Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
Resilience and Faith: A Sister's Tale of Overcoming Adversity and Embracing Essential Mental Healing with Amanda Parks
It's Therapy Thursday!!
Facing life's storms with unwavering courage, my sister Amanda and I, Candace Fleming, come together in a raw exchange on the trials and triumphs of Essential Mental Healing. Amanda, a beacon of resilience, unfolds her narrative from teen motherhood to the hallways of nursing, painting a picture of the grit and grace it takes to juggle family, career, and self-reliance. Our conversation meanders through the valleys and peaks of her life, revealing the unbreakable bonds of sisterhood and the steadfast faith that has been both her anchor and her compass.
The power of positivity and an unshakeable faith take center stage as we hear from a single mother whose journey through nursing school is marred by financial woes and personal battles, yet illuminated by her belief in the divine. Her saga echoes the strength found in the simplicity of spaghetti dinners and the refuge of gospel hymns, reminding us that serenity can be found in the midst of chaos. Through laughter and tears, we explore how the alchemy of optimism transforms the lead of hardship into the gold of personal growth and achievement.
In the concluding chapters of our heart-to-heart, we traverse a landscape of adversity that ranges from the seismic shift of a family's cross-country relocation to the subtle art of effective communication. I share the profound impacts of personal transformation on our bonds with others, underscoring the significance of reaching out for support in times of despair. Our heartfelt episode draws to a close, with an invitation to our listeners to join the conversation and a reminder of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline — a beacon for those navigating through life's tumultuous waters.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
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Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, candice Fleming, and unfortunately, today my lovely co-host, janet Hill, is not going to be joining us. She actually is going to be on a medical leave. Yes, she's fine, everyone. I'm sure when she comes back she'll share all of her deeds with you, but I promise you I've got the next best thing. No, like literally the next best thing. Like you hear about her all the time, but okay, and like if you can't have Janet, you want her because she is her. Anyways, nila says she is my sister. Hello, amanda, hey sister, how are you? I'm actually feeling great, I'm good, I'm happy to be here and honored. I'm so happy, I'm so happy to have you, I'm excited. I don't know what's going to happen, where we're going to end up.
Speaker 1:You know we can go anywhere and everywhere, as we do all the time, whether it's here, by land, by sea, by air that's my ride or that. Like you know how they say you got yin and yang. Well, you got can and man. Like you got candy and Mandy. Like you got okay. Period, all of it, all of it, all of it and more. There's like this unspoken, intertwined, invisible line to speculine. I don't know All of it, everything, all of it. They don't understand. That is all of it. Oh, my goodness, I am so happy to have you. I have actually known Amanda all of my life. She is my blood sister, without blood, which sounds weird, but it's true. She is my sister. Like you know how they say God may Adam, god may Eve. And then, like God may Eve, out of Adam's rim. Well, I think God was like oh, look at this heart. I'm just going to split it in half. Here's Amanda, here's Candace. I don't know, somehow we share in something the best of sisters that there ever was in life. I'm going to stop going on. You guys don't understand. I mean, maybe you think you understand, but you all just don't understand. To be tour is to be able to do other scenes From a very, very young believer.
Speaker 1:We lived next door to each other, grew up, couldn't be any closer, stay next door to we're about eight and then moved away. But that didn't change anything because we just stayed more nights. We cried for each other and they had to bring us back together house when we were seven, I think. I stayed at a minimum of four nights maybe, went home for one and came back, yep, or I was coming to your house, yeah, exactly, exactly so. But, my well, tell people who you are, what you a little bit about what you do, and then, of course, I'm just going to tell them a little bit more about you, because nobody can talk you up like you.
Speaker 1:Well, like you said, my name is Amanda. I am a nurse. I've been a nurse for about six years now, graduated in 2017. I was a CNA prior to that, for about 13 years. Let's see, I'm married. Have four boys been married for 10 years? Well, actually, we just passed our 10 year anniversary. Yes, and I don't know that. That's about. Oh, I'm living in Vegas, loving it, been living here for about going on five years now. I still love Detroit, but I got to be here. Listen, guys.
Speaker 1:So she gave you like these headlines of who she is and things that she's done, but you guys have to hear the through line to this stuff. I mean, girl is super woman, wonder Woman, woman of the Year, woman of the Decade, woman of the Millennium. Has overcome all kinds of things, which is the topic of today's episode of the show, anyway overcoming adversity, which is something that I've been able to see you do with grace to me, grace and faith for sure, and that's something I know you'll be able to talk to about when it comes to how you deal with things. But I want to start with adversity. It's not adversity number one, but one of the major adversities that you went through at a young age, which was having my lovely nephew at a younger age and what that changed for you, what that looked like and how it started your journey. Okay, so yes, I became a mother at a young age.
