Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
Embracing Love and Growth: A Journey of Self-Reflection and Gratitude
Therapy Thursday!!
After a summer of soul-searching and self-care, Janet Hale, our beloved "hippie mama," returns to kick off Season Four of Essential Mental Healing with a heartwarming and honest reflection on mental health. Imagine the profound impact of a child's wisdom when Janet's daughter gently nudges her to confront her struggles, reminding us all of the strength found in familial love. Through laughter and sincerity, we explore how acknowledging our children's concerns can lead to a deeper journey of self-love and healing.
This episode promises a transformative experience as we celebrate personal milestones, launch empowering coaching programs, and nurture authentic connections. Picture yourself finding joy in the unexpected, like a bump on the head that serves as a gentle reminder to look around and treasure life's small moments. Join us as we explore the essence of living your dreams, fueled by gratitude and the unwavering support of loved ones, and discover how embracing love and kindness can overcome life's challenges.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
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To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
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Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing. Guys, we are back for season four, and y'all already know who's with me and she shall not leave us this season. Okay, season four JennJy Hale is back in the.
Janet Hale:I'm back in the house. ippee, mom is back. I'm glad to be back. Yes, I am. It's been a minute it has.
Candace Patrice:All things have been great. We left season three in June, went on our summer break After season one y'all we did a full year with no break and I lost my mind. And then we decided to take a break in season two, um, between the months of June and November, or between the months of June and October, resume in November, just to have that mental space with. I have a nine-year-old daughter and summer, and then her birthday is in September. So getting reacclimated to that, without the stressors of podcasting and editing, cause I do all that y'all. But here we are. So, janet, mother, lovely, lovey, oh, come on now. Come on now. How how am I? How was your summer? How was your birthday? We didn't have a birthday episode. How was? How are you today? Like we know you had some Medical things last season. So how did you today? Like we know you had some medical things last season. So how did you come through? Where you at, where you at in season four? Let's talk about where I'm at.
Janet Hale:Let me talk about it.
Janet Hale:Let me say first of all, I'm very grateful and very thankful for this day and all those days that we will speak upon. I'm glad to hear that you took time out for self-care, because I see you, they don't see everything. I see you do a lot and it made me feel very proud. When you were like I need to take a break, I thought, dang good, I'm glad you realized it, because we all need to take a break and this program is about mental healing, it's about self-care, it's about how do we love ourselves, how do we do what we need to do in order to care for ourselves, because we talk about some heavy things on this program and you know, we laugh and we talk and we do these things, but we actually live through a lot of things that we talk about, yeah, and so, as we talk about it, I think it's also good to display how we take care of each ourselves.
Janet Hale:Mm-hmm, in moments of, I'm doing A, b and C, because you guys, you're not out here alone, mm-hmm, we are all out here trying to make it. Yeah, you know, and during the break, I had a medical situation happen and I had to live through that and still dealing with that a little bit, but it's not all. Anyway, some of it was mental too and I had to work through some emotional baggage, some realizations of some fears.
Janet Hale:I had to have my daughter look me in the face and say, mom, oh no, I need you to do better. I'm telling on you yes, she did, yes, she did To the hippie mama. She came in my house and she looked at me. She said I don't know.
Janet Hale:I mean I be, you know exact. So I'm paraphrase Mom, I need you to get it together because I don't like what I see. I need you to get yourself together because right now you are in a block. I don't know what this is about. You said I'm going to tell it, I'm telling everybody. She said Mama, get it together. I need you to get it together, she said, because I want you around here. So it was a very powerful conversation. Now, mind you, I'm the mother, everyone just in case. And so when she left, I was I have a favorite chair, I was sitting in my favorite chair, kind of messed up. And the thing is because, as adults and I talk about this often being a mother with an adult child, not only a mother to an adult child, but a mother to an adult woman who's also a mother, who's able to reflect and look at her mother as a woman, not just a mom. I know mom has nothing to do with it, I know her mother as a woman, not just her mom.
Janet Hale:I know mom has nothing to do with it. I know you know, mom, you coming on here you don't have it together. I'm noticing it. I'm watching you right now. It's been in my spirit to tell you this.
Candace Patrice:That's why I don't remember, because when the Holy Spirit speak, it don't be me, okay, it's the Spirit coming through me, out me, to you, you know.
