Therapy Thursday!!
Janet and I bare our souls as we recount the trials and victories that have shaped us, from the resilience required to pretend financial stability for our children to the relentless pursuit of education. We toast to the power of support and the indomitable spirit of perseverance, sharing tales of basketball practices where defeat turned to triumph and how the choice to attend Howard University marked a defining moment in one's life. Our conversation goes beyond personal reflection, touching on how empathy and practical solutions can transform the lives of young people grappling with literacy and behavioral challenges.
We cast a thoughtful eye on societal shifts and the evolution of government assistance programs, inviting listeners into a discourse on the resilience of communities and the emergent need to rethink the status quo. With reflections on the historic resilience of urban centers in Detroit and the unspoken strength found within Section 8 housing, our discussion is a tribute to the communities and families that emerge stronger in the face of adversity. We close the episode with heartfelt gratitude, looking ahead to future gatherings and the importance of celebrating life's simple yet profound joys. Join Janet and me for an episode that aims to echo with the warmth of shared experiences and the wisdom of lives fully lived.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Therapy Thursday!!
Janet and I bare our souls as we recount the trials and victories that have shaped us, from the resilience required to pretend financial stability for our children to the relentless pursuit of education. We toast to the power of support and the indomitable spirit of perseverance, sharing tales of basketball practices where defeat turned to triumph and how the choice to attend Howard University marked a defining moment in one's life. Our conversation goes beyond personal reflection, touching on how empathy and practical solutions can transform the lives of young people grappling with literacy and behavioral challenges.
We cast a thoughtful eye on societal shifts and the evolution of government assistance programs, inviting listeners into a discourse on the resilience of communities and the emergent need to rethink the status quo. With reflections on the historic resilience of urban centers in Detroit and the unspoken strength found within Section 8 housing, our discussion is a tribute to the communities and families that emerge stronger in the face of adversity. We close the episode with heartfelt gratitude, looking ahead to future gatherings and the importance of celebrating life's simple yet profound joys. Join Janet and me for an episode that aims to echo with the warmth of shared experiences and the wisdom of lives fully lived.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, candace Fleming, and joining me today, as always, is who you know, who it is the most awesome and wonderful Janet Hale, my co-host, hey.
Janet Hale:Well, hello, hello and hello to everyone, to the three million listeners.
Candace Fleming:How you doing.
Janet Hale:I'm doing okay, darling, I'm doing okay, but I know we have a topic, but I do want to say something real quick. Yeah, go ahead, because I'm a woman of a certain age, I might not remember, okay, and we were getting ready for this. It made me think of Joan Rivers and her daughter. Okay, you know, they had a TV show.
Candace Fleming:Okay.
Janet Hale:Okay, because we're going to have one anyway. Okay, and it just made me think about that, especially with the topic we're going to get on, because they went through talking about different things like that, and that's a memory that they'll be able to, the daughter will be able to go back to. So, the days that I'm no longer walking on this earth, these recordings you'll be able to go back to. This is what I'm thinking about.
Candace Fleming:How beautiful, how beautiful Is Joan Rivers alive? She's a little dead, she a little dead, a little dead. Well, that is beautiful. And I want to let everybody know that before my mother dies, I got her sweet potato pie recipe. We made it together. Oh, you sure did, you did, you did Memories.
Janet Hale:Yes, you did.
Candace Fleming:Yes, you did. It actually. I want to talk about that. It was beautiful. So I asked my mom always make sweet potato pies and I love them and my cousin loves them and nobody else really makes them. You know how it is Nobody makes them the way your mommy makes them. I love my mom's sweet potato pies and I have been on this binge and I wanted my mom's sweet potato pie.
Candace Fleming:So I was eating pie I don't know. I think I'd share it with y'all. When it got, went to the store and got who's that pie? The lady who had the pie.
Janet Hale:The lady who had the pie, I had her pie.
Candace Fleming:I went to somebody else's house and I had their pie and my friend's mom. She gives me a pie, but it just wasn't quite mama's pie.
Candace Fleming:But then I realized I always have to depend on mom to get mama's pie. So we were off during the vacation and I had some time off work and Kamari's out of school. So I asked my mom could I come over and make pie and learn how to make the pie? I recorded it, y'all. I got the whole, all the ingredients, how we make it, curve voice in the back and everything. So I learned how to make my mother's sweet potato pie and I don't have to wait for her to make it, even though I'm still going to ask her to make it because it's mama's sweet potato pie. But anyways, she probably thought she was off the hook.
Janet Hale:No, you're not off the hook, mother? Not at all. It's okay, it's okay. And it was a pleasure sharing it with you as well.
Candace Fleming:And my daughter was closing up.
Janet Hale:Yeah, kamari was going to be a part of the. You know the experience. And then she cut out like five minutes. She told us to record it.
Candace Fleming:Okay, I think we might have got the butter in there?
Janet Hale:I can't remember. We got the butter in, I believe. And then next thing we knew she was like y'all get that pie thing together she went on.
Candace Fleming:She literally did. And she don't even eat the pie. That's so funny. She's not there yet. She hasn't discovered the greatness of the pie, of the sweet potato pie, yet Her taste buds have it matured to great. I can't. Don't speak, don't chew. No, don't spit that out there, don't go, she's going to eat those pies. She's going to. That's right, Love them.
Janet Hale:Love those pies.
Candace Fleming:Become one with them, request them.
Janet Hale:Yes.
Candace Fleming:Yes.
Janet Hale:And learn how to make them without a measuring spoon or measuring cup.
Candace Fleming:Because who needs that?
Janet Hale:While you need a flick of the wrist.
Candace Fleming:Hello, ancestry. Boom Boom, that is hilarious. Yeah, that was fun. How was we didn't get to talk about the holidays? I know our last episode we wished everyone happy holidays, but how was your Christmas, new Year, how do you celebrate? What was it like to tell our listeners a little bit about you and your holiday seasons?
Janet Hale:Okay, so for the holiday, I am one that likes to be in a peaceful space. I've been like that for quite some time, even when I was married with your dad and he was going out with the family and I'll say see you later, I'm hanging out at the house, and so that has not changed, and I found myself relaxing. I found myself reminiscing a lot, because, as the years go by, oftentimes a seat becomes empty, and I was thinking about mom. I was just thinking about all the greatness that I've been privy to and just being grateful for that and understanding that I'm at a place in time where it's okay to sit down. I can sit down, see, because when you were a kid and Brandon was a kid, we had to go shopping. You didn't know we had any money. You always thought we were getting some money.
Candace Fleming:I thought we were rich. We made sure you guys were crisp.
Janet Hale:You know, we did have a lot of fame.
Candace Fleming:And so now, I don't, you know there's no need for me.
Janet Hale:Yeah, you, you, you, yeah, it's not that I thought we were rich or poor.
Candace Fleming:I just figured we could. It was, everything was within reach, I guess, and maybe my, my desires weren't too great. So it was always like, when I look back at it now and I think about the fact that you say you guys struggled a bit, you know, we didn't have as much money as I really thought. I don't know how I was able to do every single thing. There was a point in time Remember I was eighth grade. I was in basketball, cheer, debate, dance, choir, national society and chess.
