Nothing Under the Sun Is New, But Our Response Can Be

Have you ever noticed how life seems to move in cycles? That's because there truly is nothing new under the sun.

In this soul-nourishing conversation, Janet and Candace explore how ancient patterns repeat throughout our lives while revealing that our unique power lies in how we respond to these timeless challenges. Janet shares her journey back to veganism and how physical nourishment connects to spiritual growth, remembering that "what I put in this body determines how this body is going to be." Meanwhile, Candace reflects on how our trauma responses often perpetuate familiar cycles that feel safe but might be holding us back from authentic healing.

The mother-daughter duo discusses how the parent-child relationship naturally transforms over time – from parents caring for children, to a period of independence, to adult children eventually helping aging parents navigate new challenges like technology. Janet humorously compares teaching parents technology to "changing diapers," illustrating how role reversals are simply part of life's natural progression. Their conversation explores how observation and presence, rather than performance, creates the deepest connections with loved ones.

Most powerfully, they remind us that finding goodness in difficult situations can dramatically change our trajectory. While circumstances may follow predictable patterns, our response to them doesn't have to. As Candace suggests, "magnify what is good and continue to search for those things and you will draw those things to you more often."

Ready to break old patterns? Listen now to discover how ancient wisdom can transform your modern life. Then share your own story of transformation with us – we'd love to feature different perspectives on healing family relationships in future episodes.

Chapters

• 0:00 Family Connections and Spiritual Growth
• 9:15 Nothing New Under the Sun
• 18:42 Trauma Responses and Healthy Relationships
• 27:56 Grandparenting and Honoring Life Stages
• 37:10 Parents, Children and Role Reversals
• 48:52 Spiritual Growth and Finding Goodness

Transcript

Candace Patrice: 0:06

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where we hope that you guys are enjoying our podcast. Joining me today is the most lovely human in the world, my mother, janet Hale, who continues to grow and feed and nurture me in a way that is very healthy, and I am super grateful, as we shoot this podcast on Easter weekend. So, yes, how are you doing today, mother? And so, yes, how are you doing today?

Janet Hale: 0:45

Mother, I'm doing good. That was real touching. Thank you so much for saying those wonderful, kind words, and with all the sincerity in your heart, I really do appreciate that.

Candace Patrice: 1:01

I just appreciate God, the universe, for having you as my daughter. Thank you, you're going to start off emotional, huh.

Janet Hale: 1:08

Well, you kind of set the stage.

Candace Patrice: 1:15

You know how your mom is, oh my goodness. Well, I am very grateful to be able to share this space with you today. It's you and I. We are giving you guys the best of the podcast. We need to just give you guys us and our perspectives and what we have going on, and we have a treat for you all. Today, at least it's a. You know, okay, every topic is a treat. So when I say we have a treat for you all, it may not be a treat for you, it may just be another topic, but it feels like a treat to me, it feels like a treat. So, how are you? How was your week, your last two weeks, how's it been?

Janet Hale: 2:13

My last two weeks have been good. It's been a time of growth, and you and I've talked about that, about growth and comfort cannot live in the same space, and that is, oh God. I find that to be such a true statement.

Candace Patrice: 2:32

Michael gave us that the last podcast.

Janet Hale: 2:34

Yes, he did, and so it helped me to kind of realign myself in different areas and not run away from things, instead run towards them so that I can continue to grow. So my last couple of weeks have been pretty good. They've been good. I've been doing some things around the house that needed doing. I won't share all that with the podcast, but, trust me, we needed help and so I've been able to do that, and doing that helped me.

Janet Hale: 3:04

And I'm going to say this I don't know where everybody stands with this, but in the cleaning up and I'm continuing to do that is while I was cleaning it was also a soulful experience because there were certain things I was throwing away that reminded me of something, certain things I was throwing away that reminded me of something. So the things that we have, there is an attachment, but sometimes there's a time, you know, sometimes we got to let it go, you know, and being able to let that go and figure out what am I holding on to this about just all the things and I know I'm talking about cleaning the house but it was a spiritual experience for me and it continues to be so.

Janet Hale: 3:45

Changing my eating, as you know, going back to being a vegan, has been awesome for me. It's just a period in my life and I know I'm not religious and this is Good Friday or yesterday was Good Friday. You brought that up and you mentioned the resurrection and I was like I think that happens every day. But then I'm thinking about it now and how, for me, right now, this is a part of the resurrection. Say the word Resurrection Resurrection for me, spiritually, emotionally, in my relationships and all the things that are happening for me right now. I see the beauty in it and one of the things that I'm saying that I've heard a lot either things come to your life as a lesson or a blessing.

Candace Patrice: 4:40

And I say A reason, a season or a lifetime.

Janet Hale: 4:42

And I say it's all a blessing, you know, because the lesson part. You know, whether you like them or not, that's how I take that Like oh, you like them. Maybe they was for less. No, it's all a blessing, and so that's the thing that I got out of that. That was a long way of telling you how I'm doing. Yeah.

Candace Patrice: 5:03

You know it was. It's good how I'm doing. Yeah, no, it's good. It's good, though, especially as we are coming off of Easter Sunday when this podcast airs. So I think you, speaking of the resurrection and just to clarify everybody, that conversation we had yesterday, we were talking about the celebration from Good Friday to Easter Sunday and how we celebrate his resurrection, but mom was saying that the resurrection happens every day, and I think I went ahead and said I don't even know that there's a resurrection every day, because he's already risen, like every it's. There's no need to resurrect every day. But that is something I think that we have to do in our own souls every day, because we are not God, we are not Jesus, so it takes a renewing every day, a decision. We talk about our mental and how that aligns with us moving forward. So, yeah, that long way was a great way of saying how you are doing. I've been well as well. I've been good as well, lots going on, and I think we've mentioned Liberated Grounds here on the podcast before Community of Liberation, and if you follow the podcast or follow me, you've seen that before, so go check it out liberatedgroundscom. But we have the Common Unity Conference coming up and continuing to dig deeper into what liberation looks like and I know we've had a podcast about liberation before.