Janet Hale:See, this is what I love about this program, because we are different in many ways and very much alike at the same time. And it's beautiful. I love it. So she just came in and just read me the you know the rites and all kind of things. So she just came in and just read me the you know the rights and all kind of things. So I said, oh, you know, I mean. And then, wait, you guys, she didn't pause and check my thoughts. You see, if I was okay. She said her piece and was gone. I said, oh wait, I'm left. Oh, whoa, hold up. But see, here's the thing about that, though, because when we start doing work on ourselves this is my belief, it may not be everyone's is when we're confronted and someone loves us enough to confront us, because it takes love to do that Say hey, I see you. I don't like what I see, I don't know what's going on, but I need you to find you right now. Right now, you seem a little lost she said like that.
Janet Hale:But you know I'm trying to make her sound nice well.
Candace Patrice:I thought that I was super nice when we came out you know how we receive things is a real thing, you know Okay it's cool.
Janet Hale:I was a receiver and I received it, so it's about the person who was receiving it.
Candace Patrice:Okay, that's facts, that's facts. And then the person needs to hear the receiver and understand what they were receiving.
Janet Hale:So here, I'm about to go there and that is like I said. She didn't take my pause. So that part is true. She didn't she left off the love, but the thing is she loved me enough to do that, because not everyone is able to do that, to say, hey, I love you, I need to say something to you. She ran out real quick, so I don't know if she did that, so I didn't say anything back.
Candace Patrice:I'm not real clear.
Janet Hale:But I said in that four minutes you know I was like, you know I am stuck. Okay, oh, wait, you guys, let me tell you what else she said. She's like mama. You guys, let me tell you what else she said. She's like Mama, you keep calling me to help you do stuff. You have your master's degree, you know how to do things, blah, blah, blah. Okay, you guys, let me tell y'all this part. I don't know if I told her this part, but I think I did. So. I had disconnected that Cash App. I hadn't used it in years. Okay, well, it was a cash app moment. I had to figure out how to put the cash back. So, wait, I'm sitting there, I'm holding the phone. I said I'm not calling her. She said I need to figure things out and, dear audience to all the millions of people that are listening, hippie mama got it together.
Janet Hale:She got the cash and the bone. So you know, this break has been very interesting for me as far as career change, as far as my mindset, as far as certain things coming up that I didn't even realize. Candace and I were talking the other day about something. I said, candace, I never connected this particular situation with that. She said, oh, I get it, I get it. She didn't either. I was like, yeah, Wow Okay.
Janet Hale:So you know, it's just, it's been a time of reflection, it's been a time of and everybody know I'm not religious so we won't say that Can't stop me from saying that but I'm not Okay, is it all right Okay?
Candace Patrice:Wait, is it okay? I mean, can you not be religious and be spiritual? Is that a thing?
Janet Hale:I get a kick out of saying I'm not religious. I get a kick out of it. But I say all that to say this, because you know, times are changing and I'm changing and life is changing. And I remember sometimes I would get a little worried and I'd say, well, hold on, I've been around for a minute, 61 years minutes, and I said, you know, I've been protected and taken care of all these years, why now would I not be? So the process is about trusting the process. And here's the thing and I know Ken is going to jump on this word because she'll be jumping on this word it's about having faith.
Candace Patrice:Ooh, it's a process.
Janet Hale:You're right. You're right, I like that. You're going to jump on that. I want it. It's about the faith and the process, because I can remember worrying some days and then getting to bed and say, why did I waste my day on that? And I'm going to tell you what I mean by that. See, I ate that day. I still have my car that day. Food was in the refrigerator that day. Oh wait, let's start with this. I woke up that day so I said I wasted a whole day. To me, that was a sweat. Yeah, I worry. What was I worried about? Watching the TV shows, I wonder?
Candace Patrice:I mean, everything works itself out yeah, and that is literally how everything is when we start to well, okay, can I jump in? Okay, before I jump in, your birthday. Did you want to touch on that? Did you remember the birthday this year, or was it like it was a good birthday and we can keep moving?
Janet Hale:Okay, it was a good birthday, great, it was a good birthday, but oh, but anytime, any birth, oh man. Okay, you made me think of something.
Candace Patrice:Oh wait, uh-uh, she's going to go tangifying it, I can see I want to tell them about my summer too. Yeah, we got to share, I know right.
Candace Patrice:Two talkers needing to share time and space. We find a way to do it. So I'm going, I'm jumping in. Okay, jump in.