Janet Hale:And maybe more. What's that? What was that band thing?
Candace Fleming:Oh, and Palmer, no, that wasn't. That wasn't high school. I'm in middle school. That was an eighth grade. That was high school. Oh, but outside dance classes and in school dance. All of those things required a lot of funds. So I don't know what y'all was doing, what y'all was selling, but thank you.
Janet Hale:Okay, no see, wait a minute. I don't like I don't like how she put that out there. We did nothing illegal, but we did make the sacrifices in order for you to have the greatest experience that we could offer you.
Candace Fleming:You know what I mean.
Janet Hale:It was like you know, when I think about you going to Howard. And that letter came through from Wayne State. You was accepted. Your daddy was so happy. He said yeah, janet, she go, we ain't got to worry about that Howard thing. And I said I'll tell you what the basement.
Janet Hale:I said. I said when she come down these stairs, don't let that come out your mouth. We just gonna tell you the letter is here and that's that we not get caught up in all that other stuff. Although we were sweating like, oh God, we gonna do it. Remember the garbage smoking.
Candace Fleming:We didn't know what to do.
Janet Hale:And you came downstairs set it to computers. You said the desk with me and I said oh, you got accepted letter from Wayne State. And he's like oh, I said so and I remember saying so. You know, if you don't go to Howard, you do have this. And you put your hand on my thigh and you looked at me. You said oh, mama, I'm going to Howard.
Janet Hale:I said what is our? Remember that. I promise you that. And I know your daddy was sitting in the background like, oh, I'm glad I didn't say no, because when you, after you, left out, I ain't taking the rest of the story. Oh my God, what are we going to do? Because the thing is she's got to make it to Howard and with that story comes the how we kept going back and forth to Howard and a Jeep that was pretty much Remember one of those trips though we got, because my dad was a chauffeur and he had chauffeur friends and we were able to use one of ours to get me there.
Candace Fleming:Yeah, I think it wasn't the first year, but I remember one of the trips we were able to use the car that we knew would successfully get us there.
Janet Hale:And yeah, and you know, and those are the things that I want to get to the topic, because that is part of it. That is part of it because that's that story is so real what others in the past would have given up, and that let me Okay, okay, okay, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick story.
Candace Fleming:So today today this morning I was taking my daughter to her school because they have basketball practice every Saturday drop ins. She hasn't gone, but she expressed interest. She went one other time. Well, maybe two other times. She went two other times, but the issue was that when there's other people around, we noticed that there's a little pullback. One on one is really great.
Candace Fleming:But anyway she says she wanted to do it, so we talked about it. There's a basketball league coming up so she wants to do. It is seven weeks. You have to commit to the seven weeks if this is what you want to do, and we talked about it a little bit. So this particular Saturday was the Saturday before the league. So I said, okay, here's what we'll do. Well, go this Saturday. You tell me if you like it, if you think this is something you want to commit to for seven weeks.
Candace Fleming:So we get there and the practice is canceled because of the snow. As we're walking out, she goes mom ask if I can have a one on one session. I was like, haha, laughs at it. He was like sure. So we go in. She has this one on one session. When she gets there, she is unable to put the ball to the rim Airball, airball. So she he says we're going to practice on trying to get the ball in the hoop.
Candace Fleming:But the one thing that was very important was to not give up. No matter, don't. He even said it before she started. Kamari, I want you to not get discouraged if you don't get the ball in, because this is practice. This is practice when I tell you, every time, she kept doing it, she kept doing it and she started hitting the rim. This is one day, going from airball to touching the rim. Not only did she touch the rim, but she made the basket twice today. So we went in from not being able to touch the rim to practice, practice, practice and, by the end of the day, being able to make whoops. And I told her how proud of her I was that she continued to practice. I told her about Michael Jordan he. They didn't think he would make the the NBA. However, he kept practicing, kept practicing. He's one of the greatest players of all time. So that whole never give up. I just wanted to say that. And it's being carried on, to never give up. So I guess I want to say thank you.
Janet Hale:I don't know. Oh, you're welcome. You know, the beginning part of that was when you guys went there. No one has showed up and she, yes, said well, can I have a one on one? Yeah, that's such a power. That's the power, the most powerful part of that story for me, but not only that Because because nobody else is here, but I am, so let me get what I can get out of this moment to get some training, and that was her idea.
Candace Fleming:And the universe is so great because another kid showed up about 1250. And the mom is like is it too late? He's like no, so he asked like, does she want one on one? So us being there, her asking that allow two kids to get one on one sessions today, Because he was able. It was supposed to be from 12 to two.
Candace Fleming:Kamari had hers from 12 to one and he was able to have one from one to two. On top of that, from seeing the interaction, we're actually going to work out something so that she can continue one on one sessions and then we can. We can move forward with figuring out how to work in the league in the one on one so that she's comfortable, she grows and everything, and that was. It was just a very beautiful thing and I love that he wants to continue the one on ones so that she can continue to grow, Because he saw how much, how, how good it was too.
Janet Hale:Okay, Not that I'm biased or anything, Because I'm not going to say that people might make that. I think what is the whole story is beautiful. Another beautiful part of this story is that she felt safe enough to say I would like to go and do a one-on-one Now. Oh, they're not here. We gotta go, let's go, we gotta go by. It was. I have a mother who will allow me to express this and it'd be okay, Because we do know that some kids don't have it like that. So there's a big kudos to her, a big kudos to you.
Candace Fleming:And also to that man. Yeah, and you know what? Actually, that particular teacher or he's not a teacher in the school, but one of the, not Dean, but works with the kids. He understands Kamari as well. So to know how to handle her specifically, like okay, the fact that the first thing out of his mouth was don't get discouraged Very good.
Candace Fleming:We started off with what could possibly happen and how to combat that in the beginning and it worked. It worked because of the attention and I guess that shows that person and how they can relate to children. And I love when I see that with the people who work in schools and how they work with the children, specifically each individual child, and that I just love that. I love that with her teacher, with different professionals in the school period. Okay, wait, so did you have something else to say before I try to jump?
Janet Hale:into it. Get to the topic.
Candace Fleming:Okay, you and I, we'll be at the end of it 15 minutes in our Ranie and we still talked about everything under the sun. Okay, but today our topic we were talking about the topic but go ahead To an extent, yes, we are. The topic today is about going against the status quo. What is the status quo? A status quo is the current state of things. If you are rich and admire, then you're probably not interested in disrupting the status quo. The status quo is the existing state.
Candace Fleming:So when we talk about the status quo things the way that they are, so kids learn their ABCs at three, that status quo. So break the status quo would be to say I don't have to wait until my child is three to learn the ABCs because everyone else is doing it. I believe I can start this when she's one, because why not? Going against the grain is going against the status quo. So today we wanna talk about that and a little bit, like she said, we discussed it a little bit going against the status quo, going against what others would do, kamari, being able to verbalize, I wanna do the one-on-one. Maybe everybody can't, because they don't think their parents will listen or they think, oh, you'll get in trouble, or they feel some kind of way. I'm reading, as I've mentioned in several podcasts, continuing the seven principles of highly effective people and empathic communication was one of those things.
