Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
From Homelessness to Homeownership, From Air Force to Real Estate: Sean Lax's Journey
What would our lives look like if we had learned financial literacy from an early age? Sean Lax, who joined us on Essential Mental Healing, answers this question through his remarkable journey from childhood homelessness to successful real estate agent.
Sean's story begins in suburban St. Louis where his family embodied the American dream – until they lost everything in 1992. At just 12 years old, Sean experienced the devastating shift from comfort to sleeping in the family car. This profound early experience instilled in him a deep fear of financial insecurity that would follow him for decades.
With raw honesty, Sean shares how joining the Air Force at 18 provided stability but not financial wisdom. Despite earning regular paychecks, he lived paycheck-to-paycheck until a Black captain mentored him about homeownership. This pivotal relationship led to his first home purchase at 22 during the 2008 housing crash – the beginning of his financial awakening.
What makes Sean's story particularly powerful is his vulnerability around mental health. He discusses the psychological impact of financial insecurity and advocates for breaking the stigma around therapy in the Black community, especially for men. His perspective on utilizing both traditional therapy and community resources like barbershops, churches, and family elders offers listeners practical avenues for healing.
Now a successful real estate agent with millions in sales, Sean approaches his work with unique empathy, treating clients like family because he understands the profound importance of home. His journey illustrates how financial education can transform lives, while his advice on humility, perseverance, and utilizing free financial resources provides actionable wisdom for listeners at any stage of their financial journey.
Whether you're facing hardship or building wealth, Sean's story reminds us that our past doesn't determine our future. Join us for this inspiring conversation that proves it's never too late to learn, grow, and create financial security.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, candice Patrice. Joining me today, of course, as always, because she shall never leave us again is Janet Hale.
Janet Hale:Hello, hello, hello, everybody, hello.
Candace Patrice:My lovely mother. Hello, mother. Today we have a guest with us. Our guest is Sean Sean Lax. Hi Sean, how are you today?
Sean Lax:Good, how are you all?
Candace Patrice:Good. I met Sean guys when I was in the process of looking for a home that I stopped looking for but I still have an can see how important it is to know your customer and make them your family. You know it's like you're building something that is important and your needs being met is very important. So thank you, sean, for that.
Sean Lax:But we are going to get a little bit into his story, but, shot, tell us a little bit about you, your start and how you ended up where you are right now. That's a good question. Can you all hear me clearly? Right, everybody can hear me. Perfect, perfect. So hello everyone. How's it going out there? I am Sean Lacks. I am with Wentworth Real Estate Group here in Michigan. So if you are looking, shameless plug whatever but myself. I was born and raised in St Louis, missouri, Moved here about three to four years ago, prior to moving here.
Sean Lax:I was actually in the Air Force for 21 years. I know you can see right behind me that plaque and everything. But yeah, that's been going ever since and enjoying life. Now let's call it that.
Candace Patrice:That's how. How has your week been? How has how have you been in the past few days?
Sean Lax:Oh good, this week has actually been a lot. I would say this week has been great. Let's just start there. I myself, I'm one that loves the sun, and this week is a lot of sun come out.
Candace Patrice:So I've been outside practically every day this week and it's been absolutely fantastic. Awesome Me. Oh, thanks for asking. I've been really good. I'm planning for the Common Unity Conference with Liberated Grounds and I am hosting our Saturday conference and I will say I am a little nervous. That crept in like yesterday. I was like whoa, what is this? So today I have a photo shoot and some things going on, so I'm excited about that. I'm excited about that getting that together. But the week has. I mean, every day is really so good. Even when it's not perfect or going the way that I want it, it's really good. There's so much gratitude in each day, so I can't even. I made some spaghetti the other day and that made my soul happy. It makes my body happy. And that made my soul happy. It makes my body happy. I may overindulge in spaghetti because it's my favorite food, but I'm happy. So, yeah, things are good. How about you, mom?
Janet Hale:Hey, I'm good, I am. You know, I'm always into something. So this week, embracing being 61 years old, I'm so embracing that, like dang Janet, and you look so pretty, oh, thank you. I'm like you rock girl, like my life is okay. And, like you just said, candice, regardless of what I'm going through discomfort, sometimes the growing spurt is painful, but I always, for me, recognize that that growth and that pain is leading me to some sort of healing. Whatever it is, there's a healing on the other side and with that it helps me a lot. It helps me get through. Today I'm doing laundry, candice, and it reminded me Wait, yes, laundry, don't do that. I'm real safe, real safe, like I watch TV in the basement, that kind of safe. So, anyway, okay, wait, wait, wait, no listen.
