Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
Living Free: Living Life Should Not Be A Job
It's Therapy Thursday!
We explore the transformative power of decluttering both physical and mental spaces and how they create room for new opportunities and joy. By integrating love and reciprocity into our daily lives, we redefine work as a fulfilling expression of our true selves.
- Discusses the importance of maintaining a decluttered space to enhance reception of new opportunities
- Explores the connection between giving and receiving in life, emphasizing reciprocity
- Considers redefining work through a lens of joy and purpose instead of obligation
- Shares personal anecdotes about love, family, and connections that enrich life's journey
- Highlights the significance of living authentically and listening to one's inner feelings
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can call or text 988 with the suicide prevention lifeline, seven days a week.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
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To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing where I am your host, Candace Patrice. I keep saying Candace Fleming, but I am reinventing to Candace Patrice, to Candace Patrice. So yes, your host Candace Patrice, and my lovely co-host Janet Hale.
Janet Hale:Thank you very much. But since we're reinventing Hippie, Mama is just fine. I love that.
Candace Patrice:Oh hello.
Janet Hale:Hippie Mom let's do it.
Candace Patrice:Let's reinvent today. How are you doing today? I'm doing good, Candace. How are you.
Candace Patrice:I'm good, I'm well. I'm starting my morning. You know, today I have some cleaning to do, but all I really want to do is lay. So I think, after I finish my morning meetings and things, I'm going to pick an hour maybe to just I don't know, I might be making it up. I really want to clean up. So it's going well. So I'm going to sip on this coffee, get this energy and then get this energy and clean. I think I'm going to do that. That sounds beautiful. Once I finish the cleaning process, I think the world will open up to me to receive more, but I have to clear space for it, I know right.
Janet Hale:You know I meant the words right. May I tell you how I received the words right Mm-hmm. So may I tell you how I received that Is that I have the opportunity to create space.
Candace Patrice:That's beautiful.
Janet Hale:That's all, because that's what I heard.
Candace Patrice:I know you said different words, but I thought Mm-hmm, because in my mind I hear that and I'm like dang. But if I got the opportunity to clear space, that means at some point I had too much stuff. I want to prevent this opportunity a little bit to clear, and it already be clear, so I keep things coming and going as needed. Yeah people are listening to this.
Janet Hale:People are listening to this. This is funny.
Candace Patrice:Well, I sure hope it encouraged someone to keep things decluttered and clean and receiving what the world is coming to bring them, you know which, I guess, is really brings us to a very quick introduction to our topic.
Candace Patrice:How about that which is living my life can't become a job. And oh my goodness, thank you, holy Spirit, all right, so, listen, amen, listen, listen, listen, so, listen, listen, listen, listen. Because when you have too much stuff in your space, right, you can't receive more, or you can, but it may not be where it should be and you're not able to utilize it to its fullest potential. But when you continuously work to get rid of the things that no longer serve you, you then bring in the things that do serve you and you can do it quicker. And it doesn't become a job to get things decluttered, because you're consistently living, you're consistently working at the things, working at the things. So, for instance, let's just say I have documents that I wanted to keep because I just think, oh, what if I need this?
Candace Patrice:Or I have a couch that I knew was sturdy and I bought it so it could last 25 years. But really I should be changing things over and getting something new, something that I could have received, but I was too busy holding on to something else. But then it becomes a time where it's oh, I've got to clean these papers, I've got to get a new couch, I've got to do this and I've got to do that, and I've got to clean the kitchen, I've got to organize the closet. Once all of that stuff builds up, it becomes a job Opposed to oh, let me put things where they belong. Every now and then, let me go through this area and get rid of what I don't need. Oh, let me see what I do need.
Candace Patrice:Now, when you hear something, let's say you're out in the world and someone goes hey, do you know anybody who needs an X, y and Z? You know that you've been through your things and, hey, this is a blessing for you and it's actually I do. But it's that whole idea of things, of keeping them reciprocal, keeping them going, or maybe you have something and you can share it with someone else and your things become someone else's treasure. One man's trash becomes another man's treasure. And not only that as you give and someone else receives, then it brings a level of joy because you're giving back unto the world, ready to receive something else, whatever it is, without expectation, because the world is granting you these things. They say you get what you give. So if you're constantly giving in the world, you're constantly receiving maybe not the same objects or time or energy or whatever it is but it will come back and generally it comes back bigger and better. But I'm learning that you can't expect it to come back bigger and better because you'll be waiting for something to show up in one area when it was supposed to present itself in another area and you're constantly looking and seeking, which means you can't receive what's for you because you're already closed-minded when you're looking and expecting something. You know what I say. When you manifest things, get out your own way, lean out on your own understanding, because you create these boundaries in your own understanding, these boundaries of what big is, these boundaries of what you can do. But when you get, when you take those boundaries out, like I like to say, if I can, just I want to reach one person. If I'm consistently reaching one person, then maybe I talk to five people a day. If I'm consistently reaching those five people a day, then I'm reaching 35 people a week.