Candace Patrice:So from your birthday to today, we had a very successful summer, a very eventful summer, and Kamari and I actually managed to go on a cruise we managed to go to. We were in Florida, we did the beach, we did the cruise, we did Las Vegas, we did California, I did the Grand Canyon, and we had road trips together, like from those places, from one place to the next place, and then we just kind of lived. We found a way to not have a tight itinerary and it was just okay. What are we going to do? What does today bring? We left a way to not have a tight itinerary and it was just okay. What are we going to do? What does today bring?
Candace Patrice:We left Nevada going to California and, because of the time we left, we just literally went straight to the beach. There was no stopping going to anyone's home. We changed in the car, went straight to the beach. Then we left the beach and went to meet up with a friend at a restaurant. Then we hit our location where we were sleeping and just had a great night, like everything just seemed to flow. And when I say everything flows, I meant from sun up to sun, down to moon, up to moon down.
Candace Patrice:I know right, we forget that there is something beyond the sun up and sun down and we appreciate it and enjoy. I mean, we looked At the sky and saw how pretty the moon itself Was, how pretty the stars were. The sky in California is a little different Than the sky here. Even I know it's clearer, like I don't know what it is, but something there is a little different. Very nice. Um. Then her birthday was amazing. She wanted a hotel party and she got that. Um, and she said it was the best birthday that she ever had. It was the most last minute planned one for me, but it was being planned and executed in time to happen when it was time. So that was beautiful.
Candace Patrice:And I personally have been doing a lot of internal reflecting and also trying to recognize and understand the difference between emotions and feelings and what really is what I have control of and what I don't, and working with the things that I have control of to create joy in my life, no matter what is happening in any aspect, whether I fall and bump my head and I just know huh well, that hurt. Today. I mean, get back up. Funny example I got out the car I was on my way to church, got out the car looking down in between two really big old trucks and then I get All the way to church. All the way to church, this is it.
Candace Patrice:So we get in the parking space in between these two big old trucks, which Kamari looked at and was like, look, these are my two dads, they're big trucks, like okay, cool. So we're like I look, get out, look down, because the step stool is so high that it's just, I don't know, I'm just looking down. By the time I look up, I hit the windshield of the driver's side on my forehead and went down to the ground, y'all. I looked down and I looked back up at the sick guy and I said, huh God, I wonder what the message is in that, because that hurt. So for me I took the message as look up, let's look up.
Candace Patrice:And so whenever I'm on a walk or I'm doing things now, I remind myself to look up. Now, looking up has allowed me to experience certain things Things in the trees that we don't pay attention to, the sky, just everything that happens in our life when we look up opposed to looking down. So that is one really great takeaway. The other thing got my coaching program going. So I'm now doing one-on-one life coaching as well as one-on-one self-development coaching, as well as group self-development coaching, which is so amazing. It's another step to what I want to do. I've always known I want to work with women girls. It's funny enough. My first one-on-one client's a guy, the coaching is a guy, but the mindset development have been women so far. But that's, I mean, who knew? Who knew? I didn't know, but seeing something I wanted to do as a kid starting to, or at least a teenager starting to come to fruition in a way that makes sense, Like I feel like this is the time when I have enough experience to begin feeding into people, I found that this summer I can't be quiet. I have taken a very extensive route into my spiritual realm and what that looks like and applying that to my life and sharing that with others, in whatever capacity that is for them, or God, Buddha, universe, you know, the higher power, the being, the energy that's too great to put a name to, as my mother would say, and just really really honing in on that. And also relationship building, authentic relationship building. It's not about are you going to be a client later. It's this is our moment together and whatever I can provide to you in this moment, even if it's just a conversation, if it's a positive way of thinking for the moment, if it's comfort, if it's a safe place, if there is something positive I can bring to your life in that moment, I want to be able to do so and not, I don't know, just focusing on for me what God intended for us to do. And when I read the Bible and I look at when man was created and what we have dominion over, it wasn't about finances and being on top. It was about caring for each other and, to my understanding, one of the greatest commands of all is love thy neighbor as thyself, which makes sense, because love is the greatest of all things. So if we can love ourselves and then love someone else the same way, then we're doing it. Whatever. It is what I believe it to be in the world, Like we're here to do this and there's just so much. I'm finding my purpose in this world, or what I believe, or I think maybe I knew my purpose, but I'm finding how to utilize my purpose in this lifetime. So that's been kind of my journey from then to now, and continuing that is so good, it's just so good.