Speaker 1:I was 20,. I got pregnant at 19. All right, so I had just moved out of my house and shortly after that I became pregnant. So everyone around me, they was just like telling me you can't have this baby. You got to get abortion. And I was like, yeah, you're right, yes, I'm not going to have this, I'm going to get abortion. But it was just like, not even like 24 hours. I was just like I can't. I felt connected to this baby and they was just saying that I was going to have to move back home with my mom and I just kept faith. I just kept my faith and was just like I'm going to make it. I was working as a nursing assistant already. So I was working in a hospital or so and I had him and it's been a blessing ever since. I don't regret it. I think about it all the time, like if I wouldn't have had my baby.
Speaker 1:So were you in nursing school when you had him or did you start nursing school after you had him? No, so that was okay. So you know, I have four boys, so I got a lot of journeys. I'm up to the first one. I was a young mom so I had to get over that, everyone feeling like I couldn't make it. I ended up making it, never had to move back home.
Speaker 1:Then my with my second son is when things started getting really hard at 24 because my nursing assistant income was not enough. So I went and applied for nursing school and when I was a nursing school, at my physical, that's when I found out that I was pregnant with baby number three. And again everyone's like you can't go through nursing school pregnant. Nursing school is hard, you're not going to be able to do it. You already have two kids. And then you got to go through this. I made it. Okay, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. I got a question. So, as you're, you have baby number two and then you enroll in nursing school. Yes, yes, so you're doing nursing school while you have two and then you get pregnant again. Yes, while you're still in nursing school. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, now how much time has passed, um, from from Daniel the time you enrolled? No, from the time you enrolled to nursing school to pregnancy number three? Oh, the it immediately before I started nursing school. So, as soon as I like, yeah, like I was getting into an into nursing school. That's why I was taking the physical um to go into nursing school and I found out that I was pregnant. So I found that I was pregnant before I had class number one. So I went into nursing school telling people I was pregnant, got it, got it, got it and I made it. I made it, I had the baby.
Speaker 1:It didn't work out so perfectly because I ended up having him while I was going to the hospital. I was on break so I didn't have to take off any time for school. So, um, right at my six week mark, school was starting back up, so I was able to go to school. I did have to. It was a lot of early mornings, it was a lot of five am, um, dropping my babies off to the baby centers, going to nursing school, going to clinicals, then trying to work on top of that because I still had to work, or so, um, and yeah, it was, it was, it was hard, they, they, a lot of people doubted me, but I keep my faith and I just keep keep on going.
Speaker 1:Okay, so there's during that third pregnancy, though near the end, it got really rough physically, right, yes, what happened to you physically during that time? Um, wait, at the end, with um you talking about, with Andrew, with baby, with baby number three, towards the end, it was just the. I was breastfeeding him, or so, no, during the pregnancy, during the pregnancy With the low you, then you have low iron. During that time, well, I had low iron with all, all four of them. The all four of them was all my pregnancies. I always pass out. That's what my mind wanted me to stop having babies. I keep, I always have low iron. I always have to get infusions or so, while I'm pregnant. Um, and, yeah, it just gets me lightheaded but I don't have any more than sickness or anything. But you're doing this while you're in nursing. Yes, yes, I was studying, um, and breastfeeding and doing homework with the oldest and still trying to hang around with the toilet Like, yeah, yes, okay. So take me here, take me here.
Speaker 1:How do you mentally get through all of this adversity that's coming your way? So, like you said you, you decide okay, I have two children. This income isn't enough. I got to go to nursing school. You get to nursing school to make an income for to support two children, only to find out it's got to now support three children while in nursing school, trying to make sure you keep your grades up because you need to have uh, be at it. It had to be a 79%. Yes, you had to have a 79% in order to pass. Yeah, yeah. Not only that, you also are having your low iron, which is normal for you, but not normal while you're in nursing school.
Speaker 1:You know, like, where is your mental? My mental is always positive. I just have never been negative. I thank God every day that I don't have a sense of fear, or so I just always like to try. But in nursing school, well, that iron was low because I told you I used to pass out. So my professors and my classmates definitely see me on the floor a few times and it was freaking them out, but I told them that I was gonna be okay. It just never discouraged me, it never made me afraid to have the baby or continue to have babies.