Candace Fleming:And they gave an example of how a child was not wanting to go to school. They didn't wanna go to school because they weren't doing well in school. So what they came to their parents saying was that I don't wanna go to school anymore, I wanna drop out of school. So in the first example, the parent was trying to give examples. Oh well, you wanna go to school because you want a better education. Well then, when the child gives an example, well, john's dad didn't finish school and he's a mechanic. But then the parent responds you want better for yourself.
Candace Fleming:What the child is taking in is that John's dad or whoever, whatever I said, their dad isn't good enough, which means you won't be good enough if you choose to do it that way. So in turn, they ended up saying okay, let's do empathic listening. It's about hearing what they need. It's about hearing what the problem is. It's about allowing them to work through that. So when that child says this, it's okay. Well, what's really going on? They wanna drop out of school because they're not doing well, so they may need more assistance in excelling so that they don't feel that way. So then the child ended up asking in the second example, when the parent was listening and not trying to give those examples. It was about need and I'm here to listen. And then the child ended up asking for advice, end up giving solutions on their own, just simply because they were in a safe space.
Janet Hale:I wanted to you reminded me of something. When I was working with women and children in transitional living and there was a child I've told this story before and this mother would bring her teenage daughter into my office. She skipped school. She skipped school. I said, oh, she skipped school. They come in, we sit down and talk. And this one on the girl was just skipping. Okay, she was in high school, she was skipping. They would come in, we would sit down and kind of talk. I didn't scold the child, okay, what I didn't recognize.
Janet Hale:I know now is that I was under observation by that young girl because she was watching my reaction to how I was handling her mother telling me she's been skipping school. So it was just a conversation and I would ask why, and she would kind of shrug it off. And then I would go on and talk about something different or talk to the mom about something, and all of a sudden we're in this in my office and this girl starts crying from her belly. I mean gut crying, snot crying. And I said, I looked at her, I said so what's going on? She said I can't read. I cannot read. Now I'm not encouraging people to drop out of school, but I can imagine it being extremely difficult for an high school and being the only student in the classroom that cannot read.
Janet Hale:Now at this point we don't know what her experiences have been. Perhaps she's been called on to read and stumbled or didn't say anything. So it's always important, when a person is acting a particular way, to understand the. Why Get into the? Why Get into the why?
Candace Fleming:Yeah, the other day it was Wednesday this week and my daughter was. She had a late night and so when she got to school she didn't get much sleep that night, but she was super tired, super tired. So when I came to pick her up I picked her up early on Wednesdays and then get her teacher asked me to come up. Teacher said she slept all day. She slept till one. But what I appreciated was the fact that the teacher saw that something was different. This doesn't happen often, but she allowed her to take that and she said I generally tell the kids you know, go put some water on your face. She said she was so tired though, I just let her sleep and then, as she missed lunch, so afterwards she said I wish I wouldn't have slept through lunch. I'm hungry. Teacher said get your lunch, go ahead and eat.
Candace Fleming:So and I shared that story with someone else and what they said was it's great that the teacher allowed that, because you never know what's happening at home. That could have been a different kid, a different situation, where they were up all night because maybe their parents were fighting or being cut. You know, for some reason it's like this safe place. That school was the only place today that I could rest. You know so. But that also goes with breaking the status quo, because it's not, it's not normal for it for a teacher to take such care, which it should be. It would be nice, but they don't always, you know, and it's like I know that the kids.
Candace Fleming:you're this at their school time. They should be learning, I should be keeping them up, but today I have to go against that status quo.
Janet Hale:Yes.
Candace Fleming:And I have to allow this child to get what's needed, and in that moment the need was rest.
Janet Hale:Not only that, for her to allow that and then to have a conversation with you and it sounds like she was, she didn't come at you accusatory it was.
Janet Hale:I noticed A, b and C and allowed, opened the door for you to talk and say whatever it is you needed to say Exactly. And so I want to go back to something that happened before we went on air. I was truly impressed with it and I kept my mouth shut because I said I don't want to mess this up. But you were, kamari, was talking and something about the internet or something, and she, she went through a little wine, wine thing and and you, you looked at it and you said, okay, kamari, well, and you talk about different things. And you said so, let's look at and I'm paraphrasing, let's look at a win-win solution. I need my phone. Let's try A, b and C. And she didn't want to.
Janet Hale:And you said, okay, well, kamari, then that is a win-lose situation. Somebody has to win and somebody has to lose. How about, if we look at a win-win, what are you and the way you handled it? I was so impressed. I was like just need to be on the news and you guys, you talked her through it and you came up with a win-win solution. So no one was to feel bad about anything. You got to keep your phone.
Janet Hale:You got to get what she needed get whatever she needed. And man and you know, because it's sometimes the status quo is. You see, I'm over here busy, leave me alone.
Candace Fleming:You know one of those and that actually came from the seven principles of highly effective people. He talks about that in all relationships. How do you find the win-win? I want to talk a little bit about that. When we're trying to, we say we want to better ourselves and we look at self-help books and things that give us the answers on how to produce a better life. We have to implement that. It's not enough to just read it. It's not enough to just know the information. You have to take that information and practice it.
Candace Fleming:It's not going to be comfortable at first because it's new, but you have to get used to it. If you say, I want to communicate better, I want to be better at this, and you go and find the tools, you go to therapy, you do all of these things and you find out about it. But when you leave that and you have that information, what do you do with it? So I try, I'm doing my best effort to implement these strategies and they're not always going to work for me. You know I have to find what does work. Does this work or how do I alter it for another situation? Things are going, but that is where my goal of life is.
Candace Fleming:When I say I want to be a better person. I want to, for me live more like Christ and for what Christ looks like to me. It's the principles. It's the principle of love, it's the principle of forgiveness, it's the principle of communication, it's the principle of loving by neighbors, the principle of not lying. It's the principle of treating people equal. It's the principle of having love in your heart and knowing that to to, not to judge.
Candace Fleming:It's those moments when I say I want to live like Christ. It's the book of being a better person. That's what that means to me and that's what that looks like. I'm not perfect.
Candace Fleming:I'll never be perfect. I don't want to be perfect, but I want to progress. I want to be better. Yes, you know, and I want to learn from my mistakes. If I hurt you, share with me that I hurt you and how I hurt you, and I will do my best to rectify that. Maybe my communication wasn't effective for you. So, okay, what happened, what made? And then sometimes it is about how did you receive it. When you receive that, why did that hurt you? You know, did it trigger something that was in you from the past? And maybe that you know. I didn't know that, so I apologize for that, but this is what I was trying to convey.
Janet Hale:Or or maybe I was having a bad day, and it's not even about you. That was all about me, and for that I apologize.
Candace Fleming:Absolutely, absolutely, and I've had to do that too Me too, actually, in the moment, sometimes it's easy to say when I feel it I'm not having a good day and I'm not going to respond the way that I should. So I apologize beforehand, but this is this is not the best day.