Candace Patrice: 6:53

So practicing those habits, practicing eating, well like. For me it's a slower transition, but I am making more steps towards it. So one of the meals I had I had to put it on repeat because it was good. It was the peppers. I had red and orange peppers with onions, oyster mushrooms and had it over white rice. The second time, when I put it on repeat, I added some string beans into it. So the string bean juice added to the rice and voila, it was delicious. So you know having more meals that are nourishing to my body, because then I had pizza last night. I absolutely had pizza. So you know there's no perfection to this's, just incorporations, and I actually got some more. We had dragon fruit. So incorporating different fruits, which guys, let me tell you.

Janet Hale: 7:54

Give you a quick warning tmi, if you're doing dragon fruit, be prepared to release your insides at the bathroom at some soon point because it gets you going I wanted to say something about that and I think, when we talk, when we start looking at different ways to heal our bodies, to cure our bodies, if we go and you know, I'm not all the way there, I'm working towards it but I think if we nature, um, that provides all the source that we need.

Candace Patrice: 8:27

Yeah.

Janet Hale: 8:28

I think we'll go to the doctor. You know, not at all, but very little.

Candace Patrice: 8:33

Yeah.

Janet Hale: 8:33

Um, because and this is Janice thing, so, and that you know don't want it's such a motivation to get sued. So I just think that, well, one of the things for me, cause you know, I'm, I'm, I'm a chunky lady, chunky sexy thing, you know that's me. And I had a high blood pressure and whatever. And I started this journey and I shared with Candace. I was like, well, I gotta tell her and I no longer have to take the medication, and Candace has been through many health journeys and one was the oxygen and I was on oxygen and I weaned myself off. I went to the doctor two years later or something, and they were like oh, that oxygen is really working well for you with my numbers.

Janet Hale: 9:23

And I said I'm going to use that thing in two years. And Candace said something one time it was on the podcast. She's like Ma, did you get yourself off that oxygen or did the doctors do it? I said no, I did. She's like I knew it.

Janet Hale: 9:35

But it's really about paying attention to our body and this is, for me, paying attention to my body. I'll put it that way Everybody has their own journey and I'm not going to get into that. I'm just going to share my journey and understanding that what I put in this body determines how this body is going to be. I remember one time going to the doctor and he was like, oh, you're a diabetic. I said no, I'm not. He said yes, you are, and I said no, I am not.

Janet Hale: 10:02

I said listen, I know how much junk is garbage I've been feeding my body. When I come back, you will not be saying that, okay, so I go back. Oh, janet, you were right, because I understand. You know, I understand what I'm doing to my body. I drink too much. I understood what I was doing to it. I eat the wrong things. I understood what I was doing to it when I eat the wrong things. I know what I'm doing to it. So when I used to smoke cigarettes, I knew what I was doing to it. So why not take that same knowing and do the right thing for this body that has been long to me, for however long it's dear? I'm here, but let me take care of it and let me cherish it, even though I wait until I'm 60. That's okay. That's not true, actually. That's not true at all.

Candace Patrice: 10:51

That's true, You're right. You're right, you know. But saying that actually ties into. I want to give them the topic, which is nothing new under the sun. There is nothing new under the sun. So when you say new under the sun, there is nothing new under the sun. So when you say I've been, I waited till I was 60, that is so not true. You did veganism before. Well, did you do veganism?

Janet Hale: 11:13

before. Okay, let me say this. So I go into the health food store and I'm like whoa, things have really changed. You know, since I've been in these streets and I had them cracking up, I said when I was a vegan 30 years ago, this wasn't happening. So I agree with you. Yeah, this is not my. Yeah, you're right, because I was a vegan before. I was a vegetarian before I was an alcoholic, I was a practicing alcoholic, I was an active smoker.

Candace Patrice: 11:42

So, yeah, you're right, I actually as we talk about this subject. Not only is it something that you notice, but it is written in the Bible. One nine. History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new.

Janet Hale: 12:12

Okay, audience, I'm the one that came up with that and almost the same exact words came out of my mouth. I cannot believe. Oh, because, oh man, I thought about it and her and I are watching the Good Doctor Okay, it's reruns because it's not on TV and I'm watching it and I'm really into it, and so I love Grey's Anatomy House and then the Good Doctor you did House, oh, yes, oh, okay, yeah, I earned my MD when it came to me, but anyway. So I was watching and I said the premise is the same on all these shows. You look pretty. Thank you, baby.

Janet Hale: 12:53

They start off with a crisis. It's a crash cart, cold blue, the same thing, right. And I'm like what is it about these stories that draw me in? And I realized, like Candace just said, nothing new is under the sun. These shows are pretty much the same, but what makes them uniquely different are the relationships that are built while I'm watching them.

Janet Hale: 13:13

What brings me in and in life? What brings me in is my connection to other people. Who do I connect with? Who loves me? Who do I love? It could be a stranger. Candice grew real good with the strangers. She loved all the strangers and I love the two, I just don't see as many. And the animals Say it again. And the animals, oh, she's really got a thing with these animals. I think they're talking back and forth, but it's really about relationships and different things of that nature. And so, because nothing new is under the sun and and and that, um, being in bad relationships is that new? No, I remember being in a one of my marriages, cause I've had two and um, and I remember like, oh, I'm having the kind of relationship my mother had, except my TV is colored.