Candace Patrice:But making impactful connections and doing that is a part of living this free life, this life that is not a job. Life is not a job. Your work doesn't have to be a job or doesn't have to feel like a job, because you're putting out the work into the world to make the world a better place. You have a skill that you can utilize somewhere in the world to make it better, and when we're utilizing our skills to make the world better, it's no longer a job. Now we're living our life and they say faith without works is dead, or someone who doesn't earn a wage for or doesn't work for a living can't eat, and working doesn't necessarily mean showing up at a job. Working is putting in the work into the world that we're here to make better, to bring our skills to that space and place. All right, that's enough preaching for the day.
Janet Hale:Yeah, I love it, I love it.
Candace Patrice:That's my take on living life to not be a job.
Janet Hale:I love it and and so for me, the way I perceive it and receive it is that I don't want anything to be a job for me, and what I mean by that is the hippie mom, because we redefine things around here. She enjoys being who she is in the space that I'm in, being who she is in the space that I'm in, and so even when I go to a place that's considered where I'm employed, I don't even go in there like it's a job. I'm like hippie mom has arrived. Yeah, Dennis is in the house and it's living my life in that manner. And when you talk about how we give and then we receive it back, and I know for me and I'm so grateful for this I don't look for a return.
Candace Patrice:I don't think you do either.
Janet Hale:I don't look for a return. But, man, the returns be popping up. I'll be like I call you all the time on some stuff. I'll be like Candace, guess what just happened. And so my life period is living. My life is about experiences. It's connection with people.
Janet Hale:Basically is the main part being peaceful, and there are times that I'm just here by myself and feel peaceful and some might say, oh God, that's such a lonely place to be. There's a lonely moment or two, but for the most part it's a peaceful, tranquil place for me. So you know, I've always not always, but for the most part place for me. I've always not always, but for the most part have always lived in this hippie mindset of life is beautiful. What can we do? What can I do? Something keeps showing up and it's painful. Then what's the lesson in it? I feel that kind of thing. Something occurred and I don't think that I shared this with you, but I got a text and I kind of stopped communicating with a few people. Mind was clever, so clever in how they communicated, and this was so simple. I might be giving out something, but that's okay. That's what this is about. This is what this is about. The text said I love you.
Candace Patrice:Boom that's it, that's the message. Boom, I said and the greatest of these things is, wait a minute wait.
Janet Hale:I looked at it and went okay, that deserve a response, because I usually don't. I was like I love you too. Aww, you follow where I'm going with this, like no, I wasn't expecting that because you know, for whatever reason. But the whole thing is, it was just those few words. Oh, you know, there's a song these three words I do love you. Yeah, I don't know that song. Yeah, anyways, yeah, so anyway, and I found that to be quite awesome.
Candace Patrice:I do love you.
Janet Hale:Yeah, anyways and I found that to be quite awesome. I received a text from someone and she said I don't want to ask you, but would you? And I said, well, of course, I will participate you. And I said, well, of course, I will participate and send the video, of course.
Candace Patrice:I will.
Janet Hale:And then this morning I sent a second one with the compliment of that person and I thought, wow, just that part about you saying being open to the process of whatever that is. See, it don't have to look a certain kind of way because I don't know what kind of way it's coming, and I'm okay with that. I'm really okay with that. I'm okay with being out last night in zero degree weather, out at the wrong school, finding the right school and hanging out with Sugar Baby and her mom, my daughter, dominique, my other daughter, or what is she? Candace who? Dominique? Oh, she's something to me, she's a sweetheart and just enjoying that.
Janet Hale:It's like okay, everybody know, jaina, don't get out, I don't get out like that, but for that it was like okay, there's a purpose in this thing. Right here, let me get ready, let me fill up the tank, let me do all the things to be in this thing. Right here, let me get ready, let me fill up the tank, let me do all the things to be in this space to enjoy this moment, because I'm here and I'm able to be a part of it. It's beautiful.
