Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
John Miles on Transforming Trauma into Triumph and Living Passionately
Therapy Thursday!!
When life throws curveballs, it's the stories of triumph and relentless pursuit of purpose that fuel our resilience. Navy veteran John Miles embodies this spirit, transforming personal tragedy into a beacon of hope through the Passion Struck movement. Join us as John shares the profound experiences that shaped his mission to inspire others and reminds us that, like snowflakes, each individual's journey through trauma is unique. His powerful message underscores the importance of finding significance and positively impacting those around us.
Trauma can be a shadow that lingers, often surfacing when least expected. Our guest courageously opens up about the resurgence of past traumas and the steps toward managing them through prolonged exposure therapy. We tackle the intricacies of self-discrepancy theory, examining the conflict between who we are, who society expects us to be, and who we aspire to become. This episode shines a light on the transformative power of embracing change and aligning with our true selves, urging us to step out of quiet desperation into a life brimming with authenticity and fulfillment.
The insights don't stop as we explore the mindsets and behaviors shared by influential icons like The Rock and Oprah, alongside personal anecdotes and Wendy Lawrence's inspiring journey from Navy captain to astronaut. We delve into the essence of the 'action creator' and the undeniable power of self-belief. Wrapping up, we reflect on the importance of loving deeply, forgiving freely, and laughing often as the cornerstones of a joyful life. Embark with us on this journey of self-discovery and find the fuel to ignite your inner passion.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
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Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, candace Fleming. Hello, everyone Joining me today I have a special guest. His name is John Miles. John Miles is coming with us and we are always on an exploration of mental greatness, mental healing. So, john, tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are, what you do, and let's jump into this conversation.
John Miles:I am so excited to be here. Candace, thank you so much for inviting me on your fantastic show. It's an honor to be with your audience today.
Candace Fleming:Thank you, thank you.
John Miles:A little bit about my background is I'm a Navy veteran. I ended up graduating from the Naval Academy and I spent most of my time after getting out of the service as a corporate executive. So I like to tell people I'm a recovering senior executive who, after 15, 20 years of being in the business world, found my true calling, which led me to what I'm doing today, which is called passion struck. It's turned into a complete movement. It kind of started out of an idea, probably 10, 12 years ago, of how I could help, better serve the world and help people, and that's what I hope I'm doing. It's really a movement about teaching people that they matter and that they hold incredible significance in the world.
Candace Fleming:You know, john, that is actually one thing that I aim to do is help people with the mindsets and moving forward and through life, with the mindset change. So I love your passion for this and I say passion, I see passion struck. Let's talk about passion struck. What does that mean to you? What is that for your brand and yourself?
John Miles:Yeah, candice, this really all started somewhere around 2007, 2008, and we hear sometimes that we have a voice that comes and talks to us and tells us that we're not on the right path, and that's exactly what happened to me. But this voice started to tell me that you're supposed to be helping. The words that it gave me were the lonely, the helpless, the hopeless, the beaten, bored, broken, battered of the world. And here I am at the time senior executive at Lowe's thinking what in the world am I supposed to do with this? I had no idea what this meant, how I was supposed to serve, etc. So I think I did what most people would too, and that is ignore it. I thought it was just this crazy thought getting me.
Candace Fleming:How old were you when you were having this revelation or this thought?
John Miles:That's probably 37, 38. And instead of doubling down on it, I decided to double down on my career, and that's when, you could say, the universe started to go from tapping me on the shoulder to pushing me, to throwing me over a wall or whatever you want to say, but I went through really biblical types of, you could say, issues that started hitting me.
Candace Fleming:The first.
John Miles:I remember was actually I had scorpions in Austin. I had just moved there and they start falling from the ceiling and I'm in a shower Wow like more than one.
John Miles:Yeah, there were probably four or five that fell down from the ceiling and the crazy thing was I was in corporate housing and I would tell the housing people and they said this has never happened. We don't believe you. They would send an exterminator and they would see nothing. And this happened a couple more times where I was bit in bed and other things and I finally went through a blue light at night and had to tape them or tape that I could actually see them to show them that they were actually present.
John Miles:But I also had my corporate apartment got flooded. I was away for the weekend. The whole thing gets flooded. We end up buying a house there and find out within the first month that there was undisclosed termite damage that cost about $200,000 to repair. So a myriad of things started happening that I think, for all indications that this path I was on wasn't the right path, and I think that happens to a lot of us. So it took me a while and what really finally caused this transformation was kind of a life or death situation that I was part of.
