the food people brought. They're not even in the ceremony because we're afraid it's going to be too hard on them. Bless their little hearts. And then they're putting grandmas in the funeral parlor. They stole that from grandma's house. That's what they call it funeral parlor. They stole it and we think that that's grieving. And then, to make it worse, we put the parents or the wife or the family of the person that they lost right next to the coffin and we all stand in line for hours so we can go up there and say something really profound like she's in a better place or um, god needed another angel in heaven. My favorite one was Jacob's work on earth was done and I said what was he working on and why did he finish so soon? But we go up there and say the dumbest shit Sorry, but we do. And we do it because that's what we've been taught. That's how people have modeled grief for us, and it's wrong. And we do it because that's what we've been taught. That's how people have modeled grief for us, and it's wrong. And we've got to start retraining. We've got to model grief for our children Is the time of saying goodbye and of loss, absolutely, but it should also be a time of remembering and celebrating a life, and it shouldn't be torturing a parent.
Sylvia Moore Myers:There's no words in the English language. Go find them. If you find them, please send them to me. I will write a book about it, but in the English language there's nothing.
Sylvia Moore Myers:My condolences is not I'm sorry for your loss. The closest you can get is I'm sorry for your loss, and I got so tired of hearing it after a while. I would just say I'm sorry too. It wasn't bad, though Don't get me me wrong. If that's the only thing you can think of to say, then say that, or just best thing to say is absolutely nothing. Just hug them, tell them I love you, and if you say this, you better mean it. If you need anything, you call me, and you better be there if they call you, because I'm going to tell you what happens in trauma.
Sylvia Moore Myers:This is what you learn about trauma, and that's for natural disasters that honeymoon stage where everybody's there at the funeral. They bring food to the house. In a natural disaster, they all show up with water. It's like we don't even know what to do with all this water, but thank you, and we have to restore it. And then the president flies in and gets a photo op and celebrities grab money, and then the honeymoon stage ends and the family is still without their child. The wife is still without her husband, you know, the children are still without their grandma, right, but no one shows back up. That's called the disillusion, and that's when people realize they're in PTSD and they need the most help. You promised at that funeral. You said if you need anything, I'll be there. Well, you know, about three months after the death you need to give them a call and say, hey, I made a promise to you I'd be there. I'm checking in on you now. Yep, yeah, and that's what we need to do for people. And we're not doing it. And years ago that's what happened.
Candace Patrice:You know, I've been able to practice that a couple of times A couple of friends or people who've lost someone, and it's checking in, like you said, a few months later, when you know everyone else has stopped calling they don't want to see you anymore.
Candace Patrice:No, they have moved on with their life because the pain isn't the same for them and the memory isn't the same for them. So it escapes and they go on to their everyday routines and everyday life. But even now I'll find times to check in on someone who lost someone four or five years ago.
Janet Hale:Oh yeah.
Candace Patrice:Because it doesn't stop. There was a picture, and I think you sent it to me, Mom, and it was a person holding a boulder.
Janet Hale:I was going to mention that.
Candace Patrice:And it says the grief doesn't get lighter, you get stronger.
Janet Hale:Yes, yeah, I like that. Yes, I want to jump in now, yes, go, go, go.
Janet Hale:And so when you were talking, you showed the broken pieces mend it back together. That is something I've been saying for years and I don't know where I got that from, but I've always saying for years and I don't know where I got that from, but I've always believed in that because I think we should be allowed to break in a million pieces and let that be okay. And then when we mend ourselves together and I've been saying this for years, I don't know where I got it is to use gold glue. Use gold glue to bring yourself back together. And so when you said that, I was like yes, okay, the other, oh, I'm going around back and forth because I'm just getting in but the talking with someone is going through something, their trauma, whatever.
Janet Hale:That is not to touch them and I don't know where I heard this from but to touch them is to control them. Yeah, you stop the emotion. Yeah, it's like, oh, you're crying, oh, let me stop it. And so a lot of people don't get that, Even the person who's doing the controlling. I don't think.
Sylvia Moore Myers:If someone, if they're trying to get through their grief and they're trying to recover and they're telling you their story, stay blue, not touch right. Yes, If they're at the funeral and they're crying and they're lost, that's a good time to hug. That's okay. Yeah, it's too early for that healing process. Right now. They need to grieve.
