Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
The Healing Power of Laughter and Love in Mental Health
When was the last time you truly took a hard look at your mental health? We're back for season three of Essential Mental Healing, and we're putting our own journey front and center, in a bid to help you navigate yours. Our discussions are going to be raw, unfiltered, and deeply personal, covering everything from unique healing strategies to enlightening readings like 'The Body Keeps Score' and 'Scarcity Brain'. Our mission? To empower you with the tools and resources you need to embark on your own healing journey.
Have you ever pondered over the impact of having the right people around you or the power of a well-timed surprise? Well, we sure have, and we're excited to delve into these topics. Plus, we're taking you on a sweet and delightful trip to the Oakland Mall Chocolate Factory in Troy, Michigan, promising you a hearty laugh with our funny and slightly embarrassing family moments. Trust us - there's a lot to gain from the chaos of family gatherings, especially the priceless joy they can bring into our lives.
Finally, we're exploring the complexities of celebrating dual holidays, the significance of effective communication in relationships, and the irreplaceable role our loved ones play in our lives. Unwrap our experiences of observing Sweetest Day and birthdays, and learn how understanding love languages can amplify these festivities. As we reach the milestone of turning 60, we take a moment to express our gratitude for the love and support we've received from those around us. So, buckle up, folks! Life, love, and healing can be a wild ride, but we're here to navigate it together, armed with a healthy dose of humor and authenticity.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
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To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Hello all and welcome back to Essential Mental Healing, where I'm your host, candace Fleming, and joining me today is my lovely co-host, janet Hill. Hello everyone, hey guys, so we are coming back. This is going to be our season 3. Now we took a little hiatus between June and November, deciding that we think we're going to do that every season. It seems as if there needs to be a resting period. Last season, our last episode, I got into a lot of mental health stagnant stages and was unable to continue for a bit. So we are going to continue with last season's last episode, which was Janet's birthday episode. This episode was shot in June and she was so excited to have it up. Unfortunately, I could not mentally get it together in order to put it up and, as you all know, the name of the podcast is Essential Mental Healing, which means we have to take care of our mental health. So go ahead.
Speaker 2:I wanted to say. You said unfortunately we didn't do it, and I kind of said the opposite Fortunately we didn't do it because you took time out to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1:Oh, thanks.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna get on so bad. Oh, my goodness, how are we going to be today? What is it? Wait, oh, you know. And but for you to step out and say, look, you didn't say it in these words, guys, you didn't say it to me this way, but I need to take care of myself right now. Yep, the birthday was great. Yep, we had a good time. Mama, when we start back up, we're gonna start with your birthday, and that was okay, because you know what I needed it too. Yeah, you see, yeah, and so you know. Like you said, it's about mental health. How do we heal? And to heal, we must be an example to those that we talked to.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly, and so to me, that was just a good example of a way of taking care of ourselves mentally.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and the summer was pretty great, like she said. At first, though, I had a lot of anxiety around it because I really wanted to get it up for you, because I knew it was important, but first I just couldn't. I couldn't. Then eventually we talked about and agreed on taking some time off and then, when we were ready, we are here and we have a lot of exciting things coming up this season Some new guests, some new topics, some more healing. We're excited.
Speaker 1:They're gonna be some abnormal topics, but topics nonetheless that deal with the different phases of our mental health mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and, of course, we aim to give you guys ways to heal, ways to cope with what's going on in your lives. We can always talk about our problems, but how do we heal from them? How do we recover from the trauma that we've been through, knowing that you're not alone and there are other people going through it? We share our open and honest experiences with you all. True, open, honest experiences, some harder to talk about than others, but yet it's also healing for us to share with you all. So we're hoping that this season you get a lot more. I know you've been getting a lot already in season one and two, but just continuing to get more. We hope you share with friends, like comment, all of the wonderful, great things we hope you get a chance to do. Did you want to say something, mom?
Speaker 2:I think that you said something about we're gonna have some unusual things or something to that nature, and I don't know that they're that unusual. I think life experiences are just what they are and each of us have different experiences. True, and so I noticed, even when we talk about mental health, they're taking the stigma away from that, because before it was there but nobody needs to know. I'm excited. Who needs to know that In my life, everybody who knows me needs to know that they're like. Oh, I say you know love.
Speaker 2:Okay, I have to take care of me and so I don't. When you said unusual, I don't know the things that used to be unusual for me. Now just see more of the norm, because we're becoming so authentic about our own lives, our real lives, coming from behind the persona of what we want it to look like.
Speaker 2:Yeah and it's like we're becoming more real about different things. These things that we're gonna talk about, in my opinion so far, even though we haven't had to talk, are not unique or different. We're just. They're just more exposed. So that's all I wanted to say about it. I'm excited about it and, yes, I'm extremely excited.