John Miles:I came home from the gym early one day. I dropped my daughter off at school and I had come home because we had an electrical fire and, unbeknownst to me, there was someone who had been following me and watching my patterns and decided that this was going to be the day that they were going to try to rob my house. And so I came into my house because I was running up to change clothes to put on some biking gear so I could go out and ride my bike, since I couldn't get that workout in, and it's one of those things that kind of as you're walking up the stairs, you hear this spidey sense and you get this tingly sensation and I experienced that and at the same time I heard heavy breathing and I realized I wasn't in my home alone. And I turned the corner and at 90 degree kind of angle, going up, and my military training kind of kicked in. I kind of ducked when I came around the corner, looked up and saw an intruder in the house pointing gun at me and I ended up being able to get out of the house. I went out the back, he went out the front. I ended up capturing the person with a number of my belongings.
John Miles:But then another misfortunate event happened about four or five days later and I was up in New York to give a keynote speech and just before I'm on the stage to give it, my phone just starts blowing up from random people, people I talked to on a regular basis, some people I haven't talked to in a while, and I'm like I've got to answer the phone, I've got to figure out what's going on. And it turns out my best friend jumped off the Skyway Bridge here and ended his life, and so within a period of a week I had these two really traumatic events. And as I started to process this and I know you're a mindset podcast.
Candace Fleming:I think we all deal with trauma differently.
John Miles:I think trauma is like a snowflake and neither none of us deal with it the same way.
Candace Fleming:Yeah, our lives are different. We operate in a space that is just on the border of our cells, but we've intertwined ourselves into so many different lives and that's one of those things where, even with the trauma in the snowflake because we're all like that, we're all little snowflakes and no one is the same, even if our stories look the same.
John Miles:You're absolutely correct, and what ended up happening to me is I had had sexual trauma when I was a child. I had had combat trauma, physical assault, trauma that I had really suppressed for years. I had gone for some treatments for it earlier, but I learned how to just suppress it and these two incidents brought all of that roaring back to a point that I had never felt. This consumed by. It was as if my emotional cup was full and there was just nothing else that I could fit in it. And I was at this point where I started to go see a therapist to try to help me get through this. And I had met with him four or five times and after he had gotten some bearing of what was going on, he had me sit down in this session. And I will never forget it because he said I want you to think about your life and I want you to visualize yourself walking into your kitchen and you see a stool there and you sit down on the stool and when you sit down, I want you to imagine that this stool has only one support underneath it that's holding you up and he goes for you.
John Miles:What it's become is the constant grind of trying to achieve greatness. And he goes. What do you think it's doing to you? I'm like I'm burned out, I'm emotionally numb and I'm starting to falter. And he goes. That's exactly what's gonna happen and there's nothing that's gonna catch you. And he goes. Now I want you to picture that stool with a number of supports underneath. It can be as many as you want, but I want you to think of these as pillars that can hold your life up, and it can be different for anyone, but I chose to pick pillars of physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, mental health and Relationship health, because I figured if I can orient myself around that yeah.
John Miles:Then the career is gonna take care of itself because I'll be whole in these other areas. And yes, and from that point forward I really started this journey of trying to figure out how do I build my life back and how do I take it from where I'm at today To becoming the best self that I have always imagined myself becoming, and so that really started this journey of what passion struck is now. So it's a long story short. Passion struck is really this Inner fire that burns within people, that puts them on this journey to become in their ideal self, and it's where you not only Align your actions with your ambitions and your aspirations, but you do it in a way that you have found a problem and your uniqueness on earth and you are so consumed with passion and perseverance and intentionality to pursue it that you're willing to risk financial risk, relationship risk, career risk to go after it, and so that's kind of what's at the heart of becoming passion struck.
Candace Fleming:You know, last night actually I want to go see the Bob Marley movie and I didn't know how Passion struck Bob Marley was. His life was about peace. He wanted to, with the separation of the political Parties that was happening in the war, that was happening in Jamaica, and him Putting on this concert and then choosing peace. And his whole life's work was about this piece and it meant that there was neglect in other areas. Like you said, financial risk. There's risk with the family, because he had his wife was one of his backup singers but he had children. So there's risk that you take with being away.
Candace Fleming:But to for the greater good, I say it's hard to be a utilitarian when your, when your Object is the greater good and all, because sometimes the greater good does mean someone else has to take the fall for your greater good. You have to pick what's gonna be greater. Is it? Is it greater to kill this spider or is it greater to kill the ant? You know it's one of those, like you got to pick what's the greater good and all things. So I did have a question as you were talking and you said that you had things that came back up when those two events happened. What was the time frame that you thought you were okay and Realized that there was more happening inside, that you hadn't dealt with some things that were happening in your past?