Candace Patrice:Okay, guys, the laundry's in the basement, so that's why I'm working and I don't like her on the stairs.
Janet Hale:Okay, I'm doing real good. I promise I even put on gym shoes in the house with my nightgown on.
Candace Patrice:I'm serious like taking care, but I wanted to get to the part about cleaning up.
Janet Hale:So I'm cleaning and I'm putting clothes and I said this looks like when Kandi used to clean her room it was warm before the quiet, so it's a little messy, but I don't know.
Candace Patrice:And to explain that, guys, my room was upstairs and I used to take everything from my room and bring it downstairs in the hallway while no one was home, because who wants people in your space while you're cleaning? Not me, and I would. But go ahead. It was my space at that time and I would take everything and put it in its place in order, because I needed a clean canvas in order to make it right. And then I can figure out what to do with the rest of the little knickknacks that was left over on the floor, which probably went in like a box or something, because I really didn't like throwing stuff away and I still don't. But okay, finish, go ahead. I digress.
Janet Hale:No, that's fine. And so when you just said that it's some of the memories that seem so insignificant, like how that was a big thing for me remembering when you cleaned your room and making that connection even today, you know what I mean. Like you were, what? 12? I don't remember. Whatever you were, something.
Candace Patrice:Well, we moved there when I was eight, that's all I know.
Janet Hale:Eight, nine, 10. Okay. Then I think I went upstairs about four years later maybe, so that sounds pretty accurate, pretty accurate, okay, but just to be able to make those connections, the things that seem so insignificant. Just doing the laundry can bring back a pleasant memory, although it wasn't pleasant when you were doing it. Why?
Candace Patrice:You must have came home earlier.
Janet Hale:Oh, I called it a couple of times, but anyway, so to sum it all up, my week has been really good. It's been very insightful, and you talked about gratitude. It brings me back to being just grateful. You know, for me just to be grateful to still be here. I lost my mother at 58. You know what I mean. Like Janet, just do it, do it, do it. So it just feels good and it feels good to have the spirit of life in me. It feels really good. So I don't know, that was a long way of answering that question.
Candace Patrice:I also cut you off several times.
Sean Lax:I need a long way to get to the point. I get it, thank you.
Candace Patrice:Thank you, she'll build a whole forest.
Janet Hale:Oh yeah.
Candace Patrice:We're just talking about one tree. The whole forest is built and that's okay. Okay, so, sean, sean, sean, sean, sean, sean Sean. You have a story. You've been through some life and you have found your way to appreciation, like you said, of the sun. You like the sun, you like to go out in the sun. How has real estate changed your perspective on life, from coming out of the Air Force for 21 years into real estate?
Sean Lax:And how long have you been doing real estate? Ok, so real estate wise, actually buying and selling in a sense of helping clients, has only been about three years. In those three years it's been nothing but growth. My first year I probably did, I would say, $3 million in sales. Second year I broke $6 million, $7 million in sales and this is doing pretty good. As of like three months ago I was already at a million plus in sales.
Sean Lax:So, ideally, real estate can change the way you look at a lot of different things for me, right, and I say that because prior, when I was in the military, that was a consistent check, that was constant money. But so I was never financially sound in a sense of thinking about saving for the future, planning for when I'm able to hit 61, 62 years old, not thinking about that right Now. I think about that a lot because of real estate. But that really started in the military when I was 21, 22 years old and I bought my first home, and even then I didn't know what I was doing. I just knew, ideally, well, I could do this, because I'm coming back from a deployment that I absolutely hated and I need my own place, I need something I could call my own. So one of my captains at the time and I love telling the story because this was kind of my start to my financial freedom but one of my captains at the time he asked me while I was deployed. He said where are you planning on moving when you go back home? And I said I don't know. I'll probably go back to the condo that I was renting and dot, dot, dot dot. And he was like all right, so let's break these numbers down. He, being a black captain in the air force, he took me and mentored me and explained why owning an asset was 10 times better than renting one. And by doing that, he he walked me through it and that opened the door for real estate for me.
