Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
Embracing Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Spirituality, and the Magic of Everyday Moments with Misty Bell Stiers
It's Therapy Thursday
Sipping our morning coffee, we invited the enchanting Misty Bell Stiers, an artist, storyteller, and advocate for diversity, equity, and inclusion, to share her inspiring journey. As a creative director and author, Misty sprinkles a touch of magic into her mission to create systemic change. Our conversation dances through the joys and challenges of parenting in small living spaces and the nostalgia of having kids at home, all while celebrating the beautiful connections between family, creativity, and personal growth.
Our chat with Misty delved deep into her personal experiences with embracing diversity and inclusion. From her privileged upbringing to a life-changing accident that opened her eyes to accessibility issues, Misty's journey is both heartfelt and transformative. Her work in digital design became a powerful platform for advocating representation and inclusivity, driving her to make a difference for future generations while honoring those who fought for equality before her.
Misty opened up about her spiritual evolution from a Catholic upbringing to embracing modern paganism, a journey filled with introspection and soul-searching. We explored the intersection of spirituality, friendship, and motherhood, finding magic in everyday moments and the powerful practice of gratitude. Misty's insights into love and understanding across diverse perspectives left us feeling inspired to open our hearts and minds, appreciating the rich tapestry of experiences that make life meaningful. Join us for an episode filled with love, laughter, and a touch of magic as Misty shares her wisdom and warmth.
Misty Bell Stiers is an artist, storyteller and boss witch who has spent her career focused on leveraging her passion for diversity, equity and inclusion—and a little bit of magic—to create systemic change at every level. As a creative director, podcast guest, speaker and author, Misty has mastered using her unique perspective to help people find ways to truly connect to the world around them and the people in it.
@mistybellstiers (all social)
https://apollopublishers.com/index.php/witch-please/
https://apollopublishers.com/index.php/light-fire-abundance/
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candice Patrice, and joining me today, as always, is my lovely, lovely, most lovely mother and co-host, Janet.
Janet Hale:Hill. Hello everybody, Hello, hello, hello and co-host, janet Hill.
Candace Patrice:Hello everybody, hello, hello, hello. We have had some fun times starting getting this podcast up this morning. Lots of laughter, lots of coffee and lots of energy. So we are maneuvering, but we have a special guest with us today. We have Misty joining us. Hi, misty, hello, welcome. Thank you so much, misty, misty, misty, misty is an artist.
Janet Hale:She is a storyteller and a boss witch, that's true.
Candace Patrice:What so true. I've been waiting on you, leveraging her passion for diversity, equality and inclusion and a little bit of magic, sprinkle it in Wait. But what is she doing it for? To create systematic change at every level. As a creative director, podcast guest speaker and author, misty has mastered using her unique perspective to help people find ways to truly connect to the world around them and the people in it. I just want to say, guys, I had the pleasure of meeting with Misty a little bit prior to this podcast and she is a true delight. She's my Wiccan sister, she's my love sister.
Candace Patrice:She's my heart sister.
Misty Bell Stiers:We've had a great time, every time.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, we've had a great time. And you guys may have heard some things in the introduction that made you go. We'll get into it. But how are you today, misty? How are you?
Misty Bell Stiers:You know I'm great. It's Saturday morning, the week, the work week is over. I'm getting to start having a wonderful conversation with you on my weekend. Things are good. I've threatened my children to be quiet in my tiny New York City apartment so that I can talk to you without an interruption. All the things Check, check, check. It's been great. I'm doing wonderful. That's awesome.
Candace Patrice:How many kids do you have? What's their?
Misty Bell Stiers:ages too. I have a 16-year-old girl and a 13-year-old boy. So there's also been a lot of talk about streaming things as well.
Candace Patrice:I was going to say they probably have found an electronic and something that they can get into to stay quiet for a little while.
Janet Hale:Yeah, let's hope. You're just a little concerned, misty. I saw your face. You're like I'm just kind of hoping that's how that's going out there.
Misty Bell Stiers:It's a very small part.
Candace Patrice:Well, maybe they'll make an appearance on the podcast somehow, maybe it'll be a Mom shut up.
Misty Bell Stiers:No, it's like we were saying earlier life, life.
Janet Hale:Life is life. That's it, that's it.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, I have my little tiny human in. I'm in my office and she's in the kitchen with her electronics and games and food, so we're hoping that that sustains her long enough. But she's also been told if she has to come through the door to do it silently, I'm going to hit mute, so no one knows.
Misty Bell Stiers:I'm glad we're all prepared.
Candace Patrice:We're all prepared, and Janet mom has the beauty of having no animals or kids in her house, so she's all right, but then she has to beware of her own self in the coffee.
Janet Hale:This is true, but let me also say this, because I hear you guys talking about the children and everything, and all these measures that you must take in order to be here, and in listening to you just made me remind me of how great it was to have children in the home and to be able to sit down or come here or wait. I was famous for this one, you guys. Well, candace knows this, but misty, I would be like go get my purse.
Janet Hale:The kids would want whichever one go get it and couldn't find it, come in the room and go mom, it's right next to you, so I do, I don't remember that well, and so because I was, you know anyway, so I do miss that.
Janet Hale:You know what I mean. And, um, it's a good fond memory because something that her dad used to say um, these times don't come back and to hear us to be in here. You guys, cherishing the moments of being a parent to the children in your home at this present time and creating space for them so that we can do this in this space, I think is awesome. How about that?
Candace Patrice:I ran from my mother as a kid, as a teen. As a teen, my room was upstairs and every time I would come downstairs there was always something as if she was waiting to hear the door open. Candace, can you do this? Candace, can you take the dog out? I'd be like, if I stay up here long enough, maybe all of the things she asks for or needs will be done. It never worked. I would wait on that door.
Janet Hale:I'm like she's got to go to the bathroom.
Candace Patrice:And that's what it was. I know, I know what I was.
Janet Hale:You were up there timing things, and so was I.