John Miles:Yes, yeah, so after the incident happened, I mean, for one, my daughter wouldn't come back to the house because she she Goodness wasn't there when this happened, but she was so scared about the fact that someone could come back in that it really Caused some issues for her. So I ended up having to eventually move Because it was something she couldn't get over. But I remember at first I couldn't sleep in my bedroom because that's where he had gone through most of my things and I just feel felt really violated, and so I spent a Good month sleeping on my sofa just trying to Get myself to a mental state that I could go back and sleep in my bedroom. But I think I Think I was. I thought I was fine after five or six months and I think it really took me Ended up going through cognitive processing therapy and prolonged exposure therapy and EMDR treatment. So ultimately it probably took about two years for me to work my my way through All of it and to get myself back to where I needed to be.
Candace Fleming:Okay, so when I'm asking about before the incident with the guy coming in the house and your because there was the incident with the guy coming in the house and then your friend, that happened around the same time, right?
John Miles:it did, and.
Candace Fleming:That those two incidences brought up something in you that you thought you had made it through right past things.
John Miles:Yeah. I think, it brought up stuff points, so it's not a point from previous.
Candace Fleming:I'm asking how much time was that in between with the stuck point and the incident of someone coming in your house, for you to think, oh yeah, I made it through, I'm healed, I've made it past of these trauma points, until you get here and realize, oh, I actually am still stuck in some of these, these points that I thought I moved past. What was that timeframe between someone entering your home and past trauma that you thought you had overcome? Does that make sense?
John Miles:Yeah, so it had been. I would say it was probably a decade between when I thought I had recovered from the trauma to this happening.
John Miles:Okay and what I really realized is that I probably never crossed I, even though I processed through it. I think I did what a lot of people do and I just tried to suppress it and to make it just go away. And so I really think the second round of Giving a hundred percent to trying to Figure out what the stuff point was and then figuring out what that major incident was that was causing it, and then having to I mean for long exposure therapy for anyone who's gone through it, a minute really sucks. But I mean it does work because after seven, eight times of reliving at least that's how long it took me 79 times of going through it again and again and again, it normalized it, which was a huge breakthrough for me so do you feel like now you've actually gone through and healed yourself from the Trauma of the past so that you can move forward?
Candace Fleming:Do you think that you wouldn't have triggers that would bring those incidences back up?
John Miles:Yeah, I mean, I think there are always things I I mean, I I have had so many different types of big T trauma that sometimes it's hard for me to understand, when you're going through the therapy, how they can tell you to just try to focal point on the biggest one, because to me a lot of them are Parallel and that's just one. But I think we all Remember and there's certain things that are going to trigger memories and make it come back. But what I have learned to do is to have a much better control of my anxiety about this and a Much more positive approach to my outlook on life.
Candace Fleming:Now I have it. Now I have another question, and the reason I'm going this journey is because I do think that sometimes people go through trauma and, as they're trying to figure out their passions and everything they may not realize, it's normal Sometimes that to realize that you still have things to work on and you can still work through those things and come out with a more Positive mindset. It's, how do you, how do you go about this whole journey and this mindset change? So you went through therapy and at the other end of therapy you decide you make a change, you Mentally make a change to say I'm going to think this way or I'm going to do things this way. How does that journey look for you and coming out of this trauma now? So we, we're dealing with it, we've had therapy. What are some of the, the mindset changes and how do you stick with those Mindset changes to create a better and healthier life and a more fulfilling life?
John Miles:Yeah, candice, I mean that's a, that's a great lead-in to the book which I have right here. So my way of Coming out of this is, when you have the opportunity, where I was at, to have a do-over and I think any of us can do a do-over at any point in our life I Realized I had the opportunity to build my life back, brick by brick, and I think it's an amazing opportunity to do that. And I hear a lot of people say you can't change. I don't believe that's true.
John Miles:I believe that there are some aspects of us that Make us who we are, but I think there's always ways that we can become Better people. We can, and I found that what I was doing is there's this theory called self-descrepancy theory, which consists of your actual self, which is who you are at this moment in time, your odd self OUGHT, which is who you think you should be because of the societal expectations, the burdens of mortgages or rent Payments, and then there's your ideal self, which is who you could be and I think so many of us find ourselves in this gap between becoming our odd self Instead of becoming our ideal self, and I want to just give a couple statistics on this before I jump into the path.
John Miles:Yes so this really reminds me of the quote by Henry David Thoreau we're the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and I would expand it now to say the mass of people, because I think there's so many people throughout the world who are living in this quiet desperation, this gap.