Sean Lax:So I purchased my first home 22. It was a foreclosure. Matter of fact, it was in 2008 when I purchased it. So 2008 was the huge housing crash. It was the huge housing crash, so I got a decent deal on it.
Sean Lax:But at the time I didn't know that. I know the crash was happening, right, I just knew I had to make this huge purchase and, ok, it's just like you were nervous and fearful. Same thing I was nervous, I was fearful. I didn't know. I always went before.
Sean Lax:That moment prior to I didn't was a fear when I was like, well, I don't really know about buying a house, it doesn't make sense. And then he broke down like renting over buying and why buying is the option to go with when I'm spending $1,100 for a rental and I could put that $1,100 to my own thing. So after purchasing and then getting out of the military and actually holding on to that property for about 10 plus years and then selling it for double what it was worth and being able to say, hey, this is this is something that I actually enjoy. I take with me that mentorship into when I'm helping out a first time home buyer or when I'm helping out someone that is looking to either sell their home or buy a rental property, or I use that memory as my positive anchor to get me to that finish line per se with my clients. Does that make sense?
Candace Patrice:It does. So you said that you were in the military for 21 years in the Air Force, but you actually hated it.
Sean Lax:No, I hated certain deployments.
Candace Patrice:Ah, okay, okay.
Sean Lax:Of being in the military, well, let me certain deployments, ah okay. Of being in the military, well let me not say love, I enjoyed being in the military Okay.
Sean Lax:At some point I truly loved being there. And then it kind of it has an ebb and flow, right, you're kind of learning and not really all in. And then at some point, right about my 10 year mark, I was all in. And then one to a point where, uh, my body ached and my mental state wasn't the best and, um, just going through personal life things, it just became this all right, I need something different. So at the 20 year mark, I was like all right, it's time to call it, especially when they said I couldn't deploy anymore. All right, yep, well, there's no real point in me staying and giving you my time when, in the reality of why I enjoy being here or doing the things that I can no longer do, so I had to let it go.
Candace Patrice:So what made you decide to join the Air Force in the first place?
Sean Lax:I didn't have a plan.
Candace Patrice:I know everybody has their plan Go ahead. Wait, say that one more time.
Sean Lax:Didn't have a plan for my life right. So, backstory, when I lived in St Louis and I was growing up, there was that one point where, like growing up, I grew up in the suburbs of St Louis, at one portion, and then my mother and father were very successful. At that point in time it was the early 90s. They were very successful, they were working at the time it was McDonnell Douglas, now known as Boeing. They owned two homes. We were living well, we were living. What the American dream was Then dream was Then 1992, I believe, was happened, and we lost everything, everything.
Sean Lax:We were absolutely homeless, and when I say homeless, we were sleeping in our car. The beautiful thing about my parents, though, was they have three kids, me and my two sisters, younger sisters I'm the oldest, so I remember every bit of this, and I was about 12 when this was happening and the beautiful thing about my parents was they tried their hardest to conceal the downfall. Their hardest to conceal the downfall right, losing our first house. That was a rent that was kind of inherited and given to them, and then kind of just saying, oh, you know, it's just part of life. And then, all of a sudden, in our home that I grew up in. You start seeing things disappearing furniture, different things that you're used to going away, things that we used to do stop, we're no longer doing. And it's late night conversations that I'm supposed to be asleep but I hear them arguing over trying how are we going to pay this bill, or how are we going to pay this bill or how are we going to do this. And it's one of those, like.
Sean Lax:I know that at the time we were, we were trying to survive and in a Black community it's that is always where we're at trying to survive. Lived in the suburbs and in the 90s it was majority a white community, so it's not a matter of survival but also an added holding to that standard that's already there, right? So you're trying to stay with your friends and hang out and do all these things when the background, we're struggling, we're falling apart, we're powers off at the house and we're walking around with candles and things like that, right? So as that went on, we eventually, like, ended up in my grandparents' home in the hood downtown St Louis, off the Cass. If people know it, you would know that it's like it's the hood.
Sean Lax:Was it like.
Janet Hale:Detroit's Cass.
Sean Lax:Everyone knows the hood when you see the hood liquor store, church chicken spot, abandoned Auto parts.