Misty Bell Stiers:Our apartment is so small our kids can't even hide they can't hide. I can't even lean forward and look down the hallway and I can see their room. Like there's nowhere for them to go oh my god, they're just they're trapped. They're trapped, the babies are trapped, like they can't get out unless they physically leave the apartment. And it's five bucks. So, like it's a commitment like you gotta like, really want to get it.
Janet Hale:Oh, I have compassion for the babies.
Candace Patrice:Is there at least an elevator? Oh no.
Janet Hale:Oh, you're in New York, you're living New York style.
Misty Bell Stiers:Yeah, that's some New.
Janet Hale:York style living yeah.
Misty Bell Stiers:But I have to admit that, like when we go places where we're like if we had an Airbnb or we have a house in up in Vermont and we'll go and I'll miss them because I won't be able to like here I see and hear them all the time, which is great for me, not so great for them, probably, um, but I do like.
Misty Bell Stiers:There's definitely like the moment I have where I'm like oh, like they're in their rooms, like they're in the rooms we go and they like go in and they get their time and their space and there's a special kind of silence that happens that I'm particularly aware of that hits me in a way that I imagine is probably preparing me for the inevitable day that they find don't even know the topic.
Janet Hale:I'm sorry for cutting you off, misty, I don't know what the topic of this is. But I can remember when Candace left, she went to college and blah, blah, blah she came home. I was cool with that, you know, we had the rules and she was like OK, y'all get over yourselves. We thought they were pretty cool, but apparently not cool enough for her.
Janet Hale:And so she goes apartment hunting All right, that's cool. And so she goes apartment hunting All right, that's cool, I can deal with that part right. Until she did this one day. She went mom, I found an apartment and I want you to come see it, heartbroken, trying to hold it together as a mother. So we go to the apartment Now I'm holding it together, at least I think I pretended pretty good. So we get to the apartment and the woman's showing her around the kids. She's like Mama look, mama look. And I'm looking around and I went, look, I found everything wrong, even if it was a nick I was like. And then I said to the lady she doesn't have to move. I mean she could stay home. I'm like just the biggest baby, like you know, like I don't know I want you to stay.
Candace Patrice:She doesn't need this.
Janet Hale:Wait a minute, listen I want you to stay home and break some of those rules. You know you trying to be independent and get your own love, so I can relate to that. Getting ready for that Because it's coming, you guys, it's coming and I hope you guys are more mature about it than me.
Candace Patrice:I can't imagine me being more mature about it. I can see me falling out, acting out, moving in, making sure I would be like my dad used to tell me when I got a home he wanted me to build a loft on top of the garage so that he can live where I live. He can have his own space, though, but he wanted to live with me.
Janet Hale:You know what's funny he was still married to me. That just hit me with me. You know what's funny he was still married to me. That just hit me, you know what that never hit me, it just hit me.
Janet Hale:You know how things get different moments that just hit me. Wow, that never. Did you go give me a, because it was always him, never me. And Janet, how did I think about it? Oh, he was planning his escape, okay, yeah, and he's like wanting you to build him a place. So I'm going to come stay with you.
Misty Bell Stiers:You know what I'm going to have a conversation with his, you know he's deceased right now and I was supposed to get him up, I'm starting to say he's deceased.
Janet Hale:Right now, I don't know that that's going to change. I'm sorry. Okay, listen, life. If we cannot laugh about this life that we're in, it's a problem in my opinion. So, guess what? This is Janet yes, janet McCaffey, and I'm enjoying this podcast, as I always do. And, misty, I'm glad you're here to experience this with us, as am I.
Candace Patrice:I am super glad I'm here and, as the daughter, I'm going to wrangle her back in. Alright, hello. So, misty, I want to have a conversation with you. We are going to have a conversation with you, but one of those things, as I was reading and we've had conversations and you have a passion for diversity I do and inclusion and equality. What does that mean to you and how did you land in that passion?
Misty Bell Stiers:Oh. First, it means to me this idea of creating, building a world where everyone can feel seen and heard and valued and feel like they can safely and fully participate in the world around them and their communities and their workplaces and all the places that they want to be. How did I get here? You know, I want to tell you that. I want to tell you that I've always felt this way, but I don't think I actually I don't think it ever occurred to me that I needed to feel this way when I was growing up. You know, I'm a white woman.
Misty Bell Stiers:I grew up in the middle of the country. I had all of the privilege that I could possibly want my family was middle class, privilege that I could possibly want. Like, my family was middle-class. Like I, um, I lived a very protected life, and it wasn't until I got to be older and I sort of my world got bigger that I was able to realize that the way that I experienced the world wasn't the way everyone else did. And even then it took me a while to get to the point where I decided that, like, I think there was a lot of like oh, that really is awful Right. Like oh, that's too bad.
Misty Bell Stiers:And um, and I was in the things that I cared about mostly when it came to like diversity and equity and inclusion were things that affected me. You know, like I was a creative director in the ad agency there were only three percent of creative directors that were women at the time globally, and so you know I was very involved in like mentorship for women and um, trying to like find that place and really fight for that and a lot of the the sort of like issues and challenges that I initially started to pay attention to were, all you know, selfishly, like within, like that affected me and I think it took me a while to really fully realize that that wasn't going to help the sort of challenges I saw in front of me. That, like, it can't just be about my experience, it can't just be about the things I understand, it can't just be about the things that are close to me, because that doesn't make the progress that needs to happen. And you know it, there were a couple like key moments in my life that really put me on that path.
Misty Bell Stiers:I had an accident 11 years ago that put me in a wheelchair for quite some time, and I remember I was in Montana at the time it was hard to get around. When I was able to get out of the hospital and I was so excited to come back to New York City hospital and I was so excited to come back to New York city. And I got back to New York city and I realized that the world just wasn't designed to like let me get around Like I would get. I would get stuck in the like curbs, like the water, the places where the water drains at the curves like the.