Candace Patrice: 14:00

Oh, I remember.

Janet Hale: 14:03

I get that. That's deep, and so those are the things, those are the moments where I go. What I'm going through is not unique. It's happened to many way before me. What do I do with my story? What do I do with this gift that's been given to me? And one of the things I think about is how people come into our lives and different situations come to teach us a lesson. What is my lesson? And actually I'm going to say this to your audience Sometimes my best lessons come from the most chaotic, painful situations, where I get it like oh, I was supposed to get that lesson 30 years ago.

Janet Hale: 14:46

Mm-hmm, oh, this is what you were trying to get me at. Oh, dang, I sure went the long way around that one. I'm glad to have arrived. So, yes, so that's my take on the TV show our lives, nothing being new. It's all in how we react to it. It's all even with I mentioned the relationships and my parents looking, even looking at that like, what can I do different? My story doesn't have to be the same and I say the only difference is the color TV. My story can be. No, I'm not going to play this out the way mama did, because there are other ways to do it, and when we know better, we do better.

Candace Patrice: 15:32

Yep. Ecclesiastes 3.15. Every time I open my mouth, you got to ask against me. One more, one more I just want to go back to, for you know, everybody knows where I am spiritually, and so I like to back it up a little bit. You know, you know, pastor Mike Todd is my pastor. Right Transformation.

Janet Hale: 15:52

Nation.

Candace Patrice: 15:53

And he always tells us stories and gives examples and just give us a little backing with the word you know. So I just feel like I should go ahead and give a little backing with the word which says what is happening now has happened before and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again, which is why I think the lessons, that the lessons that we learn and how we're able to progress and move forward, is because we're able to build upon what has happened and say, ah, course, correction, ah, change it up a little bit. And, of course, what you change it up to is something that will happen in the future, because it will be done. You would have and you can I believe, now that I'm saying this, actually you can create something new that has to be redone.

Janet Hale: 16:49

I agree.

Candace Patrice: 16:50

So your new will then become the status quo, for it's been done before, even though you've built off of something that has been done before. So it's going through something that has been done before is a blessing, actually, because it gives you an opportunity to transform yourself, to transform the generations, to come to rewrite history, because if you're rewriting it, you have to know what it was before. Right. And I think that being mentally aware that the outcomes can be different because we take different paths and we talked about I don't know if we talked about this on the podcast or not but gut health is your gut healthy and what that looks like? And with a healthy gut and when I say healthy gut, guys, I'm not just literally talking about your intestines yes, physically, what that looks like Are you putting in the right things in your food?

Candace Patrice: 17:57

But, trusting your intuition and trusting your gut, are you feeding your mental positive things or things that are healthy? Because everything doesn't have to be positive, because some negativity you can take to learn from, to transform it into something bigger, greater. So when I say, what are you feeding your gut? Are you feeding your gut something for the greater good? Because even a utilitarian can. Who is the. What's the definition of a utilitarian? They want the greater good.

Janet Hale: 18:35

I think they do Tony Chicken or something.

Candace Patrice: 18:39

No, no, no, no no.

Janet Hale: 18:41

Oh, okay.

Candace Patrice: 18:46

It's an ethical theory, theory that suggests the morally right action is the one that produces the greatest overall happiness or well-being for the greatest number of people. It's a consequentialist approach, meaning it judges actions based on their outcomes rather than on inherent rules or duties. So a utilitarian may break the rules because they know that the for the greater good of the people or the outcome you gotta, you gotta shake some things up. Actually, I think a lot of great leaders are utilitarians, cause, if we think about Martin make doing some things that the law didn't like because it was against what they had put the foundation of, however, the greater good was for all people to be equal. So he had to make some decisions based on what the greater good would look like.

Candace Patrice: 19:48

I think politics have to do that a lot. Politicians have to do that a lot because they have to choose what the greater well. They're supposed to choose what the greatest good would be for the sector that they're serving in, whether it's the city, the state sector that they're serving in, whether it's the city, the state, the country, whatever it is that they are over, the outcome is supposed to be for the greater good of the most people that they can find the greater good, for that doesn't always happen, but it is what I believe is supposed to happen. I can't wait till the world can get to that place, because right now, we still have mindsets in office that think one way and may not be as open to what's going on. So what is your take? I saw you writing some things down and looks like your mind was jogging.

Janet Hale: 20:57

Go ahead and give me what you got the gut health, and I remember being a part of a conversation with you and someone else talking about. We're talking about following our gut and the question was asked but is it a healthy gut? And so when I listened to you talk about trusting our gut, I thought about this. Some of us act out of a trauma response, so what may be something in our gut, I get that. However, we may amplify something that's not as big, but because there's trauma behind it that we have not resolved, then the way we respond may not be equivalent to what's going on. It may not equal out the other thing. When you were talking about, you know, politicians and people having to shake things up not his name, but it was a politician. He made this and I keep this one to be in good trouble. When you talked about Martin Luther King and we talked about some of the politicians or some of those who move, some move the needle. Yeah, malcolm X moved the needle because just because something like yeah, just because something's legal, doesn't mean it's right, and so sometimes we have to go again, like you know what, and I remember being on certain jobs I was like, okay, that policy, because I'm not comfortable in my soul with this particular act, that we're told that's okay. And I'm not feeling that it is okay because I'm part of a certain community and there is a certain way that we communicate and it may be offensive to some people and they may not understand it, and then we're punished for it. Well, listen, this is who we are, or this is who I am. I can't speak for everybody. This is who I am. I come up from a particular space, a community, and we learned how to love each other, and the way we love each other may not look like the way you do. It may not. So when you were talking, I was like trauma response, trauma response, trauma response. Because I know for me, I have lived out of that trauma response. So for me that means that the gut wasn't healthy. And I'll say this it's not always healthy. Now I have to do a self-check. Or even if I watch something, I can have a trauma response off of a sentence. I'm saying something, I look up, I'm caught up. Whoa, why am I caught up? And I learned to sit in it and not run from it anymore. And what does that mean for me? I even look at me as it relates to relationships, okay, tmi, and I'm like, oh, they keep ending up.