Janet Hale:The cannabis store.
Candace Patrice:Not back then.
Janet Hale:No, I'm just saying now we can, it applies.
Sean Lax:But I wasn't used to that. I was used to growing up until about 12 years old. I was used to being in the suburbs. I was used to talking proper. I was used to a certain way of presenting yourself. In the hood it wasn't like that, it was doggy dog almost. So going to that, I've had a very difficult teenage years. Where it was, I was picked on. Why do you talk like you're white, why do you and it was one of those almost didn't fit in because of that and didn't have that community grasp always, always have it. But it was almost that you're the cousin from a distant family member feeling right, right, does that make sense? I don't know. But yeah, he family, but he ain't like family, family, right.
Sean Lax:But, I always, always, stay with my community, love my community, and the thing that I never learned, which most of us don't, is financial freedom, financial independence, how to save money. What is an asset over a liability? What are things that? How do you build your community up? Why are we having to struggle when, in the suburbs, they're taking care of their houses, they're taking care of their neighbor's houses, they're taking care of their home? Values are going up, while we're still steady where we're at. So it was one of those. Well, this is or going down or going down, right.
Candace Patrice:Because another house is vacant.
Sean Lax:The mentality for growing up for me was always well, all right, well, if I get a dollar, this dollar is mine until I give it to the next man and I pass it on. And it's normally not something that I'm buying that I know is going to last me 10, 20 years, it's something that I'm going to use right now and then it's gone, it's extinguished. Well, by the time. It came in the military and going from not having money to, oh, I get a paycheck every two weeks To the club we go, yay, about to hit the whatever that looks like, right. So I always was check to check, check to check, check to check for a very long time. And then it became this thing of when I had to sit down and say, hey, what are you planning on doing? Because I've been doing this for now.
Sean Lax:I joined the military at 18. Right out of right out of high school, that summer. That summer, I joined the military right out of high school and I didn't have a plan. I didn't have anyone to say, hey, we're going to college. It was a conversation, but it wasn't a conversation, right, it wasn't what you're.
Candace Patrice:It was a pass through.
Sean Lax:Yes, it's a in one year, out the other. Or oh, you about to graduate, cool, what you about to do, I don't know. All right, okay, that's what was not like my parents had the money to be able to save up for me to go to college. It's not like we had the conversation on places to go and things like that. I never took my ASVAD, never not, as I never took my SATs, never took the ACTs, never got any kind of preparation for, hey, you're going into college. So one day I'm sitting on the couch and I'm watching TV and see a commercial for the military and I'm thinking, oh well, that's something. And then I'm walking somewhere and I seen a recruiter's office and I literally was like I'm not doing anything, walked right in, signed up that day and that was the.
Sean Lax:That's how I progressed on to traveling the world, working on a good degree, now owning homes in real estate. So it changed. That helped change my projection, because now I say if I did not make that step in that door, I probably would have been in a cell or a coffin, because that's where my life was my mother and father, both pastors, they're both religious. However, the environment we were in would have determined where I would go. I had to change the environment. My mother and father changed the environment as well, at 18, that summer they decided to pick up and move to California 2000,. Moving to California. Silicon Valley is booming. It's one of those. They went their way, but I stayed in St Louis. I'm 18. I'm going to do my own thing. I decided to go into the Air Force. It's been a blessing ever since.
Janet Hale:I wanted to say I know, Candace, you're going to jump in.
Candace Patrice:No, I saw you writing so go for it.
Janet Hale:Because when you were talking and I was thinking as you were going and you were processing things and I said, you finally said yes to yourself. Yes, that's what it sounded like, and the other thing that came to mind when you were talking is that you were finding out your worth. Yes, in the process of all the things that you've been through I wrote a whole bunch of stuff down, so I'm not going to write them all. Oh, when you mentioned the survivor mode and I thought about how we often that's our whole life we're in survivor mode. I got to do this, I got to do that, I got to do that and we are doers instead of being people. You know what I mean? You just get caught up in the rat race, right?
Janet Hale:So I thought about that. And then when you talked about your parents and how they were trying to conceal the devastation of the situation from their children, and I wonder how did that work for them? Because it sounds like you even picked up on something's not right.