John Miles:And If you don't believe me, here are two great studies Gallup put out research in 2022 that showed that there are 900 million people in 142 countries who feel unfulfilled over 70% of the time. There's another study that was done by a psychologist at Cornell University named Tom Gilovich and this came out about the same time where he examined thousands of people who were approaching kind of the twilight period of their life and he asked them all what is the biggest regret that you have in life? And, shockingly, 76% came back with the same answer. And what was amazing to me was it wasn't the regrets in life, it wasn't our mistakes, it was the what ifs, the should haves, it was not pursuing becoming their ideal self. And so what this really showed me was that I think so many people are feeling this. And what, as I looked at my own life and the quiet desperation I was in?
John Miles:I realized that I was getting up every single day and I was kind of going through the motions, but I didn't really feel that what I was doing was significant. I didn't feel like I mattered to other people, to myself, and I wanted to feel like I mattered. And to me feeling like you, mattering and becoming your best self, kind of equate to each other. So I started to research people who I thought had become their best self.
John Miles:And I started out looking at 10, 15 of these luminaries. So these were people like Dwayne, the Rock Johnson and Oprah Winfrey and.
John Miles:Hillary Swank and others, and over a seven and a half year period, I ended up studying about 750 of them and I started to apply what I was learning from them doing research in my own life, and what I found was that there were 12 principles that they kind of all used in their life that led them on this journey to becoming their best self, and so that's what passion struck is it's me documenting these 12 principles. Six of them are mindset shifts, six of them are behavior shifts, but I utilized each one of these in building back my life and where I'm at now and then wrote the book so I could give this as a tool for other people to do the same thing.
Candace Fleming:Who was your favorite study?
John Miles:Man, there are so many.
Candace Fleming:And what was it about their life that made them your favorite?
John Miles:So I think I'll just pick one of them. Wendy Lawrence, who is a retired Navy captain and astronaut, is one of the people I profile in the book. I've known Wendy since I was 20 years old. She was my physics teacher at the Naval Academy and while she was teaching us she got picked up for the astronaut program. And what I've always admired about Wendy's story is that, if you look at her life, how many firsts she has accomplished. She was one of the first female helicopter pilots. She was the first female helicopter pilot to go on an overseas deployment. She was one of the first to do underway replenishments. She was the first female graduate from the Naval Academy to go into space, and it just keeps going on and on.
John Miles:So what I love about her message in this chapter, which I call the action creator, is she tells these kids that she's gotten to meet through her speeches. As an astronaut, that you have to give yourself permission to dream your dream, and so many of us don't do that. We end up having this dream that we aspire to accomplish and we start taking action towards it, but then we run into resistance and we let our self-confidence or our fears or something else get in the way and it stops us in our tracks. And so this message is really about action creates action, and that it's the micro choices that we make day in and day out as we transition through different phases of our day, our month, our years, our life that culminate into a tsunami of greatness or into a valley of despair as we look back upon our life.
Candace Fleming:So it sounds like you choose solution-based actions. So if you run into a problem, you'll probably find what's the next solution towards moving forward, to propelling yourself. Is that true?
John Miles:I would say that that's accurate. I've always kind of looked at any adversity that happens is a learning opportunity to become a better person. So, yes, I kind of look at what is the issue at hand and how do I find a resolution to it so I can keep moving forward.
Candace Fleming:So that okay, because my question is going to be how is it, how do you get past that point of feeling like you're going to have failure or, like you said, you're willing to put it all on the line and you have this financial risk? How do you work past that to move toward more fulfilling life? How can you still feel fulfilled even when things aren't going the way you expect them to? How?
John Miles:do you work through that? Yeah, so one of the concepts that I like to talk about the fourth principle in the book is to become a fear-confrontor, which is just what we're really talking about here. But the way I like people to envision this because I love metaphors is so many of us are visionary arsonists. We end up arsoning the very visions and aspirations that we have for our life, meaning we have the best intentions for personal growth and achievement, but we inadvertently undermine our own progress. We set these high ambitions, we dream big, but then we engage in behaviors that are counterproductive to these goals.
John Miles:So I think a great example of this is you might have a goal to improve your fitness, but then you engage in procrastination, negative self-talk that ends up demotivating you. So, despite your genuine interest to be healthier, your actions are driven by fears and unexamined habits which lead you away from your gym routine or from walking or healthy eating, whatever it may be. And so some of the signs to recognize whether you are a visionary arsonist include perfectionism, setting unrealistic goals, procrastination, negative self-talk, avoidant behaviors are just a few. So to me, this doesn't happen overnight. I think we slowly become a visionary arsonist in our life because we set down these paths, but then we get sidetracked by distractions, fears, changes and priorities over, emphasis on unimportant details or what have you.