Janet Hale: 24:00

You kept saying I was friend-zoning everybody. That's true, but I thought about this. I said, you know, when I'm looking at this, the common denominator is Janet. And so let's start looking at that piece, because it's kind of easy to go into everybody, everybody, everybody. Well, guess what? What did I do to attract that? What was it about me that thought that that was okay? You know why did I allow A, b and C the first time? Because healthy people be like oh, I'm cutting you off right now. I'm not waiting five years to get into this. Yeah, I'm done, I'm done.

Candace Patrice: 24:39

Oh, no, that goes back to our Red Flags podcast, which I think is one of the most impactful conversations that we had. That changed my mindset on relationships and personal boundaries and making decisions and seeing things for what they are, and that because that also played into a people-pleasing sector fact for me when I think about that sector fact for me, when I think about that episode that we talked about, but it made me make some major decisions in my life. So I think, as we continue to have the conversations, we continue to expose and that's also one of the things I love about doing the podcast with you is that we get to have these conversations to grow, and I was sharing with someone that I feel like I'm very fortunate to have a mother who wants to continue to mother, to parent me, to grow with me and say, okay, well, she's in her thirties, what was I doing in my thirties? What did I need in my thirties? What does she need in her thirties? Because I'm still here, therefore, I'm never not her mother, no matter how old she gets, and there is nothing new under the sun on what's going on so, even to be able to help me navigate certain things and you were talking about trauma, trauma responses, and we're talking about gut health and as we continue to work on our gut health and we continue to work on our trauma responses, we find ways to transform for our children. You and I were talking about.

Candace Patrice: 26:23

Kamari was over yesterday and you're like, she's growing and every human grows. Every human's life needs to change at some point for their needs and we're watching that happen. I'm watching what you've watched several times with two children and now a grandchild and, of course, any younger generations that you've witnessed, but hands on watching and even probably being able to self-reflect and go, ah, when my son was this age, ah, when Candace was this age, ah, looking at Kamari, and each time that you've done it, you were in a different position in your life, you know, and even saying being able to relate to how your mom got to look at us because we were her grandchildren, you know, and watching us to define my relationship with my granddaughter. How do I not feel guilty about certain things? How do I accept what is and what will the story look like moving forward? It's nothing new under the sun, but how we respond to what has happened could be new. I like that y'all A little better.

Janet Hale: 27:56

Up the fingers. Yes, so you mentioned Kamari and her being here yesterday, so she was with me for most of the day, and then her mom, candace and my grandniece came by and it was a beautiful. I was just like okay, candace, now I get excited anytime they come over. Oh it's like Christmas day, but I had Kamari was here with me and she's nine now. You guys, I think when we started she was what five.

Candace Patrice: 28:26

I think so yeah.

Janet Hale: 28:26

Yeah. And so she's nine and there's so much, so many changes that have taken place in those five years with her and with me and with Candace. And so she's here yesterday and I'm like, well, I feel like we need to do something. You know, we need to have a purpose, we need intention. You know, I'm going through all those things.

Janet Hale: 28:48

That girl over there, nine years old, like look, she didn't say these words, but I'm over here living my nine-year-old life, mother, mama, you go and do your mother life because I'm here. And so, understanding that sometimes just to be present and they know we're present is enough, being in the space is enough. We don't need time for performance. Yeah, for what do I need to do? So I'm not feeling guilty, because it's not about me in the moment, it's about this nine-year-old beautiful being that is my granddaughter.

Janet Hale: 29:27

And so at first I was kind of like, oh, what do I need to? I didn't do it out loud, but in my head I went through some things. And then, when I finally just let go, wait a minute, I haven't fallen asleep in that chair, in a minute Kamari came over. I guess it's our routine, I don't know. But I looked up, I had fallen asleep and I woke up, you know, because she used to watch me go. So good, mama, do you think it's time for us to go to bed? Well, yes, well, I guess she's tired of me playing that game. You're watching it, like okay and so. But watching her and seeing her grow and understanding and I said this to Candace about her age that that nine-year-old is the nine-year-old for this time my nine-year-old was a nine-year-old for my time and allow people the space to be who they are in their time and be respectful of it and to honor it. And the reason why I say honor it, because I'm able to be a part of it.

Candace Patrice: 30:32

So why?

Janet Hale: 30:33

not respect and honor it.

Candace Patrice: 30:35

Yeah.

Janet Hale: 30:36

You know. So it's just you know. I know Life is a beautiful thing, even in the struggles of things. It's so beautiful, Even when I'm not feeling okay. I know I'm going to be okay, even in the times that we're living in right now. You guys because I know some of us are like, well, what's going to happen? I don't know what's going to happen, but one of the things I'm going to say is and I'm not religious and everybody know that, but I'm going to say this, that whatever's going on right now is preparing us for the greatness that's going to come after, and that's my take.