Candace Patrice:I'm supposed to be asleep, but they're in there bickering right, I'm supposed to be asleep, but they're in there bickering. So that, and before you answer that, because I have a similar thing that I wrote down, um, can you also include the answer, for do you think that um them not concealing the information would have helped? Okay, go ahead.
Sean Lax:So I think that they did their best for what they had Right, and me and my mother have had these conversations multiple times over and you understand, everyone's life is what it is, and even your reality. Right now we're talking, we're seeing things differently even while we're talking, right. So, in their situation, for me, I was like I said, I was about 12 years old when all of this was happening. So for me, I, at this point, am of the age of understanding. So, even if they concealed it and tried to keep it to where we as a family were a unit and still prospering in their mind, or for what the kids could see, I knew there was a change. I knew there was a change, right. But I went along with said change because my younger sisters ages they were, they were like two and eight at the time they needed to be able to no, I'm sorry, I'm wrong, yeah, two and five, five, six. They needed to understand that we're still together, no one's separate. We're still moving.
Sean Lax:So, myself, I believe that my parents did what they were supposed to do. Now, if it was one of those where, um, if it was one of those scenarios where they needed to divulge that information fully. No, I don't think they needed to do that because my mentality would have changed into that environment where they feel that they have to now help or support in some manner, be it whatever it is that can have a major turn in that person's development. Right, don't get me wrong, hustle how you're supposed to hustle, but for a child. Hustle how you're supposed to hustle, but for a child. Let a child be a child, right. Let them grow and you mold as need be To build a. Hey, we're losing this. Build that negativity that comes along with homelessness. They didn't do that. They kept it positive as best they could with the chaos that was around us, because I can understand us going from where we were and throwing us in the hood.
Sean Lax:Multiple times I've thought what does that scenario would have looked like if now I'm in the hood? Well, maybe I got to hustle, I got to. I got to sell drugs, I got to do. It's the 90s, all the big right. Now, right, I'm.
Sean Lax:I'm pretty sure I can easily go on any corner in St Louis and say, hey, I need to make some money, I need to make bread, help me out At the age of 12, 13, 14, to be able to pass it along to my parents. Will my parents approve of that? Absolutely not. They're pastors. They're not going to be like, yeah, my son's out here making us no Right. Going to be like, yeah, my son's out here making us no Right, and then that would have caused new conflicts and on top of that they would have had to then worry about will my son come home tonight, which would have been an added stress to the already stressfulness of the situation. So no, I don't think them. Divulging the full gambit of the information or what was happening would have been beneficial, if that's the way to look at it right.
Candace Patrice:You mentioned that your sisters needed to know that you were together. Is that something you could identify when you were 12? Or is that something in hindsight that you can identify and see?
Sean Lax:That's a hindsight thing, cause at the, at 12, I was the same. I was in the same boat as my children as not my children as my sisters. However, I could also see things that they, as young as they were, were not seeing. So I saw both sides of the coin, as the child and as the growing adult to be, and what was coming or what was happening. And now I know me. I have a huge fear of being broke. I have a huge fear of being homeless again or being in that scenario. Don't get me wrong. I have been very close to being that. Even while in the military, I was very close to being again broke Very much. Oh my goodness, because I didn't know how to manage my money and knowing that now it's one of those, oh my goodness, because I didn't know how to. I didn't know how to manage my money.
Sean Lax:And knowing that now it's one of those.
Candace Patrice:Oh my God, I was putting myself back in the same scenario when did you?
Sean Lax:when did you learn the financial responsibility? And I'm not great at that, so please know I'm I'm not good at financial responsibility yet, but I've. I've adapted a lot of things that make a lot more sense and have made me at least not stress over finances. But I didn't learn it until 36, when I read my first book on it, which was Rich Dad, Poor Dad Absolutely fabulous book. If you have not read it, by all means read it. But it talks about real estate and it gets into that realm. But then that led me down a huge path of okay, well, I need to start a portfolio of stocks and looking into insurance and look at so different things where you all right, shit, I need to start a business somehow, I need to do this. So all these different things now are in my mind of you cannot be stuck in just one window.
Janet Hale:So when I was listening to you and we were asking about the concealment, something beautiful came across for me. We asked you a question. You automatically went into defending your parents and I thought, wow, listen to him. You were like no, and they didn't do anything wrong. I said, ok, he's working this out and you know. And I listened to that and I thought, hmm, because parents do the best that we can, period, we give what we can give. Period, period, period.