Janet Hale:It's okay and I love what you said about the healing as well, but it's about the mending. And when you talked about our memory, going back in memory, I remember being in a workshop and they said what is your first memory? It was awful, and I was in a room full of people and I was like I can't share this, I cannot. My very first memory was a hurtful, lonely place, and so to go back there and you talked about writing a letter, I find for me that the letter is written to myself. You can, you know, but for me, because there's so many ways that I have dishonored my pain, my grief, because of, like you said, putting on that face for everyone else, that's right Faking it and losing myself. Like what am I doing?
Janet Hale:I lost you, a group of us went out to San Diego and it was a triggering and I'm just listening to you made me go. Mm, and it was a triggering, and I'm just listening to you made me go, hmm, and I remember when I lived there over 40 years ago and something very tragic happened I don't even know if everyone is aware and I remember while I was in the car and all of us were driving, that came back and I was like who do I talk to this, about this?
Sylvia Moore Myers:is some big big stuff. Like who do I talk?
Janet Hale:to this about. This is some big, big stuff and so just allowing myself to go through the things that I need to go through, and the other thing Candice mentioned being authentic about our emotions Right, and I find that sometimes with that we must be careful who our audience is because some folks will take that information and weaponize you with it.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Yeah, yeah, so you. That's why I said that needs to be a very intimate, controlled environment with someone like myself or another counselor. That that helps you have that one-on-one conversation. But I want you to think about your letter. I had a friend who wrote her letter to her father, who had sexually abused her from the age of two forward, I think. Her uncle also sexually abused her and her grandmother walked in on him raping her when she was four and she closed the door and walked back out. And that's the kind of life that she grew up with and she is a profound grief recovery specialist now, as you can possibly imagine.
Sylvia Moore Myers:But her letter to her dad was not one of forgiveness, it was one of resolving. It went more like this Dear dad, what you did to me you know was horrible and you know how I had to spend my childhood and how I missed out on this and this. And what she said to him at the end is I'm not going to let this bother me anymore. I'm not going to give you residency in my heart or in my brain for what you did to me. I'm going to move forward now and that's what resolved her grief, for her was making those types of statements and that's not forgiveness or condoning those types of statements and that's not forgiveness or condoning. That is inside your own self saying you're not getting any more of my attention. I'm not going to let you dwell in my brain every day anymore.
Janet Hale:There was an elder in the family and I became a woman and that person was still alive. I invited that person to dinner and I had that kind of conversation. And when I say I was liberated, I was first of all. I don't know where I got the courage from. Where did that come?
Candace Patrice:from when did that?
Janet Hale:idea come from. And I remember sitting there and it wasn't like we're not going to act, like that didn't happen. I'm not going to play that game. I want you to hear me and I want to release this and I want to release this. Wow, and man, I'm like that was awesome. So I love the fact that you're here, sylvia Thank you, I really am. And to talk about the trauma, because many of us are living in a state of trauma just based on what's going on.
Janet Hale:Our environment, the climate. I'm thinking everybody needs a therapist, where the hell they should assign everybody. Why are we walking around acting like we're okay?
Sylvia Moore Myers:Yeah, we're all broken, though right, and I think that's the world that we live in. We lost our Eden and everything from the moment that we lost it, when Adam and Eve sinned, has been working up towards the restoration and we're just a restoration site in progress. You know, until God fixes, you know and heals and again, I always say, only God can truly heal us, because we scar. I did want to one caveat. I wanted to say don't try this letter writing process and thinking that you're going to mail this letter to dear John or dear mom or dear dad.
Sylvia Moore Myers:This is a private, personal thing that you will never share with another soul, unless you write a book, like I did, and you put it in my put my dear mom letter and my dear John letter, cause I got cheated on, my heart broke and that was one of the first letters I wrote. I was really surprised that that little part of my life troubled me so much that I did that before the murder of my son. Like why? Because that's what I said what you don't fix goes with you, doesn't it? Yeah, you just keep carrying it around, the baggage gets heavier and heavier and you start releasing those. I didn't mail John a letter. We're friends on Facebook. Now, after all these years, he's remarried. I'm proud of him.
Candace Patrice:That was like 40 years by the way his name is actually John too. It really is.
Janet Hale:So, dear John, literally.
Candace Patrice:Dear John, literally John, literally. Wait, John 1 or John 2?