Speaker 1:I had forgot to say even with my second son or so some adversities, or a real adversity that I had to face, was the father of my son that had actually went to jail or so, and so I felt like so alone, because when I went into labor I was by myself and they got you rushed up there to the house bill, where I wasn't. Otherwise I would have been pushing my baby out by myself in that room all along, and you came as soon as I started pushing him out. He came out real fast. From the time you gave that call to the time he got here. He was like I'm coming with it without y'all, I'm just letting y'all know that he was coming, okay, but okay.
Speaker 1:So what is going through your mind during this time? Because you, how long does this go on? For? How long is your now husband? Yes, and it was 90 days or so. So it was hard on him and hard on me, because now I'm a new mother of two, by myself, living by myself. It was pretty hard, but I just kept my faith. The three months went by actually pretty fast or so and we just picked up where we left off and continued, and that's when I had started my journey to nursing school, and then we had Andrew. It just seems like every time I feel like I'm trying to do something positive. To catch up is just always something else, but I never, ever, had that fear of me being set back because I was having more kids, so I just always thought I was gonna make it.
Speaker 1:One other thing, one of the adversities of your husband going to jail. Not only is this the father of your child, but you're lucky that he also enjoys cooking. Yes, so you lost the household chef? Yes, I did, cause I do not cook. It got real interesting in the kitchen. Okay, I did learn how to cook some pancakes, you know I was just like. So what kind of meals did you have to prepare for the kids? Now that things was shaken up a little bit, how'd you have to maneuver this? I'm just glad my babies was young enough not to really judge my cooking. So it wasn't that Daniel was just for he couldn't really get on me, but I was. I got good with breakfast. I could cook some breakfast, but other than that it was spaghetti, goulash, anything with a pasta. And then I had cooked some chicken breast which I that was interesting, but I made it. I was happy when he got back home. I know that's right, I know that's right. The kids, the good meals coming.
Speaker 1:What was your, what was your go-to dish? Spaghetti and goulash. What's goulash? That's that pasta with the with is made with chili and then like with the vegetables. It's like pasta's the tomato sauce and chili with vegetables. I don't think I actually ever had goulash. Really, everybody make it a little different, but that's how I make mine. I don't think I've ever had no goulash. I think when I hear goulash, I think John Belaya, oh, okay, but okay, okay, let's go back. Let's go back.
Speaker 1:So you, you mentioned your faith. I heard you say something you know you. You said that's how you mentioned it a couple of times. That's how I keep my faith. That's how I keep my faith. What does faith look like to you and how is that incorporated in your life? Or how do you incorporate that with? You have adversity? Well, I just faith to me is believing what you cannot see. So in my, in my situation, even though I'm looking at my, at my monthly income and I'm looking at my bills, I'm like, oh, it's fine, it's everything is. Everything is gonna get paid, everything is gonna get worth, is gonna work itself out, because God is not gonna leave me, god is not gonna let me down. Basically, he has always shown up for me and I just I just keep. That's how I make all of my decisions. Like I that's what I say earlier.
Speaker 1:Like I said earlier, I just don't have that sense of fear, like it's just, I just be moving, which, and it just always works. Obviously I don't be moving crazy and doing like, thinking I can't get hit or hurt or anything like that, but I just feel like everything will work itself out with patience and with time. And yeah, everything just always works itself out. But that's what it is. It's believing in something that you cannot see. So we cannot physically see God, but we can feel God and so I always feel his presence. He always give me signs, you know, wearing to our angel, numbers and everything, and I just take everything as a sign and just believe that are the best possible outcome, and nine times out of 10, it's always the best possible outcome.
Speaker 1:Like thinking about where I am now and where I was 10 years ago and I'm still so humbled because I didn't realize the amount of growth that I have overcome. It's just humbling, it's beautiful and I just want to continue to live on this path. You know, I want to sit down on the couch for a second. If that's a thing, let's make us a little red white couch and talk a little bit about an experience where your faith was truly tested. But I didn't ask so, would you? Are we okay with that Girl? You know, we don't have no boundaries. Come on, that's why I'm the angel. Yo, yo, that's what we do. That's what we do, okay, so you took a trip and during this trip, you were having a time of your life emerging yourself in Mexico.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we went to Cabo, cabo, and during this time, you had an experience, a true, true experience, and it took you away and brought you back. Could you share? Yes, I can. So y'all like can't swim. Yeah, I can swim, so I could not swim. So we was on a couple's trip back in 2021.