Sean Lax:Because parents don't know what you know, because parents don't know everything either. Oh, trust me, I know that't know what you know because parents don't know everything either.
Janet Hale:Oh, trust me, I know that. So you know, trust me. And so we can have a whole nother podcast on that. So, yeah. So when I heard that, I thought, oh, okay, because that is the truth when you say, whatever it happened, however, it went down, they did it the way they knew how to do it and it was the best thing for my parents and dealing with me and it worked out. Ok, that was cool. The other thing this is from before we asked that question, when you talked about we're talking about growing up in the hood and different things like that I thought about this. I thought about the scarcity mindset and the mindset of abundance because, like you said, getting that check every two weeks, you know I got a check. You know I don't know how much it is, but you know it's enough. I can pay my rent, rent, rent, I can pay my rent. I can pay the lease on my car. Right, I can buy me the Gucci's and the this and the that. Gucci's a stretch.
Janet Hale:No no no, they will save up the money, put it over anywhere, whoever the big designers. And then the abundance mindset is the mindset, in my opinion, of responsibility. You know what I mean. Like you talked about buying versus renting, and when we take a look at that, it makes sense. Not everyone can at the time, you know, whoever you know, depending on their situation, but it makes more sense. And I think about how high the rent is right now. And it's rent is high. Somebody told me the rent. I thought they were kidding. I was like no, that can't be true. And I went and called somebody and they were like that's true. And then I look at what a house note is compared to what rent is. So I think the abundance way of thinking is that we're wiser and how we spend our money, whether we have a lot or a little. You know what I mean. So I kind of went off track. But yeah, okay, audience, I'm back.
Candace Patrice:Well, I wanted to kind of tap into something. I wanted to kind of tap onto something. And how do you, what advice would you give to someone who is struggling with homelessness right now to be able to stay in a mindset to get through? Because I know it can be really difficult. You can't tell when the end is coming and in that moment it just it feels low. I could, I would imagine it feels low because I haven't been homeless, right?
Sean Lax:my advice would be be humble, and I say that in a sense of you have to humble yourself. A lot of times, most people and most people try to stick with their ego and say, oh, I could do it, I can get through it, or I'll stay in it because there's no other way out. This is just what it is. But humble yourself, ask for the help from your family, from your friends, from your community, from somebody. Hey, can I wash your car for 10 bucks? You ain't got to go crazy. Just be humble about it. Right, and ideally, it will eventually work itself out, because it worked itself out for my family. Right, my mother and father decided, hey, we have to let this house go that they were living in. We had to let it go. We they humbled themselves and they asked my grandmother hey, can we move back in? All five of us moved back in the house. Can we make it work? We're struggling and from that struggle we learned. And my mom you know what they say from the bootstraps right, my mom did. Right, she was like all right when she grind to find a better job. My dad did the same thing. He was doing odd jobs left and right, which is very humbling. But you also, from my perspective, for my parents' sake, I could see that was that grind. But that's what we always are, right as a community, as a black, as a culture, we always grind. We always are trying to better until it's somehow taken away from us. But we're always grinding and they grind until we got to a better place and they, within within about two years, we were in a better place, had our own place again. We were still renting because we we had the uh foreclosures on the record now that had to be expunged over time. Uh, and they have their own fears too, and we've talked through those as well about like buying again and doing certain things. But it's one of those where they still grow. They did their part to get the family out of the muck. It's a lot easier to do when you're single. You can do that with the family maybe a little bit tougher, but you can still humble yourself and grind and just save what. You can put it where it needs to go.
Sean Lax:Don't waste and that's something that I had to learn, even as an adult, is don't waste. We waste so much on frivolous things that is not even needed, right, we spend money on clothes that we don't need to spend money on. Constantly and I'm I'm guilty of that even to this day I see a pair of shoes and be like, ooh, I really like these. I'm going to spend money on shoes, knowing I got 50 million shoes that I probably will or won't wear, but I like it because I want it as a collective. Ideally, though, we need to be more mindful of how we do things and how we move, how we spend money, how we, how we grow as a community, because there's there's many, many, many different programs out there that are available to everybody, and you just have to go research it, just have to go find it. The best knowledge is the knowledge of of better that's available for you. Everything is free, not often just social media. Go to a library, read a book and learn something. It's free, it's there, just do it.