Speaker 1:I've got to read some interesting books, too during this time that we'll probably visit. One of them that I'm currently reading I don't know if I told you is the body keeps score. I'm listening to it about three hours in. It's a 16 hour audiobook.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm gonna get it because that was something that was recommended to me before. Yeah, because we had that awesome experience.
Speaker 1:There's another book that someone recommended by Oprah. It's similar to the body keeps score, but they said it was more palatable. But I'll probably check that one out too. And then there is another book called Scare City Brain.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's new to me.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm gonna look into that one too. So we'll just probably discuss some of these. Okay, we'll discuss some of these books on here, or, if they're linked to some of our guests who are coming on, we'll bring it up. Of course, we, bob and weave our information because we're both still waiting on our doctorates to come in the mail. Yes, they are.
Speaker 2:I think they want me to go back to school.
Speaker 1:If that was not here. I think so, but you know they give us the free classes. I think we should do it. Anybody want to sponsor our PhD degrees? We will take it Taking all sponsorships for PhD degrees for two women Right.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:I want to go ahead and let you guys jump into the episode for Janet's birthday and it was also in cahoots with Father's Day. That was that weekend, your birthday and Father's Day so you'll hear a little bit about that her birthday and dealing with cold holidays yes, sharing a birthday with Father's Day, and how Janet dealt with that. So we look forward to you hearing this and joining us on our season three.
Speaker 2:Yes, let's do it.
Speaker 1:All right, guys, let's jump into it. Hello and welcome back to Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, candice Fleming, joining me today, and every day it's Janet Hale Coming in recoup. She just had a little birthday. It was cool. Cool. When I say little, I mean big. It was a mouse on. Oh yeah, it was nice. It was fly. She had a really good time, cuz she is how you don't have to reveal.
Speaker 2:I want to thank you for such a lovely introduction. You know you have all kind of talents and singing.
Speaker 1:It's her priority.
Speaker 2:It's great, the saying. You know, like someone who has like multi-million dollars and they give up ten thousand dollars and it's like, oh, they gave up ten thousand dollars, but a man that only has five dollars and gives up is three.
Speaker 1:That's more than half.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I know percentage wise for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's more meaningful, I understand.
Speaker 2:You know, so you say that to say that my birthday was a big celebration and I thank you so much, candice. With people on the podcast, I need to know the story. So you know, you know her and I would see each other talk to each other. We do all kind of things, so you know, when she comes over to my house one day I'm a homebody. Everyone knows that I like to chill with the crib and she's sitting in my den, I'm sitting in my favorite chair and she looks over at me and this is my version of the story.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is your version.
Speaker 2:I already know she's gonna be like but okay. So she looks up and says mama, why don't you have any friends? Okay, audience, if you can see the look on my face. I looked at her and I believe because I'm not clear if I said it or you said it, your circle is tight, but, right, it seemed like you cleaned it up real quick. I said it yeah, okay, and I said okay, but I was still man, I was hot, I was heated, I was like, oh my God, she thinks, because I'm not hanging out, that I don't have any friends, or I don't have people over on the dial on me, friend, and I'm thinking I got some fantastic friends, oh my God. So anyway, you guys.
Speaker 2:So the day before I am just ticked all the way off. So I call a good friend of mine, so I'm talking to her and I said you know, candice has just pissed me all the way off. She said girl, what does she know? I said she said I didn't have any friends. Can you believe that? She said I can't believe she did that. I said no, I got my friends. Oh, y'all, y'all they good, I'm y'all. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I said the number of friends don't count. I said because oftentimes a lot of people is just a lot of noise. And she was like you, white gentry, she was just going right. I'm like, yeah. So she said she said that to you. I said, girl, you want to think about it? No matter what I get, that's all. I'm just going through a thing.
Speaker 2:So then another friend I called and she retired anyway. So I'm calling her because she had called. She wished me a happy birthday and her and I like to do the face to face thing. So I did the messenger and I said to her. I said she said oh, happy birthday, queen. She was giving me all that. I said thank you, but I'm a little mad at my daughter right now. She said, girl, what's she do? Oh, I'm mad.
Speaker 2:She said I have any friends and you know you're my friend.
Speaker 1:Wait, who was this? Who who?
Speaker 2:was this, you saying this to the one who retired? Ok, I'm going to tell you what you know it is, you know it Anyway. So I'm just going through. I said. I said, but she's coming to get me. She won't tell me where she's taking me and I don't even know I'm being kidnapped. And I said, she said, be very casual. So I'm being, I'm going to be casual. I said she's not telling me anything. Then another friend of mine a no friend I guess I don't have, or she didn't do whatever. Could you call someone? So, because I have a question and do you mind if I call, I said, well, you know I need to call and ask. It's OK to give the number. So I called her and she was like well, of course.
Speaker 1:Janet.