Misty Bell Stiers:The like space between the bars was the exact width of my wheels on my wheelchair.
Misty Bell Stiers:And I would have to wait for a stranger to come help like push me up over. I remember I went grocery shopping for the first time. Um, I like got myself out of the apartment. My kids were at school, my husband was at work. I was like I'm going to make them dinner, cause it's cooking is really important to me and I got myself like out and going and we had been subletting an apartment so we had an elevator I could get out and I went to the grocery store.
Misty Bell Stiers:And then I got to the grocery store and the space between the registers wasn't wide enough for my wheelchair chair and I had to sit and wait for 20 minutes while a manager went and had to do something special to get the automatic doors that you came into to open from the inside of the grocery store. And so I had all these like small things happen that suddenly I was like, wow, if this is the physical world you know I was a digital designer I'm designing experiences. If this is the physical world, you know I was a digital designer I'm designing experiences. I was we're not even considering this Like this isn't even on our radar.
Misty Bell Stiers:Like we're doing the bare minimum if a client asks us, but like we're not doing you know we're not, I'm not teaching, like at the time I was a leader in my design team and I'm not teaching them how to do this and I don't know how to do this, and it's not okay. And so I started sort of coming to work and learning more about, you know, accessibility in the digital spaces and that sort of grew into. Suddenly it was. It was about inclusion Like what are the photos we're choosing? Like what are the stories we're choosing to tell? How are we representing people? Like where this whole world sort of like kind of cracked open for me and I was just like we're not, we're just not doing good enough and I am in a position where I can influence what we're doing and how we're doing it. And you know, once you kind of start on that path and once you take the time to really listen to the people around you and what their experiences are like, suddenly you you can't unsee it and I think you have a choice to make you either ignore it and decide that you're not going to do anything about it, or you're going to do what you can, when you can, or you're going to try to create change.
Misty Bell Stiers:And I think I looked at my kids and thought about how privileged they are and I was like I want to do better. I want to do better by them, I want to do better by the people who interact with the things that I write and I design and I create. And mostly I just want to do better because, you know, part of my belief system is that I owe so much to the people who came before me and that my responsibility is to like clear space for the people to come after. And I want to make sure that the space I'm clearing isn't just for me, that it really is all encompassing and that it's done out of love and it's done out of kindness. And I want that to be like a pillar of, like the legacy I leave, I guess, which sounds sort of ridiculous and big, but like it just, I think it just took a lot of small things adding up for me to realize that like I wasn't doing what I should be doing.
Candace Patrice:And did? Did that all start when the accident happened or did you begin this prior to?
Misty Bell Stiers:I think it began a little bit prior to, I think, when I I think my first sort of real introduction to the fact that not everyone lived in the same world I did think when I I think my first sort of real introduction to the fact that not everyone lived in the same world I did was when I left the religion I was raised in and tried to find a new belief system and I was exposed. I sought out you know all of the stories of all the places and I was the person that was like, the annoying person that talked about all the things of the parties you're not supposed to talk about. Like I was like, what do you believe in? Why do you believe in it? And not with, like the intention of wanting to like change someone's mind, but like, really genuinely, with the intention of curiosity, like does it bring you peace? Does it bring you joy? How do you celebrate? Like what's important to you?
Misty Bell Stiers:And I suddenly found myself in this place where I was learning about all these things and all of these people in ways that, like, I might not have otherwise learned about them, and I think that started that started it.
Misty Bell Stiers:And you know, then I, you know I went away to college and I went far away and I was meeting people who grew up in different places around the world and around the country and and it was all. I think it was all a slow opening, but I think when I had my accident, there was an urgency that started to come with that, and I think there was some guilt as well, because I think it suddenly was very apparent that I was upset that people weren't considering things that I myself wasn't considering. And you know I saw how it affected not just me. I saw how it affected my kids and, like the fact that I couldn't get them to school and I couldn't go certain places, and you know they were having to pick up a lot of things to, like you know, around the house to help me and, like you know, I I think I had a, a moment or two where I was like why isn't this different? Like it's not hard right, like this is so hard, I'm not asking for a lot.
Misty Bell Stiers:And then I had the moment of like well, because people like me help design the world, and I'm not thinking about this Like, why should I expect other people to?
Candace Patrice:It wasn't until you began to experience it that it became a thought process.
Misty Bell Stiers:Right, which is shaming. Quite honestly, Like I wish that it was a different story, but it's not.
Candace Patrice:But you know, I think that that's kind of how we are as humans period we can't empathize with people until we've gone through it, and that's what makes, I think, people who've gone through really difficult times and have been able to come out of it so much more empathetic to people, because they know what is what it's like to have nothing or to be in a space where they're not included or where it's not easy. So it's like, okay, I now have to think of these things because I've been a part of it, so let me expose it to more people so that even those who haven't gone through it can hear my story and begin to resonate with it and make a difference in the world, you know. So one of my, one of my questions to you is how has your mental health been affected? From growing up in privilege to having an accident, to making it making the change. So that's a trajectory of mental health status. What's that been like?
Misty Bell Stiers:um, I think it's been a struggle. To be honest, like I'm an incredibly emotional person I am, I try to be a really empathetic person. I think it's sort of a default setting for me. And I think that it has been hard, and when I say that I caveat it in all of the things, like in all of the privilege, but it has been difficult for me to to hear the stories and to recognize the inequity and to recognize the exclusion and to recognize my part in it and also like my responsibility to it and to like I'm honestly, like it's, it's heartbreaking, and I have to remind myself sometimes to observe and not absorb, um, but I don't, I often don't want to do that, and so I think, like anything, it's with my mental health, it's it's like exercise, it's like building that muscle, like understanding that two things can be true at once, like the world can be on fire and I can be angry and disappointed and sad, and I can also be joyful and happy and recognize the magic that's still happening in the world around me and the love and the kindnesses, the small kindnesses, that are everywhere.