Speaker 1:And we was all in the pool with all the other couples and then Gary was trying to be romantic and he wanted us to walk off to the beach. All right, so I was like, okay, so we walked off to the beach. Well, I got a little bit too close to the shore and the currents were very large, they were huge. All right so, but I turned around to the ocean. I turned my back to the ocean, as they say you should never do, and the trying to take a picture and the current pulled me in. Now Gary is chasing after me, he trying to catch me. I didn't drop my phone. I'm in like disbelief, like can't really focus, and so I'm trying to get up. I try to get up. It pulls us back in. Now, me and Gary is in the. It didn't pull both of us into the ocean. He's trying to hold on to me and stay afloat. We, we cannot like get to shore for nothing.
Speaker 1:It was this last final wave that like hit me in the face and like give me. I was like, oh, my goodness, this is it. I'm not gonna go back home to my kids, and I just closed my eyes and just accepted it, or so. And I know to a lot of people that just feel like it sounds suicidal, or so Like I was given up or so, but I didn't feel that way at all For something. I just felt like at peace.
Speaker 1:And then, like, when I woke up, I was like who saved me? And then somebody Came up and it was like Jesus and I was like, and all this stuff like praise the God and everything, so happy. And then I was asking about my husband and all that, gary and the being a shock. He couldn't talk for about two hours so everybody was scared. They rushed us to the hospital. They had to see PR on me. I forgot about that major part, so they did Do CPR. It was just a miracle that somebody just said that they was, which resulted in six broke ribs. Yes, yeah, yeah, I had six, six broke ribs because of the CPR.
Speaker 1:But the person who saved me, he was a, he was a diver who just was coming down because he was mad at his wife or so, and so he's seen us. And then they said it was a boat like Prior out, because, you, mind you, it was dark outside. I didn't mention that part so it was Like nighttime, so it was hard for people to see. No, no, no, this was, this was like a nighttime. So a diver came out and then Spiritual here, healer, is the one that pulled me out of the water or so and help Gary. And it was just amazing when I seen him Me and Gary was having Breakfast the next day and he walked up and I was like that was him.
Speaker 1:I never even saw his face or so, but his presence, I just felt it was him and we all just started crying, or so we took a picture with the guy, or so I asked him. I said what did you do? He was. I was like I was like what do you do? Where you from? And he was like I'm a healer or so, and it's just like miracles like that, like that's what. I just leave it, I just give it all up to God, like I just do, and it just always where I just put my faith in them, even with leaving my kids, I just keep. I just keep my faith in God. I just keep my faith in God.
Speaker 1:Have you ever experienced a healer before that? No, did you know what a healer was before that? No, do you know what a healer is now? Well, a little bit. No, let me. Maybe we should do some googling. How did we not google that as you're talking, I'm like I'm starting to think like man, what kind of healer is this?
Speaker 1:Do I know what a healer really is? Then I, you know, I'm all into the book of Clarence right now. I'm thinking about how he just had his hands healed. I'm like, is he a physical healer? Like I'm going into Disney and stuff. Like does a teardrop make you rise from the dead? Like I girl, I got a lot of thoughts over here.
Speaker 1:When I hear a healer right now, I'm just saying I, I have been elevated. I just feel like they're chosen um people, um, from God and he, they, they do God's work. I really think that they just do God's, god's work. Like God puts his powers in In the healers, like not that they're, you know, like they, like they physically have powers, but I just felt like His presence is felt through his healers. You know, I wonder sometimes if we can heal ourselves from within. Mm-hmm, because you know they say we have God within us anyway. Um, so if we could take our inner God and then Release that into our cells.
Speaker 1:There's actually a book that I read. I think it's silver mind control. Anyway, they talked about how someone who actually wield or thought or mind control their cells out of wearing glasses. Like, what is that? To have that much mental power over yourself to say this is what I'm going to do? It's almost like when they say if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move a mountain. It's one of those things, like just to believe something.
Speaker 1:Um, one of the through lines in book of clearance is, rather, belief is stronger than knowledge, or knowledge is stronger than belief, hmm, and I was thinking about that because the whole time Through the movie he kept saying I know that God isn't real, I know he's not real. He's not real, um, because he was saying that he didn't know, he knows it's not. He's not real because he has no Existence of it. He hasn't seen it. Until we get to the end where he knows, like, so is Knowledge stronger than belief. Because once you know something, you can, like he said in the movie as well, one person Believes they're gonna win, the other person knows they're gonna win. Who's actually gonna win in that fight? The one who believes it or the one who knows? Well, you know my stand. And now that, tell me. Tell them it's belief, it's believe, it's belief.
Speaker 1:I didn't know a lot of things, um, wow, even Like I didn't know a lot of things do life or so, but that's why I was just saying Um earlier. You just have to believe that if it's meant for you that it would be, if it's meant for you to win, you're, you're gonna win, like you just have to believe it. You know, like that's, that's what faith is is all about. He had no faith. All right, so you can be.