Speaker 2:So, ok, then I know it's after that call I ain't here from her, I don't know. She thought I was going to pry, which I found out later she did. So you know, my daughter and my granddaughter, and pick me up and I don't know where we're going, the freeways and stuff. We were living in Detroit, so it was blocked and vacated off. I couldn't get on, I couldn't get a turn there, and we just going through, we just trying to get to wherever it is we're going. So we get down town.
Speaker 2:Some of you may or may not know, but I don't walk long distances. So I was like, well, you know, there's something on. They don't know. I'm having an inside panic at that point, I'm sorry to say I'm going to walk Because this is looking like it's in my favor, so, but anyway. So the balloons in the back I mean I see the balloon, oh, ok. So anybody that knows me knows I'm not religious and I'm a hippie. Ok, so the balloon, that's a her note story. Ok, so she, this story, I'm so excited. But anyway, she pulls around and she's like we let mom up right here. Ok, I look up, is the princess boat? I said, oh oh, the whole parking didn't go, come back, get to all. Oh, ok, now I'm. Now, I'm over. I'm overly excited. I'm like, oh my god, I'm going to go. Ok, this is going to be so nice. Oh my god, ok, we doing this thing, right? Oh, I get on the boat because, remember, I don't have any friends, you know.
Speaker 1:I'm still a little salty about this, but before you got on, you did see a niece.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, she did. Yep Invited my talk to baby, so so she invited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she, she's there, and her daughter and her grandbaby and and her youngest daughter, who's in love with them. I, they love each other, whatever.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:I took over the show.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:So I get in the book on the boat, you know, and I look and I walk and I see my closest friends. You guys, I cried the whole damn I'm. I was so happy. And so one of the persons that I was talking to Was on the way to the boat, just let me talk to. She said you don't have any friends why? Oh, she eats it up and everything. I said, girl, can you believe that? She said, oh, I can't believe. Kansas did that to you. Janet, I will. I mean, she, ok, she can go to actors. She'll need actors to go with her. Tyler Perry, the Kansas and anyway.
Speaker 2:And then the other one who retired. I talked to her and didn't know, nobody heard it, didn't know, oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry about that. I can keep going. I didn't know that she was a part of the plan because she had been invited, was unable to attend, but so she had listened to me fussing everything and she was like girl, you know, but she took a real light heart. He's, you know, she's retired and chilling out. So whatever my issues are, she just sits back and just listens.
Speaker 2:And that was a lot of conversation because you know she's a little older than 60. Because, at 60, I feel like I can do whatever I want to do, and that's the thing, and I promise you guys, for all you younger folks, listen, it is such a treasure to be able to get older and it's also, oh man, it's a treasure to have a daughter like Candice Now. I'm not going to let her finish. Let me finish.
Speaker 2:I'm going to let her finish next week, but I'm going to say this and you had a nephew who had flu in. Oh, I'm about to go there, oh, I'm going to close. I want to tell my story. She wanted to be on the movie.
Speaker 1:My bad.
Speaker 2:I should tell my Hannah friends, anyway. So then I look OK, so my nephew, who flies all over the world like different countries, he'd be everywhere, he's at the table, he doesn't live here in Maryland. I'm looking, I said oh, and then I said boy, you're not been mad at you. He said, but I'm here on team. I said, oh, my god, ok.
Speaker 2:So then I cried again. I was crying all damn day Because they just had me surprises for me. I was like, ok, so the makeup I had makeup on, you guys, I was, you know, glamor queen, all that. By the end of the day there was no makeup, you know whatever. So my nephew flew in for my birthday. The balloons, I want to talk about that. So the balloons had hippy stuff on them, a peace sign. I was like, oh my goodness, how could she? She was so thoughtful, she invited people that she knew cared about me and that I cared about. And so I want to say that, to say this, because sometimes folks get caught up in the big party with all these airbodies no, the biggest party is the party where you know that everybody in attendance loves you. Yeah, that's the biggest damn party. I'm 60.
Speaker 1:That's how I have my parties.
Speaker 2:I'm 60 and I can cuss, and so it was just that it was. It was my best birthday. I felt there was no judgment, and the beauty in it is this here's the thing you guys, my friends and I speak of my friends to each other, but it's in love. So when they met each other, they had a face to put with the name and everybody had positive vibes with one another. None of that it was, hey, oh you, so, so, oh, you don't. Just everything went well.
Speaker 2:And so let me speak about my niece, who tried to get there and miss the boat. So apparently she's part of surprise, she, she, she, my little boss. But anyway, she be, whatever, we're her, I love it all. But, um, so she's. When I say boss, I mean she will call me on the carpet on some stuff, and I appreciate that because we all need it. But, um, so someone said you know she was coming, but she couldn't make it because of traffic. So, okay, when I'm getting off the bus, who do I see? Her? Wait, no, me, I'm still crying. I said this is why all this crying. So it was just so beautiful and I'm so glad to see 60. I lost my mother, 58.