Sylvia Moore Myers:John 1. Okay, john Wong. But yeah, I just absolutely madly in love with the guy and for many, many, many years I thought I still was and that's grief just hanging on and I couldn't shake it and I always felt like that he ruined my entire life by doing that to me. But he didn't, and you know, and eventually he apologized, you know, and I apologized to him. So you can make amends. I don't recommend it, though. With people that hurt you, I'm not going to go to the and necessarily go over to the criminal prison where they keep crazy people that killed your son and just walk in and go. I just want you to know I'm just praying for you and forgive you. I'm like I'm staying the hell away from there.
Candace Patrice:He's a mad mom. I think you said something that I think was important, because we're hearing these big traumas that you've gone through, but you also said that the breakup was just as hard, it was painful, it hurt, and I just wanted to acknowledge, at least for our listeners, that your pain is real, wherever it lies, it doesn't have to be.
Sylvia Moore Myers:When pain is coupled with self-worth, it can cause trauma. With self-worth, it can cause trauma. It's just traumatic for you and if you don't shake it, you carry it, your past becomes your present until it's mended. Just remember that If it's stuck in there and it seems trivial it's not you need to probably deal with it in therapy or in a grief recovery class of some sort or you know self-help. You know it just becomes part of your baggage. You know, do you really want that? Yeah, no, and God didn't mean for us to do that. You know he didn't say I'm going to forgive you of your sins, but I want you to feel really bad about them forever, forever, forever. You sinned, that's right.
Candace Patrice:So the truth will set you free. Okay, you have gone through lots of things over your lifetime and filled your scars with gold and shared the stories, but you also have this relationship with God. How did your experiences affect your relationship with God?
Sylvia Moore Myers:Well, you know, I was early age. I was 12 years old and I asked my grandmother it was before that, because she died when I was eight. I asked her when I was very little it's like I want to read the Bible. And she said then, read the Bible. And I said where do I start? And she said Revelations first, genesis second, and then finish the rest of it. So I thought that was pretty profound. So at like 12, I think, I picked up the Bible and I read it exactly like she said, straight through.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I started going to church camp, was saved, and that was at a very early age as well. So I always had a relationship with God and knew that he had saved me. But when I lost my first child, which was by my own hand, I was a teenager and I let John one talk me into that. Abortion was a great idea and it went against everything that I believed in. And I suffered for that with many, many years lying to every doctor after that and every one of my children and my husband and everyone about it even happening, because that was me holding that back as something so horrible that I did that. There's no forgiveness for me. If anyone knew I was afraid they'd kick me out of church group, you know. So it's like we'll let you watch any of our kids because you can't even keep yours. But I really self-judged myself horribly for that and just carried that on. And I had a lot of a lot of talks with God during that and just carried that on. And, um, I had a lot of a lot of talks with God during that and asking and begging for forgiveness. Um and um. You know, times got good, times got bad, times got good and then Jacob got killed.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I'm driving in my convertible. I had a little Volkswagen bug convertible. I put the top down. It was freezing. This is December, christmas time, right, it's cold outside even in Georgia, and I'm driving like 70 miles an hour down a 45 mile an hour road, yelling at God with my top down. Take me now. I hate you and why are you doing this to me?
Sylvia Moore Myers:You know whatever all the thoughts that went through my mind and I so wanted to blame God's hand for that because my life had just started to get normal again. You know, I had a nice house and a great company, three children I was so happy and great, a husband. That was nice, you know, not mean. And so, at the height of where I thought, you know, god wanted me to be, my child was taken. At the height of where I thought God wanted me to be, my child was taken. And so my relationship with God. It was still strong because I knew he was still God. But I was angry and that was normal. And then again I went back to God and begged for forgiveness, like I know. You didn't See, my God didn't wake up on December the 6th and say I need Jacob up here, stat, and I don't care how you do it, that's not my God and that's what people were telling me. God just needed.
Candace Patrice:Jacob in heaven and I'm like for what To play guitar, I love that For what?
Sylvia Moore Myers:That's not God. My God's son died on a cross. You know, that's my God, my God's, my God knows what it was like when I, my God, can empathize with me because he knows what I went through, and when I realized that the strength and the faith that I have with God took a different turn and level altogether, so that when my kids or my grandkids say, oh, don't, I'll say I'm here, I love you, I'm going to be here forever Well, at least until I die and they're like, oh, you're not going to die.