Speaker 1:It was a lot of people who I was in, who I was in college with nursing school, with, who I was intimidated by because I felt like they were so knowledgeable and I was like I used to get intimidated by some of the things that they already knew and I was still kind of learning, but none of them graduated. Like, none of them Graduated the ones that I was intimidated by, the ones that was ahead of me, and I ended up Um, because I had been retained for a class or so and they had moved on and then, and then I picked myself back up and I and and they ended up Um dropping out and I was just so shocked like wow, they were so, you know, knowledgeable, but I believe that I was gonna graduate nursing school and and I did so I gotta go with belief. That is that's something that I want to. I wrote those four. I wrote these four words down today when I went to go watch movie cleaners for the third time um, faith, belief, wisdom, knowledge, because all four of those are somehow intertwined with each other and so where do they fall in line of Importance or relevance or what's right or what I know? It's more of a philosophical thing, probably more so than anything, but I think I want to look those up and just compare them, because when I, when I hear it Apparently this is becoming a movie review of the book of clarence, um, the book of clarence was amazing.
Speaker 1:Okay, I don't think I go see it three times, but it was. It was amazing. I am a big fan, so I had to go see it. Um, this week, because this is the last week of some theaters here I don't know if that's ever because I was trying to figure out why there was only showing three theaters when I I needed to know, and then on Thursday was only showing it with my wife. I needed to know, and then on Thursday was only showing it one theater within like 50 miles of me.
Speaker 1:I was like this is wild. I even had to go and look up how long do they do movies stay in theaters and they say it's actually on average about 30 days. Crazy. And if they don't do well, like early on, they can get pulled within like two weeks of wow. I feel like movies used to stay in the for months, like yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's why I was like that is wow, yeah, I feel like it was months. Like are you gonna say that? Oh movie, it's like, it's like it's still in theaters, exactly. So what am I supposed to do now? I'm going to get the blockbuster Listen. So that's why I went and I took myself after work to go to the movies and it's almost 10 o'clock at night showing Because I needed to. I won't be able to do that again this week. I won't be able to make any other showings, especially with the ending Thursday. Who does that? I'm so sad.
Speaker 1:Sure you will find a way to watch it at home, I'm sure, but you know I kind of enjoy watching it on a big screen. No, because I get a different experience every time I watch it. Like I feel like I'm overcoming some form of adversity when I watch it? Oh, it probably is, because you, yeah, yeah, I believe that, whether it's in the story line, and if you watch the interview of the writer before you watch the movie again, you get to watch it from a different perspective. That part, yes, that's why I can't understand where you at.
Speaker 1:You get to watch it. Yes, you get to watch it for the storyline, you get to watch it for the characters, you get to watch it for the cinematography, you get to watch it for the music Just say this a lot. You get to just enjoy it. You get to immerse yourself, to become one within it. I mean, I was a character in Jerusalem one of the times. I'm just saying, you know, I got to experience different things every time I watch it. I got you and, because it's so fresh, it is a lot of my faith. Examples in today's episode of Essential Mental Healing yes, yes, yes, so, yes. So that's how we ended up getting there. Can you tell me a little bit? I feel like I don't know you at all. I'm like, can you give me some answers about you? Because I don't know these answers. I really need you to share them with people, please. I know, right, I'm really big in, of course, mental health and different forms of healing.
Speaker 1:You listen to a lot of gospel music, especially like in your car, on your walks. What is that experience like for you on a very taxing mental health day? It's like my own sanctuary, like I just feel like it just speaks to my, it soothes my mind, like it just makes everything okay, like it just replenish my faith. Like sometimes, you know, some days you'd be like why is this happening to me? And then you just turn on like I just turned on my gospel music and it just it's always a song that's a message Like keep your faith, even though it's hard, growth, is pain, you know all those things. It just makes me feel amazing. I start crying, I start worshiping and all this stuff in the car. By the end of it I just come back in the house and I just be like hey, I'm better now, like I don't like dwell on my shortcomings or failures for too long. It's like a couple of hours and it's like onto the next, but I just get through it with my gospel music and you know that actually, that's something that I noticed with you the mental shift like how you say I don't stay on something long and I don't know a lot of that.