Speaker 2:Mm hmm, which I? Before, when I reached 59, I was like, ooh, now I've reached 60.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:Whoo whoo, because I don't, you know, I feel like I'm 30, but I don't know what 60 suppose to feel like, I don't know, but I'm 60. And, um, I'm so grateful and I'm grateful that and I'm gonna say this, you guys, I'm grateful that I stood my ground on so many things, even when folks may have thought, oh gosh, he's so extra.
Speaker 1:And I might be a little extra.
Speaker 2:but anyway, um, but I'm glad I stood my ground, because had I not, I don't think I would have had such a successful birthday.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:That meant for my daughter understanding. Well, actually I know she was paying that much attention because she got in touch with folks.
Speaker 1:I was like how did she do?
Speaker 2:that she ripped off my phone. You guys, I got to tell on her. I know she's a shitty pain hose. I'm telling so because she was like oh so, one of my friends, I got your number because I had mama's phone and I broke into it. You know there's my baby. You know I'm up in, I don't want to sit in that, I'm not sitting at her. She knows everything, so she did that.
Speaker 1:I got selective amnesia.
Speaker 2:No, you don't. You ladies hell, but that's okay, that's what I got selective amnesia. Don't kidnap me.
Speaker 1:I got selective amnesia anyway.
Speaker 2:Right, don't kidnap. You're a pain. This is terrible. No, don't kidnap. She can't remember anything.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:It was just, it was a beautiful day, and then I did that. Okay, you guys. Then they took me to some chocolate so. Chocolate factory, whatever. Okay, they took me to the chocolate factory, all right, now I'm standing thinking. Now you know I'm tired as hell. Now we got to walk for two whole hours.
Speaker 2:It was not two hours, one hour and a half, anyway, I was so tired I was like, okay, the chocolate is good, okay, that was cool, you know dark chocolate, they had some of that. You guys, that's my get down, get down, like they knew, they knew and they know, and so they just got a little bit of chocolate. They just they, they just got a little bit of chocolate, and this is 30% 40.
Speaker 2:They got to 80 or 90%. I was like, yeah, that's the one I want. I was like oh, I know what I like, I love that bitter chocolate, so anyway. So they took me to on this thing and I'll okay.
Speaker 1:Now I'm gonna say this I don't do.
Speaker 2:I don't do drugs. I promise you guys, I know I'm not, I don't drink, I don't smoke. Talking to my grandma, say that it's about this place. I felt like it was for somebody tripping off LSD. I'm saying it what the hell is this? Like just one room you went in and then you went to film and watch a film of some swirly stuff. I promise you, for anyone who's listening, that's on ass If you want a trip In.
Speaker 1:Oakland Oakland Mall Chaco Factory in Troy Michigan.
Speaker 2:In Troy, michigan. Please, all of you who don't, please go by the air, because it was a trip I enjoyed it and it's really good for the kids.
Speaker 1:It was a really good experience. I thought it was less for kids than it was. I saw chocolate and it was like an immersive experience. I'm like, ooh, this would be nice, we're going to get chocolate. I didn't like chocolate. They didn't tell me, it was video games and balls. I had a good time.
Speaker 2:I jumped out on the ball. I did, okay, anyway. So she jumped at the ball, I promise you, and then got immersed in them. Under them, you couldn't even see her face. No, I didn't go off, did I? Yes, you did.
Speaker 1:Kamari did that, kamari did that.
Speaker 2:You did it too, anyway. So, oh, and then let me tell you guys about the boat. I'm sorry, back and forth. So on the boat. So, Kamari man, one day, you know, I want you all to really meet Kamari, or Kamari, so she gets a hold to the mic. So in our family you never want to give Janet the mic, that's me, candice the mic, that's your host, or my grandbaby the mic. Okay, well, my grandbaby got a hold to the mic. She went in the audience. She said is there anything, anyone who would like to speak? And then she will walk over to like she was a host. You got, like she was over, you know, and they were taught anyone has a birthday. She was just doing it I was like oh yeah, girl.
Speaker 2:You'll think that that was a thing, it was a good. It was beautiful to see the children having a good time too. We had children with us and we had wholesome fun.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm, they had their boundaries of where they could or couldn't go.
Speaker 2:It was really, really nice. I'm gonna let that just chocolate factory. I mean, I appreciate it. I promise you I don't get high, so but did you like the chocolate that was there? Well, I love the chocolate.
Speaker 1:Well, that's the point, and I'm a taster. Super taster.
Speaker 2:I'm a super taster, I found that out to the thing and that's it is true, because they do it. That's they really do do it. So the chocolate thing we have fun. We met the mayor. There's a chocolate mayor, okay. So you know we had to deal with him like a chocolate mayor, what's up, you know? You know, yeah, don't sparkly clothes. They played a role. Then the one guy there was, he from can sweeten, british Britain.
Speaker 1:He was British, he was from Britain.