Candace Patrice:When you were talking, you said that you wanted that you get a return of living life. That is exactly what it is a return, and it's been conceptualized as a job, as a paycheck the return on investment, but the return on living your life to the best of your ability as a good person, being kind, showing love, having peace, doing all of the things that. There is no law against any kind of resource, whatever that resource is, where you can go into the grocery store and say, hey, miss Johnson, I just need 17 peppers for the week. And she give you 17 peppers and you say to Miss Johnson oh, and I'll bring your olive oil later, because it's a reciprocal thing, it's what one person needs versus what another person needs. No, the value doesn't need to equal the same, but the value is actually in I have what you need and you have what I need. Therefore, if we can meet each other needs, then we have we have successfully created this return on living life.
Janet Hale:So did we talk about the pies last podcast? The pies, sweet potato pies, I know no, okay, okay, anybody. Candace has a hippie mama doing sweet potato pies. She called me on demand. I'm like, oh, I got to make these pies. She mentioned the pies.
Candace Patrice:When you say call on demand, it's still on the table.
Janet Hale:You told me I wasn't off duty. She came over, got the recipe, she filmed it. I thought, oh, this is the end. Okay, she's like, that doesn't mean you're off duty I said oh really, so no, I guess I still get the call.
Candace Patrice:So but wait, you said on demand. How on demand is this?
Janet Hale:I'm about to. I'm gonna tell the audience the story, but am I still on demand? I'm going to tell the story and then they'll answer it for you.
Candace Patrice:But I can put these requests in at any season of the year.
Janet Hale:Anyway.
Candace Patrice:Because I need to know when I can put a new request in.
Janet Hale:Okay, so Thanksgiving around that time, she wanted sweet potato pies and I have a niece. Whenever I make them, you know I say, okay, you got to take them over to her because these two will double team me on these pies.
Janet Hale:Okay. So I did that. But I remember when she's talking about the giving, that's the part I wanted to get to about the pies. And I remember, as I was making the pies and I was talking to my girlfriend about this and I said, you know, christmas is a thing people do a lot of gift giving and things of that nature. And I said with my children I've not had that. Uh, not to knock those who do this, but I did not have that. I had to buy the $300 gym shoes. I. I remember when that was a thing, folks was like I was like the whole rent money went on those shoes. But that's okay, that's how you do what you do. I never had that.
Janet Hale:So for me it was showing up in love in the best way. I knew how, not that, I was always great at it. So these pies. So I go and get the ingredients and I take a picture of the ingredients and I text them the candidates, like I got the ingredients. I don't know when I'll make them, but I got the ingredients. So I'm like, okay. So one day I was sitting here and I said let me get up and make these pies and as I made the pies, you guys, there was so much love that I put into those pies. I was like I was feeling my ancestors. You guys, I know that might sound a little weird I don't care, but I was doing it I was like no, we don't use measurements, I don't just do any of that, I just do it.
Janet Hale:And I was like, yes, just do it. And there was so much love on my eyes. I put so much love in those pies. I put so much love in those pies. I felt the love in them. Pies, I hope you ate a piece of the love in the pie Me, a piece A piece. Oh, that's right, half the pie was gone for your life. So, anyway, because you can't pick up the pie, anyway, but the return of that, it was a return to you for what you have given to me. Yeah, you know what I mean. And the thing is the love part, because it doesn't have to be a material thing.
Candace Patrice:Right.
Janet Hale:It's the love.
Candace Patrice:It's the love it might be opening your door to somebody. Oh, it's the love.
Janet Hale:It's the whole thing of mine.
Candace Patrice:Did you?
Janet Hale:get the mat, did I say? I said what, man? I thought I know what that was. I brought it in the house. Well, I wanted to exchange your mat because I need a new mat by the side, or whatever.
Candace Patrice:I didn't put it up yet but anyway, but I but she did and I was gonna put it up. Oh, that was a whole nother story.
Janet Hale:You have a key, you have a key. You didn't know but you have a key.
Candace Patrice:I know, but you weren't home. It was after church and I had some things to do and I was like, well, if I can't see her this time. I'm going to have to go do these other things, but it was a Sunday. You were taking a class.
Janet Hale:Oh, okay, yeah, thank you. I speak of the pies and the love that went into it. I remember feeling love with every ingredient I put in it, every time I pushed the mixer, whatever you call it, it was just love, love, I was feeling it. I was in that kitchen doing. I was just, oh, I was feeling it. I was in that kitchen. I said, yeah, this is all kind of love going into this. Yes, let's do this thing, did it, baked them, put them out. She took a couple days to get here. That's okay Because I know she's busy.