Sylvia Moore Myers:So oh yes, I am, and I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be much nicer than here and I'll keep it.
Candace Patrice:But now I relationship where um that I that I that I know, that, I know, that I know. So God has done some miraculous things in your life as well. Um you were diagnosed or not diagnosed? What is it diagnosed with? Um, when was it? When you were pregnant, while you were pregnant. So I had um, I had Jacob, he was C-. You were pregnant while you were pregnant.
Sylvia Moore Myers:So I had um, I had Jacob he was C-section and then, um, I got pregnant with Isaac three, three years later and I went in for that initial test. You know I'd done the little pee on the strip thing, by the way, I'm so weird I kept all three of those for my children. I'm disgusting, but that's so cool.
Janet Hale:No, we're like okay.
Candace Patrice:Maybe we're disgusting to wear in good company. I know, I just put them in your baby book, right?
Sylvia Moore Myers:here it's pee, it's like it's 30 years old. It's 30 years old.
Candace Patrice:Get over it. It's cool now.
Sylvia Moore Myers:It's cool now, but I'd done that and so I knew early on. So I went in, they did a pap smear and it was like a day or two later or something that I get a call from um the doctor's nurse, and that was actually was his mother, I think, um, I got her name right in the book somewhere because I looked it up. But um, she, uh, and she said Dr Lavender wants you to come up to the office right away. There's a couple of things. We've got some of your test bag. He wants to go over those with you. And I went I was a paralegal in trial work, right, and you know, and, like um, I'm kind of busy today. Can we do this? And she said, no, you need to come today. And I said, okay, well, if we're going to play this game, tell me why. And she said you have a lot of. There's a negative, you know, um, on your pap smear and he wants to talk to you about that right away.
Sylvia Moore Myers:So I, I, I took off, went up there and Dr Lavender is a Christian and he's literally has my file in his hand and he goes you have third stage dysplasia, forming cancer right now on your cervix, he said and if you continue this pregnancy it's going to continue and because you're pregnant, it's going to continue to grow. That's just what that does If it moves to your vaginal wall. You know there's not a lot that can be done at that point if it metastasizes. And he said I can't tell you what to do. You know, I can't tell you what I. I know what I would do. He said I'm a Christian. I said I can't advise you on getting an abortion. And you got to remember I had had one when I was a kid. Right, I dealt with the grief and the loss. I miss that child still today.
Sylvia Moore Myers:And so I handed the file back to Dr Lavender and he said oh, he said you know, you take your file and you can go anywhere you like. I'm not going to judge you for whatever you decide to do. And I said, I said Dr Lavender, I said tell you what we'll do. I'll be your patient, you be my doctor, and let's just see how far this is going to go, cause I'm not going to get an abortion. This child's going to live. And so we went to the end of the pregnancy. He was checking me constantly. You know, dysplasia is still there. I give birth to Isaac November the 6th and they schedule me for, like I think, it's, a week later. It's because they wanted the cervix to be low. Even though I'd had a C-section, the cervix had still, you know, gotten quite out of shape. They wanted that to be, you know, smaller when they did a full hysterectomy. So I mean full hysterectomy, mm-hmm.
Candace Patrice:One week after giving birth. Yeah, what was the previous scan before you gave birth?
Sylvia Moore Myers:I think a week or two before he was born, something like that. Yeah, absolutely it wasn't that far before that, because he was checking me all the time right and I was trying to give birth to Isaac Isaac early, because you know I would. He was so big they for a while they thought I had twins. It's just because he was almost 10 pounds and I'm five foot two, I'm a short little thing with a small diaphragm too. So I so I get it, you get it. Small diaphragm is like baby comes straight out there, there's no sideways, it's all frontward. But um, but yeah.
Sylvia Moore Myers:So I went in, um, my dad went with me. That was it Me and my dad, he was a mother I never had, and um, so yep and uh, go in. And I wake up, um, and my dad's dad says hey. And I said hey, and he goes, it's gone. And I'm thinking he's talking cervix, uterus, all that crap that's in there, and I said, yeah, daddy, it's gone. He goes, no, no, baby, it's gone. And I went, yeah, I'm groggy, and he says hang on. And Dr Lavender comes in and he says well, we went in. He said I looked at the service first and it was clean. He said so there was nothing there. And so he said I went ahead and did a cone biopsy and we're running lab work. He said but I don't think there's anything there, it's just gone. And I'm like where did it go? God took it. So to this day, isaac's a Christian, he's also a pastor and Isaac will tell people. It's like yeah, I took the cancer away. She gave me birth, you know, she kept me alive, I kept her alive.