Speaker 2:Okay, so he was right and he was sorry, I didn't. I thought he was playing with the accent.
Speaker 1:I actually thought he was playing too. It was very interesting there. However, he did tell me I have a very false accent, but my daughter, however, has a very good one and I speak a little better when she's around.
Speaker 2:As I've told everyone before many, many times, yeah, that's what I went through, but anyway, I had such a good time and I was willing to go through that right, and so it was just really, really beautiful. I had a really, really, really, really, really good time and at 60, that was my best burp. It took me to get 60 to get my best burp, that body, and I had fun getting to. And I said this and I'm gonna say this all out Candice, don't trip out, cause she be tripping I was crying, I was so happy and I said to the person next to me I said if I died tomorrow I'd be all right. I said you're happiest. And I was like whoo, to be loved, to be loved. How'd that song go? Y'all know the song the greatest thing is to be loved. I can't think of an old song, but that's what I felt. I just felt so much love. I was like, oh my God, like the people that were there was just loving on me and just giving me good energy and good vibes and it's just beautiful and I'm just grateful and I thank you so much, candice, because you know, okay, you guys know I got mad at her one time because she brought me an expensive gift.
Speaker 2:I told her I wouldn't give it back, even though I was fussing and cause she gave me the gift and then said, okay, I'll see you. And I got mad. I was like, well, I wanted to spend time with you. I think it was my birthday. I gave her she was. She fixed all of that, cause it's all about me and she made it all about me. You guys from the decorations, I put them on my table, like we got hippie things that you sit on the table and I put them on my table. That's cool. The balloons have died, but I'm gonna let them die and slow down, cause I'm not ready to let them go, I got more, I can blow you up.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm still a hippie, so I'll be a hippie at 61 too. Even if it's not ready, you can just bring them over. That's all I'm saying. Okay okay, so you get it. So cause you did the 60.
Speaker 1:I did it.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God daughter called me. Oh, oh, man, okay, so my all right. Okay, man, this is my God daughter. Okay, bj is my God son, cause he reached out to him and BJ is the quiet type. So we don't talk a lot about BJ, cause BJ is a good man, and when I say man, I mean man, put some respect on it. That kind of man I'm a father, that kind of guy, A responsible person, that kind of man, a respectable person, that kind of man, a man that takes care of his kids, that kind of man. So that's kind of man he is. Now, mandy is that kind of. She's a woman and she's a good mother. So I don't know, can't you? It's a good mother too. So I don't know, we just lucked out me and Brenda, we just got lucky, okay?
Speaker 1:Speaking of Charles.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:The topic of today's podcast, oh it's about. It's also about sharing holidays with others, or sharing dual holidays, even if it's not with others, like your birthday and Christmas. Like oh man, you are fortunate enough to share your birthday next to a holiday.
Speaker 2:I did.
Speaker 1:And sometimes on a holiday. This year, it was the following day, which was Father's Day.
Speaker 2:this year, so my question to you is how did you do baby? Oh, I was good. Okay, because you know that's the thing about us. Okay, Okay, for everybody that listen, so you know people didn't die, you know we talked about all of them, and for we celebrate those that have left us. I feel that we did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how are you this Father's Day?
Speaker 2:You know I was good. I didn't think of any of his sayings Because you know, after he died I felt like he taught me a lot.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I was talking about with your father, though.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't do that with daddy. When he first passed I can't believe it's been 20 years. You guys, my mother and father died the same year. It's been 20 years and I'm not sat in by it, cause while he was here and on, everybody said I look weird, but I let him know how much I loved him while he was here and I can remember something. I'm glad you brought that up. So daddy and my mother were separated, but she never knew it Cause he was always around so anyway. So on Father's Day I would go by his house and I would be alone most of the time and I said, daddy, he had been cooked dinner. You know Alabama, you know the little cook.
Speaker 2:And I would say daddy, when I come on Father's Day, you always sitting on the porch. Why? Oh yeah, he said, cause I know y'all coming.
Speaker 1:Oh, love trigger. Yeah, it's a lot of trigger.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, another thing about speaking of daddy. You know I lived on the East side for a minute, and not that the East side is worse than the West side. I learned that later, but as a young adult I just thought he's funny. I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm a young adult, I just thought he's funny.
Speaker 1:She's trying to cast it. I need a rephraseization, ok.
Speaker 2:I'm not as bad that way. And so I lived on the East side and so I lived along my miles and miles, and that first of us were separated and I had a little boy.
Speaker 2:I had Brandon and what my dad would do. I lived in a four-family flat. He would not wake me up, but he would sit on the porch and I have a cup of coffee and every now and then I would catch him out there. I would look out the window and there was daddy and I would go sit with him. And then there was times I got up I missed him, but the cup would be there and for me it was his way of letting the neighborhood know she got somebody to look at over her, and that's how I've took it.
Speaker 1:And I really really appreciated it.