Candace Patrice:Things were in a very difficult space at one point. Things were in a very difficult space at one point, Like even you all have. If you've been here since season one, you already know like I started off here in a marriage and I'm no longer in a marriage. So you guys have been able to hear kind of how I'm progressing and finding highs in life and I find that there are so many more highs in life than there are lows and it makes the lows so small Because it's like you know they're going to be over. It's just what's the solution moving forward. I see you writing.
Janet Hale:Go ahead and talk it okay, I think so it's you mentioned earlier, and congratulations on all your accomplishments thank you, thank you for being a part of it and helping me through it. You're welcome you're, but I like to hear that you are moving forward and getting the things done that you wish to get done, because many people is there something about a dream deferred. I can't remember the rest of it, but when we just dream and not do anything about it and just dream, dream, dream.
Candace Patrice:A dream deferred is like a raisin in the sun or something like that.
Janet Hale:Mm-mm, it's something I can't remember. For whatever, it's real good too, but you are living the dream A dream deferred is a dream denied, that's it.
Janet Hale:That's it.
Janet Hale:That's it, thank you, and so to hear you talk about that.
Janet Hale:But what I found interesting in listening to you talk and wanting to working with women, that he must not be forgotten, because he is also a part of the equation. In my opinion, my humble opinion, we can get so focused on the feminine or the female and all those things, when oftentimes men need to be nurtured and taught how to deal with us, how to, and so I found it interesting that he was your first client and that just rang a bell for me with that and I don't know, oh, utilizing you, utilizing the different things for you, and I thought about you know, and I want to bring these things. You're bringing things and bringing light and bringing knowledge to what you're doing and how oftentimes, when we are in a place like that, it is actually the reverse. It is the things that are brought to us to enlighten us, to teach us and to help us grow. And I and you know the kind of work I've done and I've had to say that to some folks who, well, I just want to help people.
Janet Hale:I get that I do I want to do all that too, but at the end of the day, when I sit down and think about a lot of things that I've done in my lifetime, I have to reflect on me, you know, and what did I learn from that? Even in the process of assisting others and learning what they need to learn, what have I learned about that? And so that was one of the things I thought about that, and so that was one of the things I thought about, and I'm glad you brought up being married, being divorced, going through things, changing and allowing others to be witness to that. I watched you today. I couldn't have been more proud what happened, and I say that because of the co-parenting. I couldn't have been more proud what happened, and I say that, can I, can I? Okay?
Janet Hale:I say that because of the co-parenting, co-parenting. I say that because I watched two mothers, um, that care for my granddaughter, one being her biological mother, one being her dad's partner, and she had two of her kids, and then your friend was there and how everyone was so gentle to one another. There was no mean or giving you the evil eye. It was all in love, like hey, we are here together, let's do this thing, and I was just so proud and I was watching you, kamari, and your friend, walking to the car and I said, look at that. And I thought of my mom, mm-hmm. And I said, oh, look at that. And I thought of my mom and I said, oh, mama, look at this. What would I get to see? I am so grateful. Watch this, like okay, this is what this is.
Janet Hale:Just to watch that growth and to watch Kamari grow and to watch her develop relationships, even at the school, which was funny because you know I can't not get there early. If I go to school, you better be early because they be early. And so when I came in and I said, well, I'm not sure where to sit, and the woman said what's her name, and I said come on.
Janet Hale:she said okay, sit right there because she's gonna be right there, oh wow, oh, thank you okay, you're good and um, but those are the kind of moments that are so wonderful to me even though it may sound small, but for me it was big.
Janet Hale:It was just so big, you know, because she knew who I was talking about, right, and she knew what she could do to accommodate so that Kamari could see Sugamama. Because I was right there, I was on court side, you guys, court side, I was there watching her do her thing and watching the coach and just being a part of that experience, I'm just grateful that you guys include me in things like that that I get to see, I don't have to hear.
Candace Patrice:Well, Kamari loves to have you. I'm glad she loves me and I think she really understands what a grandmother is or who a grandmother is. So her relationship with you is important, yes, and she enjoys the relationship you have, not because it's your relationship, it's not, it's not fake, it's not catered to the way that I would do things. You know, and not to say that you don't respect the way that I do things but you have your you have your super mama role you know, they're just yeah.