Misty Bell Stiers:And I think that when I am in that place, when I allow myself to be in that place and when I allow myself to be like really present. Um, my mental health is is way better than it was, but it's still something I think I'm working really hard on, like I, I, um, I think it's like the stages of grief almost, where you get like really mad, like first you pretend it's not happening and then you get really mad and you get really heartbroken and then you make amends. Um, like I think that I think that it it's sort of just recognizing, like the way those things wash through and that, like the only way out is through, and that you know, if I can end my day knowing that I found some joy and knowing that I made some difference, then I can sleep better yeah, uh, mom you I saw you a while ago I did a cartwheel.
Janet Hale:I did all the things when I was reeled in I had to like for the audience. I had to say listen, you guys. I can't be reeled in, but anyone who listens to this podcast knows that's only going to last one minute, but I already know, right, okay. But what I wanted to say when I was listening to you, Melissa, I really appreciate your.
Candace Patrice:Misty, I'm sorry.
Janet Hale:I said what? Okay, misty, I'm sorry, we're just mad, I know Not really, but not really so. But and I say that from a spiritual place and when I was listening to you, you said some key things that I think a lot of people don't look at. Or, like you said some things I'm ashamed to say, but this is my journey. And when you talk because when you started talking, I wrote a word down and you hit it and it was privilege, because when we're looking at different things, certain people have certain privileges. Even when they're in the I want to help you business, sometimes they don't recognize their privilege, which can counter, sometimes, the assistance that they're wanting to provide, because they haven't taken a deep dive within to figure out what's really going on. Because is this the ego based thing running there or is this a soulful move? Right, you follow me? I know you do. Yeah, no, absolutely Go ahead.
Misty Bell Stiers:No, no, I please go ahead oh no, okay.
Janet Hale:So when you were talking, I heard that. I heard that and appreciated that so much. And then when you talked about your lived experience of being a minority in a situation with that wheelchair being marginalized, being able not to maneuver in spaces that you wanted to maneuver in the way that you needed to, so I think that is such a beautiful analogy or a way of explaining your journey and the honesty I must say I really appreciate, and your ability to be so vulnerable about the subject is very much appreciated as well. So for that I thank you.
Misty Bell Stiers:Thank you. I mean, listen, I think it means a lot to me when you point out is this a soul-filled journey or is this ego? A lot to me, when you point out, like, is this a soul-filled journey or is this ego? And like, I will be the first to admit that that's something, that's a regular check-in, because sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't like I, there is some there.
Misty Bell Stiers:Sometimes there is a moment where I have to, like, stop myself and be like where am I on that scale?
Misty Bell Stiers:Because I don't think it's always one or I don't think it's it's always just one, right Like.
Misty Bell Stiers:I think that, like, work like this feels good and having people listen to you feels good, and I think that you can get caught up in that.
Misty Bell Stiers:And I think I have to regularly to regularly like sort of check in with myself. I've stopped myself and I have people around me who know and love me enough to stop me too, um, to remind me that, like, this is not about the space I occupy, this is about me creating space for their people and, um, I get caught up in it as much as anyone else and I think that, regardless of what any of us do, when you do something that you want to have a positive impact. I think there's always that tension there and I think the more you can stay present in the moment and the more you can be honest with yourself about where you are and why you're doing things, and the more you can have people around you who will check you when you need to be checked um, the more often you can get done what you want to get done with the intentions that it needs to have Um and the impact it needs to have, because I can have the good intentions all day and still not have a good impact.
Janet Hale:I was at a training out in Lansing and so, and we were talking, privilege was one of the things that was brought up, and so we're talking and everything, and the personality that you and I, misty and candace, have is probably one that people gravitate towards. I mean, we just it. Just, it is what it is right. So this lady from another place um, she wasn't with my group but anyway so she gravitated towards me and that was cool, we're talking everything. And she's like oh, janet, I like you so much. And I was like, oh, and she was a white woman and I, okay. And so she said this. She said you know, I don't see color. You, you felt that too. Okay, hold on, okay, you felt that, didn't you? Okay.
Misty Bell Stiers:So when she did, I made a face, but hold on, here's the thing because you talked about self-checking.
Janet Hale:So I had to self-check janet, because I I must respond in a way of love and wanting to her to understand, and that cannot come from my ego space, because my ego space will not allow her to open up to whatever it is I have to offer her. You follow me. So when she did that, yes, that feeling, all that was there, oh, my, I was like. So I said you don't see color. She said no, and then she threw in the Bible. She did whatever she does, that's okay. And I just looked at. I said okay.
Janet Hale:I looked at and I said, wow, but I want you to see my color. I want you to see this brown skin. I see your color. I see a beautiful white woman before me. I'm a beautiful black woman. I said so to see my color. It's nothing wrong with seeing color. Colors are beautiful. Man. When I got through with her oh wait, listen, the next day she found me. She found me, she grabbed me, she put her head on me. She was short, like me, I'm short. She put her head on my shoulder and she said Janet, thank you so much. I enjoy seeing color.
Janet Hale:She see the rainbow now, so it's all about when you're talking about intention, it is a pull and a push, and a pull Because when she said that, a button she did hit a nerve. Now, please know that I'm thinking well, hold on, because for me to say to me you don't see, color says you don't see me, right, right, so guess what? So that I knew, but I had to approach it in a way where I saw her. Yeah, see, so I'm going to acknowledge you and your whiteness and your beauty and the spirit in which she meant to come from, because it's about the intention. Oh, the other thing she talked about because she said something. She said, oh, to come from. Yeah, see, because it's about the intention. Oh, the other thing she talked about because she said something. She said, oh, because I service African-American people and I didn't realize that they use a different shampoo. You follow me. So she's figuring it out like, oh, because I thought they just should be grateful.