Candace Patrice:It was a tit for a tat type thing. Wasn't there a little joke about a rash or something he did?
Sylvia Moore Myers:He was born with a whole rash on his whole body. It was not a normal one. Babies get a little rash. His didn't go away, it just. It stayed for a long, long time. So he just took it out with a rash, you know. So we treated that child with everything for up until he was like three or so he would still get the rashes on his face from it. It's like that's my cancer so. But yeah, we can't explain it. Dr Lavender wrote something up about it being like unusual, you know what. What can't figure out what caused the cure. You know, it's like what caused her to not have cancer anymore. It's like it's hard to put in the AMA, but yeah, it was truly a miracle.
Candace Patrice:It feels like it's the faith of you and your doctor combined, because you both were kind of like God's leading and we're just going to have to see what happens. You be the doctor, I be the patient, that's it. And ultimately, your doctor was God. Yeah, god's over there. Like I got the surgery, don't worry about it, I'm cleaning you out.
Sylvia Moore Myers:You know what's funny If I would have had and I'm not saying it would have occurred this way, because it's a butterfly effect, life is a butterfly effect I could drop this vase and something will happen tomorrow because of it, right? But if I would have, I lost my first child to abortion. Jacob was born Isaac. If I would have aborted Isaac, there would have never been a Daniel. That's my youngest son. That's the chapter called just one. There's always room for one more, daniel Moore. So after a miracle. But if I would have then lost Jacob to the murderer, I would have been childless. Yeah, so I see the profound plan I just heard that I would have been childless.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I wouldn't have had any child, they would have all been gone. I just heard that it would have been childless. I wouldn't have had any child, but they would have all been gone.
Candace Patrice:And so I think Isaac, might have been my little miracle child, but Daniel was just as equally a miracle as well, because he grew up in the same womb.
Sylvia Moore Myers:That was supposed to be taken out from a full hysterectomy.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Supposed to be gone, but not supposed to be, because it wasn't. So you know, and I just think God's always got his hand in everything, Everything you let him. You just got to let go of the reins a little bit and let him control it. But I really didn't expect to live that year. I did all kinds of crazy things. I went and volunteered at the church camp. I was this pregnant and I jaked up in one hand and baby belly and I went and helped at a summer camp for kids Pregnant. I was like I'm just going to do whatever I can do to have, you know, enjoy this until it's gone, because I did not think I would make it. I really didn't.
Janet Hale:Wow, you know, sylvia, I like and appreciate, when you talk about losing your children, that you include the one.
Candace Patrice:That's a beautiful, your only girl.
Janet Hale:My only girl. That's a beautiful way to acknowledge that being actually existed, yeah, and that you provided space. Yeah, and continue to provide space, oh yeah, and you know it's heartache.
Sylvia Moore Myers:It's kind of like back to now that you're healed, or now you're mended from your pain. Do you forget all the bad things that happened to you? No, I just remember them in a different way. You know, and that's really true, mending from grief and loss is being able to talk about it and help other people. You know, I'm not picketing on the abortion clinic. Although I don't believe abortion is right, that's my personal opinion. I believe that conception is when life begins and we have no right to take any other stand besides that. That's you going to deal with God later. You know, and, and.
Sylvia Moore Myers:But I don't judge people for what they do, cause look what happened to me. I didn't have anybody to go to talk to. I didn't talk to my mom about it. I definitely wouldn't talk to my dad, you know, and I had no one. It was me and another teenager that decided that was the smart thing to do, and it was the worst day of my life and I'll never forget any of that that happened to me. But you know, again, thank you, because she does have a name, you know, and she's in heaven as well. So I'll have four children when I get there, so I'm looking forward to heaven. Half my children are already there.
Candace Patrice:I'm looking forward to having half my kids are already there. You know, I will say, one of the ways that I have been able to honor grief is by celebrating the life. So I lost my brother in 2016 and my father in 2021. My brother was murdered after an altercation in Texas and my dad died after he got COVID in December and then had a heart attack or so in February. Anywho, the best part of it is thinking about their memories. Yes, so my brother was in a gang and he did his thing when he was younger, but he didn't die until he was 35. And it's like what we had 35. That's what we say. Yeah, we're like we got to keep him for 35 years.