Candace Patrice:And I'm like I like ice cream for breakfast, yeah, and I'm really grateful that I can. I can see and not try to control that, which is difficult because when you become a mother and you have all of these things that you want done and how you want them done, and especially if you're a control freak who just wants things a certain way but relinquishing that to be like it's not all the time, like let them have their time. It might be an ice cream day, okay, and popsicles that might be the only thing she eats. And no, that's usually not the case when I say that it's not really the point is.
Candace Patrice:it's just letting go of that and letting you all have your whatever it is, and then, when I get her back, we'll jump back into our own routines.
Janet Hale:Yeah, get her into the withdrawal.
Candace Patrice:She comes there and stays up to four and five in the morning, but so did I as a kid.
Janet Hale:You did, you did.
Candace Patrice:You didn't make me go. If it was a weekend or not, you and Q would be on that phone laughing. I'm talking about as an 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. When there was no school parents went to sleep.
Janet Hale:Don't tell all our business.
Candace Patrice:No, I mean, I think that's just a generational thing. Parents went to sleep. They were like kids go be alive and be here tomorrow when we wake up, Please. Thank you, and we all knew to just be alive in the morning that was the only really real requirement, Like don't burn the house down and stay alive.
Janet Hale:So you meant to yourself being a control freak, right? So for me, words have a lot of power in my opinion that's what you want to say, that and um, I've watched you become less of that. I'm watching that change, so I I would be. You know, it'd be nice to for your verbiage to change on that.
Candace Patrice:Oh yeah, I'm not. I'm sorry. When I said that, I meant when I had her. Things have changed. I've evolved, I'm understanding how to let go. That's, and I think that's what I was saying earlier. As far as what I can control, and really taking advantage of what I can and really let go of what I cannot, because we can voice our opinions on things and we can also remove ourselves from situations that don't serve us. That's a whole other podcast.
Janet Hale:Okay, because I was going to say the control freak thing that you're talking about. I enjoy you so much, even if you were not my daughter. I enjoy you because you have an open mind and you listen, and even if we don't agree because we don't always agree y'all, just in case you didn't know but we'll listen to one another and say I'll see how you can see it that way oh, we had a good moment last week with that oh man, that whoa it's going into family history yes
Candace Patrice:and you know, guys let me say this to anyone listening if you want to have a conversation with someone, throw your own belief system to the side for a second to just hear the other person's belief system. Not that you have to agree with it in any way, shape or form, but look at it, see how they arrived where they arrived, because we all haven't had the same experiences to arrive there. And conversations that I have with my mom, conversations I have with my sister, a lot of times their perspective does come from an experience that has happened to them in the past or something they've witnessed happen to someone else, and a lot of times the response is about not repeating that cycle. That's what that response is, and if you haven't lived what their experience is, then you have to listen and be empathetic to that and maybe if you are in a position to offer a different perspective. However, they are not required to take that and do something with that perspective. It's okay to offer it, but respect if they don't want to use that perspective.
Janet Hale:And I want to. I want to expound on that and say this that it is okay and see, cause there's a generational difference. I'm mom, you're my daughter, all that stuff. It is okay for us as the older person, the parent or however you want to put it, to be questioned. It is okay for us to expand our minds. It is okay sometimes to say you know what? That's a new way of looking at that. Let me take a look at that. It is okay to be open because the bottom line is about openness and for me, I want my daughter and my son although I was talking about him, I said I talk like Brandon's still here. I'm just talking because for me he is, and so it's just important to share information and to be authentically who I am to my children and to my grandchildren and to anyone who meets me.
Janet Hale:This is Janet. Janet is a hippie. Now, let me share that, because sometimes when I say hippie, people think I'm on psychedelics and stuff. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't. Hippie is a way of thinking for me, so I just wanted to clear that up. Hippie means to have an open mind. Hippie means to be able to watch other people, listen to other people and get an understanding of what it is that they're trying to convey Right.
Janet Hale:So it may not be what I like or it may not be what I do, but let me hear about you. Like you know, jehovah Witness people. She came by. Did I tell you that, candice, she always comes by. Yeah, but she had stopped for a while because she got a little sick or something. Oh, yeah, you told me she came with someone else. Yeah, she came by right, because you know.