Speaker 1:What I've noticed, I should say, is you took a move from Detroit to Vegas and there seemed to be a lot of mental stress or mental taxing when you were in Detroit. Now your environment changed and a lot of, I guess, mental stress kind of changed and your life changed and you were shifted. But now you have more of this positive not that you were a negative person before not at all but it's this ability to look at things and change them, to say, okay, you know what this could be. This way, or like the other day, you called and had a situation like, yes, I'm a pro at different amounts, yeah, yeah, well, I took the move because it was a lot of negative energy. I just felt a lot of negative energy around me back home. I love home, or so, but even when I come back sometime, I still feel that negative energy and I feel like it was affecting my mindset towards people or towards people's situations.
Speaker 1:I wasn't so open-minded, so when I moved out here, it was like I just knew I had to get out of that space, or so when I moved out here, it was like a breath of fresh air, or so like I could be, you know, like unapologetically, find people. That was like me and like everyone around me now is like positive and I'm able to look at things from a different perspective. I used to be like, oh, I need to just prove I'm right, and now I'm not. Like I need to prove my right. I'm right all the time. I'm more so as I'm trying to understand you. I'm trying to understand your side, because I don't agree with this side, but I want to understand where you're coming from, type of deal and I don't care, like you know, like I just accept people for who they are and where they are, and I just want people to do the same for me, which has been happening like ever since I moved out here. It feels like everyone who I meet is accepting me, for me, so it's just yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1:Would you say that mindset affects energy or energy affects mindset? That's good. I think I would have to say energy. I think that that's what was happening with me. I think energy affects mindset. Or I think that energy won't allow you to focus on your mindset. I think that that's it. Like you can't, yeah, I think that that's it, Because once that yeah, once you like people release negative energy and they're like you know, I'm focusing more on myself, I'm trying to be more grounded.
Speaker 1:That is a lot of times because of the energy that's around them, yeah, because. Or people who are actually in that mindset don't even attract that kind of energy. Ah, yes, there you go. So it's definitely. But then that comes with oh so much how you've been raised, how you know what energy has been pumped into you in order for you to have a certain kind of mindset and certain kind of energy that you attract and that you give out. Whoa, that could be a long rabbit hole of transferring of energies and mindset changing.
Speaker 1:Yes, I want to apologize to the guest. I am a little sick today. My nose is a bit stuffy, so I know I'm a little nasally, so forgive me for that. I should have given you guys that early on, but I'm just sorry, sorry. So, yeah, a lot of transferring of energy and mindset, I will say I noticed for myself. I've always had a pretty positive mindset as well, but after the depression of the separation, yeah, and finding my way closer to faith and building there, I began to be able to. I don't know as I guess, as I was working on my relationship with God. I was building my relationship with myself because I stopped sharing so much with other people, which I found to allow me to find out what my own mindset was, because I noticed I was easily influenced by other thoughts or what they're thinking of was of me was, which would change my mindset a little bit or at least make me feel like, or try to convince someone that I was thinking the way that they were thinking, because I wanted to not be the outcast of the thoughts. Yeah, no, you really.
Speaker 1:You really helped me with understand, with patience or so, because you would call people out like on it, you just called me out a few times I was just thinking about what you just said, or so, because it was like, okay, I feel I used to push my opinion on to you and want you to feel the same way. I felt there be as angry as me and you're like but this is how I feel and I didn't ask for your opinion. This is my situation. Like you don't get to have that strong of an opinion on my life. But you know what? I thank you for respecting that. Yes, you know it was hard because you even said it.
Speaker 1:I didn't like that. I didn't like it at all. I didn't like it at all. Actually, I was in a whole attitude. I had a phone Okay, I'm pretty sure I called my best friend and talked about you. Oh, I know you did. You were so respectful to let me know. You did that too. You created that boundary because it was like, okay, either I fall in line or fall out, like that's where it was, and I was like, well, I guess I'm going to fall in line. But it taught me patience. It taught me acceptance of people's situations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you actually might be the reason why I'm like this. You made me put in a lot of work. I think you're a great person. So if you say that, I say that, yeah, I think you got to do with it. Well, I think we have a lot to do with a lot of each other's greatness, because being able to have a safe place to be able to say, hey, I'm going through this or hey, this is making me uncomfortable, or when you said that, that hurt my feelings. If you tell me I should bring a fifth of a pint to a party, that's hurtful, because I thought this was good enough. You know so, you know certain things. Oh, my goodness. So we learned how to work through.
Speaker 1:You were sensitive. I was just saying sensitive. Yeah, I am probably one of the most emotional people there are, and it does not have to be sad. I'm emotional because I love you, I care about you, and I am emotional if I hurt you, like your feelings being hurt will make me cry, because I didn't want you to be hurt, but somehow my actions have hurt you. And, yeah, and it used to drive me nuts because I was some of those people I didn't feel deserve that grace.