Speaker 2:So I'm tearing up, but it's not sad tears. It's tears of appreciating my daddy and I'm not crying For um. He wasn't a perfect man, but I'm not a perfect woman. So you know, candice thinks she's perfect, but I do not know how to do that thing, but I do not, you know so. So father's day for me, um, I you know I did when he first passed. I had a hard time.
Speaker 1:I'm perfectly evolving, every day in the way that I'm supposed to. And so the person that I'm supposed to be, because nobody is a perfect record straightened straight.
Speaker 2:Not real good. So for me, on that, perfect, perfect, I always like to say I'm perfectly imperfect, that's what I'm saying, and I said they about my parents um, usually anybody that I know, but um, but to be able to have parents and see them, their vulnerabilities, is such a powerful thing because I think it helps enrich our lives, because we see them as human being, beings, doing, having a human experience, and just like. It's okay, you don't have to be perfect for me, I love you anyway. All right, so you do ABC, but you still my mama, you still my dad.
Speaker 1:And also comfort place.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is what it is. Um, another thing about Father's Day. Okay, I know you will talk about your day we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about daddy, okay. So when I think about Father's Day, was I go visit my daddy, but not Father's Day, but to having that and um, okay, I would always need to have a bar movement. I'm going to say that, okay, why is that I'm not coming out?
Speaker 1:I got a shit.
Speaker 2:And then you all get there and I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I realized what was happening was this when I went into his home, I felt relaxed and my body was relaxed and it was so real, it was releasing. And I figured that out later PhD still hasn't come in the mail, but I figured that out later. And well, tell me why I was happening to me when I was at, how I was at home. I was at home, I was at home.
Speaker 1:I was at home. I was at home. I was at home For a month or so. I mean, why was happening to me when I was at?
Speaker 2:however, University at towers. Every time I went to the towers I had to pull. It wasn't nothing but a library. Did you hang out at the towers? Was you a cue at the? What you were cute, Were you two at the towers?
Speaker 1:No, I don't have the answer.
Speaker 2:I mean I had to go to. I was in school, oh, you know what I mean, and so that's always, had always had to pull, yeah, so you know, it's just sharing that day, father's day, with the, with the birthday is it's, it's pretty, it's cool. Now, how was?
Speaker 1:it oh, go ahead. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:They're both very special days.
Speaker 1:Go ahead how was it sharing it with my dad? Because then there were times you guys in the same house celebrating the same holiday. How was it on your end?
Speaker 2:when they came together.
Speaker 1:Or even back to back, and how did you deal with it, if there was something to deal?
Speaker 2:with Okay, charles, she want me to tell you business, about my business.
Speaker 1:No, I said how did you feel?
Speaker 2:I'm about to tell you so with Daddy. So Daddy felt like his birthday or his whatever day, holiday trumped everything. So we still have little power. Now that's wrong same day, because then it's like wait, hold up, right. So you know we did for him and I that was a time for banter and you know we just made it do what it do. I mean we just we worked it out because for me on my birthday, everybody knows that that's my day and I walk around the house saying today is my day. You know what I mean, or you know, and that's my attitude, and so I think it was a little much for him. Like Jen, it's not just your day. You know, I would say happy Father's Day and do all that, but then I still be caught up in being in Queens all that stuff you know, so you know we managed through it.
Speaker 2:You know we learned how to have our own banter with it. You know, now, having you made it oh, when you were a kid made it much better. You were able to put all our attention on you, and so that was cool. For whatever reason, it was just cool. You know she's here for daddy's day. She's going to hook daddy.
Speaker 1:You all both got celebrated and recognized by somebody.
Speaker 2:Right but right. But then it made the. You know that the Father's Day banter wasn't so much because it was about you and you are a good read of people and you would go out of your way to make sure we both felt special.
Speaker 1:Oh, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:You did. You would just do it like you're special, you're special, and so when you were in the equation that day, he was a king, I was a queen.
Speaker 1:Well, that's good, that's good. Do you have any suggestions for someone else who may be struggling sharing the holidays with another person? Because that's where your experience is.
Speaker 2:I think it's good to have a conversation when you know that. You know this is going to happen and come up with an agreement on how you're going to deal with it, because that's something we never did.
Speaker 2:It just happened and so when it just happened, we weren't prepared, right, so I think to be able to have a conversation about that and how the couple is going to deal with that. What are we going to do? This morning part going to be your day and the evening part my day? Are we going to combine the days? And you know if?
Speaker 1:you can do all kinds of things happy cakes.
Speaker 2:They have to cake say happy Mother's Day or whatever. You know, you can find all kinds of ways to make it work, because it's all about communication, and so if you have a good line of communication, all things are possible. As far as I'm concerned, we'll work through it, all you know. So that would be my suggestions to when you know, early on, because I didn't, we didn't. It's not as far either, we didn't know either, but early on, when you know, then sit down and have a conversation and you both strategize on how you are going to celebrate it.