John Miles:So how do you end up breaking through this? I think the first step that certainly was for me is through introspection. I believe that cultivating self-awareness is the most important thing any of us can do, because before you can lead anyone else in your life be it people at work, be it your kids you have to self-lead. And the way I ended up doing this was really learning to get back into a mindfulness practice. For those of you who think this is a worthless endeavor, I was exactly that person. I thought that this was the most bogus thing that you could possibly do, and I remember buying a book and I still have it which is mindfulness for beginners, and it told me to sit on the ground, cross my legs like you picture it, and just start the practice. And for me, I would, within two to three minutes, find my mind wandering, and what I didn't realize at the beginning was that is the first step is recognizing that your mind is wandering and then bringing it back.
John Miles:But I personally found that for myself, I am better in some state of flow, whether that's on a walk or yoga or something else, and that allows me to perform mindfulness better. The second thing I would tell you is you've got to challenge your negative self-talk. So don't let your inner critics dominate the conversation. Question the negative assertions and replace them with positive affirmations. So this is something I start the day with, every single day.
John Miles:We all wake up every single day, and some days you're not feeling great, some days you might have burdens on you, but you choose, from the moment you wake up, how you're going to live that day, and so I start out the day by saying a positive affirmation. Every single day, I always say today is an incredible day and I'm going to live it with utmost authenticity and greatness, and I end by saying that I'm going to live this day in love of others and in fulfilling everything I can to create positivity in the world. But however you want to do it, I think it's your mindset that you constantly use to propel yourself through your days, your hours, your months, your moments.
Candace Fleming:I'm constantly telling people because this is something I've been on a journey to. I mean, I've always kind of had a positive outlook on things anyway, but to be intentional about it, to relieve some of the negative thoughts. It's a constant work every day. It's not something you can do and say I did it for 30 days, I'm changed, my mindset is changed. It's constant. Every day you have to choose happiness. Every day you have to choose positivity and tell yourself these things.
Candace Fleming:And when negative things come about, or because life happens, it's a matter of looking at the good in that. Or one of the things I'll say when the inconvenience becomes the blessing. Because there are things that happen in our lives, like, let's say, for instance I don't know that this to be true or not, but just an example your home broken into and your daughter wouldn't go in, and now you're forced to move, but what you didn't know is that that move sets you up and puts you in a situation that was going to make you flourish and thrive. That wouldn't have happened in the old house. So it's one of those things where, yes, things can happen to you, bad things can happen, but you just have to choose to find the positivity and live in that, don't carry that negative with you. And that sounds like something that you talk about and you do like even in the morning, with the positive self talk or focusing your mind back on the path that it's supposed to be on when you're getting distracted. Two minutes at a time, three minutes at a time.
Candace Fleming:I downloaded this app called Balance. It's a meditation app. I absolutely love it. When I know when I was doing it consistently and it starts you off with like two to three minute meditations, I noticed my mind had started getting sharper and I can focus a lot more. And then, as I started getting off of it, I noticed, oh, my mind is doing this again because I'm not intentional about setting, setting my goals together or just getting my mind focused. So I noticed that. So I can say, even with you, that that is something that is a great practice and more people who are doing it. When I talk to them, they are saying the same things, like taking that time to meditate or saying something positive about myself is something I'm teaching my daughter as well. That positive self talk is just one bad moment doesn't make a bad day. You just got to get through it.
John Miles:No, you're absolutely right, candice, and I'm so glad you brought up intentionality, because that is at the core of the entire book that I wrote.
John Miles:And it's interesting how I got there, because I'm a huge fan of Angela Duffworth's work on grit and I was trying to figure out like what is the pathway to self realization, and I remember she starts out the book by examining cadets at West Point and she and a number of other scientists determined that it was the combination of their physical abilities, passion and perseverance which allowed them to get through these barracks and then ultimately to graduate from the military academy. And, having a firsthand perspective on this as a midshipman, I thought that those things were extremely important. Yes, you have to be physically gifted because of all the things that they put you through that demand physical ability, although I think with your mindset you can get through most of those physical challenges and you definitely need a passion to want to wake up every morning and to deal with everything that they throw at you, and you had to learn how to persevere through it. So I believe that those things over talent, are absolutely more important. But to me, the missing ingredient was you can have all the passion and perseverance that you want, but if you're not intentional about where you're aiming it then,
John Miles:you're not going to go in the direction that you want. And so to me it really correlates to the behavior of science concept of self control, because to me intentionality is knowing when you're not on the right path, catching yourself and choosing to make different choices to get yourself on the right path. And I saw this firsthand when I was a midshipman, because I was on the honor brigade staff when we unfortunately had the largest cheating scandal in the Naval Academy's history. I watched hundreds of midshipmen from the class below me Make the intentional choice to cheat, which could have robbed the very ambition and aspirations that they wanted in their life, and to me that's a great example of how intentions can either derail you or Can propel you forward, based on the choices that you make you know.