Janet Hale:Hey, come on by, let's you know, hey, and she brought somebody and I was like I have a joke, I think they have a hat and they have numbers and I say, who wants to meet the hippie? They pull the number because she brings somebody different. We have a great time and so um and then. So when I talk about being a hippie, those are the types of things that I'm talking about that I'm able to sit across the table from somebody who does not share the same beliefs that I do, or that I don't have all the facts about their belief so that I can better understand them.
Candace Patrice:But it sounds like at the very basis, you have something in common and that is just the pure understanding of human to human. You're a human, I'm a human. Just share this love moment together. You know that's right, don't you? I wanted to also.
Janet Hale:You said Okay, go, I'm scared you're going to write it down. I did, that's where I was going.
Candace Patrice:There's a Write it down. I did. That's where I was going.
Janet Hale:So there's a situation that happened. I must share this man Okay, I don't even think I told you I don't know. And so the phone call comes in. There's this thing going on about some luggage or something. And I get the call and I'm working some things out, and I'm talking to this person and he's like apologizing. And I'm like what do you apologize? He said because I'm a little anxious and you know. And I said, okay, but you know we're going to work this out. And so you know we did all our things right. I said call me and let me know how things work out for you.
Janet Hale:The next day I get a call. The next day I get a call. He says I want to thank you for taking the time with me and calming me down. I didn't realize that I didn't, I was just doing me. He was probably tripping on that, but that's okay. And we end up on the phone for over an hour Just talking, just sharing. I mean, mean, he got into some political things. You know, I don't do political. I'd be like, okay, but I listen. I was like, wow, that's interesting. I need to look that up. I didn't know that. Oh, thank you. So, um, but from human to human, because we are each other's business Period. We are the smile on the face, the pat on the back, whatever.
Candace Patrice:Whatever?
Janet Hale:it is we can do to make someone else's life better or bearable. That's all we can do. Let it be what it be. So you're right With the Jehovah, with all of them. Hey, listen, I'm here. Look I had a coffee, look I got cup. I don't want everybody coming over, but I have, uh, uh, what do you call it? The cream? Um, flavor cream. And oh, we can sit down, just have a great time. I open the windows. We set the dining table. We have a great time. I open the windows, we sit at the dining room table. We have a great time because life is about living.
Candace Patrice:It is.
Janet Hale:It's about living. I want to live this life, you guys.
Candace Patrice:Look at this sun ray in my video. It's beautiful Actually, I see colors, it's a lot happening it is.
Janet Hale:It's beautiful, but go ahead. You were going to say something. I had to say what I had to say.
Candace Patrice:I heard you earlier mention the word gratitude and I just I wanted to talk about gratitude very quickly, Just how we can be grateful.
Janet Hale:That's her giving me a warning.
Candace Patrice:No, myself as well, okay, myself as well, okay, just how we can carry gratitude throughout our days. And that goes back into the positive mindset. And I remember having therapy and the therapist telling me to download this app and track my gratitude. And I remember not doing it and I said I don't want to, I don't feel gratitude, I don't like it, I don't want like this isn't anything. Feel gratitude, I don't like it, I don't like. This isn't anything. I feel like doing this is a chore, it's a task and it's not fun. At the time I just couldn't. But that's the space that I was, I was in and I'm sure there are others in that same.
Candace Patrice:You know we say it like oh, just practice gratitude. That's not always easy, it's just not. It's something once you begin to do it and it becomes easy. It's so easy to tell someone else to just practice it because it's like I'm doing it, can't you do it.
Candace Patrice:But there are times and spaces and places where gratitude doesn't even seem like a real word, something you can even, because people can be so angry or in such a depressive state that that's all they can see is black. And if you can, the gratitude comes in the small things and it's saying it to yourself, whether it's waking up. And I know for some people, waking up isn't always their gratitude, because they're going back into mess and it's, you know, like what can. How do you find joy in mess? How do you move forward when everything feels so big or so wrong or so bad and the people around you are making you feel little and insignificant and you're wanting to please someone else just so that they can feel, make you feel important? And you know there's there's so many things that aren't good for everybody and it.
Candace Patrice:You know I want to spend this season helping the lost see the light again, like that's what we've been doing. That's what I want to continue to do this season. We have a lot of great guests who are going to be here and have stories that are just. They've been through it, they come out of it and they're continuing to work on themselves and help others. So I hope that everyone who's listening has an opportunity to take something from it. Look at the topics and see if there's something that resonates with you. We won't stay on the problem or the heartbreak or the downwardness of our lives. We'll discuss it for relatability, but we're going to give you guys, tips on working through those and letting you know you're not alone in this, like we've been through a lot of it. There are others who've been through it and maybe you just need to hear someone else did it.