Candace Patrice:That is so good.
Sylvia Moore Myers:You got to do the worst of it.
Candace Patrice:That's right. Or even with my dad's knowing that um how active he was in my life, that he got to see um his granddaughter and you know every time I go he was the parent that did all the auto show, all the outside things like events and things.
Candace Patrice:So now when I do those things, it's like I get to think about what my dad did for me and just honoring that. And so on their birthdays we all we never celebrate the death day, we always celebrate the birthday. And so for my dad is getting a pineapple milkshake, for my brother it's pouring a beer out and taking a sip or having a beer in honor of his memory.
Candace Patrice:For my brother it's a margarita, you see there are ways in which we sit and we honor the past and those who have gone before us, and whatever that looks like, isn't that a?
Sylvia Moore Myers:joy, though that's a joyful way to remember someone, is something fun about them. Just to laugh and smile.
Candace Patrice:Absolutely Go ahead, mom.
Janet Hale:Oh, thanks. When you were talking about your dad, I thought about how he was so intentional. Yes, he was so intentional about leaving his memory. You know, we divorced a year before he died. I don't know what that was. I'm still talking to him. You know like what was that? We live we live. I was like, okay, so, but he was so intentional and he would even say things like I want you to know this when I'm not here, I'm like why are you even saying that?
Janet Hale:Not knowing that it would be a divorce. And then I'm out and with Candace he was and our granddaughter. He was so intentional, like he made sure that he created memories Like the zoo Candace, whenever she goes to the zoo and see a monkey, she figured her dad because that was part of who he was, and he invited her into it and then the grandbaby and so he was always. I just feel that way. He's not here to say anything, but I just really felt like he was intentional and he wanted to leave us with a memory that was consistent to who he was. And as a father he was a damn good dad and I always tell her that I mean we got divorced. She ain't got to tell me I lived it.
Candace Patrice:I'm like he was good to you. I know and you know, and I'm so honored because, as you know, sylvia having a relationship with God and me knowing that my earthly father was a great example of a father. So my relationship with God is so good. It didn't grow as great as it is until, and continues to grow until, my separation, which allowed me to really focus on God, and so I get to compare my earthly father and my heavenly father and the beauties of their intertwining. So now it's like, with my earthly father gone, I'm like all right, guys, what you got for, like talking to God in the same way, because I know what it looks like to have a father.
Candace Patrice:I know what a father's role looks like, so I can always go. Well, god, I know you got me. I know what that looks like, I know how to have faith. I know how to believe because I trust you, I trusted my father, so I know how to do that and what that looks like, and I'm very grateful and fortunate that I've had that. Mom, thanks for picking such a great dad. How about?
Janet Hale:that I did do that part, okay, but you made me think about when you were married, and sometimes he would even mention I can't step up to what your dad was. I mean, I'm paraphrasing but he was like, look, okay, he was Superman, that's what he called him he said, I don't know if I can.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Super dad.
Janet Hale:That's an awesome place to be, where a man who is entering your life understand that the standard is so high. Right, that's awesome, because not everyone has that.
Sylvia Moore Myers:No, they don't. I luckily had a really great dad. He helped me pick out prom dresses and feminine hygiene when I was seventh grade and started my period. And it's not that my mother didn't do anything. You know, she, my mother, was Asperger's. We didn't know that until after she died and I was diagnosed and then we found out. You know, it's like, oh, that's why she had all these sensitivities to water and everything. But my mother was autistic and had sensory issues, you know. But those were, those were just things that she wasn't good at. That my dad took over that role, you know. But I had a really great dad. He was busy you know 10 kids but he went to every one of my ball practices, taught me how to bat, taught my children how to bat I still I teach my grandchildren how to hit a ball and you know, and he went to the things that that you know that would have. I would have loved to see mom there, but now I respect her so much more, knowing what she went through as a child. And you know, I think that we have a lot.
Sylvia Moore Myers:That's one of those letters that you write and you go. I forgive you and I think about what happened to you and I'm sorry that I didn't know that before. So you know those those resolutions are. I'm sorry I didn't do this for you. I'm sorry I didn't do this for you. I'm sorry I didn't know about that and I'm sorry we didn't have that time together that we should have and I forgive you for that.