Janet Hale:Mm, hmm, and and apologizing for that too. Mm, hmm. So I've definitely yeah, I had to be okay, so I wasn't a to be fan, or didn't you know. I knew it was on there, whatever, but I had got caught up in on to be watching the show called star.
Candace Fleming:Mm, hmm.
Janet Hale:That was out years ago, some years ago, and then empire because they mentioned that in it and looking at it's a lot of singing and everything, but looking at the dynamics of the relationships of the sisters, of the mother, of the father, of learning how to live with the truth and whatever that because you know, sometimes the truth don't feel good, sometimes that truth be staying in me, I'll be like I don't know if I want all that.
Candace Fleming:I don't look my sister's good at giving me the truth. She's like, because you're a bitch, like what that?
Janet Hale:hurts. My spouse is good at getting me. She's with us. Well, janet, you know I say this because I love you. Okay, she loves me Okay. But sometimes the truth is what the truth is. Let the truth be what the truth is. In order for us to grow and to change, because I don't know how well we can change on a lot. You know what I?
Candace Fleming:mean.
Janet Hale:I don't know how successful that can be. So because where's the foundation? So deal with the hard back.
Candace Fleming:Whatever that is. You know I'm watching young Sheldon right now. Now, you may not know anything about young Sheldon, but young Sheldon is a spin off from the Big Bang Theory Now Sheldon's character. He's very, very smart, very intelligent. However, his social skills aren't the best and he doesn't catch sarcasm. He doesn't lie, so that means he only speaks what's on his mind. You could imagine that right. So young Sheldon is.
Candace Fleming:It's very, very good, but he goes against the status quo so much Just because he can only live in the truth. But you can see how the truth plays out. There's it always. I don't know how to explain it. It always plays out kind of right in a way One, because everybody around him has to look at their self as well, because it's only truth being spoken. There was an episode where, of course, he's young, so his maturity level is still of a child. But there's an episode where he wants to go to this science fair. His grandmother doesn't want to take him, and she's. You know he usually gets everything he wants and he doesn't understand why she won't take him. Now, opposed to saying, because I don't like the jerk person who invited you and he's trying to do X, y and Z, he tries to go around it and he's like you're selfish. And she said, excuse me, no, this is grandma, it's me, ma Grandma's. In this disrespect, we ain't having no.
Candace Fleming:So she turned around and she said what did you say? And he said, and he said it proudly because he really believed this he said well, I think you're being very selfish not to take me. And the next scene running back in the house Me, ma, tap me on my butt. It is the most hilarious thing. But him just speaking that truth and eventually you know she did talk to him and all of those things.
Candace Fleming:But you just how we process things and when we talk about the status quo and going against it, even now, like with all of the US and aliens. And have you been following any of that stuff?
Janet Hale:No, I got my the the aliens, no I know that my energy, I'll be like y'all can't be messed with this energy. I'm sorry, I'll be like uh-uh. No, I don't think so and not to that.
Candace Fleming:And also, um, I'm switching from wherever I was about to go with the US. But the whole telling the truth, man, I'm mind boggled. I don't even know where I was going with that one.
Janet Hale:About telling the truth.
Candace Fleming:Some with status quo, okay. Oh, how the truth hurts. I don't know where I was going with that, okay. But I'm going back to status quo now because, completely through my mind, wherever I was, so, status quo, the breaking status quo in different areas. So we talked a little bit about parenting and we talked about the show and all of those kind of things. But there are so many different things for going against the status quo and one of my favorite would be bless you would be. One of my favorite things would be living life.
Janet Hale:And.
Candace Fleming:I think that's the best thing for me and understand that my bubble, or my soul, or my being, is its own individual being. So is it normal? Everybody thinks you're supposed to go to school, find a job in that job, stay there for however long. You're supposed to 30, 35 years, retire, live off of the retirement that you were supposed to save, your 401k, that you probably didn't because you were probably too poor and had to pull it out. But anyways, these are the things that they tell you is normal, what you're supposed to do. But what happens when you decide at 35 you want to change career because you realize it's not fruitful for you anymore, it's not serving you? Why do we stick with the status quo of something that's not serving you and it's not fruitful? Why do we have to live a life being uncomfortable, being unhappy because the world said we're supposed to? It makes no sense at all.
Janet Hale:You're exactly right.
Candace Fleming:You are exactly right.
Janet Hale:Yes, the status quo, oh, is when you hit that education button you kind of pushed up one with me and for those who have listened to us talk, know that I was a teenager mother and I dropped out of high school and got married very young to the first person. You know, I didn't hear me too, but anyway, then I went back to school and, you know, ended up with my masters and I have some friends who have never stepped foot in, never stepped foot in a college, making three times more money.
Janet Hale:And I'll be listening. I'll say I'll be doing it. I mean embarrassed even. I won't even mention it. I just go, oh, I can look at the degrees, including yours, oh my God, and just go, okay, and then that's it. But the status quo. Be careful about that status quo, because that status quo could be quite harmful. And I say that because the status quo may not be your truth. We got to find out what's true to us, what makes us, what is it that's truthful for me, and then try to live by that, whatever that is. And so what's normal to me may not be normal to you.
Janet Hale:And so for me, I want to say this, and so for me, I try to steer away from being judgmental. I'm human. I try to steer away from it. The reason why? Because I'm not a perfect person. I'm not good at certain things that I'm not quite proud of, to be honest with you, but I survived on, and I'm going to say this Not to sound cocky, but I'm glad I don't look like what I've been through and I mean that. I mean that with everything. So I try to allow grace and sometimes it's hard, but you know as you already know me I'm going to have a tantrum, Okay.
Janet Hale:So, certain processes for me.
Candace Fleming:Meanwhile, guys, her tantrums are funny. They're not real tantrums.
Janet Hale:You sound like a friend of mine. She's like really that was a full blast tantrum, what's wrong with you? But anyway, for me those are like real tantrums that I'm having. But the but it's a process. I don't just, I don't just wake up and forgive somebody. That's a process. I lay in the bed and be thinking, oh, wait a minute, or not realize that I owe somebody. The polity Sometimes.
Janet Hale:I got to lay in the bed and be like well, you know that was kind of a long wait a minute or to have a conversation with you or my sponsor, some of my friends- and be like well, maybe that didn't think about it this way. And I'm like, okay, then I will, but the status quo? I think the status quo should be living our true selves, living for true, true happiness. Whatever that is, you don't have to get married at a certain name, you don't have to have children at a certain name, just so many you got to get married or have kids or that either.
Janet Hale:The other one. Oh man, this, this thing right here and I've said this before the strong black woman, that, right there, the strong black woman is a strong black woman because she had to be, not because she wanted to do all that stuff, had to do what she had to do, you know. So, just to live in our truth, I just think, if we live in our, in our true, true, true self, and be honest about what we feel, be honest about that, you know what? Because not everybody's going to agree with the way I feel about something, it's okay, but it's how I feel and it's important to me. Yeah, that's that is cool.