Speaker 1:But again, like, that's who you are, you have to stay true to who you were. You know, and that was important, yeah, but that I also had to learn that you were always coming from a place of love, not a place of judgment, and it was just a way of how to communicate that love. And we I think we've learned how to do that very effectively over the years, knowing that and I guess this is just in general when we talk about healing and mental health when you speak to someone in love, you get, you learn that person better. They're more willing to open up to you and say, hey, this is who I truly am this, these are things that hurt me. These are things that I have done that have hurt you, that I apologize for. That wasn't my intention, because, at the end of the day, I love you.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I think because we put that much work into each other, we expect the whole world to do the same why we just can't understand each other, still disagree. You know what I mean. They'll have different opinions and so now when people Like it, caught up on things, I just be like why can't they? Just that was like 10 minutes ago what we talking about. Oh, interesting, because I will say I really do think that we have really a mastery level in the art of communication, at least to each other, if we care.
Speaker 1:Everybody may not say that we are Great communicators, but I can say that you and I are very effective communicators amongst each other and a great example of how to do it for others. I would say so myself, and you know what. And that that is because and I know this all ties into the overcoming Adversity, because at the end of the day, on the other end of adversity, you do want to get to these tools of being happier or learning how to communicate better, because before we Tangent into where we were just going, what does today look like? Do you feel like you Learned how to have a more fruitful space, even with challenges? What? What does that look like Like now compared to how adversities were before? I know you've always had faith, but Anger is still a thing. Defeat, fear, these are still things that come along with the journey. And what does that look like in your 20s compared to today?
Speaker 1:In my 20s, like you said, I always had my faith or so, but I feel like the growth was very slow because I was very stubborn In my 20s, or so I did. I wasn't really coachable, I should say In my 20s. So now I feel like, even though I still have this, I still have the same level of faith, but I'm able to execute it more or so by when I Come up to a challenge, or when I come across a challenge, it's like, okay, this is all gonna work. I don't. I don't really get upset for weeks Like I used to before, even though I knew, and then come to the terms where, okay, it's all gonna work out. It's like that moment, like I need like a couple of hours to kind of dwell on it or so, and then I'm thinking of a new plan or so, without being able to see it, and I'm just like it's just gonna work out. I'm just gonna say this and manifest that into my life, or so. So I just think that I'm more. I think that I'm more coachable, I'm listening to other people's opinions or so and not feel like it's forced on me, but I'm finding myself in their opinions and just making their opinion work for me, type of thing. Well, I've always think I've always seen you get through adversity with grace and and and so many different capacities, like I said, from your first pregnancy to your second pregnancy and delivery, third pregnancy and Fourth, in a different state.
Speaker 1:With the fourth one, the move you you actually did a move from Detroit to Vegas, driving with three kids and the husband and two vehicles. To know, twice we went. We drove the first. Yeah, we drove At first one week and then two weeks later we drove the other car down. We drove Gary's car down first and Then we can't be like who we caught a flight back two weeks later. We did that drive again with the kids, or so Hello was there? Well, with the kids, they act like they were saints, like they were Portia was in a car, so they they got. Mama was in the car, so they there was no arguing, there was nothing. They were like the best kids ever for that 36 hour drive, for that Hours 36. Like. How do you even think? Like, oh, you know, I think this is gonna be a great idea to put three kids in the car and take them 36 hours. I love it. And then they actually come through and be like we gonna be chill on this ride for 36 hours. Listen to our new home. And what happened? It worked out. You know it's yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't think I can't explain in this amount of time the amount of faith you literally put into everything, because when you actually moved out there, you were still in the process of finding schools and holes and like Everything's within a 30-day time frame. You had to get all of this together and we did and and I mean there were things that was not going right. Okay, like we didn't have a lot of people. What I tell you I got faith. I'm having faith. People be looking at me crazy. Okay, we did not have a lot of money saved, or so we went out there. We didn't have a job. Let me tell you, like we was staying with his aunt for three weeks, just three weeks or so. We moved down there. Gary found his job first, then I Found my my first job, which I'm still working at today, and then a week after that I had a job at the hospital and Then, like a week after that, then we found the kids school and we was moving into our house.