Candace Patrice:I have a question, because that's what I do. I have questions. Um, so you, your lower points of your life. How long did that experience affect your mental health and are you through it now? And, if so, what was the catalyst that helped change that state of mind to a better state of mind?
Sean Lax:I don't ever think you're through it or done with it, because it is part of you. Everything in your life, from the time you're born all the way to now, is a part of you. You. Everything that you've done has built and created who you are now. However, you don't have to dwell in it. There's the difference. If you dwell in it, that's just you not working through it, because you are the better person you are, the bigger you are the one that is able to step out of that if you need to, when you need to.
Sean Lax:There have been many times where I've had very, very low points, very, very low points. However, what has always kept me grounded is the idea of what would happen if I was not here. How would others feel if I wasn't here? How would others feel if I wasn't here? And that's always kept me here grounded, not the fact of it feels selfish to take. That makes sense without saying that it sounds selfish.
Sean Lax:Ideally, if you're going through a rough patch, talk to your people. There's always someone that's willing to listen and mental is your thing, but there may be somebody else that has gone through it and has worked through it, or somebody that you can go back and forth and talk about it. Just get involved, right, somebody that you can go back and forth and talk about it. Just get it right. If you hold it, you're going to dwell on it and it's just going to keep you in that state of mind constantly and it's just going to beat on you over and over again and you're having an internal war that you don't need to have. You don't have to have it. The more you project it and you let it out, the easier your soul feels, your inner feels. You ever get that rumble in your stomach and you're like, oh my God, I'm so tense, scream, let it out, just get it out of you. And the more you do that, the better you'll feel. And then, if you need to talk to somebody, do it. And then, if you need to talk to somebody, do it.
Sean Lax:I know in our community we are ones that don't take advantage of therapy, counseling, healing. We don't take advantage of it. Why? Because we don't know it. We're so stuck in this mindset of we got it hard all the time, when we don't have to be, be vulnerable. Sometimes it's needed, sometimes it's just needed. Okay, what you got, janet.
Janet Hale:You see me. I want to go back to the homeless conversation Because I was listening to you about what's out there. There's programs out here that helps pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You said to be humble, watch how you spend money and I thought, wow, if someone is homeless listening to this, I would want to speak to that and I would say this that I understand that sometimes there is no support system for you. I understand that sometimes you don't have boots to pull straps from. I understand that there are programs out there that they say they're going to help you and when you go for them you're on a wait list for two years.
Janet Hale:I would say I understand that you are already humbled and humiliated. I would say that there is space for you and it's a space of compassion, of understanding. It's a space of compassion, of understanding and to hope that things can turn around for you, because I know sometimes being homeless or unhoused is what they're saying now is not the same for everyone. It depends on their situation and I've seen firsthand folks who are unhoused or homeless struggling through the system that's supposed to help them and the help really isn't there. I mean they could say you know, we have this and we have that, and then when they go for the support, it is not there. And then I wanted to go to the therapy part, and you're talking about our community and I think that's the paradigm has shifted. We are all in therapy, or with the coach or a close friend you know what I mean, because not everybody can afford therapy. So maybe an elder that you can go to and talk to, to kind of you know, filter things out.
Janet Hale:I just think that that that paradigm is shifting. As far as our community and therapy, or even if the therapy is the barbershop or the beauty shop or your best friend or your grandmother or your auntie or your uncle, or the beauty shop, or your best friend or your grandmother or your auntie or your uncle I'm just putting those things out there for folks who are listening and you know to offer up, you know, some resources that does not cost money, that it's available and it's always pretty much been available. Now women black, the black women have usually like look, I gotta talk to my mama, I gotta talk to my grandma, I need to know what's going on. You know what I mean. Like we have been kind of in it, like they're talking to somebody. Okay, probably talking too much sometimes, but we're talking um. And then for our Black brothers I get that they were slow to the party, but I'm hearing more and more that they are arriving.
Candace Patrice:They were halted to the party.
Janet Hale:They were halted. Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to speak to that and speaking to those who may be listening that are in that particular situation.