Candace Patrice: 31:06

And that is written too.

Janet Hale: 31:07

Oh, and that is written too.

Candace Patrice: 31:09

Oh, okay, it is, and when I find it I will tell you exactly where it's written.

Janet Hale: 31:19

I know. And so that is the thing. And you know, I just look at it, I'm like, okay, you know, I don't get caught up in the panic of it all and sometimes I think, when am I supposed to be panicking? I'm watching everybody running around fire, fire, fire and I'm like my mortgage is paid, my light gas is paid. No, I can't do a bunch of extra stuff right now. Right now, right now, because I'm being prepared for greatness. We are all being prepared, in my opinion. But the other side of this, I was Patient and faithful.

Janet Hale: 32:00

Go ahead.

Candace Patrice: 32:01

I was thinking when you were talking about sitting there in I think you said silence with Kamari.

Candace Patrice: 32:09

It is an observation period with Kamari, it is an observation period, because during that time that you sit in silence, you get to observe what it is that she likes, what she's doing. That brings you back to a period where you can get back to the activeness, because now you'll know how to engage, because you have to take the intel to say, okay, things are different, what is she doing, what is she like? One of the things that I'm doing to incorporate growing with her is listening to her music Watch. She likes to draw, watching her draw. Trusting the process is what she always tells me. Just trust the process, cause sometimes when she starts, I'll be like what is going on, but I can't say anything because it's what she does, so as I watch it, and then in the end it always turns out so beautiful. Or watching the shows that she wants to watch, with no judgment, because sometimes I'll be like what is this?

Janet Hale: 33:05

Well, you watch Bluey.

Candace Patrice: 33:08

Bluey is bomb.

Janet Hale: 33:09

I know, but I'm saying we're talking about content.

Candace Patrice: 33:09

Bluey is bomb, but I'm saying we're talking about content oh guys, did we tell you she got engaged with Bluey? I don't know if we told you she came over you you watched Bluey, oh, you know what else.

Candace Patrice: 33:26

I've been wanting to share this with the audience for a while. I'm switching gears just give me a second, guys. We'll get right back to observation and what I'm doing but I had shared with the audience. We talked about Revelations and it being one of my favorite books in the Bible. You had asked me some questions and I didn't have the answers. It was a humbling experience and actually it's something my sister said she listened to and it was one of her favorite parts for me to say I don't know the answer.

Candace Patrice: 33:57

I am not calling myself a master interpreter or understanding, understander of the Bible. I am learning the Bible too, guys, and I study it and there are things that I read and I forget or I have to go back. So I don't know why I felt the need to make that disclaimer, but I am always learning and I'm glad to learn and I'm glad to be able to share the things on this podcast that I'm learning, but there are things that I may mess up. I just found out I think I don't know if I shared this with you I've been saying information about like yeah, because Saul was then Paul. About like yeah, cause Saul was then Paul. Y'all, I thought that Saul was the Saul from Samuel book of Samuels, who was the first King of Israel, who was then an apostle. I started doing a timeline and I was like, but how was Saul a disciple, an apostle, if he was here before Jesus and then found out that the Saul they talking about was a Christian? Well, he was an anti-Christian, he was preaching it and then became a follower of Jesus because of an encounter Two different Saul's and I'm sure that I told you guys that I thought that that Saul was king of Israel. So I am learning. I thought that was so funny.

Candace Patrice: 35:27

When I figured that out, I was reading book of Samuel and I was like, hold on, if Saul died before he was Paul, how'd that happen? I went and did some research, y'all. So just know that if I have said something incorrectly, it's because I'm still learning. So thank you all for being on this spiritual journey with me as I learn and grow and continue to get closer. So I just wanted to share that with you guys because I don't know it's good. I want to encourage others to continue to learn and know that nothing is perfect, no one is perfect, and we're all on this journey together. It's our mental, physical, spiritual journey of growth, of growth, and I'm so excited to be able to share my growth with you all. So don't I'm not saying this as a means of me feeling bad in any way. It is a means of me being able to share the goodness and glory of growing and learning. So thanks, I just had to put that in there and then I can go back.

Janet Hale: 36:27

Okay, I have a question about that. So you said, your sister said what about the podcast? When you said you didn't know, what did she say?

Candace Patrice: 36:37

She said, when she got to that part and I had said, oh, I got to look it up, or some information, something you had asked me about and I was sharing, I was trying to go and find it, but I didn't know the answer. And she was like you know, it's so good to hear you not to, for you to say out loud that you don't know, because I guess, because a lot of times I do know a lot of things and you I don't know if maybe there's been a time or two in life where maybe I've tried to show perfectionism or anything like that but for her to hear me say I don't know, she just loved it.

Janet Hale: 37:12

I think it shows vulnerability, and but that's something I think you do possess, I do.

Candace Patrice: 37:19

And you said the what? Thing?

Janet Hale: 37:21

Vulnerability. Oh OK, you possess that and it's okay. I think that for you. I would love to see you breathe more. I would. You are such a go-getter and you do so much and your plate is so full and sometimes when I'm watching and I even made a mention of it yesterday- have you stopped to breathe? I did and I meant that you know.

Candace Patrice: 37:55

I went to Dom's house, which is one of my really good friends and one of Kamari's got mothers and I sat in her bed. We watched this show. It's called Dying for Sex. It's interesting, oh yeah on Netflix.

Janet Hale: 38:09

Right, it's on Hulu. Hulu because she has cancer or something.

Candace Patrice: 38:12

Yeah it's real steamy.