Speaker 1:It was so insane, I mean. I sometimes I'm like I'll tell her I just don't see it. I will never say it's not possible. I just literally say I Just don't see it, I don't understand, and I understand that it's not for me to understand and I have to let her go. Yes, like yes, yes, and that's the part I had to learn. I appreciate, and I learned that from you, because you always Used to say that it's not for me to understand, but I support you, and so I was like cool, you gotta just believe. I'm telling you I know none of that and and it's crazy because I I say how crazy it is. But then I'll turn around and use it in my own life and be like just happy, yay, rainbows and unicorns and lollipops and ladybugs. Oh, you are a unicorn, because things that happen to you don't happen to nobody else.
Speaker 1:Okay, I don't get that type of grace. What do you mean? Yes, you do. It just presents itself differently. You have four children, I have one, so your grace has to be Extended in different ways. Sometimes Listen, sometimes your grace means finding everybody clothes in one store. That's great, that might be you right, I gotta take it. I gotta take it. Okay, because the type of grace that you have is like, okay, y'all, we gonna go to Disney World, I'm gonna get all eight of us in for free. And I be like can't you be quiet? I be like, only can this, only can pull this off, but let's go roll with it, cuz, hey, I don't see it like you say. I'll be saying it, but I support you.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you just have to put yourself in the position for someone to tell you yes, yes, that also means you're putting yourself in a position for someone to tell you no. But Do you believe or do you know they're gonna say, yes, I'm gonna take an opportunity. That's what I'm going to do. You have to take an opportunity because out of every Ten knows I'm a get, you are oh yeah, but I don't understand. Like I, you gotta put it out there, you have to. That used to always say throw the ball out there, let it bounce around and see who catches it. I mean, I'm throwing balls, oh my goodness, I am. I'm enjoying you so much and We've been on for almost an hour and We've had I feel like this should be called sipping, with sis Pending right. Oh my, of course, of course I Always want to make sure that Everyone has the national suicide prevention lifeline number, 988.
Speaker 1:You can call or text it, because that is very important. Even though we laugh and we share Great messages, someone clicked on this topic, on this episode, because they wanted to know ways to overcome adversity, ways that they could get through their troubles and Hearing our stories and ways that we get through it. There is laughter, music, faith, children, spouses, whatever and whoever that is. It's always going to be your journey and Through that journey you'll have ups and you'll have downs, but you really just have to Make a decision for yourself and Follow that for yourself. Again, that number was 988. You can text it or call it 24 7 in the United States and 365 days a year. Thank you, thank you, sissy.
Speaker 1:Is there anything? Any last words? You wanted to give Anything. You wanted to say. We didn't even get to talk about businesses. Okay, that's coming. Actually, we're gonna have you on again so that we can talk about businesses, okay, and we can Put some names and some shout outs and yes, with that, yes, yes, yes. So no, I just um, you really closed it.
Speaker 1:I Well, I just want to say, like, just pay attention to your energy, like the peak, the energy that's around you. If you feel it uncomfortable, people around you is giving you anxiety, change the people around you, get rid of those people, or so there is. It's gonna be hard, it's gonna hurt, it's gonna, but I had to do it and it just it's light at the end of the tunnel. Just take the journey. The journey is worth it, stay on the journey, don't give up and all.
Speaker 1:And also, where you Were, where you are today, is not where you were before. Even if it looks similar, there's a difference. It's not the same. There's still growth. You've got to acknowledge your growth, even if that means something like and I Just want to acknowledge this. So, even if that looks like I'm An addict, but I'm five days clean and I relapsed, let's acknowledge those five days.
Speaker 1:And when you have another stretch, acknowledge that until it becomes permanent. I mean, that's just the goal. You fall down and you get back up. You don't stay as long as you're trying. Yeah, that's all you got to do. All you got to do is try, just keep picking yourself back up. Don't give up that. That that's just like on when we talk about in previous episodes and domestic violence situations. A, a woman leaves six times before she leaves. Yes, that is a lot for someone to say you're going back again. But guess what, on time number seven, maybe it's time number nine for that person. Yeah, don't give up. And whatever is, whatever it is ever To look for you. If that mind says, if you say I'm going to get out of it one day, I'm going to be so one day, I'm going to not have this addiction one day, then guess what you go Coming. This is, this is how our conversations go, at least twice a day, at least minimum, and we have a lot of but.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for coming on the show, thank you for sharing, thank you for being open and and we're gonna do another, thinking what we said sipping sis, thank you. Another thing we do again, that's for another episode of sipping with sis. So thank you so much. We love you guys. Leave any comments, any emails to Candice Fleming at essential motivation that com. Facebook is essential motivation. Instagram is such a motivation. If there are episodes that you want to hear, definitely email me. Let me know. You can email us if you want to be a guest on the show at Candice Fleming at essential motivation. Thank you, toodles, and remember to always love hard, forgive often and laugh.