Candace Patrice:You took a couple days.
Janet Hale:You didn't come that day oh.
Candace Patrice:I came the next day?
Janet Hale:Was it the next day? Oh, absolutely. Oh, I'm sorry, Okay so she came. But I say all that to say this you know, in doing that was my giving of my love to you, or showing up, or my love showing up for you, and it felt good.
Candace Patrice:Like it feels good it tasted good too. I'm glad it felt good in my mouth, in my throat in my belly I felt good coming out. Well, you know, do they need to know all that? Anyway, hey, in my belly I felt good coming out.
Janet Hale:Do they need to know all that? Anyway, living my life cannot be a job. It is not. It's a joyful place to be. Life for me is an experience. Everybody know I'm not religious, but I do believe that we're human, living in a body, having spiritual experiences, and I do believe that I do. I really do.
Candace Patrice:Oh, go ahead.
Janet Hale:You know, what?
Candace Patrice:When I hear you talk about putting love in everything, and now this spiritual creation and connection with love, I would just like to enter my spiritual connection of love with 1 Corinthians 13, verse 13. And now these three remain faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love, and the second one being John 13, 34 through 35, a new command I give you love one another as I had loved you. So you must love, so you must love one another. By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples If you love one another. Love, love, love, love, love, love. The greatest command is love. Of all of the commands, of all of the things, is love Loving thy neighbor. It's just when I hear you saying I felt love, I felt love, I felt love. You put the greatest ingredient of all things into the pie.
Janet Hale:I did.
Candace Patrice:And it also and okay, guys, I'm on this whole journey.
Janet Hale:Okay, so my whole faith, you'll hear it coming up, I got to go to church every time.
Candace Patrice:So much more, and it's because of what I'm learning and how to live life as a good person. Ultimately, I want to be able to give out so much love, so much light, to bring joy to the world. I wrote something down maybe a year ago and it says something like I'm going to change the world, I'm going to change your mindset, I'm going to make you believe. I forgot what it was. It was something about that, but it was all on the idea of teaching and sharing with people how to live a life of love and how I want to have influence in the world to be able to create that.
Candace Patrice:And as an influencer, we are teachers. Right, it makes us, according to the Bible, the third highest in the ranks, because we have our apostles, we have disciples and then we have teachers. It says, and God has placed in the church first of all, apostles, second, prophets and third, teachers. And teachers are people who educate people in different areas, right? So as coaches, we teach people how to live a life of freedom, a life of positivity a life of love, a life of productivity a life without shame, a life without fear.
Candace Patrice:We are doing our best to teach them to live an abundant life, feel with whatever it is that they're supposed to have in the universe, believing that the world is conspiring with you and not against you. So it is a great duty and a great job. That is not a job because we're living the life to teach love. So not only are we spreading love, but we're doing one of the greatest jobs.
Janet Hale:I like that yeah.
Candace Patrice:So we're taking the greatest job to teach the greatest thing. Ain't that deep. I know I had to bring it. I created a forest for you.
Janet Hale:No, you did, and that's okay because you know mama love a forest. And when I heard and I'm listening, I'm looking at you. They don't know, you know, y'all know we can see each other and I'm listening to you talk about the things that you're talking about and how you're growing into you know learning different things, and these are all the things that I've seen in you period.
Candace Patrice:Thank you.
Janet Hale:And so and I understand you're going through, you know you're on another, you know journey in your life and and when I listen to you and and you, you read out the bible, some things that and I'm like, yeah, I agree with that. Even though I'm not religious, I still agree with that. However, I want to say those are things that I've seen you live before you started picking up the Bible, reading scriptures.
Candace Patrice:Does that make?
Janet Hale:sense. Yeah, absolutely Like you were living in my. From what I know, and the people that know you, I think would agree that that is who you've been.
Candace Patrice:It makes it a lot easier to try to walk the talk. So, even though I mean I hear you saying if I was walking it, but let me say this to strengthen the muscle.
Janet Hale:There you go. I'll go with that, thank you.
Candace Patrice:And you know we look at lifting muscles as going to the gym, but we have to strengthen ourselves in all areas and I guess it's really discipline. So it's because the discipline to strengthen ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, like there are so many areas that need strengthening, go ahead.