Candace Fleming:I wanted to go and talk a little bit about science and status quo, because if everything remained at status quo, we would not have progression. If scientists took what was given and use that, we would not have remedies. We wouldn't have a way to cure certain things, because at one point it was said you couldn't cure a certain thing. But as science, they started saying, hey, I think if I do this, this might change the outcome of something. Let me try something different which is different is against the status quo, because the status quo means same. So doing something different to get a different result in order to in so going against the status quo, equals progression.
Candace Fleming:Sometimes, equals progression, and so I say that. To say in many areas we have to go going against the status quo is what gets us as far as we've been gotten in the first place. Even the whole presidency having Barack Obama run for presidency, you have this black man who comes in and says Break the status quo. That was his whole check, that was his whole slogan.
Janet Hale:Change. It was change, it was change.
Candace Fleming:Okay which was breaking the status quo.
Janet Hale:I'm getting up in that White House is breaking Exactly, exactly, but yeah, but it did something for a lot of people.
Candace Fleming:It was change, for a lot of people needed change. You know it started some really great things. Now of course, every four years, we have to break the status quo, this breaking of status quo.
Janet Hale:I think that go ahead. I think that you mentioned the president and we've had many. We got to get into going into history, and I don't I don't mean the history in these textbooks necessarily. I'm saying going into history and finding things out, because what most people are not aware of and you may be, you should be pretend that you are, because you want to know how you're going to tell him here we go Mm hmm, Well that black folks used to be Republicans.
Candace Fleming:And I knew that.
Janet Hale:Oh good, thank you, whoo, because I was about to get your money back from our so but, but, just but, look at it, just kind of take a look at, just start taking a look at and and and the.
Candace Fleming:For those who don't know, though, when you say that black people were Republican. What changed? For those who don't know, because I definitely do- oh, that was it.
Janet Hale:I think it was a civil war. I'm not. I do believe that's what. What changed it? Am I correct? Sure, I don't have it in front of me. I don't either. I don't have it in front of me, but but, but, that's what, that? That I do believe that's what changed and I'm going to look it up later where you can look it up on your phone. But just take the time out to really do our history on things and be mindful and this is me, janet, talking about what's put on the news, pay attention, because a lot of times is smoke screens and mirrors.
Candace Fleming:A lot of times it is, and because now I'm thinking about Mary listen and how it was illegal and now it's legal, but something about the break of that status quo feels wrong. Not in the sense that it was, I don't know. My mind went to marijuana and. I want to go with you, though. Come on. How are you going to use to be so? We broke the status quo from it being illegal to legal, but something feels off about that.
Janet Hale:Well, because those who I don't know, those who went to prison for marijuana charges, probably still in there for the same charges. Okay, well, look, it's legal. That part for me I don't know. I don't know the whole legal. Yeah, there there's something that's very not okay. So I think that part to that, I hope you have a show after this conversation. The other part to that was how you know about Black Wall Street. Yes, I work Okay.
Candace Fleming:No, for real.
Janet Hale:It's. You know that happened we all. A lot of people understand that. There was a Black Wall Street with their prominent folks that were doing things and had a community that had banks and all kinds of things it was. It was burned down. Then we had what was known as the number man.
Janet Hale:The number you told me about that for those who know about the Detroit thing, there was Pontiac in Detroit, and so also to that's who you pay with number. Mays come by y'all. You hit what? No taxes taken out. You got the money. Right now. Somebody hit the number and blah, blah, blah, they got a new car. Oh, okay, whatever they did it. Then they came out with the lottery.
Candace Fleming:Okay, so when that?
Janet Hale:came out, so now it's taxed Mm-hmm, they getting, they cut everybody, everybody getting they cut now.
Candace Fleming:Yeah.
Janet Hale:Oh, got that going. But then the marijuana came up start, you know. Then now it's marijuana's turn, yep. So the weed house and I'm not promoting for it, I got you listening Any of these things. So the weed house, you know every block or two, but you know it went to the way. You know, fine, bad, whatever they had. You know and it was, you know it was what it was. And then all of a sudden there's this whole conversation about legalizing marijuana. Now, the legalizing of marijuana. Then it became the dispensaries. So now you know, you go to dispensary, you got to show your identification.
Candace Fleming:Boom, that's interesting every time, every time in a fish wound a system.
Janet Hale:You were there, oh yeah uh-huh, and so Now that is something that is taxed. See, the government is getting their money on that marijuana, not only that it is increased tax.
Candace Fleming:Michigan sales tax is 6%. Michigan's marijuana tax, I believe, is 18%.
Janet Hale:Oh, I didn't know that.
Candace Fleming:Oh yeah, it's like 16 or 18%.
Janet Hale:Mm-hmm, and I think when I say that's how I know good. Good is that when we're looking at things that are changing my Guess what I'm. What I am saying is pay attention not just to what's put in front of you. Go back and look at some of the history behind Some of the moves that have been made, because when you do that, then you learn some things and things start to make sense.
Janet Hale:I remember you asked me a question about the city of Detroit and I started talking to you about the city and I said we had the swim mobiles, the book.
Candace Fleming:You like mom, I said yes, we did?
Janet Hale:I think, yes, we did it and I, you know so. And then, all of a sudden, all that was taken Right, mm-hmm. So Folks started moving and you know, going to other places, like you can't even find the Kroger's in Detroit. No, no, kroger used to be all through Detroit, did it? Oh, yes, we had Kroger's, we had supermarkets. They tried to put we had a little city and call it.
Candace Fleming:I swear it's the Detroit Meyer.
Janet Hale:So, oh the my, I say all that to say when we look at things like we, even when we look at the city of Detroit, I go back to when the city of Detroit was a city and there were neighborhoods, mm-hmm Okay, there were neighbors that looked out for your kids. Nobody calling nobody on nobody. Them kids hungry, send them on over here. Going over there to miss miss Mary house.
Candace Fleming:You know, you're on over there.
Janet Hale:Okay, so you know. The status quo now is we let the child Look a little weird, we're gonna call yeah, I'm not gonna say what they are, but the people and Now okay, now it's a whole investigation finna, go down. No, I'm whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up just a little bit with that one Can we deal with? How can we better support this family?
Candace Fleming:Oh man, that's good, that's real good. I um Recently had a situation oh, I don't even I don't know how to phrase it for the podcast, because the end.
Janet Hale:We're not gonna go to jail or anything.
Candace Fleming:No no, no. But the end result was If it's not a, if it's not a problem, don't make it a bigger problem than it has to be. I can't speak much on that, but but it's one of those things where, when you follow the status quo, the status quo will put you in a situation that could possibly make it worse, because you're following these steps on how to do things, what's right, and all of that, but sometimes I don't know.
Janet Hale:So let me say this Okay okay, I'm gonna say this because I got little to the back this up. Okay, okay, you do too. It's on the internet. So, you guys do too, all of us. Domestic violence I'm gonna go with that one. Okay, domestic violence the woman leaves that man, I think, at least six times before she actually leaves, and sometimes her last Time seeing her is the day she died.