Candace Fleming:It's interesting that you say that. I noticed that when for me, it happened in prayer and I was Talking to God and I noticed that sometimes I wanted one thing, sometimes I wanted something different, but they competed with each other. And so I had to ask myself and this is, you know, for me and my, my belief system, how can I ask for something and Want to get it, but still ask for the opposite? At no point Can I actually get what I want, because I'm not intentional about one thing. If I'm asking for a blue car and a red car, I'm not gonna get either one because I can't decide which one it is that I want. I can't even bring on what it is that I'm trying to get.
Candace Fleming:But when I'm intentional about it, let's say, okay, I want a red car, I'm gonna get a red car, I'm gonna do everything it takes to get a red car. And so having that, that black and white, not in that gray area, being intentional about my desires, being intentional about my needs, I've noticed that he yields more fruit because of that intentionality and I'm not all over the place with what I want, I can. It's almost like the focus. It's a it's a focus thing to you. Focus on your goals, you focus on your wants, you focus on your desires in order to get them back and put it out into the universe, so that the universe can give you what your desires is, can give you help you feel, feel your passion.
John Miles:Yeah, I have a great example of this. It's not in the book, but it's something I like to talk about. I have this friend, andreas Woodmer, who started the Catholic University MBA program and teaches there now. But, andreas, when he was in his teens he he's from Switzerland he was Lost, he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life and his parents convinced him to apply to the Swiss Guard. He never thought he was gonna get in. He ends up getting selected and before he knows it, he's one of the Swiss Guards guarding Pope John Paul II.
John Miles:And he tells me this great story about the Pope.
John Miles:I mean, you got to think that the Pope, being in charge of a billion Catholics throughout the world, is extremely busy. He had this unique ability that when you were around him, you felt like the rest of the world evaporated and that he was, you were the only thing in his presence and he's. He said when he was talking to me he could tell that I was struggling and he started to mentor Andreas and he got under us to realize that God puts each of us here for a very specific reason to solve a certain problem that we were born and created to solve, and he said that it is your life's journey to be intentional about, about seeking that uniqueness and exploiting it in the service of others. And he goes if you go down that path Because you, your life will be blessed. If you fight it and I go back to my story you will end up having one adversity after another because you're not fulfilling the right path that you were put on earth to do. And I think it's such a Important lesson for all of us.
Candace Fleming:Mm-hmm, yeah, when you were talking about the things that were happening to you, it's and you were feeling it first, before all of these things even started. It makes me think about the miracle signs and wonders and how sometimes, when we're forced, we're, we can be pushed into our purpose. But we have to pay attention to the signs and when those signs are coming if we want to have an easier life. I've noticed going with that gut feeling and going with those signs will definitely put you on a purposed field life like for you, to Whatever it like, you say, we're here for a reason. If your gut is pushing you somewhere so far, that's not your reason in your purpose. When you know, you know what it is, when you can feel it.
Candace Fleming:You can feel it inside, everything in you says this is it, this is right. And that's when you put everything on the line for it, because you know in your heart of hearts this is right on the path, even no matter what happens and comes in the way. They think about book of Job and how he had all of these things taken from him, but in the end he stayed on the path and it was increased Tremendously. So, dealing with the feeling, that gut, and just allowing it to Guide your life, and when you were talking about that in the beginning, it may, it just took me right there to that purpose and that gut feeling and following it and Living out life's purpose and life's work for a fulfilling life and hey, that's passion, stroke right that passion, structure and a Person I love to quote on this is Sharon Salzburg, if the audience isn't familiar with her.
John Miles:Next to the Dalai Lama, she's probably one of the most esteemed Leaders in the world of mindfulness and meditation, and she wrote there's no commodity that we can take with us, there's only our lives, whether we live them wisely or whether we live them in ignorance, and this is everything. And that speaks to what you were just saying.
Candace Fleming:Yes, absolutely. I have been reading or rereading the book seven principles of highly effective people and the first time I read it I noticed that it put things into my life. I Started hearing it and I'm like, okay, this, these are good principles. The second time reading it because I've been doing the work from the first time I read it to the second time, to hear it differently and Reimplement it into my life and I'm noticing for me it feels that I'm more on the right path than I thought I was, because a lot of these principles are things that I've started to incorporate into my daily life and I'm sure, even after reading passion Shruck is one of those things. That's, more tools to leading a more fulfilling, a more satisfying, a more purpose field life In that book. So, first of all, thank you for writing this book. I'm super excited.