Janet Hale: 38:14

She gets really into it. But wait, I got to get past the good doctor, go ahead.

Candace Patrice: 38:19

Oh, you see, Anyway. So Kamari went over to her cousin's house for a few hours so that we can and the baby would sleep, so that we can have some adult time. And I got in her bed cause her husband was downstairs watching TV. And I got in her bed and I said it feels so good to be still. I just had, cause she was. I got a pillow. She was like you could have got more pillows. I was like I just want to sit here because I haven't sat today and this feels so good sitting next to my friend and doing nothing, so I'm going to breathe. I said all of that, so I just, you know, I want you to know, I did take a moment yesterday to breathe and sit still and enjoy myself, so yes, it was at the end of the day, but it did happen.

Candace Patrice: 39:08

We spent about two hours together, yeah.

Janet Hale: 39:10

That's great.

Candace Patrice: 39:12

Um, we were okay, I cut you off, I believe, but we were also talking about observation time and knowing what to do, knowing how to be there, for well, at the time, we're talking about Kamari and you seeing, and I'm so grateful that she has her time with you. I'm grateful that she enjoys her time with you, even if you say it's boring and all of that. It's one of less than five places that she wants to be at and doesn't mind being left there alone without me, because one of my. I have a great community. However, my daughter is only comfortable in certain spaces and places with certain people to be left alone, for someone to care for her. So she's very selective and I'm just very grateful that you are one of those selective people who she enjoys to be with and wants to be with.

Janet Hale: 40:18

I feel fortunate and blessed and all those good things that she wants to and that you want to. Yeah, because there are many relationships with parents and their children and they, you know they're strained, and I think a lot of times that parents don't learn how to pivot, how to change, how to go with the flow, how to be a part of the child's life and be a silent partner. Be a silent partner Sometimes all they want and I'm speaking to you, but anyway, well, with my mom, okay, sometimes it's just knowing that they're there. Well, my mother was alive and my mother was something else, you guys, but I used to call her every single day. My mother was like I was grown married, took care, all the things, and I remember one time calling her and I said, mama, I'm just calling. I called her more than one time. She said, janet, can I eat? I was like, yeah, but call me back. Well, you know, I wasn't even offended saying that, like, okay, you know you got to squeeze me in now. You know what I mean. Right, right, right, breaking that up. Now you go ahead and eat, I'll give you that.

Janet Hale: 41:37

And so, for me, those are the things that I remember, and I'm going to say this too, because you mentioned grandma Connie with you and Brandon, and the thing about here's a lesson. Because one thing about my mother she was perfectly imperfect, perfectly imperfect, and so she was genuine about who she was. Either you accepted her or you didn't. A lot of times they did with all her stuff, and so that's a lesson for me. We talk about nothing new under the sun. I have to get comfortable in that, because I reacted with the trauma response Okay, well, things that work out with mom and them. So I need to go to college, I need to do this, I need to do that, I need to da da, da, da, da da. Those things are good. But what I sometimes forgot to do was take Janet along on that trip. I had to go back and get her because it was a do, do, do, do, do type of situation and not a be, be, be, be, be, a being. And that's the lesson that I've learned when it comes to parenting and the relationships with our children as they grow, all those things that come with it.

Janet Hale: 42:55

And my mother was man. I wish y'all could have met her. She could have been nice on this podcast. She was, so think about things You'd be like well, dog, mama, she would say it and keep it moving. One thing I'm going to say is I know we have to go. One of the things mama did was this I had a friend and things got a little weird and then I told her about it and then I made up with him. So my mother said, oh, you made up with her. I said yeah, she's okay. She said, no, my mother died, still mad at her. And guess what? She was correct, because my mother was blunt, she was, she didn't give a. She now see, I care a little bit about what you think she didn't. She stayed and be gone about her business, and you know what? I'm grateful for that, because a lot of things she said prior to leaving this world came true after she died.

Candace Patrice: 43:52

It seemed like in the first year all this stuff she said prior to leaving this world came true. After she died, it seemed like in the first year all this stuff she said came true. You said that about um dad too, and someone you worked with prior and after he died.

Janet Hale: 43:57

It came, it came out to be what he said it would be yes, yeah, recently, after he died, with who? Uh, daddy or the?

Candace Patrice: 44:03

the situation happened.

Janet Hale: 44:05

Oh, yeah, yeah, after he died oh okay, so I'm gonna tell it, so I you know I would come home for it. That was me right then.

Candace Patrice: 44:11

This was with her dad and it was years, years ago and guys just I'm gonna give you a disclaimer that mom is not drinking coffee, but changing her eating habits oh, I have more, have more energy. More energy. So you know there's no reeling in at this point, just so you know. But we're still on topic.

Janet Hale: 44:28

So we're good, Okay, okay, okay. So when Charles was alive, my husband, second husband, Candace's dad, I would come up to work and I'm like so-and-so getting, oh my God. He said oh, Janice, don't worry, he's going to get here. I said, no, never, he's never going to happen.

Janet Hale: 44:45

I don't know I'm just going losing it right. And it went on for years and we got divorced and then he passed Guess what. What he said came so true in such a way that I wish I could wake him up and say you were right, you were so right. So, yeah, it's just interesting to be. You talked about being an observer, just observe and watch and take it all in, like I'm looking at the window and everybody's grass is so beautiful and green and guess what?

Janet Hale: 45:19

it doesn't even matter that it's cut or not, isn't that interesting? What matters is that it's so green. Those old-fashioned things, you know.