Candace Fleming:So they put the PPO, get a PPO, you know where you live, you know where you work, you know where the kids go to school, yeah, so what do we really do?
Janet Hale:that? And that's the thing. No offense to the system, I'm just thinking out loud To be supportive of the system and looking at different ways that maybe we can do things.
Candace Fleming:Because that is something when we look for help, sometimes the help is not the help listen when you say that it made me think of CMH community mental health, the and I remember Um, someone recently said that the issue in CMH is that they care more about the numbers, the production, than they do the actual person who was coming to them. You have someone coming to you for help because they're struggling already and the only thing you can do is put them on your case low to make sure you're meeting production.
Janet Hale:Not only that, but they Excuse me. Um, then they have to put them in a certain category. They have to fit a box. Yes, so there's a box. So, uh, let me ask you these symptoms, because we need to figure out what box we're gonna put you in.
Candace Fleming:Oh, shelters women shelters, oh my god, finding needed to be resources. Do they still have them? I don't, I mean women, I don't know women shelters, but even shelters in general, when someone is coming, um, oh, I had, I was looking for resources for someone and I was making calls, you know, trying to see do you guys have any room and something available? And they this was a woman who was in a domestic, oh my god, in a domestic violence situation and um, trying to get help, trying to get out of the home, and their whole thing was Well, have they tried this? Did they go through that? Have they been beat up enough for us to even welcome them in? That's basically what they were saying. How is the situation bad enough for us to even consider Putting them on the wait list to?
Candace Fleming:so basically is she on life support yet? Yes, basically has she. Has she been to the hospital?
Janet Hale:Up to the police right has she has.
Candace Fleming:She had her head busted in five times at least you know, before you'll even take them opposing Preventive measures, matter of fact, I just got it. Oh my god. Oh my god. I just got a book on um I got it from five below on eating herbs and things like that, and they were talking about how America Treats the problem. Chinese medicine tries to prevent the disease.
Janet Hale:I saw a documentary on that.
Candace Fleming:Yeah, that's exactly what's happening in what we're talking about right now. That's they want to.
Candace Fleming:They're trying to treat the Problem as opposed to prevent it from. Even if someone comes and they say I'm in a Abusive situation, might make it the statistics lower from six to one, because you can actually get some help, but you can't. Like you said, the ppo it have you going through all of these steps before you can actually get help. They're basically saying you have to leave and come back six times before we actually help you and hope you're still alive.
Janet Hale:And then I'm gonna say something else about sometimes not everybody, not every for everyone who's listening, I mean, um, sometimes they have a certain number of times you can come in and out of the massive violence out there. Because, they're oh, she went back to him. Yeah, I'm like, okay, so it's just what you would think.
Candace Fleming:They know the statistics too.
Janet Hale:But it's about what you just sometimes I'm not saying, because I gotta watch my.
Janet Hale:It's not everyone, I'm not, but it's that way, allegedly, um, but it's about finding the box to put. You know what box we checking off, okay, and then you know, going through that, the numbers. What do the numbers look like? What are the numbers? Like, um, get into Assisting. We don't need to assist with our always with our heads, what you mean? Let's put some heart in it too. Oh, yeah, put some heart in it too. Put some heart into it too. And that is the part that, um, I often think of. I often think of it, I talk about it a lot. They said little things to me, say please, okay, but, um, but I do know what it's like to be our and trying to make it. I do know what it's like to need assistance. I do know what it's like to go For welfare and have the woman talk to me like I'm a dog, mm-hmm, and me sitting there Because I needed those bus tickets. I can go to school.
Candace Fleming:Yeah.
Janet Hale:I remember and when she, when she left that booth, other workers from different booths came and said man, we are so sorry. That's how bad it was. But guess what? My goal, my in game was I'm walking out here with these, I'm not fighting with her, I'm not arguing with her. She could do whatever, say whatever. She needs. To say yeah, because my in game Are these bus tickets that I need today.
Candace Fleming:Yeah, so I can get to school for two weeks you know, and it's really, I believe you, we, you and I talked about this, um, when I was younger, about how Women who had children used to automatically get put on wick, or something like that. What, what, what was that? Because there was more help available, um, when it came to government assistance, okay, that's a whole, not, uh, no, we're not gonna do a, we're not gonna do the whole thing, but just give me the snippet of what was available.
Janet Hale:Well, here's what happened. So there was a time when a woman you know families needed assistance. They can go get it and everything was fine. Then they came up with people going back to work. I forgot what they called it. Then it was like well, if you want to be on assistance, you have to go to work. Well, she's got six kids. Who's gonna watch those six kids? And then the bus line Stopped running 24 hours. Okay so, or way out in the areas that they were, you were sending them to go to work, so they couldn't make it to work.
Candace Fleming:So, but no, my question is what was it before the things were taken away? What was the good? There was a point where it was good, right, or did I miss something?
Janet Hale:They had what was called A, f, d, c, I think is what it was called, and that's where they. This is how this went. They would pay your lights and gas. Okay, and what did they used to call it? They would pay your rent vendor. It was called vendor. It was vendering, so your rent was paid. They took care of that. Your lights and gas was paid. They took care of that. You got your food stamps so you can feed your kids. That's what happened.
Candace Fleming:What was the requirement for that?
Janet Hale:And then, somewhere there was some needing help, was it? Still it was some income. There was no. Now, well, yeah, well, yeah, you couldn't be a millionaire. Oh no, I thought.
Candace Fleming:Oh my God, and maybe it just made more sense back then with the income disparities, because what I'm trying to get at, where I'm trying to go, Do you feel that that's not any better? No, no, listen to where I'm going, Cause what I'm saying is this they haven't changed the cap much, however, the inflation has changed much. There is a woman who was on Medicaid got denied Medicaid during the recertification because they made $200 too much $200. However, the system is so messed up and the disparity of income for which you are.
Janet Hale:Well, we won't talk too bad about the system I am.
Candace Fleming:I am, and what you can qualify for I am. What you can qualify for assistance is that $200 doesn't make a difference in what your needs are. First of all, you're probably getting more in this, more than $200 in the assistance when you qualify for it. So now, not only do you not have it, you have to go and get the insurance. So I'm thinking of Medicaid at this point. You have to go and get your insurance somewhere else and now you have to pay for it out of the pocket. Now it's only a $200 difference. It costs almost $200 a month to have insurance.
Candace Fleming:Now you have the insurance, but you have a high deductible, you have a high idle pocket rate and you have a coinsurance. These are things that you couldn't afford before the $200. Now you have to try to afford these things. So there is the way that I would think it should be calculated is that the cap goes up to where you can actually afford it. So when you're out of the cap, it's really not a problem. So, which means that there are gonna be a percentage of people who receive aid who borderline, don't need it, which should be okay, because the people when you don't have it, you shouldn't struggle the way they have a struggling.
Janet Hale:I no longer have Medicaid I feel like everybody should get food stamps.
Candace Fleming:I feel like everybody should get Medicaid. I feel like everybody should have it or have the benefits of Medicaid. With the no deductibles being able to have the care that is taking care of. Maybe low payments, co-payments, five dollars that's what Medicaid have you on some of them. No, maximum co-pay is five dollars. That is what it should be, because why are we struggling so bad and why? Is no paying to struggle so bad and the government?