John Miles:Go ahead no, no, I was gonna say thank you very much. I was just gonna comment on, stephen Covey, what you were just saying, because it ties into a chapter wrote on the conscious engager and I. I talk about this in this chapter, but I Was going to a Methodist church in North Carolina and our pastor, pastor Terry, was one of the greatest orators I've ever seen and he gave this sermon one time. That was just profound to me and it ties into what you were just saying, and His message was the main thing About. The main thing is keeping the main thing, the main thing, and it sounds so easy to do, but it is so difficult. So many of us are so distracted by so many other things in our lives that we don't keep the main thing. Yes, whether that's your family, your relationships, god, whatever it may be, your, your health, we get so distracted on working on the wrong things that we lose sight of the main thing.
Candace Fleming:You know what that I want to challenge listeners. When you wake up, do exactly what John is saying your meditation but also incorporate the main thing. Remind yourself of the main thing in the morning so you can keep the main thing, go Throughout the whole day and then create. Doing that every day makes you do it throughout your lifetime. It's all. It's a matter of stacking bricks. Like you said before, everything is stacking bricks. You're not doing it all at once and saying I've accomplished this big. No, you've. You've got to do it little by little, stacking. I hear you you've mentioned God a couple of times and biblical references. How do you incorporate God into your, your passion? What does that look like?
John Miles:Well, as I look back, I feel like everything that has led me on this journey to what I'm doing today has been Through that inner voice that I 100% believe was God talking to me, and it happened to me at kind of a profound point in my life. I had grown up as a Catholic. My dad is from Detroit, nine mile, and grew up and grew up in a very Strict Catholic family, and my grandmother went to church every single day. But as I was growing up in parochial schools, I thought the church taught you a tremendous amount of things, but I don't think the Catholic religion really emphasized reading the Bible. I hate to say it, but it was really. They kind of Treated it. They taught you the lesson plans that they wanted for that week or or what you're going through, or to learn the commandments or different things, but I don't think I was ever encouraged to read the Bible, and so it wasn't until I started this path of Attending a Methodist church that I really got into it and I took this course called discipleship and for anyone who's familiar with this, it's not a trivial thing.
John Miles:It's a 36 week commitment and you go through the Bible and end to end with by weekly meetings, and each meeting was two hours long.
John Miles:And I was so lucky because Pastor Terry Not only had a PhD in theology but he also had a PhD in history, and so he was really able to explain these abstract Concepts that were happening in the Bible and relating them to how we could think of them in modern life. And I think, through this journey and I ended up doing discipleship one, which he studied, the whole Bible. Discipleship two is the New Testament. Discipleship three is the Old Testament, and I think it was the closest I had ever felt I was to God and understanding his message. And that's when I started to hear this voice Come to me. And I think it's because when we open ourselves up, I think, to hear the wisdom, it comes to us. I think if we close ourselves down to it, we're not gonna hear that voice, and so that's how it initially occurred to me. But I think, just like the people in the Old Testament, when you hear their study, their stories of God telling them to do something, I can only imagine what Moses was thinking you want me to do what?
Candace Fleming:You know, I actually sometimes feel like I'm an unwritten Book of the Bible and I guess technically everyone at some point was an unwritten book of the Bible. And so, listening to my inner, your voices, I try to make sure I make my connection with God and everything. But have you, when I hear you talk about the inner voice, have you read the book Untethered Souls?
John Miles:I have not Check it out.
Candace Fleming:It talks. Oh, it's a good one. It talks a lot about the inner voice that we hear and challenging ourselves. I think it would be a great read for you.
John Miles:Well, I think we have two inner voice. I would love to. I think we have two inner voices. I think we have the inner voice that we hear every single day, that's telling us Just do what you're doing. You don't need to do anymore, you're fine the way you are.
John Miles:And it sets us up in to what I call living a pinball life, where we're like a pinball and we just bounce off of things because we're living it unintentionally. And then I think there's the inner voice, like I've heard, which is you have this unique gift that you need to exploit in the service of others, and it's tuning out the one inner voice so that you can listen to the true inner voice that's really guiding you and where your life is supposed to go.
Candace Fleming:Hmm, interesting, two inner voices. I feel like I have about three or four. There's the one that's like go get them. There's the one that's like sit down. There's the one that's like it's a great day. You know just different voices, but they all work together. I will say that for the greater good of my outcome, and I am grateful for that. That's something that I've been able to do my best with, paying attention to that inner voice and but the positive inner voice too, because you do have that, like you said, the thoughts that are telling you to do something. I don't want to say negative, but it's not encouraging you to propel yourself forward.