Janet Hale:Because what I want to talk, what I want to say, is kind of off topic and you know I'm going to be going off the script. I'm sure we'll bring it back, go ahead, okay Is you know? We're in the holiday season and so I just think it's important during the season that we speak to that a little bit, because sometimes this time of year is not where people are living in gratitude, they're living in mourning.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, and so.
Janet Hale:I want to acknowledge them in this moment, right now.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:And say there have been moments where I lived in mourning and had to work my way out. So I didn't just arrive here in this moment, like there was work that had to get me here and I had to be open and receptive to the work, to ask for the help that I needed to get me to this place. So I want to speak to those people who are probably sitting saying oh, they over there talking and laughing. Yeah, we do. We be laughing and talking. Yeah, we do.
Janet Hale:But, boy, the journey yes, ooh, that journey, yeah, that journey of losing my son in 2016. Yeah, because he was shot six, five times in his chest. I think it was six, five or six. One was too damn many. Excuse me for cussing amen to the people. That was too many, but what I'm saying, I say all that to say to those who are in this season and you feel like there's no hope. There's hope. We are evidence of the hope that comes, and you feel like there's no hope. There's hope. We are evidence of the hope that comes, the laughter that comes. Baby, you got to go through it to get through it, and that's what we're here for. We're here to help you in the best way we know how. Or, like Candice, had the resources to get you to where you need to go. Or talking about the coaching to be coached into getting you through from one moment to the next moment, or even in the coaching, saying you know what coaching is fine. However, perhaps you need um. Have you considered more help?
Candace Patrice:in this area.
Janet Hale:Yeah, you know what I'm saying so yeah, so yeah, we having a good time and life is.
Candace Patrice:You know, I'm you know I'm good, you know what I'm saying. I'll be like yo.
Janet Hale:I'm having a good old time I was at an event. I don't drink, you guys, but I was having some mocktails and everybody didn't everybody people that didn't know that I was, that I was lit up, because I'm always lit up that part.
Janet Hale:Yeah, I'm always lit up, I'm all you know. I'm having a great time. So, you know, for those of you who are going through a time where there's one less person at your table, or the matriarch or the uh, is it patriarch, the guy? So I'm a hundred to women you know what women do.
Janet Hale:I can't help you right so um or or that auntie or whoever is no longer around, or even if someone in the family has put distance between themselves and the family. I understand that sometimes people put distance not because of them, but because they need it yeah you know.
Janet Hale:So this whole thing called life, it's, it's, it's different for all of us. It's different for all of us. However, I I just wanted to speak to you, to the audience who does not have that family to go to, and you know what another thing you can pick your family to go to? And you know what Another thing you can pick your family. I'm going to tell you you can pick your whole family and go find your whole family, a whole village.
Janet Hale:You'd be, like, oh okay, village of people that think like you, their mindset is like yours, their goal set they're about living, or those who are trying to make it through the journey and need some help. Whatever it is that you need to do, do what you need to do so you can get what you need to be, so you could be laughing on the other side of this thing while we laugh. You won't be laughing at them, don't they funny. But no, the journey was a journey. The journey was a real journey.
Candace Patrice:And it is. It's still a journey Yep.
Janet Hale:And sometimes the journey will hit me. Listen, sometimes tears fall from my eyes without my permission.
Candace Patrice:Now I don't know if anybody caught that because, not everything is not, everything is rosy you have to get through things I gotta get through.
Janet Hale:I sit in my room. Somebody said something. It reminded me of my son. I looked up. I was crying from my gut. I said oh well, hold on, I didn't listen, you guys.
Janet Hale:I said I ain't give myself permission for that. But guess what? It wasn't my permission to give. And then I roll with it. I let that thing out. I said, okay, let it come out. Missing my mom and aunties and my grandma, just different things like that. I'm speaking to the audience who can relate to that and those who can't, but who can relate to that when they're gone. And then it's the holiday, because we used to hang out at grandma's house. Everybody went to grandma's Grandma been gone for a minute now and that's no longer a thing. Well, it might be. I think some of the families still do some stuff. I mean, I'm good, but that was a thing, because I'm going to say I knew how much my grandmother loved me, without a question. Listen, grandma used to make me a pot of greens away from everybody else. She'd be like this is Janice Potts.