Candace Fleming:look at it like oh, that's fine, because you should be doing more. You want us to do more, you want us to get more. But then the minimum wage. Do you know what the minimum wage is in Michigan? Me either, but it's real low that the McDonald's is paying people $16 to $18 an hour, which is way above the minimum wage. So if you're paying what the minimum wage jobs normal. I'm saying that with the air quotes that is supposed to, mcdonald's would be considered one of those minimum wage jobs.
Candace Fleming:If they can't even pay their employees minimum wage, why the heck do you think minimum wage is okay when it's at? It's not and honestly, the amount minimum wage at this point probably should be about $20 an hour. In Michigan to be able to live, to afford Rent is minimum about $1,500 and for most places and increasing on the regular by not $20 and $30, but $100 and $200.
Candace Fleming:What Now? I needed to qualify to move into this place. I needed to make three times the rent in order to move into this place, but you're not recertifying that I can afford this $200 increase but you're also not saying it's okay for you to increase it without checking.
Candace Fleming:It should be a cap on it. If you can't afford the increase, then we can't increase it. If you didn't make more because you already locked into what you got approved for, I think it's the craziest thing, and I apparently could go on and on and we're already on the bottom, but we don't take this episode a little bit longer, y'all Sorry, just a little bit Sorry, cause she's on the roll.
Janet Hale:So, section eight are you familiar with section eight? Yes, okay. So I was asked a question what the kind of work did I do? Well, how is it that they don't pay any rent? I said they get section eight. What is that? See, I'm okay. So these are the kinds of things that people are dealing with out here for real. For real, you got just enough to do what you need to do. That's it. Found a program that'll help you, which means that they take care of your rent.
Candace Fleming:You don't have to pay it, oh, but don't go get a job, cause they gonna stop, please, and don't get 10 cents over, whatever the policy is Right, which is probably a dollar over minimum wage.
Janet Hale:I think it's 10 cents.
Candace Fleming:It's. Yeah, I'm teasing.
Janet Hale:I'm teasing.
Candace Fleming:I'm teasing Cause if you work at McDonald's, you not gonna qualify for assistance, cause apparently they're paying too much.
Janet Hale:Oh, okay, well, okay. So I'm gonna say something to that, cause I know we gotta clear all this up. So one of the things-.
Candace Fleming:I ain't clearing nothing up, I'm mad. Okay, go.
Janet Hale:One of the things about me is I live below my means, and you know that I do that on purpose. I do that so that I can be comfortable. I don't need to have the big Cadillac sitting in the yard. I don't need any of that stuff. What I need is these lights and gas to come on when I flip those switches and stuff.
Janet Hale:And I need to be comfortable and I'm okay with that because I never know when something might flip a chain. I don't know, I don't know. But I grew up five generational home and we knew how to make it. You know, you met him. You met him, I was there, you met him, I was there, you're beautiful You're beautiful. But I say all that to say the beauty in that, although there was a lot of dysfunction, was the unity of it. And guess what? We wasn't status quo, see.
Janet Hale:Folks who talk about us. Oh, look at all of them in that hall. Now we was making it. Grandma was cooking every day she had a garden. Tom was cooking. We had our own community within that home.
Candace Fleming:Yep.
Janet Hale:Right. So no, ours was not the status quo to your home, okay, or societies, whatever that's supposed to be, but for us this is it. So we never went to bed hungry. Yep, homemade meals almost every single day, and actually as a kid, I thought I was being punished for that. I was like I can't believe this I wanna go to. Mcdonald's. But when I look back on that, I'm like oh, thank you, I'm so grateful for that. Yeah, so the status quo yes, you got your hand up.
Candace Fleming:Yes, because I remember the status quo of America is hate opposed to love.
Janet Hale:Oh God, wait a minute, whoa.
Candace Fleming:I know, it's like I just dropped a bomb right before we went to sleep.
Janet Hale:Yeah, you heard. Okay, my soul felt that.
Candace Fleming:Because it's true. And then you know it Even when you look at the news. What are they giving you? Nothing positive.
Candace Fleming:When we think about presidency, we think about who's going to war. You know, it really is a lot of that. What kind of a lot of the negatives of it. Even the fight for presidency is about throwing who can put the person under the bus the most so that I can look better.
Candace Fleming:I'm gonna point out every negative thing about your life and every negative thing that you did, so that I can prove that I'm better opposed to uplifting Like well, I can show that I'm even better than that person because I can do that. I don't have to point out all of their negatives, but I can show you all of my greatness. Maybe if we looked more at the greatness in people and the greatness of what they wanna achieve, we can start living in love. But no, you know, I'm breaking the stratus quo by talking about America living in love, opposed to hate, you know. But I'm okay with that, I'm cool with it, because I don't like what it is. And in order to have something different, I have to make a change, and part of that change is my status quo of love.
Janet Hale:Okay, you sound like you're my daughter Because you know I try to live that way. And I had a conversation with a friend and we got a little rocky for a minute. You know stuff happened and I said to her I'm willing to hold the ladder while you walk up, and that is the thing. Like I wanna see you win, I wanna see people win. I want my circle to be circle of people that win, whatever that win is for you See you're winning for you don't have to be my win.
Candace Fleming:It might be simply having a baby. That's winning for you. Do it, I'm a mother, that's a win.
Janet Hale:I won, that's a win. So I wanna see a win. I want you to win. Oh, this scratching and squatting, oh man, I'm like I can't. I got first of all, I like the energy. I really don't Right, and I didn't figure out how to stream you guys, it's just, you know, and I'm in streaming heaven and I am, I really am, and I'm here and I'm, you know, and I'm okay and I'm good, I'm like whoa, now, lately you talked about the holidays Lately.
Janet Hale:Now, this holiday was bittersweet, bittersweet. It was like, oh, my goodness, my mom, my dad, I mean, I was like what the? Is this okay, okay. But then I had to go on to think the gifts that they left me. I shared with you a ring. I said, candice, I wanna, I'm getting, I wanna show you something that my mother gave me. I don't even know if my sister's her, where, but she had a friend named Billy. They gave her a ring. Why? Mama passed it to me, I don't know. She passed those songs to me too. So she knows, she knows all that. Anyway, what anyway? But oh, I don't know where I was going with that. But anyway, oh, the holiday. So, looking back at that ring and thinking of my mama, but not just my mother, but the woman that my mother was. You know what I'm saying Like she was her own person.
Janet Hale:Well, you met her, you know she was her own person and she did not. No, that was one. No, oh man, she was who she was and that was okay. The sweet, the sweet is for me, was you and Kamari coming over and just spending time like okay. Christmas. You know like yeah, what the Christmas? What?
Candace Fleming:happened. It was Christmas. We opened the day. Remember it was a day before Christmas. Oh yeah, that's right.
Janet Hale:We opened our gifts which was really nice. Yes, and for me it was just so sweet and then I didn't wanna cry. I remember so you. Let me have a piece.