Candace Fleming:I didn't want to give an acknowledgement to Janet, who is my co-host, who isn't here today. She was supposed to be with us today but unfortunately had a medical issue. She did break her foot and just taking a hiatus to get healed and everything. So, hi, janet, we miss you. We miss you so much. My lovely mother, wish you could have been here. Wish you could have been here so much. No, um, john, do you do classes? Do you do seminars? How do you connect with your audience?
John Miles:Yeah, so I do a lot of keynote speaking, so that is one of the things I'm focused on, but I'm also in the process of creating the passion struck university. So I want to turn the concepts from the book into online courses that people can take. And I do have the. The way I laid out the book is each chapter. I kind of used personal examples. I illustrate stories of different people I've studied to illustrate the points and how they utilized it in their life. So I feature in the book everyone from astronaut Wendy Lawrence to Oprah Winfrey, to General McChrystal, to Jim McKelvie, who started Square, to Mark Benioff, who started Sales Force, to Novak Yokovic, to Bono, to Derek Jeter, so it's got a wide range of people in it.
John Miles:But then I put at the end of the chapters ways to implement it and then practical exercises that you as the reader can do, and then I give you links to sources of information and a couple of these will point you back to my website, and I've created some ebooks around some core concepts that are in the book, such as overcoming self-doubt, how do you utilize intrinsic motivation, how do you take deliberate action in your life that if you sign up for my newsletter, I give those things to the reader.
Candace Fleming:How can people sign up for the newsletter and how can people get the book?
John Miles:So if you go to passionstruckcom forward slash passionstruck book, you will find everything you need to know about the book. It's available everywhere If Amazon is the easiest place to buy it, but if you want to support your local bookstore, it's also on bookshoporg, and I try to support my local bookstores a lot, so you can order it there. And then you can go down, put your order number in, put a few details in and it will send you those different ebooks that I talked about, plus an online course on how to go about how to approach finding your purpose in life. And then I, also, on that page and on the the main page of the website, I've built something the passionstruck quiz. That comes right out of the book. In the book I talk about five phases on the journey, or plateaus, to becoming passionstruck, and if you take this quiz, it will take you about 10 minutes, 20 questions long. It will show you where you're currently at and the next steps that you can take.
Candace Fleming:Oh, that's awesome. That's that's awesome. I can't wait to take that actually, thank you. Thank you so much. Is there social media that people can go to to follow you as well?
John Miles:Yeah, and it's the best place that they can follow me is John Middle, and they show our miles on all the social platforms. If they want to learn more about the passionstruck podcast, that's passionstruck podcast than all the socials, or you can find it anywhere that you listen to to podcasts and as far as the podcast, how often does it come out and when do the yeah, when do the episodes come out?
John Miles:I Do three episodes a week. We just passed 417, so I do Tuesday, thursday and then our interviews, and then I do a solo episode on Friday, and I got a lie. I have done some live ones, but most of them are pre-recorded.
Candace Fleming:All right, and do you? How can? If someone is interested in being a guest on your show, how do they contact you with that?
John Miles:If you go to the passionstruck website and you go to the podcast page, there is an intake Form that they can click on that they can apply to be a guest or give a recommendation of someone who they think would be a great guest.
Candace Fleming:Well, thank you so much, John. This has been amazing. I'm I really enjoyed this conversation. I really enjoy having a conversation with someone on the same mindset in mind frame and positivity as well. You can definitely Find me at Candace Fleming at essential motivation calm. For my email, facebook is essential motivation. Instagram is essential motivation LLC. You can go to the website at essential motivation calm. You can find the podcast there. But you're listening to the podcast, so you found it. Is there any last words you want to give to our listeners?
John Miles:I Think the most profound thing I would tell anyone who's listening today is that the most incredible person whom you will ever meet in your life Is the person who's staring at you in the mirror, and the biggest competitor that you're ever going to meet in your life is the person who is staring you in the mirror, and the sooner you can understand how to bridge the gap to becoming your own best self, the happier and more profound and content your life will be. So my whole movement is really trying to help people find their path to matter and and going back to the main thing, I think a great way to realize Is your main thing, the proper main thing is to look at two things in your life your pocketbook and your calendar. What are you spending your money on and where you spending your time, and that'll give you a pretty good inclination of when you're at today and maybe some things that you need to change.
Candace Fleming:Believe for knowledge. Which one is greater Belief in something or knowing something? I?
John Miles:Think. For me personally, it's belief.
Candace Fleming:Perfect. Believing yourselves everybody, since we're going with belief, I believe you with that. Believing yourselves, thank you so much. I want you guys always remember to love hard, forgive often and laugh Frequent. Thank you so much, guys. We appreciate you listening, like, comment and subscribe Bye.