Candace Patrice:I'm like okay, grandma, thank you. It's so sweet to have those things, though, that you know are for you, for me, my hmm, what do we say? I'm not saying ex-mother-in-law. My mother-in-law used to make us potato salad, and she would always put me and Rory to the side because we didn't like the onions and stuff in it. So she would make us a specific side of it just for us. I mean, it was probably more so for him, but I got to reap the benefits.
Janet Hale:Right, right, right. She put a little extra in there for me too.
Candace Patrice:Right, right, right, actually, to the point now that I think about it. She used to make me a side of potato salad back in high school because I liked her potato salad that much that she would make me potato salad and know that I would come and eat the sweet Hawaiian rolls. I used to come in there every time and be like y'all got some rolls. I don't know why I didn't think we could purchase rolls from the store. I thought she was the only one who had access to these sweet Hawaiian rolls that were exclusive at her house.
Candace Patrice:So if she made potato salad and had some Hawaiian rolls, I would have a bowl of potato salad and some sweet Hawaiian rolls okay, I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous, I ain't even know that story you started the story off with pies, so nothing to be jealous about.
Janet Hale:I'm going to say this about your mother-in-law, because she taught you how to make them greens.
Candace Patrice:I said Candace she taught me how to cook a lot. Yeah right, I'm the mother, you guys anyway anyway, I'm the hippie mama.
Janet Hale:So Candace cooked some greens. I said, girl, those greens, those greens are better than my greens, my grandma's greens, my mama's greens, everybody's greens. I said where you learn how to do that? She said her name, her grandmother. I said, oh, okay. Next thing, I knew I was making it like that until I got off the meat.
Candace Patrice:You know not neck without meat, but yeah. Yeah, not.
Janet Hale:Nick without me. But um, yeah, yeah, those are, those are, um, special moments. Or even my mother. I never questioned my mother's love for me, ever. And my mama used to beat me up y'all, mama, mama used to do me in, but, um, when I was younger, like, oh, they weren't calling child abuse there, the child protection outline, all that stuff that wasn't going down with that woman, but with my mom, and that's some culturally specific things that I'm talking about and I already know that. But with my mom I knew mama loved me. I'm going to say that. And when I lost I was like, hmm, okay, that hit me hard. I grieved years, you guys, about that one Years, because that was a love I knew I'd never get again, because that was a special kind of love.
Janet Hale:That's that kind of love. I don't even think Luther Vandross could sing that kind of love. That's that kind of love. I don't even think Luther Vandross could sing that kind of love.
Candace Patrice:Listen, it's funny. You say that because I was laying next to Kamari this morning and I was just thinking like what a great love it is to be a mother and have a child and be able to love them and have them love you back Yesterday in the morning. First of all, so much happened Yesterday morning. Kamari does not like mornings.
Janet Hale:Neither does her mother.
Candace Patrice:So when I went to wake her up. She did not want to wake up, but she was also not so nice. So her elf on the shelf is here Now. She didn't know this, but her elf had gotten her an early prize out of her prize bucket and so it had a note and it said hey, kamari, I saw the note on the refrigerator saying you should eat more fruits and vegetables. Well, I like fruits and vegetables. And she had an apple sitting on her where she took little bites of the apple. And then she said here I saw that you clipped up to purple, which is a good thing in school, and I got you an early prize. Just let your mom know it was from me and I hope you have a great day at school today.
Candace Patrice:So Kamari had acted all kinds of mean to me. Then she got out there and she saw it, she's found her elf. And when I found her she was crying and I said why are you crying? She was like I don't deserve this because she had just cut up on me. She was like I don't deserve this so fast forward. She said she wrote on the back I don't deserve this today, but I'm grateful and put it back next to the L.
Candace Patrice:That girl came home with a perfect day, basically because I forgot where I was going with this. Oh wait, where was I going? I really don't know, but I think, oh, to be loved, to be a mother. And so I was thinking so later on, right after that, and she said something. And she said something like I'm supposed to be mad at you. I was like you know, you can't stay mad at me that long. And she was like you're right, I'd rather enjoy you. So it was that unconditional love of this moment happened. We're not going to sit in that. Let's go back to love, because it was over, and that's another thing that we have to realize. Forgiveness, let it go, because there's so much enjoyment. I couldn't imagine us sitting there having the whole day of, oh, remember what happened this morning? I'm still mad at you.