Candace Fleming:Yes, I was like oh, that wasn't Christmas Eve, though, that was last week.
Janet Hale:Oh, that's the one, no, that was two weeks ago. Whatever day was, christmas Eve though, we was over there too, see we just coming there see. Yeah, and.
Candace Fleming:I love that.
Janet Hale:I love that. See, those are the kind of things. And I'm gonna tell you something else I love cause I sent you some memories and you said you appreciated and liked it and blah, blah, blah. You know of your, you know some moments.
Candace Fleming:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Janet Hale:There was even a picture of you and your dad and the baby. Just different things, because when I leave this sweet world, that's, I'm telling you, you remember this woman like this Mm-hmm.
Janet Hale:Like you know what y'all and your friends, all your friends know me, right, mama, drip, mm-hmm. And that's a good thing, though, because I'm a real thing and I'm not afraid of it. Mm-hmm, and one of your friends I talked to and I just said you know, I'm glad to be able to share space with you. I am so glad and guess what? I'm glad you understand that you don't have to be perfect Mm-hmm, just be who you are, mm-hmm, I like that.
Candace Fleming:Yeah, you know, that made me think of when I had a friend come over and we were adults, but she had a drink with you.
Janet Hale:And I remember.
Candace Fleming:I remember how open you were with her, though, and how receiving, and it was just. It was like I mean, whatever you have a drink is fine, and it was just. It was just be you. You weren't like no, this was at your place in the basement. You were, you were drinking, so I didn't have. Oh yeah, it was an apple martini. It was an apple martini, okay, okay, cause for some reason I had apple puckering now, so whatever, okay, anyways, I just remember.
Janet Hale:I remember how comfortable her name was you're not going to know her by name.
Candace Fleming:You're not going to know her by name cause she's one of my diva sisters. You don't talk too often, she's on a different line and she was visiting, so you don't know her.
Janet Hale:You met her and it was a great experience.
Candace Fleming:Yes, you made it very, very comfortable, or it was just. You know, this is me. I'm who I am. Now you'll be who you are.
Janet Hale:Here we go, that's right.
Candace Fleming:You know, it was really, really open like that. I remember that and I love that.
Janet Hale:Yeah and yeah, and that's how I want to be remembered.
Candace Fleming:And I guess in the end cause we saw over in this episode. I'm a rapid in the end. In the end, when we talk about breaking the status quo, it's about not being afraid to be different. It's about not being afraid to live your truth. It's about not being afraid to say I don't feel like I'm to be doing what everyone else is doing.
Candace Fleming:There are times when people say I know that a corporate job isn't for me. They try it because it's. It almost seems like that's what you have to do, like I have to go get this nine to five in order to make this money, and a lot more people are starting to venture off. We talk about entrepreneurship and things. Especially after COVID. A lot more people are trying, even though we were using our corporate jobs.
Janet Hale:You're like walking on jobs.
Candace Fleming:Yes, we're using our corporate jobs to fund our dreams. And then, once our dreams are funded and we can take off with them, we're beginning to do things. And let me say this what I've noticed there's enough people in the world to allow people to have their own visions, to flourish, because money only circulates. It's not like you've given it and it's gone. It's like there's not enough money in the world. We're recirculating the money. Sometimes people get bigger pockets of it at one time, but all we're doing is recirculating. When you're not afraid to recirculate the money, it comes back to you. It starts to come. Now. I would like some more recirculation to come my way. I'm waiting on my, my recirculation. But when you put it out there, you'll get it back. You can't be afraid to do Now. Be afraid to break the status quo, because someone who broke the status quo changed your life.
Janet Hale:Oh, that's not good. I thought, man, that was a perfect punch line, that was a perfect punch line to end. You said it earlier don't be afraid to love. Don't be afraid to love what you do. Don't be afraid to love who you with.
Candace Fleming:Don't be afraid.
Janet Hale:Don't be afraid, because that sometimes that fear and love cannot exist in the same space.
Candace Fleming:I had to eat. Yes, don't. Oh, oh man. It's just like radiations of light going off in my head Like light bulbs. Just I'm feeling electrified.
Janet Hale:But do you feel me though?
Candace Fleming:Yes, because that love is such a strong thing. When you, even when going against the status quo of responding in love, people don't understand it. Someone does something to you and you don't respond with retaliation or hate, but you respond with love. They think you crazy Like how can? They just get X, y and Z. Okay, but that wasn't about me Now they heard. That's their response.
Janet Hale:That ain't gotta be my response.
Candace Fleming:I'm not carrying that. What you eat, don't make me shit. Come on now. Okay, I'm eating something good, it's bright, it's light and it fills me and I'm gonna stay full on my life Stay full on life and I'm gonna try to share it.
Janet Hale:Yes.
Candace Fleming:And where darkness cannot exist, where there is light.
Janet Hale:No.
Candace Fleming:So don't be dark. Perfect punchline. I ended it boom. If you or someone you know is struggling, they can call or text 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 24 hours a day. I thank you.
Janet Hale:I thank you.
Candace Fleming:All right, did you? Want to add anything else.
Janet Hale:I love you so much, I know.
Candace Fleming:I love you too, and I love my little pumpkin wumpkin, Kamari.
Janet Hale:I want you all to meet.
Candace Fleming:I don't know if you all got a chance to meet her, kamari, could you come say hi? She's been here, she's been wonderful, she's been in the background, being her best quiet self as she could be. She's eight years old and today we were talking about the status quo, so could you just say hi to everyone. Let them know.
Janet Hale:Can she hear us? Can she hear us? Hi, my name is Kamari.
Candace Fleming:Hello everyone, my name is Kamari Fleming. I'm eight years old, I'm in third grade and my birthday was on September 8th 2015.
Janet Hale:Aw thank you, oh hey, hey, how are you? My love, I'm amazing, did you?
Candace Fleming:hear me.
Janet Hale:Mm-hmm, yes you are. Yes, you are. I'm glad you were able to have a one-on-one practice today.
Candace Fleming:Yeah, I know.
Janet Hale:That's great. I can't wait to see you later. I can't wait to see you later. I'll see you later. I'll see you later, yes.
Candace Fleming:She said you go with me. She does that. I can't wish she can hear you right here. I can't wait to see you. I'll see you later.
Janet Hale:Yep, I'm getting it. Yep, all right, well, thank, you.
Candace Fleming:We are going to wrap this one up.
Janet Hale:We're wrapping it up.
Candace Fleming:So, thank you all. You can definitely send us any communication information at CandiceFleming, at essentialmotivationcom. Social media Facebook essential motivation, instagram, essential motivation LLC. And like, subscribe all of those beautiful things, share with someone, share with the people who want to give us a bunch of money and put our podcast on bigger platforms, because we have a lot to say, we have great things and I think our voice should be heard more around the world. So we're going to work on that, because we're breaking the status wall period. That's what it is. So thank you so much, mom, thank you.
Candace Fleming:Remember to always love her, forgive often and laugh Frequent. Love you all. Love you, mom. Thank you, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.
Janet Hale:Badoe.