Candace Patrice:You know, and that's a good resolution letter and, again, the person that killed your brother. That's a different conversation, isn't it? I'm not going to let this bother me anymore. Oh, my mom. My mom did a great job with that a long time ago, with the forgiving process, and you know, I'm grateful to be able to have that example too in how to handle a lot of situations, especially trauma. She's she's an uncertified term traumatologist. I love it.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I'll call you Dr. Traumatologist, I love it. I'll call you Dr.
Janet Hale:Traumatologist. I keep waiting on my PhD to come.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I'll get you one.
Candace Patrice:Sylvia. I want you to tell our listeners about your book again, where they can get it. Before you even do that I just want to say to the listeners. Before you even do that, I just want to say to the listeners this is such a good read. It's a quick read. It is filled with things that will keep you turning the page.
Sylvia Moore Myers:It's like a murder mystery, but it really happened.
Candace Patrice:It really is. It's so good, but it's just really really good.
Sylvia Moore Myers:I would totally recommend this book Written to read very easily. I did not use PhD level conversation or analysis. This is just real life from real people talking about real stuff.
Candace Patrice:It's so good that I want to send it to someone who lost their husband about two weeks ago in a motorcycle accident, and I think this would be good for them to have when they're ready to pick it up.
Sylvia Moore Myers:When they're ready. I had some people send me books and it was a few years before I ever read them.
Candace Patrice:I eventually did, but sometimes you're just not ready for that yet, and I'm also going to get confirmation that she's okay with me sending it to her, because she may not want it. She may be like ah, no thanks.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Well, if you go to goldscarscom that's my website you can. There's a code on the linked tree that I put in the chat. There's a there's a code. But if you put in M-J-A, which is M-J-A four zero, you get 40% off the book if you buy it directly from my publisher. So, and that's for your customers, your group of folks so if you go there, make sure you buy it directly from the publisher. You'll see that button. It's not hard to find and you can also look at my children's book series on that as well.
Sylvia Moore Myers:And we've got a new book coming out called the Pear Tree and the Mistletoe, which will come out before Christmas, and it is a walk through grief. It's poetic with art and it's so beautiful. My youngest son is an artist, daniel, and so I wrote the book. He's doing all the artwork on the book and the publishers already approved it. So we hope to rock and roll that one out in about 30 days. We'll start the ending process and hopefully kind of hoping for September, october. But look for that book as well.
Sylvia Moore Myers:And again, I try to make it as affordable. If you go to my website, you can download the free PDF that gives you all the seven steps for free, and then you're automatically signed up to my Tuesday newsletter. I send out a newsletter about grief and recovery and love and everything else. It's short, it's simple. Nothing to buy. You know there's no clickbait. Yeah, just every Tuesday it'll come in your mailbox at about 8 am. So sign up for that and get those free nuggets. We're on the Wizard of Oz theme right now, which is a lot of fun Because the grief is a journey down the yellow brick road, isn't it? That's right. So I put those analogies and we're all a little bit Tin man, a little bit Scarecrow, a little bit Dorothy and a little bit the lion right, yeah, yeah.
Sylvia Moore Myers:We can all relate to those characters. But I put grief into that perspective and I'm not trying to make grieving fun, but I'm making the journey down towards grief recovery um little less painful, a little more palatable, yeah, um so so do you see clients like one-on-one, do you do?
Sylvia Moore Myers:how can people I could, I can, I can, I could do group um. I hope to have some courses out sometime after the summer. I just started my dissertations, uh, in a phd um, you know, course study for the summer. So I've got five classes this summer, um, and so I'm not doing a lot of um online courses, um, but there will be there soon, right? Um, I do do group um sessions, um, you know um, locally it's hard to put those out, but, um, stand by cause I am going to be doing that. I've got the, I've got the degree to do. You know any level of counseling at this point as a master in counseling, but I also know my limitations for taking on, you know, folks. But anybody who writes to me, I will hook them up. I will give them free resources, information, you know, maybe even a referral.
Candace Patrice:How can they write to you?
Sylvia Moore Myers:Sylvia Moore Myers at gmailcom. Yeah, just really simple.