Janet Hale:This was honesty. Honesty is not always pretty right, right, and sometimes, like you said, we need to talk to people that's going to help us, navigate or self-check us, and that was an experience that was, you know, yeah, okay, she said that, but the outcome of it was so beautiful that you know I can share this story and not sit here and say, well, you know, I'm still. No. I mean, she still contacts me, she doesn't even live in this city. But the connection was made Right and she has a new perspective and it's all good.
Candace Patrice:So anyway, that's my story. You know, as you talk about perspective, misty has gone on an incredible spiritual journey and as I was introducing her, you may have heard me call her a boss witch. Call her a boss witch, but part of that was a journey in looking for love and pure inclusion from an experience that happened in her life. And so, misty, can you kind of explain what boss witch means and how you got to be a boss witch? This is so weird to say because it's like I kind of want to say boss bitch you know, but I mean I'll take that too.
Candace Patrice:I'll take it too. I do it on purpose, yeah, and it's um it I. I think people will find so much knowledge and wisdom and understanding and your journey to where you are and your spiritual belief system and what it truly means, because you have an opportunity to break down the walls of that word witch right in this moment. So can you take us through that journey a little bit, yeah?
Misty Bell Stiers:absolutely. I think I love the term boss witch. It came from one of my best friends when I wrote my first book and I loved how it sounded because it's well, thank you so much. It's called Witch, please, finding Magic in Modern Times, and it's about this. It's about this story. It's really about how I grew up in Kansas.
Misty Bell Stiers:I was raised Catholic, happily so, and how I went from that place to living in New York City, raising my kids to believe in magic. And when I was younger, I lived in a small town in Kansas. I was Catholic. I was like camp counselor in the summertime, like in the youth group, like I. I found community there and I found peace and joy there and, um, it was a very big part of my life and, and spirituality is a big part of my life. It's something that, um, I don't think everyone needs to have as an anchor, but I do.
Misty Bell Stiers:Um, and got older I was my senior year of high school a dear friend of mine committed suicide and it turned my world inside out and it opened up a lot of uncertainty and questioning and fear that really had just never occurred to me, and I remember spending a few days. We were a very close-knit group of friends and we just didn't leave each other's side. We just went from home to home to home. The first night all of the girls stayed at my house, all the boys stayed in another house, and the boys came over at like seven in the morning and we all went to breakfast and spent the day together and like I remember, like wanting my world to be so much, so small and wanting just to know everyone was okay, like desperately, and none of us were, and we finally got to the point where they told us we had to go back to school. And the morning I was supposed to go back to school. I went to church. I went to my church and I prayed for a really long time and could not, for the life of me, grab the calm and the peace that I had been looking for there, that had always been there for me. And so I went um next door to where, um, the priests live, and I knocked on the door and, uh, one of the priests answered the door and I like just collapsed, like I just emotionally collapsed and was like I don't know what to do. Like this thing happened. You know it was. He knew what was going on. It was a very small town and I don't know what to do, like, please tell me what to do. And he told me, um, to pray for my friend's soul because, um, what he had done was a sin.
Misty Bell Stiers:And I think in that moment, the foundation I thought that I had just sort of crumbled, and the answers I thought that I had also crumbled and the door shut and I think I was standing on the other side suddenly not so sure how to move forward, and it took me a while to like really think about the things I had been taught and the things I believed and really examine if they were true in my heart. And I think we should all do that every once in a while. Right, what have I been taught? What do I believe? Is it still true to me?
Misty Bell Stiers:And when I sort of landed on the other side of that, I realized that maybe this wasn't the place for me, and I knew I wanted a place. So I started reading all the books and asking all the questions and talking to all the people, just going to different churches and reading different books and just seeking out a spiritual home in a lot of ways. And I had a friend in college when I was in the midst of this and you know it wasn't a secret that I was really interested in what everyone believed in and like trying to figure out where I wanted to be and she said I have this book you should read. It's called Dried Down the Moon. It's all about like paganism in America. And immediately like no, thank you. And I was like I have no interest in that. And she was like, well, but like you're learning about everything else, like why not learn about that? And I was like listen, I do not wear enough black eyeliner and own enough black clothes for me to join the pagan community as a witch. It's not going to happen, hilarious. And I believed it. It was like not even. And what's funny is I had done all this work to really learn about all these other belief systems and for some reason I was willing to be really dismissive of this one area. And eventually I met a couple other people who recommended the book.
Misty Bell Stiers:I eventually read the book. I read it twice. It's not a small book and I realized that as I was reading it there's just something about it that made me feel like I was coming home and you know it took a while to really decide that was the path that was right for me. But the more I started to sort of really follow that path forward and really sort of pull the threads and be like, well, what about this and how do I feel about this? And I kept coming up with positive places and positive answers. And what's more is I kept sort of reclaiming this like peace and calm and certainty that I had sort of left behind like years before, and I think that you know, it took a while for me to feel confident in it.
Misty Bell Stiers:It was sort of like all right, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to try this out. I'm going to read some books, you know, and I'm going to like quietly myself and like figure stuff out and not really tell anyone because it's kind of weird. And then, and then, like slowly, it became something that was such an indelible part of me that I couldn't, I didn't want to not talk about it, and not in the sense of like I think everyone should be a witch Cause. I don't. I think that the beauty of this universe and this world is that whatever spins it has given us so many paths to peace. But more like when you were talking about, like when she said I don't see your. You know I don't see color. Well, that's an, it's an indelible part of who you are and what your experience is.
Misty Bell Stiers:And I, I felt like that about my belief system.
Misty Bell Stiers:Like me, living my life and making the choices I make is part of me being a witch and I want people to know that part of me and I want them to, to want to understand that part of me.
Misty Bell Stiers:And, um, so I, I got to a point where I was confident in that and I felt at home in it.