Candace Patrice: 45:28

I remember watching I don't know if we must have both watched the movie at separate times, but something happened and in that movie the lady was like my grass isn't green, I want green grass, I want green grass. And you know the symbolism of that, and it was about her marriage being dead. But really her grass wasn't green in front of her yard as well, and it was just the whole symbolism of it all. But I wanted to say one more thing, as we talk about nothing new under the sun. Technology is evolving and it feels like it's new under the sun. But I wanted to say this that even though technology may seem new under the sun, it's the growth that's not new. But y'all, okay, we'll give y'all a little. Do we gotta go? Uh, I was helping mom with technology yesterday. Um, we were learning how to navigate through chat, gpt. We were learning how to navigate through honor, ai. Uh, we are. We still have some things to continue to go over. But, man, it is interesting.

Candace Patrice: 46:47

Take care of your parents, guys. They don't know. They don't know things. They need help. And you know not that I'm saying they need help. I'm imagining how. Oh, wow, okay, thank you, Holy Spirit.

Candace Patrice: 47:02

Okay, so our parents take care of us and they raise us and then we become independent and then there's a time period where parent and child are independent individually. And then parents get older in age but grow down some kind of way where they need more help. And a lot of times when we think about that taking care of our parents we think about them getting old and needing to care for their health, making sure that what they need they're moving slower and things like that, what they need they're moving slower, and things like that. But when it comes to technology, y'all, it's the same thing as if I had to change my mother's diaper. I ain't got to the point, guys. I said at your last job, did you use pen and paper? She was like yep, because I'm trying to figure out how she's been making it in this world. Okay, she has been navigating somehow, just getting by.

Janet Hale: 48:12

I'm going to say this the gig is up for me.

Candace Patrice: 48:15

What you mean.

Janet Hale: 48:16

Just getting by. Oh, I know, that's why we're going it is because I went to White Castle for my grandbaby, they had an AI taking the drug on order. I was like, hold up, oh, wait a minute, and I'm talking to it and then it goes. Do you want anything else? I'm like, okay, yes. Then I said it Okay, will that complete your yes? I'm like, oh man, ai is happening. Everyone, and especially those that are listening in my age group listen, we have to get on board because- what age group is this?

Janet Hale: 48:47

60, 60 and up 55, 50. I don't care, but it depends on your life. But I know for me, because I'm going to say this. I remember in 2000, when they had brought the computers on the job or somewhere around that time, and I remember being so upset I said, oh my God, you want us to use this. This is awful.

Janet Hale: 49:08

We were going to Wayne State and they had us learning computers and me and my remember Dana Okay. So Dana and I are like what is this? They're like computers, you can touch the screen. And we were like, oh my God, you know, we're like tripping. And now I'm like, oh, you know, we're like tripping. And now I'm like, okay, now I'm at another thing with this. Now it has evolved to the point that I'm I'm going to say this, and this is for Janet I must learn it. If I want to grow Like there's no choice for me, I have to learn it. And so I'm fortunate to have a daughter who saw the need, like, okay, mama's struggling, she's over there, like she's trying to tell me things over the phone.

Janet Hale: 49:53

And then one day she said I think it would work out better in person. I was like I'm glad you finally got it because we're not going to work out like this. But it's good that, candace, that you're open enough to understand that as we get older we will need assistance. And it's not always changing our diaper when we move in the bedpan and we can use that metaphorically and say you are changing the diaper, but it's a different kind of diaper.

Candace Patrice: 50:21

Oh yeah, I meant that. I meant that, okay, you know what? Listen, yeah, I'm changing these diapers, okay. Yeah, you are Okay, wait she was multitasking all over the place.

Janet Hale: 50:31

Okay, mom, she went out, pull up this and then see if you can do that, and I'm like, okay, she got me out in these streets all alone, okay, and then I was able to navigate to the page or whatever.

Candace Patrice: 50:41

but um, so it feels and she got more outer ai minutes than me. I only have 300 she got 1200.

Janet Hale: 50:48

Yeah, I'm upset about that. I've been running out.

Candace Patrice: 50:51

She got these unlimited minutes.

Janet Hale: 50:53

It feel like I gotta figure out what she even did to upgrade my minutes, yeah, but it's good to be able, candice, for you to allow me in your space Because you don't have to. You know what I mean, but you're like, oh, okay, mom.

Candace Patrice: 51:08

Wait, I don't have to. No, I'm just kidding. There you go.

Janet Hale: 51:11

But she's not behind. Okay, mama needs help in this area, I, but she's not behind. Okay, mama needs help in this area. I see what she's, you know, kind of having a hard time and also to be able to ask for help, like when you just said to the audience sometimes I don't know, sometimes I don't have the answer, and it's okay. So I had to come to you and be like I don't know, I need help with this. You know what I mean. But here's the thing about that the comfort level in me asking you was so awesome. I didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed. I was like, look, I need help here. Okay, tell me what this?

Janet Hale: 51:46

And so nothing new under the sun. And that goes into relationships with our adult children. Children, as we get older, the need changes and it actually flips, like Candace just said, the parent took care of the child and we're equal. Then it turns, it reverses, where the child, the adult child, will need to do more for the parent. So the roles do change. And for those in my age group 60 and plus or 55, understanding that that's part of the process and we need not feel embarrassed or ashamed of it but to surrender to it, because then that surrender becomes, you get the greatest gifts.