Candace Patrice:S-Y-L-V-I-A-M-O-O-R-E-M-Y-E-R-Scom.
Sylvia Moore Myers:That's right At gmailcom the same name that's on the front of the book. So Sylvia Moore Myers at gmailcom. That's probably the easiest way to get to me. There's another email through the book, but just write to me personally and say I saw you on the show. I want some more information about blank and I'll give you that information.
Candace Patrice:So sounds good. How about social media? How can people get my link tree?
Sylvia Moore Myers:Um it, I put it in the notes. If you can give, can you share that with everyone?
Candace Patrice:Um, I'll get it in an email and put it on there.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Okay. So link tree. It's really easy. If you can find link tree I think it's link tree slash. Gold scars. I made it really simple gold scars. On link tree. Everything is there. You just find me and you'll have my facebook, my twitter, that I should use more, but I don't. It's all right. But um and uh. So every everything on social media, the website link is there, and then I also put a coupon in that as well. So if you missed the first coupon, there's another one, but I try to make it really easy for folks. It's Goldscars for everything. Youtube is Goldscars, but all of that again is on the link tree slash Goldscars.
Candace Patrice:Awesome and, of course, listeners. If any of you are dealing with anything and need someone to talk to, you can always call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Continue to follow. Follow Sylvia. She's probably going to get another degree in the next 10 years. We'll see where she's going next where she's going next.
Sylvia Moore Myers:If I finish on time, about a year and a half I should be done. I have a PhD, yeah.
Candace Patrice:And continue. You can follow us at essentialmotivationcom. Instagram is Candice Patrice motivates. I know it keeps changing guys. I'm working on getting something consistent, trying to find the right thing and the branding and just all of the things. So just continue to continue to follow guys.
Sylvia Moore Myers:Link tree and get all of it on there. Then you can change it whenever you want to and no one will care.
Candace Patrice:So I should really do that. You are correct.
Sylvia Moore Myers:It's really just like having a big file folder to put everything in and I can just give people my link tree. It's like slash gold scars If you can spell gold scars, you've got me. And then if I decide I'm going to add a new Facebook page, I can put it on there. It's endless. Just keep adding, stacking it.
Candace Patrice:So that that sounds like a plan I need easy in my life girl. It's called slap Sounds like a plan.
Sylvia Moore Myers:We got that from the comedian.
Candace Patrice:What's his name? Dion.
Sylvia Moore Myers:We on all the Dion's today, aren't we? His full name escapes me.
Candace Patrice:Yes, yes, exactly, exactly. Thank you so much. Thank you so so much. Did you have any last words you wanted to give mom? Do you have any last words you want to give?
Janet Hale:I just really appreciate sharing this space with you, sylvia oh, thank you thank you so very much um for starting our sunday, I mean month wednesday. Sorry though you know we had things going on, but it was part of the process. And what a wonderful way to start our Wednesday, so thank you very much.
Sylvia Moore Myers:You've been a real joy. I just I just tell people you know, get help when you need help. There's a reason I wrote the sevens to heal and I'd give that free resource on my website. Go there and download it If you do nothing else for yourself. Go get that free PDF, because it does walk you through how to be happy again and it starts from the very basics and takes you all the way to being hilarious. Because if you can't laugh out loud until you just cry out of laughter, then you're not really mended, are you? And I like people to get to that point where hilarity is one of their seven H's. You know, besides help and hope, there's always being happy again and being hilarious again. So work on that and get that free PDF If there's no charge for that.
Candace Patrice:And I want to leave you all with just being honest with yourselves first, to be able to get the support and the resources and the help that you need. Always, I always always say find a safe place, a safe person, a safe therapist counselor. If it doesn't feel good, it's okay, move on. You want to feel good. You don't want to be in a place and a space with someone who makes you feel judged or makes you feel like what you're minimizing, someone who makes you feel judged or makes you feel like what you're minimizing, what you go through, just like we talked about earlier. We with Sylvia and all of the the big pain, but all of the pain is big because it's your pain, so it's not to be minimized and you know that is where I am with it. Everybody. So remember to love hard, forgive often, everybody. So remember to love hard, forgive often and laugh frequent. Thank you, thank you.
Janet Hale:Thank you, Candace. Are you going to do the suicide thing she did? I missed it.
Candace Patrice:You see what you do to people I know.
Janet Hale:Bye guys, bye, bye.