Misty Bell Stiers:And you know, when my I remember when one of my friends was like boss, which, like I, was like hell, yes, and it's almost like it's a moment of empowerment and really being like, yeah, like I've got, I've got this, like I know who I am, I know what I believe, I know the mark I want to make on this world, and those words really encompass all of that for me. Words really encompass all of that for me. And you know, my spell or prayer or wish is that, like every woman, every person who walks through this world like, has that like steel in their soul where there's something that they can come back to as a touchdown and say, hell yes, this is who I am. This is how you know what I believe in. This is who I want to be and I'm going to walk through the world being able to be that and and if I can do just a little bit to help bring that about, then done what I need to do.
Candace Patrice:Wow, so your spiritual belief would be classified as Wiccan correct? That's correct, yeah. What is as Wiccan correct? That's correct, yeah, what is the Wiccan belief system.
Misty Bell Stiers:So it's actually really interesting when it all comes down to a phrase called do no harm. So it's about live the life you want to live. Do so without harming someone else.
Misty Bell Stiers:The idea that the power of the universe is in our bones, that it's not something that is necessarily outside of us, but that we are part, intricately connected to everything in the world, whether it's, you know, it's very earth-based. So, whether it's, you know, the tree outside my window and the bugs that are, unfortunately, in my kitchen, probably, or whatever. That is that, like we are all connected and that I have to, like I honor that. I honor the fact that I'm not at the top of the food chain, I'm just in a web of connectedness and that the actions I take and the decisions I make have an impact on all of that. And it's my responsibility to understand that and my responsibility to honor it. Honor it and the idea that you know, recognizing that there is magic in all of that, like being able to revel in the things I don't have answers to and celebrate them and enjoy being part of them.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, I have a question. Yeah, as a Wiccan, do you believe in love?
Misty Bell Stiers:Oh, absolutely.
Candace Patrice:Absolutely. How about joy?
Misty Bell Stiers:Always.
Candace Patrice:Peace, striving Kindness, foundational Goodness, always Foundational Goodness, always. Faithfulness yes, gentleness yes.
Misty Bell Stiers:Self-control. I mean I believe in it and strive for it. We won't say that I can practice it on a regular basis.
Candace Patrice:I ask you those things because you say Wiccan, I say Christian, but in the Bible the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Misty Bell Stiers:Yeah.
Misty Bell Stiers:So we practice the same things we do we do, things we do we do. It's so what I love about the studying that I did of, like all the different belief systems, is that they really come down. It really all comes down to love. Yes, and we're all, we're all believing and practicing and celebrating a lot of the very similar things. Yes, and and it fills me up to know that, and while having to leave behind my sort of my original spiritual home was heartbreaking, it led me to an understanding of that that I don't know if I would have gotten to otherwise, and it's something that I find to be one of the most beautiful things in the world.
Misty Bell Stiers:Like my very best friend is Catholic. She's like a sister to me and like I am who I am in large part because of her, and I love that, as my wheel of the year turns, that she and I are celebrating the same things, Like we're coming up on spring right now and she's getting ready to, like you know, join in Lent and be conscious of what it means to like not have abundance and to be aware of, you know, her own privilege and you know suffering that happens and you know really thinking and meditating through that, really thinking and meditating through that, whereas the end of winter is that for me, right Like the darkness and like welcoming it in and understanding it and my own experience in it, and then both of us will be celebrating the return of light to the world and the hope that comes with light after darkness. And you know, and I love that, as she and I and our families move through the year, we are often celebrating very similar things.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Misty Bell Stiers:And I love being able to like witness that on such a close level.
Candace Patrice:You talk about magic and spells. What does that mean to you and how is that practiced for you?
Misty Bell Stiers:I like to say that spells or prayers just pointed in a different direction, right, neither get answered or happen without a little bit of work. You have to open yourself up to the possibility of something happening, you have to work towards it happening and have faith that the world will provide for you in some way. Or you know God will provide for you in some way. Like a prayer is pointed up or out, right Um to your chosen. You know higher power and my spell is the same. It's just a way for me to focus my intention and really sort of almost hold myself accountable by sending it out into the world. Yes, and so that's, I mean, I think that's what it means to me.
Misty Bell Stiers:Magic to me is sort of the art of being present and intentional and being able to like, recognize and celebrate all those things that fly by in the rush of days and and understanding that, like they're gifts, like our life is a gift, and if we don't stop to recognize the beauty around us, even when it's hard, like to like, celebrate and recognize the light when it feels like we are trapped in the darkest of rooms, like the act of that is the magic, like it doesn't even have to be the thing.
Misty Bell Stiers:Yeah, it's that moment of how fantastic is it that, like, I got to like I was admittedly threatening a little bit my children earlier to be quiet while I was on this podcast and, as I like, as I literally went to go hit the mute button, you were like I'll be right back. I have to talk to my daughter really quick to let her know and and and and. In my heart I was like, well, how beautiful is that that we're like thousands of miles away and we're just mothers, yeah, trying to like figure out how to make this work, like little kids on the other side of the door. Yes, like there's magic in that, right, yes, yes. And so I think that the act of being able to like take a moment and be like how wonderful is that Right Like moment and be like oh, how wonderful is that Right.
Misty Bell Stiers:Like, I am not alone. Yes, and when we were talking, you know, the three of us were talking about what it meant to be a mom and like those moments of being motherhood, like, we are connected by that. Yes, like, and we have the power and love and strength of the bazillions of mothers who have come before us, who are just waiting in the wings to give us what they have, so that we can be the mothers that maybe they weren't able to be, and we are raising daughters to go further and do more and the same right.
Misty Bell Stiers:That's what magic is to me, like those the recognize the recognition of those things.
Candace Patrice:You know, I wrote down one thing that I think is magical, and that's gratitude. Gratitude is a very magical practice, and what comes from that is peace and joy. Yeah, allowing us to experience and be grateful for all things that happen. Something so small, you know, like you said, just the fact that we were similarly doing the same things at the same time. It's like good thing I'm not alone, like I'm grateful to have someone in this life doing the same things at the same time. It's like good thing I'm not alone, like I'm grateful to have someone in this life doing the same thing as me in this moment, because it's wild over here, right right.