Speaker 1:Because don't wait until they because that's the best. Now people's feelings hurt because I didn't know. That's how you felt about the day. Oh, I didn't know. It was that important to you, sweetest day, Sweetest day.
Speaker 2:Okay, I had a birthday. He had to share Sweetest Day. In my birthday I mean Sweetest Day and his birthday.
Speaker 1:And right.
Speaker 2:And so Sweetest Day. Well now I know it was supposed to be for the man. We didn't know that. Then we had the big argument. But it is Because I should have voted over the man, but I didn't know. I thought Sweetest Day was for the woman and Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1:I did too for a long time, but I still did both, even though I thought that.
Speaker 2:But he did too. But you know, in hindsight it's like oh, I seem to be bringing up some chocolate. You know that's what I'm talking about. You know, Sweetest Day was all about me and that was all about that. So, and that caused a conflict for us and we decided not to celebrate it, like we just didn't do Sweetest Day, because it caused such a problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You like, forget Sweetest Day so yeah, my thing was this I had to forget Sweetest Day because if he didn't do me right, this would have just been a war. So how do we get past those things?
Speaker 1:How do?
Speaker 2:we play it Happiness or being right. That's what Oprah said, Right. So I chose happiness. Like you know what it's going to be a happier home. We don't do Sweetest Day thing and we do his thing.
Speaker 1:And it won't happen.
Speaker 2:And so you know that was a compromise, because in relationships for all of you who are listening compromises do come up. You have no reason to, but it's been a long time and we need to, you know, be open. You know be open to other people's viewpoints as it relates to, you know, holidays, of course, religion, you know all of those things I think needs to be taken into account. I think it's unfortunate that you guys don't have Candice as a daughter.
Speaker 2:You know, to the people that live there. I mean I feel very fortunate and forever and ever.
Speaker 2:And not only just my birthday, you guys, but when me and her had that conversation about time and I told her how important time was for me and we talked about it like because that's what we do, me and we talk for real and we talked about love language, I was ticked. I'll be getting ticked over here y'all. So we talked about it and she started spending time with me, like you know, especially when Kamari come over, that I'll be ahead, I'll be ahead, I'll be ahead of both. I'll be like okay, this is living. Oh, thank you everybody. So that part you know, paying attention and being attentive, and not only and I say this in this relationship as a mother and daughter, but it also applies to friendships, love ships, relationships, whatever ships to be able to find out what the other person's love language is. You know what I mean, because you might be doing your love language. That's not that thing. Yep, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 1:I ran into that.
Speaker 2:I had to do that, b and C and they like, but that's not really how I want to do this. I wanted to do. You know I like doing oh, and so I think it's good. Let's see, oh, in any relationship, communicate, communicate, start coming to gate, communicate.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Talking about the likes dislikes to beliefs I believe in all of that and things will work out fine and hopefully for all of you who have not turned 60 yet, I hope that you have a 60 of birthday, like I did. Oh support me here we go.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you enjoyed your birthday and I'm glad that Father's Day wasn't daunting, so you had a good weekend. You got to still ride the waves.
Speaker 2:I did yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think that's an excellent suggestion to communicate how to deal with dual holidays. Even if it's your birthday and Christmas and it's like I know these fall on the same day but I need one gift for my birthday and one gift for Christmas. That's important. I don't want you merging the two, because the day is already merged.
Speaker 2:And you may be thinking what's going to holidays, ramadan and Christmas, right? So anyway, I got a little trouble, but that's OK, because I love being in good trouble, and I remember a manager at the department, and one of them was Muslim, and she said you know, ramadan is coming up. I said to you, when we take this Christmas, you know this Christmas thing, we're doing that and I'm going to allow you to go here and take some Ramadan days. Ceo at Mineral. Mr Machanic, what are you doing? I said everybody don't celebrate Christmas. I said she celebrates with. Now, y'all could mark her down as Christmas. I don't care about all that, but out of respect you follow me, out of respect for what she's saying, I just think the dialogue is so important.
Speaker 1:All things, mm, hmm, the things that are, especially if it's something that makes you uncomfortable, or you have to question, or you have to tiptoe around. Those are the things you have to talk about, because they will linger and they will hurt and they will feel like.
Speaker 2:Wait, I don't tiptoe, because let me tell you all that nothing can't be it. So once you live with she was living here and I was like, okay, got a little tense right and I said I'm tired of walking around here on eggshells dealing with you, or something like that. My daughter, my sweet, loving daughter, said on my couch in the den and said I don't know why you walking on eggshells, I'm not, I'm so old and what that changed my life forever.
Speaker 2:I said I'll never walk on another damn eggshell again. Oh, but that moment was needed, though, because it did break the ice. Mm. Hmm, because I'm okay, she's okay, she and my decrypt. She are comfortable. I'm all uncomfortable, why?