Janet Hale:Yes.
Candace Patrice:They made it through in the darkest depths of things. So this season we're definitely going to continue to give you guys that I do so practicing the gratitude. If you can find one thing to be grateful for a day, or just anything just today, if you can find anything to be grateful for, take that with you for the rest of as long as you can, until you can find something else to be grateful for, to show gratitude towards. I wanted to ask a quick question before we leave, because we're about to wrap up. I was given the question. I was given a question, a challenge of what will, what would you have told your 20 year old self? If you could go back and talk to your 20 year old self, what advice would it be? I have an answer and I would like to hear yours first and then I'll give you mine.
Janet Hale:So I have an answer and I would like to hear yours first and then I'll give you mine. My answer to the 20-year-old Janet would be you are okay just the way you are. It is okay for people to see you. There's no need to hide. They will love you anyway. I would tell that 20 year old because I remember the people pleasing all kinds of stuff and I realized once I let all that go I'm still working on it, but most of it go that man, people think I'm pretty cool.
Candace Patrice:They're like she's kind of cool she's a little out there.
Janet Hale:She's kind of cool. She's a little out there, but she's kind of cool. So I would talk to my 20-year-old. What would you say?
Candace Patrice:I would tell myself, my 20-year-old self, to trust myself in the decisions that I make and also that happiness comes from within. And I would try, probably reading the Bible a little more, to get those tangible instructions earlier on. I'm glad that. But, however, with that, I don't know if I would have interpreted it the same as I do now, but I don't know. But I think I would tell myself that, like hey, just see what it's about. I think I would tell myself that, like hey, just see what it's about. Okay.
Janet Hale:Okay, I want to interject as a mom. Right, quick. Yep, when you talk about that and you said reading the Bible or something like that, um, you were living the values of this Bible before you picked it up.
Candace Patrice:I know it's more of a confirmation. Okay.
Janet Hale:So I needed to say that to you.
Candace Patrice:No, so what I, what I like and why I say read the Bible more is I like having the resources at my hands now.
Candace Patrice:So when I speak to people and I say talk about the story of Job, or if I talk about the book of Ecclesiastes and how we find living our lives, or it's hearing how Jesus responded to questions with questions and giving examples of things like for us to think about. There was a lot of things when he didn't give a lot of answers, but when the questions allow you to apply it to your own life because it's a meaning, it's a moral to it. Opposed to, this is the answer, because that answer doesn't always apply to every situation. When you give it direct like that, but sometimes you can give the meaning behind the answer, the deeper parts of it, like ask yourself this question am I a good person? Opposed to? Should I help people get shoes? I don't know. Just be good.
Candace Patrice:At the end of the day there was a, an episode of oh the good no, it wasn't the good dinosaur. We were watching something and it was the guy's first day at work and the mother told him when he left to go to work just be as helpful as you can. It was Bluey. We were watching Bluey and so. But he went in and the dad couldn't figure out what the sign language was and he asked the new worker and he's like can you help me identify this? And the guy's like it played in his head just be as helpful as you can. It had nothing really to do with like a sale or anything, but he's like an opportunity and he figures it out and it's just like sometimes we just have to be helpful the best way that we can. It doesn't have to be what your job description is, it's just are you being a good person? Are you choosing to just be good? And so seeing that was really good, okay, okay.
Janet Hale:Go so you confirm what I just said about you. But I wanted to say this Okay.
Janet Hale:And this applies to any, all of them, all the religions, I don't care, okay, but I do believe this for those who are religious, that, but I do believe this for those who are, you know, religious that each person that walks this earth is a reflection of the God that they want to represent. So let me break it down just a little bit, because you look a little like where are you going with this? Break it down just a little bit because you look a little like where are you going with this? So, if I profess to be, I'm going to use the word Christian, because my daughter's a Christian yes, she is, and so I profess to be a Christian, but I walk around and I go next door and smack my neighbor upside the head every day. At that point, in my opinion, I'm representing the God in me.
Candace Patrice:Okay, the God in you the. God within.
Janet Hale:Yeah, the God within, and that's why I keep saying for you and I'm going to say this I know you're going to stay a Christian to the end that um.
Candace Patrice:I don't know if I would say Christian more so than a believer.