Misty Bell Stiers:And gratitude has such power. Like I read something that I'm an incredibly anxious person. Anxiety off the roof. I take medication, it's fine.
Janet Hale:I have a great person.
Candace Patrice:Anxiety Off the roof. I take medication. It's fine. I have a great therapist, everything is good.
Misty Bell Stiers:I don't know, I read something that was like your brain has a hard time being anxious and grateful at the same time. Really, if you're able and listen, I'm not always able to do this. Anxiety is my way of preparing so like it's fine, but uh, it's a superpower. But when things get really, really like, when I find myself sort of being overwhelmed and you sort of, I can find myself sinking into that like dark hole where I don't know if I can get myself out, if I can find that that one thing to like concentrate on and be like I'm so glad that this is in my life, or I'm so grateful that I'm able to, or just to like hold a picture of my kids, like something that we've gotten on a trip or whatever it is, and like pour my energy and my intention and my presence into that gratitude. It helps.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, I have one more question on my end. And then it looks like Janet, well, I'll do mine in a second. Go ahead, mom. On my end, and then it looks like janet, well, I'll do mine second.
Janet Hale:Go ahead, mom. I so appreciate, um, that to have you here. Candace mentioned that you were coming. She knew that I was going to be excited about you coming. I was like I can't wait till she come, um, and and because the the when people hear the word wicked or witch, get caught up, just like.
Janet Hale:You kind of rejected it at first, like what the hell is that? I had talked to her and I said, candace, I've been knowing about it, but I don't talk about it. So, one of the things that I say a lot on the show, I'm not religious and so, and it just simply means that I am not in an organized religion, right, yeah? And basically, when you made the comment about the suicide and going to the church and saying, hey, you know I'm hurting, you know somebody, you know they took their lives, opposed to saying, well, we're going to pray for them because they committed the sin. Opposed to saying my, what was it that was on their mind that they felt that they couldn't deal with? Like, what kind of pain were they in, like you know, so, coming from that space, and then that sounds like led you into well, I don't know if I want to.
Janet Hale:No, that's not where I'm at with that no-transcript and that is that they believe in the earth, taking care of the earth and those kinds of things. It was just really good to hear you speak on that, um, and to help others understand that we can be different in our religions or not religious or however it is, but as long as we're coming from a place of love and candace, did those lists, that list of those things on that list, that?
Janet Hale:in my mind, you're okay. You know what I mean when someone may say, well, because you're this, I don't like you because you're that. I'm like man, I like you because you're that. Okay, tell me a little bit about that. Okay, one of the things and I've shared this on the podcast if I was not but the Jehovah Witnesses right, I used to let them, you know, listen, they were not going to do it. I'd be like, hey, you know, tell them my name. Look, I'm not coming to the hall, I'm not going to be a Jehovah Witness, but I'm open to learning. Come on in. I got coffee. I got coffee creamer. I said, well, I said I'm a proclaimed hippie. I said you know, so just understand all that. Wait a minute. So they would come and stay for hours. This is so funny. Then they started coming every week and she kept bringing a different person. I'm like, oh, so y'all went in the hippie act and pulled the name to say who's going to meet the hippie? I said that's cool.
Janet Hale:So they would come over and they're like but one woman said something. Oh, a few of them said a few things, because I would tell them you know I'm not religious, but you know, I want to hear what you're saying. And then they would say something and I said well, here's my interpretation of that, you know, because I believe grown folks we should be able to do that Talk about our differences and be okay. That's my thinking and that's how I approach the world. I'm a little different and I love it, but anyway, so one of the women she brought somebody to meet, debbie, and so she was leaving out and she said something. She said excuse me. She said I've been in many homes that are religious, but I've never felt as comfortable in those homes as I do in this one. See, those are the things that I'm talking about.
Janet Hale:The connection. You said something earlier. You said but we just met, and I said, no, we didn't. Do you remember that? Yeah, because we're always connected and we noticed how, when we got together, it was almost as if we'd been knowing each other for 20 years. They don't know that, on the other end, beautifully said, we were just like into it. So I appreciate you bringing that perspective, because do you hear the word witch?
Misty Bell Stiers:Oh hold on.
Janet Hale:No, come on. Come on, let's open our hearts and our minds, Okay, and let's think and here's the thing people do the best that they can do. So if we think in that thought process, then we can be open to hear different things. It may not be my thing, Right? You follow me Like my daughters are Christians. You know I'm not. And guess what? We have conversations. You know. Nobody's walking around here huffing and puffing, you know.
Candace Patrice:Because we still walk through life. We do and I'm like, how did?
Janet Hale:I have two kids. I'm not religious right, but both my children picked up a religion and did that thing.
Candace Patrice:Guess what my brother, my brother died. He died of more.
Janet Hale:I mean like they came out of my body, okay. And then one of my kids said mom, you're the first one you took us to the first church. I said no, I didn't. He said, yes, you did. I said no, I didn't. Well, I used to go to a church. It was my hippie church. Anyway, it was called the Church of the Day. Now it's called I don't know what it is, because they've changed it but in this church, let me share this with you. You because, okay, candace, please don't kick me off the thing.
Janet Hale:I know she is In this church they had Buddhism, the one with the H, they had the Quran. I took somebody, my daughter-in-law, and she was so mad oh my, don't you ever bring me back in here? And I'm thinking, why not? Because it's an open space to be whoever you are. If it's in love, come in.
Candace Patrice:The door is open the bookstore was kind of dope you like. I bet it was. It was man and it did have all of that. I don't know why I remember that, but it did have everything in it, as well as powdered donuts.
Misty Bell Stiers:Okay, I feel like it's a universal church thing. Powdered donuts.
Janet Hale:Yeah, right, yeah, but the other parts they don't have all those other things. You follow me. I bet they had a Wicked book in there, I just didn't see it. You know what I mean.