Candace Patrice:Was it something that you you look like? You wanted to respond a couple of times, sean.
Sean Lax:No, I was on complete agreeance with you in the past, I would say four years. Uh, therapy and counseling and things of that nature have become more prevalent with the idea that, hey, like we do need to get out of the mindset of, we do have to get out of the mindset of being in survival mode, being in fight or flight mode and get more into a vulnerable state. But that is, and I completely agree that black men have absolutely a bad deal of growing and being something separate than what we've been programmed to be, and I say programmed because of media and the stereotypes and all the different things that have kind of held black men back in that mentality. But you're very true, in the state of our pseudo therapies, as in our church communities, our hospitals not hospitals, but our barbershops, our hair salons, girls nights whatever game nights, things like that where we just those simple building of camaraderie definitely helps when it comes to resiliency and building that state of knowing that you're still one Ideally right.
Candace Patrice:But yeah, that's all I had to say. Thank you, yes, thank you. Thank you, sean. We are going to wrap up. One, of course if you or anyone you know is struggling and need assistance, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text at 988. I want to give you guys just an opportunity to say any last words to the guest, any last advice, anything that could assist them on this journey called life, in whatever area that they are in, because we are all on our own path, no matter whether it looks like someone else's path or not. It is an individual journey. So I want to just let you guys have any closing remarks.
Janet Hale:Okay, sean, I just wanted to say thank you for showing up and being in this space with us and thank you for the gems that you dropped for us, and especially being a black man and being able to speak to the things that you spoke to, I think is very important. So thank you so much.
Sean Lax:Also, Sean, give us your real estate information so that anybody who's seeking property can give you a call in the Michigan area. Absolutely, absolutely. So I appreciate you having me on your show. I know, candice, when we talked. I know we've been trying to get this coordinated for a while, so I truly appreciate you giving me the space to speak, uh, at least about my little stand in my life. Um, cause there's multiple times where I just feel like I need to get it out like this. And uh, to all the guests that are listening um, by all means, you got this. You are amazing. You are awesome. Uh, don't give up. You have somebody, anybody and everybody to talk to. If not, give me a call.
Sean Lax:Eight, five zero, I'm sorry, eight, what? I can't even figure out my own number. Oh, eight, one zero. Two, five, five, four, three, three, zero, um. And if it's just to say hello, oh, 810-255-4330. And if it's just to say hello, by all means do that. But you can also reach me there for any real estate advice, as well as you can hit me at any of my social medias. I am also. I'll make sure Candice has all my links and she can put it in the bio or in the comments below. But you can do anything. Your world is your world. We're just living in it. Please know we enjoy this.
Candace Patrice:I'd also like to just remind everyone that, again, no matter where you are in life, if you continue to live life, you'll experience a different part of it. Some of them are going to be extreme highs. Some of them may be what you consider extreme lows, because we all have different experiences and outlooks, and our mindset is one of the greatest things that help us get through our situations. So continue to feed yourself the information that is healthy for you. We talked about gut health in a previous episode, so you know, get your gut healthy. Feed yourself the information that you want to learn the places that you want to go. Listen to those people who can feed you If someone has a similar story, not that you have to follow their same path, but to know, hey, I'll get through this, you will get through whatever it is. Just stay in the game, stay in life. I believe that God will push you and put you in the places you need to be in and that the journey that you are on is very intentional for your own purpose. So look for the lessons in the trials and tribulations that you go through, figure out what it is that triggers you and work on ways to get through those triggers and if something doesn't work, try something else. It's okay to change it up. It's okay to say that didn't work for me, it worked for you, it did not work for me.
Candace Patrice:So find what works for you. Just don't give up. At the end of the day, don't give up. Get you the coach, get you the therapist, get you the safe friend. Yeah, that's my little spiel. Thank you, sean, for being here. Thank you for being vulnerable, thank you for being a black man who is willing to heal himself and share his journey with others. So, okay, that was a long exit. So you guys can also find me at Essential Motivation CandicePatrice underscore EM on Instagram, essentialmotivationcom. You can email me, candicefleming, at EssentialMotivationcom. If you want to be a guest. Please send us an email, please send us feedback, please like, share, subscribe all of the wonderful things and remember to always love hard, forgive often and laugh frequent. Bye, guys, bye-bye.