Candace Patrice: 52:29

You know, I really want to get a guest on here who can talk about the unhealthy relationship between parent and child and hopefully get someone who has resolved their relationship problems so that we can hear from a different perspective, because I think our relationship can be intimidating to those who are like well, what do I do if I don't have this relationship with my parent? They're not as open. You guys have a relationship that is healthy, but not everybody has healthy relationships with their. You know the parent-child dynamic, so I would love if anybody is listening and wants to share their story. We would love to hear from you so that we can just kind of have a little, a little insight there, because I know that's an important sector as we navigate through this journey together and share it with the world. I did go and find that, that scripture, though.

Janet Hale: 53:33

Romans 28.

Candace Patrice: 53:36

And it says and we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. I was hesitant in sharing it, simply because it says of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. And you know, not knowing what others spiritual journey is and you know they may not as well about if we don't love God. I mean, this is the scripture that I have, that is written in the Bible that I read and in my belief system, so I want to share those with those who can relate in that way. But either way, we can see things working together for our good.

Candace Patrice: 54:20

If you've ever been in a situation, in a relationship, and in the beginning you're like, how do I get out of this relationship? Or what will my life look like without it? Even though everything seems to be going not the way you intended it to go, you get out of that relationship and now you find that you're flourishing in different ways. It may not not the way you intended it to go. You get out of that relationship and now you find that you're flourishing in different ways. It may not be the way you thought it would, but things tend to work out for our good. We just have to know that the future is bringing something better and that thorns are there to protect roses and the flower is what blooms and what is beautiful. But we have protective thorns and sometimes we're going to feel those thorns. But what's the? The product of the flower itself is so beautiful.

Janet Hale: 55:15

I wanted to say something, because you talked, you read that scripture and would you read it again real quick, real quick.

Candace Patrice: 55:21

I sure can, and we know that Romans 8, 28.

Janet Hale: 55:26

Of course.

Candace Patrice: 55:29

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. I also, you know, I know you're about to talk, but I also know that in my journey of listening to different people and their belief systems, it seems as if, more than not, everyone is believing in the same God, not necessarily the entities that fall below God, but the one being that is bigger, the one universe that is greater. So when I do say God is causing, I would like to challenge you to just reflect to who or what you call God Go ahead, you to just reflect to who or what you call God.

Janet Hale: 56:17

Go ahead, oh, you really took it out, took it, you went there. That's why I was going to go. Everyone knows I'm recovering and one of the things that they say God is to our best, our understanding. And so you just said it because it is what God is for you. It doesn't have to be what God is for me, but wherever it is that you get your spiritual growth, whatever it is that you feel feeds you spiritually, it's okay.

Janet Hale: 56:44

And so me and Candice are here together and we have different ideologies as it relates to, well, religion, spiritual. I don't think we're different on the spirituality, I know, right, I don't think so with that, but I'm just, yeah, because, so, anyway, right, so, and it's okay to be different. It really is Because we have a beautiful relationship. I mean, brandon was alive, he was on a whole nother religion, he died in war, right, yes, okay, and he changed them up at least four times, I think. But, anyway, but it was okay and, ooh, okay, anyway. So it's such a beautiful thing for me to be able to sit where I sit and to be able to watch my two children figure out their own path. I didn't force anything on them. How did they end up the way they ended up, with me as their mother? I don't know, but it's okay because it's their journey. So to the audience whatever your journey is, we respect it.

Candace Patrice: 57:49

Yeah.

Janet Hale: 57:49

Whatever that is.

Candace Patrice: 57:51

Yeah.

Janet Hale: 57:52

You know, so I wanted to say that to that candidate.

Candace Patrice: 57:54

Thank you for that. Of course we talked about a lot of things and there are going to be, there's going to be a lot that you go through. Listeners that don't always feel good. Go back to that. There is nothing new under the sun and you are not the only one experiencing what you are experiencing. It may be someone you just don't know, but know that everyone is going through something and how we choose to respond to what we're going through can change the outcome, the trajectory of how your life presents itself in the future.

Candace Patrice: 58:36

So just believing mentally that everything is working together for your good and when you find that little spark of good sometimes it's not as big as it is for others, it can be very minute Take it and show it gratitude, be grateful for what that is, that you've been able to find that goodness in, and magnify it, because a lot of times it's easy to magnify what is not good. So magnify what is good and continue to search for those things and you will draw those things to you more often than not and you will notice them coming, even if they're small, more frequently, until they grow bigger. It will not eliminate the difficulties that you have to navigate, but you will increase your happy pleasure, your serotonin, your dopamines, and that can change the way you live your life. Of course, if you or anyone you know is struggling, you can call or text 988, the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which is available 24 hours, seven days a week, 365 days a year in the US and Canada. Check your area, because we are an international podcast streaming in all continents. So thank you, listeners, for that. Of course you can email us or send a text. Leave us your feedback, like and subscribe. Leave a review where you're listening. Leave a review where you're listening.

Candace Patrice: 1:00:20

You can go to essentialmotivationcom and check out what we have going on. We are both coaches, so if you're looking for someone to talk to and want to get on our schedules, you can send an email and we can send you our Calendly links to get you scheduled. To start that, we are cash only, so if you guys are looking for that, you can find my rates on the website and you can email j her website at hellempowermentllccom. You can go to my website at essentialmotivationcom. You can email me at Candice Fleming at essentialmotivationcom To be a guest on the podcast.

Candace Patrice: 1:01:13

Send an email with the subject line saying EMH podcast guest and we will do that. We are full for the season, season four but we will be booking out for season five and giving you guys some fresh material, some new faces and everything. Also, we both do accept credit cards as well. So whatever it is, whatever you're looking for, whatever you're trying to get out of anything, we want to be here to support you, we want to know what you're thinking and all that jazz. Always remember to love hard, forgive often and laugh frequent. Bye, guys.