Janet Hale:So but it was just it was that kind of and that's where I want to live, that's where I want to be, because, see, that's the magic for me. You follow me, like when we were talking earlier. Life is life and I want to be on this trip. I want to do this thing, I'm all into it. I got my coffee, so I'm about to hug.
Candace Patrice:Thank you very much. I just want to ask one more question because we are going to close up. I don't know how it's been an hour and we spent the first 20 minutes outside of recording. But you were talking about after you went through your accident and not having places and spaces that were for you, and it opened your mind to be more inclusive. What is one change that you've made in the world that you are really proud of?
Misty Bell Stiers:That's such a good question. I mean I could. I could talk about my job like you know, like something I've done in my work that has has made a difference, or like personally. I think I'm going to give you two answers. Personally, I think I've started questioning why I think things like. I start to feel a way, and I've it's become a habit to be like do I feel this way because of what I've been taught? Or do I feel this way because it's real? Um, everything from like that first initial impression of someone, or when someone's walking towards me on the street, or, um, when I'm reading something, when I'm reading something, I feel like that has changed the way I walk through the world and that has been a big change.
Misty Bell Stiers:But honestly, the most beautiful moment I've ever had and it's so small was I go to some pagan pride festivals and I went to the one in New York right after I'd written my first book and there was a woman there who was sort of at the festival all day and I saw her a couple of times and she would walk by the booth and look at stuff and then, you know, keep going. She went to one of my workshops and at the end. Toward the end of the day, I looked up and she was 20 yards away and she was crying and I walked over to her and I was like, are you okay? Can I get someone for you? Like, you know, is there something you need? And she said I've been working up the courage all day to talk to you because I don't know how to thank you for giving me a chance to feel less alone and giving me a chance to feel less alone.
Misty Bell Stiers:I wrote that book just because I was worried that my kids, like something would happen to me and no one would be able to explain to my kids why I believed what I did. And it was the only thing I had in my mind, right Like I want them to know, I want them to know, I want them to know. And I remember standing there with this young woman who was like excited to meet me, which was bizarre.
Misty Bell Stiers:I broke something in me where, like, all I wanted to do was keep making people feel that way.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, yeah and maybe if it's just her, yeah, it the one, yeah. So all you need is one. If you can change one life, then you've done a great job, right? So congratulations already, because you know you've done at least one well you know you've done at least two maybe three, because I like to include myself. I'm saying you and I. Well, that makes us three. Two and three. You're two and I'm three. Okay.
Janet Hale:I know it's math, too much math one plus one plus one, that's a lot. I was just saying that she's made a difference in two other people's lives and I was saying, saying that she's made a difference in two other people's lives and I was saying you and I Right, and you're saying who's the third one?
Candace Patrice:Well, we're number two and three.
Janet Hale:She just told us about number one. No, I said two more people, that one person that's her. I'm not excluding that experience.
Candace Patrice:I know you said one more and I was just saying two more.
Janet Hale:I thought I said two. Whatever you said one, I appreciate it. All the logistics of math, no, no, no, we need to stop talking math.
Janet Hale:No because math is not my thing, no, no, it's not my thing. But yes, and you are, in my opinion, a light. You are truly a light, and so many lights are just appearing and I think, and I say this and I hear this, but your tribe will find you, your people will find you. We are aligned to meet. This whole thing is not by mistake, this meeting that we're having right now, this conversation that we're having.
Janet Hale:Oh, and Missy, when I wrote in the chat, I feel you, because some of the things you were talking, I could feel your emotions, I could feel it. So she's writing something. She told me to be quiet. Okay, never know, never know. So it's just a delight and I, you know, okay. That's all I want to say is I appreciate you showing up for us and for all the listeners, and please, listeners who have heard her and it's changed your mind about a Wiccan or a witch, please share that with us, because it's important for us to be able to learn different things, to be able to look at life through different lenses. So I appreciate you for that.
Misty Bell Stiers:Thank you so much. I really can't express my gratitude for being able to speak to both of you today and for your amazingly warm welcome, and it felt like I was. It feels like I'm just hanging out with friends, and so I hope that this is just the first of a lot of conversations that we have in the next years of our lives Absolutely Well.
Candace Patrice:Thank you, misty, and for those of you listening, continue to look at what it is that you have. Continue to search for what it is that you're searching for. Don't stop until just don't stop, because even when you think you found it, there's still more to learn. So continue to learn throughout life all of the things. Continue to take in what it is that other people are experiencing. Hear their challenges and see where you can help in the world. See where you can make the world a better place, and just starting with one person. There are people looking to be influencers and want to reach the masses, but their goal is the masses. Start with one. If you start with one, you'll reach everyone you need to reach, so keep that in mind. And, of course, everyone. Misty, will you give us your social media where the people can get your book from all of that beautiful stuff?
Misty Bell Stiers:Absolutely. You can find me mostly on Instagram because I'm old at Misty Bell Stiers, M-I-S-T-Y-B-E-L-L-S-T-I much anywhere by that handle and there's a URL. You can find my website there and you can buy my books really just about anywhere. You look Barnes, Noble, Amazon Target really just about anywhere. You look Barnes and Noble Amazon Target. If you type in my name, you'll get those. But the first one is called which, Please, and the second one is Light, Fire and Abundance. The second one's a cookbook, if you're interested in such things, but I would love to share that with whoever would be interested.
Candace Patrice:Thank you so much and, of course, you can find Essential Motivation at EssentialMotivationcom On Instagram. It's CandicePatrice, underscore EM. There is an Essential Motivation Instagram page too, but I do not use it because I have found that I am my own brand. I am Essential Motivation, so I am, I am, I am the I brand. I am essential motivation, so I am, I am, I am the I am, I am Candace. You can find Janet's website at hellempowermentllccom and you can sign up for coaching programs and everything. So much to do, share this podcast with someone else and send us a respond through text on the platform that you are listening on. There should be a link to be able to do so. So we thank you all so much. Remember to always love hard, forgive often and laugh frequent. Bye, guys, bye.