Candace Patrice:It's to the point now where she goes. She'll look at me. She'll be mad five minutes later and she'll be like you know, I'm mad at you, right? I'm like well, do we want to stay that way? She'll be like no, not really. It happens so fast now. The recovery is so quick because it's just filled with that love. It's like let's move forward. Filled with that love. It's like let's move forward. But also being an example of that, because I can't hold on to whatever it is that she did in that moment. It's like I address it. She can hear me. She has to make a choice to respond on what she heard and the instructions, and then whatever she comes back with is what I have to respond to, not that initial thing, because we did that. I'm over that. What's next? Are you going to do better or not?
Janet Hale:And we make decisions, on one end to be better, on the other end, to teach better. I got stuck on. I heard you beautiful Her saying I don't deserve this. Dang you ain't listening to nothing else. No, I heard everything. I just wanted to go back to that. That hit me a certain kind of way, and because she read it and you know all these beautiful things were said to her and in my mind she still deserved it and she still got it.
Candace Patrice:yeah, no, no I'm saying, oh, I'm exactly exactly.
Janet Hale:I'm saying her saying I didn't just no, you deserved it, you deserved it and guess what you deserve another day to make it better and she, she did that.
Candace Patrice:And it made me think how sometimes we reward after, but the pre-reward is okay sometimes, because it does make you want to do better too, like there's no one way. I'm actually finding that sometimes the routine becomes monotonous and it makes it harder to enjoy, and so I noticed that with the elf giving her her gift, giving her something, it made her want to go do better. But it was a change in the way things were done. I didn't know the future. You know, I could have, I could have thought to myself, oh, now that she got it early, she's going to act up, but that's just a possible outcome, whereas I hadn't thought oh, she got it early, she can do great. And it's really that, thinking about things that don't exist, that the limitation, that's a limitation on our own belief system.
Janet Hale:Her crying like that I took that thing somewhere away, wherever you know I take things. The crying was wow, I'm still loved, even though I did whatever I did, I'm still loved in this space, and so that I don't deserve? Oh, you deserve it, you deserve it and you I think you handled her you know like, yeah, you good. And then she then look, the outcome was you said, the next day she came back. It was like, oh, that day she came back perfect day.
Janet Hale:I was superstar, and then she probably went talk to the elf. We don't know, we wasn't in there and she told the elf look.
Candace Patrice:Oh, she's all out with talking to her. I'm in the room with the elf. Oh okay, now he watching you.
Janet Hale:It's a girl.
Candace Patrice:Her name is Seven AKA Elfie. Oh, my goodness, she got an extension to her name this year. Ah, Elfie, Okay, Elfie, Okay, Elfie. Oh, and Elfie told Kamari that she likes her new name too. She likes both of her names. Good, you know I don't know if I said this before I was sharing with a girl at my job about the fact that Kamari wanted to change her Elf's name and in my mind I was like but she already got a name. You can't just be changing people's names like that, she can't. And so I got to work and I was sharing with my coworker about it and she was like, oh, okay, cool, so she changes the name. And I was like, huh, she was like, just let her change the name. I don't know why it hit so like. I was like why can't she change the name? But it I was like why can't she change the name? But it opened me up.
Candace Patrice:I was gonna say yeah, yes, and the person it came from looks at life so simple, and it was so I was just like thank you, thank you for that and it made it so much easier, not just in that area, but like to let her live her life.
Janet Hale:Yes.
Candace Patrice:To let her make the changes. Yesterday we went to her cheer performance, which was created by the school because cheer doesn't start till fifth grade, so they are giving the third through fifth graders an opportunity still. So they had cheer. Then they had a performance and they selected the best out of their performance of third to fifth graders to perform at the all-star game and it turns. Kamari does very well in cheer and I asked her yesterday what she enjoys doing most out of all the things and she said cheer. But she's taken a chance in life to try things. She tried basketball and her godmama said I knew she needed cheer when she was doing a dancing on the basketball court. Everybody else playing basketball she's up with her twirling.
Candace Patrice:And she tried gymnastics At the time. She was younger, so maybe it wasn't a great time to try it, but she's. She's venturing in things. She wants to try volleyball, so we're going to find a way to get her. But in order to find what you love, you have to try different things. Yes, and I am grateful to be able to recognize that, so I don't put her in gymnastics and be like, no, this is what you're going to learn. You got to show up every day and be great at this, or she might find soccer, because her life can't be a job.
Candace Patrice:And we bring it back right there. That's it, that's it, oh my God. The takeaway, y'all the takeaway is if you don't love it.
Janet Hale:Come on.
Candace Patrice:Then you're, you're working, you have to live the life that you want.