Speaker 1:Oh, but the thing is.
Speaker 2:I thought myself to be in that space. It wasn't about you, it was about me. And see, and I, and for me, I'm always taking a look at it. I was in the back. I take a look at me. Where is going on? You know, even if I'm at it, whoever for five minutes, or sometimes I have a long I still take a look at me. And what part did I play in it?
Speaker 1:And that was one of those situations where being honest about the feeling was the best thing to do than to just appease what you were saying in that moment, because, I mean, you say it was a very pivotal statement.
Speaker 2:So it was. You just said it, Feeling like the appeasement Like I need to. Well, let me make sure she's okay, Let me make sure she's comfortable. I don't want to, you know.
Speaker 1:Okay, when you said that, I was like because the problem with doing that is that someone can begin to trigger you not even knowing what your triggers are too. It's like, oh, okay, yeah, and it built up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was like man.
Speaker 2:She said that job I was like oh hell, no, I'm not walking on another, I only walk on the eggshell at work. I'd be like, getting here, I got something to say and I just say it Like I was at a one meeting for anybody to work with us and listen. And so the staff was like we want to sit next to you. Some of the staff, right, okay, fine, but they broke us up. You know, sit next to somebody you don't know. So of course I have something to say to add to the conversation. That's very important, I feel, and was told later that it was okay. So then I sent out a meme to everybody. I bet you won't want to sit next to me next time, or something like that. They both responded nope, don't want to sit next to you, because the tip you know the eggshell thing I'm not Well.
Speaker 1:I'm glad that my honesty did something immaculate in your life that you feel good about, that you carry through with you throughout the day and I think that's awesome and that makes me feel good as well. So thank you for that.
Speaker 2:Thank you, huh. A second in because we was tired. Okay for the public people.
Speaker 1:No, you, you, you you Were less tired than me or have more coffee than I, because you talk this thing through. Okay, we have.
Speaker 2:No, no, I had a lot to say you did, you did, I did the best birthday in my, of my life. So let that be on the that is that is so awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah that is so, you know, I you know, what I think really made this birthday your best birthday and I think it had nothing to do with what I did, I think is that you live in a different space and so, because you already live high and and then it's like, oh, I'm up here, like through the fitting, all at you, that's what happened. You really got high. Maybe that was a bad comparison.
Speaker 1:I was gonna say that's pretty bad that was a horrible comparison, but but you know I wanted, because when you say it was my best, I want to something that people can understand as like a best. When people talk about the high, they like that. Let me stop before I go. Encouraging matter of fact if you or anyone you know is suffering from from Suicide, suicidal thoughts or emotional harm, you can call or text 988, 24 hours, seven days a week, throughout the US. You can also Contact us at Candice Fleming at essential motivation Instagram. Essential motivation LLC. Facebook. Essential motivation Any last things, mom, I know you don't. We could talk forever and ever and ever.
Speaker 2:You know what the suicide line. I could I be teasing you guys please forgive me when I tease her. Um, however, I do feel that it's very vital because I'm talking about turning 60 and living my best life as far as I'm concerned and you're right, my mindset is somewhere else I'm vibrating at a high vibration, but I'm gonna say this Part of that, making it my best birthday with you.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2:Recognize my vibration and you recognize those that is in the same vibration as I. You snuck that one out. That was good, because one of my friends was called me. She's like Janet I said yeah, I'm not a string.
Speaker 2:Call me after that. Well, I couldn't. She said oh, I couldn't. She said I couldn't. She said but no, she said soon, as she told me I took care of you know, whatever she need take care of, get on the ball. She did. I said okay. I said all right, so yeah, um. So not everyone feels good about turning 60. See, I'm about it Right, so I get it that not everyone feels good about being 60. Or, like I said, I lost my mother at 58. So for me, that year, 58 I almost I Took a breath, but I still was Is like am I gonna see 59? And that's true, that's what y'all Okay, you know.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you know because we have fun, we're in the healing process of this, you know the journey, and Sometimes you know that that number you give out, that I teach you about, you can't say life, mental state of mind and bring them out of a funk, in a direction to get the help that they need, to assist them in some things that they, you know, need assisting, or to find out that there are more things going on than they thought Because they sought out the help. You know, I'm just gonna say happy. Oh, my sister in Vegas sent me out. It was.
Speaker 1:You got a lot of love for your birthday.
Speaker 2:So, and even Candace, my daughter, the lady that's from the state, her friend, they reached out like man, like they was reaching out, said I just love, like, okay, you know, look, I don't think I'll be mad for all week. Nope, I don't think so.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm glad and I'm happy, and we do have to wrap up and we are going to be out of here and We'll be back in two weeks. So, oh, remember to always love hard, forgive often and laugh frequent. Thank you, mother dearie, mother dearest, thank you. It's been a treasure and a treat. It surely has to be. We are out of here. Do says.
Speaker 2:Joseph.