Janet Hale:Okay, it doesn't matter, I'm good, I'm happy.
Candace Patrice:God enrolls, I guess.
Janet Hale:I mean.
Candace Patrice:I have a lot of the same beliefs, but you yeah, but you, but you.
Janet Hale:What I'm saying, all that to say, is that you've carried yourself in a way that is full of light. That's who you are. You were that when you were real little Period Like that was it. There she goes. Okay, we learned. You know how to do the tootsie roll oh, that's the same.
Candace Patrice:It was at the same fair.
Janet Hale:I said what outfit oh, she look, she remember all that right. Um, it was cute. And then you mentioned something about, oh, people being angry and gratefulness. I think the thing about anger is, when you look at someone who's angry, I think a lot of times we need to find out what are you hurt about? Yeah, absolutely, because we get so they angry and I'll be like what are you hurt about? Because something's hurting and you're releasing it in a manner that's probably pissing everybody off, but something's going on. So that was a thing. And then the other thing you said about the mess. You know to be in a mess. Sometimes we have to go through the mess in order to get to the rest.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, ooh, mess, to get to the rest.
Janet Hale:I like it too. I was like Jenna you go with your story, you know and I want to piggyback off of that real quick.
Candace Patrice:But no, the why things. People go through things and if you don't know their why and you judge, this is why we can't judge people. What I'm about to say is you're going to get it and I think I told you about this, but there's a woman in jail right now been there about 15 years who killed her children. Yeah, I'm sure people heard that and went well, yeah, she should be in jail. However, this woman was under medication that put her in a psychosis that she didn't even know. She was responding in the way that she was and I don't know what was happening to her brain to make her brain think that Maybe it attacked her, to think that maybe these were people attacking her. I don't know and she doesn't know because she wasn't present Exactly, but she still has to pay for what happened. However, for her, luckily, she has found a way to make peace with that and teach the other women where she is the power of gratitude, greatness and moving forward and how things happen in our life.
Candace Patrice:But it you know just all of the things, so that nonjudgmentalness is so important because you never know their story, their background, their history, it is. Why are you responding the way you're responding? Start, and it's the same for partners, it's the same for children, it's the same for parents. Everything goes back to the why it's there. I remember hearing about the guy who stuttered and I think I talked about this a couple of seasons ago and when they got down to the root of it, he was watching Rocky and Bullwinkle when his parents were having an intense argument that really traumatized him and he got stuck at four and he wasn't able to come out of stuttering until he was an adult and identified that it came from that show and that experience and he was able to release it and he's a public speaker today.
Candace Patrice:Good for him that stuttering man is a public speaker today who no longer cares Because he was able to identify his trauma.
Janet Hale:He was able to identify it because he was able to identify his trauma.
Candace Patrice:He was able to identify it same with speaking to someone else who said they were four and had some trauma and didn't realize what it was until they were an adult and things made sense to them. So all of these things and we are going to wrap up yes, I know, oh man, we started off very light and fluffy and got pretty heavy in the end, just with all of the things that could be happening in people's lives. And, of course, if you need someone to talk to, you can text or call 988, which is the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which is 24 hours seven days a week, which is 24 hours, seven days a week. And also you can check your resources in your state and your city for therapists, counselors, coaches. There are people who can help guide, find your safe places, your safe people, and just work through and try to find that joy in whatever way that you can.
Candace Patrice:You can always follow me at essentialmotivationcom, email Candice Fleming at essentialmotivationcom and Instagram. I'm actually switching my Instagram from the essential page to my personal page because they kind of blend together, so that's Candice Patrice, underscore E-M, and I am now also going by Candice Patrice instead of Candice Fleming, because middle names don't change, last names do. And that's what we're doing Rebranding under Candice Patrice.
Candace Patrice:So you guys will see that coming more so in the future.
Janet Hale:So season 4 is Candice Patricia, hello, hello hello, and it's hell y'all, and it's hell in the house, in the house, in the house.
Candace Patrice:Alright, is there any last words that you have for everybody?
Janet Hale:I'm glad to be back and I'm glad that you are here For us, for when we came back Yay, alright, guys.
Candace Patrice:Well, you already know the drill Love hard, forgive often. I'm glad that you are here for us, for when we came back, yay, all right, guys. Well, you already know the drill Love hard, forgive often and laugh frequent. And we will see you back in two weeks. Two weeks, deuces. Thanks for listening, guys, bye.