Candace Patrice:Apply for the jobs that you want to work. I know sometimes we get into this place and space of well, I need money. I got to do whatever it takes. I would encourage someone to do whatever it takes to work in something you love to do. Whatever it takes to show up in a space that can bring you joy. For some people, working at McDonald's brings them joy because they have the human interaction with people. They get to serve them and to make a difference in the fast food community that brings them so they can apply there. If that is not going to bring you know to make a difference in the fast food community that brings them so they can apply there. If that is not going to bring you joy, if you're going to be irritated every time you see people, every time they ask for something because you don't want to be a servant to someone else, try something else because you can have joy.
Janet Hale:So the fast food thing. I want to hit on real quick. My first job was at McDonald's Okay, grand River and Schaefer. They tore it down to a new one, whatever. So I enjoyed it, like I was like hello, I'm here, I'm at WAC, you know. So I enjoyed it so much that the customers used to say where's that little one that they were looking for me. When did she hear? When did she come to work? Because I enjoyed it. And here's the thing about what Candice just said the fast food, if you enjoy it, you're exuding that and you're giving that to the customer Because the customer wants to feel appreciated, like, appreciate me spending my money up at Mickey D's, or is Burger King still open? Burger King wherever we are to, just to bring that joy and spread that. Because, you never know, one of your customers might be going through a really rough time and all they needed was that smile on your face to help them through that day.
Candace Patrice:Yep.
Janet Hale:You know and so remember that man, and to the community out here, find your people who don't have you, who are not connected. Find your people.
Candace Patrice:Find your people. Your people. That's it, um. If you or someone you know is struggling, you can call or text 988 with the suicide prevention lifeline, seven days a week. Um. Find, find you a leader who supports you in this life. Find a leader who creates a safe place, a nonjudgmental place for you to be able to be your greatest self, someone who can help you filter through the things that don't serve you and highlight the things that do or help you. Highlight the things that don't serve you and help the things that do or help you. Highlight the things that don't serve you and help you highlight the things that do, because, honestly, only you know what is meant for you.
Candace Patrice:There is something in your gut, there is a feeling that you have that makes you feel good and there's something that doesn't. The ones and things that make you feel good are the things you should seek when they no longer serve you. You can seek something different, but stay on the path of what's for you. Continue to grow, continue to be the brightest light in the room, because you are powerful, you are wonderful, you are amazing. You are who God created you to be. You are who the universe created you to be. You are who you are meant to be. So take those words, carry those words, write them down, add to the words confirm yourself, affirm yourself. Any last words Mo.
Janet Hale:Oh yes, Because what you just said got me Listening to ourselves. People call it gut, they say your spirit, your God. But listen to it because it's a safety measure. It's our body letting us know whether we're in danger or something. Pay attention. Let's all just pay good, good attention and allow our bodies to be our safety net, because our bodies keeps the score and will allow us to know when it hurts it's okay to say ouch, and when it feels good it's all right, and when it feels good, it's all right, Absolutely, Thank you.
Candace Patrice:Thank you. Thank you for that. You guys can send us a text message if you have any questions, comments, concerns topics that you want to review. If you're looking to be a guest on the show, you can email me at CandiceFleming at EssentialMotivationcom me at Candice Fleming at essentialmotivationcom. You can check out different mentoring programs, coaching programs at essentialmotivationcom. If you want to book with Janet, you can go to hailempowermentcom and put your information in there. You can also reach Janet at essentialmotivationcom if you're looking to connect there. If you are a woman who is looking for a community that serves God, you can send me an email. I have opened up a new community where we network and just kind of share the great news, the good news that is happening in our lives. So if that's something you're interested in, you can. I'm going to put it on the website at some point, but shoot me an email and I'll send you the link. All right, Without further ado. We bid you a farewell, but it sounds like Janet has one last farewell.
Janet Hale:I wanted to provide the phone number for Helen Paulman, if that's okay.
Candace Patrice:Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Janet Hale:Yes 313-980-9711. All right, can you repeat that one more time?
Candace Patrice:313-980-9711. All right, guys, you got all the information. Utilize it. Utilize it if you need it. Share it with someone else who may need it, and we really thank you, guys so much for being an awesome audience and for hopefully finding something in this podcast, something in our words that resonate with you and your life and help you live. I'm about to sound like Mike Todd a transformed life. Shout out to Transformation Church. Okay, okay, okay, all right, all right, I'm out, y'all, I'm out, y'all. Have a great day, peace, peace.
